Last Day

We have finally reached that very last day of the year.  It's the time for reflection of the past and hopes for the future.  The day when all those firm resolutions to do better, become stronger, and accomplish more are written down.  It's the time we mull over all the possibilities and put our hopes into plans.  I know about this because I've done it year after year.

It can work.  Giving some thought to the things you want to do is a very good step in getting them done.  Planning the ways you think you can achieve them brings you even closer.  Of course, you then need to do those things.  I've done many.

This year I found I didn't need to wait for the first day on the new calendar to do all this.  I broke though the traditional conventions of starting my resolutions and plans by waiting for the very first day of the year or the very first day of the week or whatever mind trip I thought I needed to get started.  I got going somewhere (I don't even know the exact day/time) in mid-December.  I hadn't even plotted out, written down, or organized what I thought needed doing.  Somehow, this year, I already knew.  I skipped the first steps and went right to getting started without looking to the calendar to see when I would begin.  I just got started.  It clicked into place and instead of rubbing my temples and scowling at my list of things to do, trying to figure out how I would be able to do it, I started doing things.  All my normal fretting, analyzing, and figuring went by the wayside.  I lifted a one shoulder shrug at my doubts that would have normally plagued my plans.  And then I grinned at my own audacity and thought how that particular attitude had always been there in me, but I have managed to suppress it so well in the past.  And how it's held me back - but not this time, so I smiled to myself.

What a better way to go into the new year.  It widens my scope of what I can do because I am not counting off things I didn't get done but already moved on to the new possibilities.  Maybe, that is something that comes with age?  I mean, I did turn a year older today.  Because today, besides all the resolutions, plans, and New Years Celebrations, you see, it is also my birthday.

I have a feeling it's going to be a great year.
TT

Two thoughts

I made the mistake of taking a look at the calendar.  I can see this month - no this year - barreling to an end.  There are only a few days left and normally at about this time I would be taking measure of all the things I had done and should probably do in the future.  It would be about that time to tally up the scores because that is what you do at the end of a year and the beginning of a new.
 
Not so much this year.  At least, I am not feeling an overwhelming need to go over each and every thing I did or didn't accomplish.  I did a bunch of stuff whether I want to go through the list or not.  I'll do even more and I'm not exactly waiting for this new year to start to, well, get started.  I have a certain amount of momentum already growing that, I can tell, I am going to be able to build on.  It's a good feeling.

What I have learned this past year, if I must do any type of reflection, are two things.  They might not mean anything to anybody else, but it's what I have figured out for myself.
1)  I don't need an audience and
2)  I have nothing to prove

I don't even know how these two things must sound to anyone else but it doesn't matter.  That's the point.  I don't have to explain or figure out what is right or wrong for anybody else.  It's not arrogance, but a simple freedom to do what is important to me without carrying the weight of how it will look or feel or appear to anyone else.  The fact is nobody cares about what I do more than me.  Others might seem to care but they don't really.  I might learn from listening to others but they don't carry the same depth of feeling I do about the things I care about.  That's only a natural thing.  I don't need to put so much stock in others because I CAN rely on myself to care and do a good job on what I want to do.  I've done more research and self-education on all the things I spend most of my time doing.  It isn't as if I haven't built the knowledge on my own.

So with these freeing ideas of two simple thoughts, I can get all those things on the list for next year done.  Whatever they might be.  I have the capability and now the mental freedom to do them.  As I decide.  It isn't as if I have an audience to please.  I mean, really.  I've got nothing to prove.  Just a lot I care about doing.
TT  
  

Whole other way

I'm trying to get my head on straight about what day it is.  I've been off the past two days and it's felt like a Saturday or weekend and it isn't, which is especially nice and great and wonderful.  Now, today, it's Saturday; not that it makes a difference.  I'm still off from work and I don't have to return for another week!  What amazing grace of planning on my part was that!  Awesome.  Say it again, awesome.
I'm really good at this 'making my own schedule.'  I could do this for an unlimited amount of time.  Come to think of it, this is definitely going to be my next big goal.  It might take me some years and planning but I am going to make this happen.  I will get myself maneuvered into my much coveted position of not having to show up somewhere...like a job working for a paycheck.  How about that for a new year's resolution.  How about it?
The best part about this, is the whole formulation of a plan, no matter how sketchy, to accomplish something I now have in my head.  It will need some determination, a bit by bit forward motion, and probably some changes to the plan along the way.
Today is Saturday.  A normal day to be off and yet it's a whole 'nother day with a whole other meaning.  It's the start of a entirely new way to get up and look forward.
TT

Not minding

Cold, drippy rain and there is nothing like having the time off to sit inside and sip hot, black coffee as I watch.  My idea to take all this vacation time off from work was genius. I only stopped slightly when I made the decision to not return to work after Christmas until 1/6.  I'm having no trouble running down these last bits of this year and somehow, it seems to be turning out to be the best part of the entire length of time.  And I say that only after being off for one day.
I started yesterday early, but no too, too so.  Some bookkeeping was done, then I dressed to go out to the post office and the bank.  Then I stopped at the newly built gym, went inside, and signed up.  It seems like a small feat but I have not had a gym membership this entire year.  I was stubborn and pissed, it seems, all year.  It didn't do me well.  I'm not naturally a pissed person, but I have been.
Past tense.  Something clicked over during this month that changed within.  I can't pinpoint it exactly except to know it's gone.  Finally.  I'm so much happier now.
The gym - check.  I even went back yesterday afternoon and fudged through using the equipment.  I may check their schedule for a class today or just go back and have another run.  I mean, the weather outside is cold, drippy rain and what I would have done before was skip it completely.  Not so, anymore.  I even signed up for a few hours with a personal trainer.  Don't tell.  My first is on Monday at noon and I think it's all going to help.  Me.  To smile.  Again.  A lot.
I don't have to wait for a new year on the calendar to roll over to get started.  I'm doing it now.  Because I can and I don't even mind the weather.  
TT

Bliss

The phone rang just as I stepped out of the shower.  "Hurry," the voice said.  "The kiddos are waiting to open presents."
Christmas Day began a little earlier for me as I made coffee and tackled balancing Jay's receipts from the Shop.  I was all finished by the time I got the phone call and it was soon afterward we made our way to Sonny's house to start the day together.  It's what it's all about, isn't it?  It's bliss.
We managed to get the gifts wrapped and menu planned.  They were all quickly unwrapped with happy smiles and hours of playtime.  The food was superb. Nothing was rushed, nothing was forced, and all was well.   Smiles and hugs.

 Breakfast:
Eggs, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, Croissants, Berries.
Dinner:
Stuffed Artichokes
Steak
Breaded Shrimp
Broiled Shrimp
Scalloped Potatoes
Steamed Broccoli
Creamed Spinach
Tiramisu 

We couldn't keep everyone from eating the breaded shrimp as fast as we took them out of the pan!  We had to post shrimp security to make them stop stealing shrimp!  How's that for smiles!  We need to do those shrimp again, soon.
Merry, merry!
TT

What happened?

What the heck happened?

I was limping into December without an ounce of resolve to keep at this blog.  It was time to stop, close down shop, and let it go.  There was no longer any reasonable purpose.  I had used the blog the way I intended from the beginning which was to build a discipline of words.  The idea was to be consistent with the daily putting together of sentences in order to try to improve.   I felt I had done that over the course of many posts (over 1400) and since they were not making any cohesive sense, I thought to stop.  Enough.  Leave it blank and let it go.

Then real preventative measures started happening.  I stopped writing here on Dec 4th. I was asked to take care of Mr. L half a day on the afternoon of Friday, Dec 13th. The poor two year old had strep throat and couldn't go to daycare.  I watched him that afternoon and the next, giving him his first doses of antibiotics.  On the following Tuesday, Dante had major knee surgery.  I was there all day as his surgery stretched to two hours and my throat started to get scratching and I could feel a fever coming on.  It was evening before Dante was settled into his overnight room and I has exhausted and sick.  I went straight home to bed.  The next morning I awoke to text's from Dante saying the doctor had seen him and was being released.  No chance of getting to the doctor for my own antibiotics yet.  We rushed and picked him up and brought him home.  My home.  He cannot bend his entire left leg.  He blew out his entire ACL, FCL and meniscus.  He will be on crutches for six weeks and this first day there was no way he could make it up to his second floor apartment.  With him settled for the moment, I went out to the emergency care and got my meds.  Then, I was asked to take care of Mr. L.  Why not?  I was already home with Dante even if I was miserably sick.  I mean, they were too.  One couldn't move and the other was all over the house until I propped the younger one into bed with the older one and told them to watch each other.
Before I knew it, everyone was cleared out of the house and I managed to sleep through the entire day of Saturday.  Then I woke up Monday morning and it's two days before Christmas with not all gifts bought and NO MENU.

Things have gotten too far away from me.  I'm feeling better but have minimum time.  Can I pull it together?  I will.  No one will go without, and no one will go hungry.

And the blog?  I don't have time to think about that now.  Besides, sometimes I think too much.
TT  

Blank

A funny thing happened when I came to write a new post.  I didn't have anything I wanted to say.  I couldn't find the words that led to anything I thought anyone would have any particular interest in hearing or reading.  I wrote a few things.  I reread them.  I deleted them.  I did it all again and then I repeated the process, several times.  In the end, I realized I was staring at exactly what I had when I started.  A blank page.
So I stared at it for a while longer, but nothing changed.  It was still blank.
I decided to give it a rest, so I saved it as a draft and left it for a few weeks.  When I came back and looked at it again, it hadn't changed.  It was still the same blank page.








No.  Still nothing.
TT

Clean

Thanksgiving was wonderful!  The tried and true menu we repeat year after year is quite the spread.  I'll copy our menu at the end of this post, but the picture above is the cleaned up version of the onslaught of food and it's preparation we had going on in my small kitchen. 

I've gotten the entire area clean.  Dishes are being taken care of in the dishwasher, and I have hand washed all the large pots, pans, and other paraphernalia that was used yesterday.  I've swept and mopped the floors, tablecloths are in the washing machine, and I even put out the recycle bin to the curb for pick-up.

Now, I have the entire day to enjoy the house in it's proper order with the thought of what a great get-together we had and all that we have to be thankful for.

There are a few other things I should probably take care of, but I will tackle the refrigerator a little later.

TT

Thanksgiving Day Menu

Crustini with Basil Pesto

Crackers

with Bacon Cream Cheese & Sour Cream Spread

Roasted Turkey

Cornbread Stuffing

Gravy

Green Beans

Roasted Sweet Potatoes

Mashed Potatoes

Carrots

Collard Greens

Broccoli

Cauliflower

Cheese Sauce

Cranberry Sauce

Rolls

Lot's of Wine

Pelligrino

Pomegranate Juice

No onions

The Thanksgiving day turkey is in the oven.  It's a big twenty-three pounds so it will take about seven hours to roast.  I made all my preparations but now is the time in-between when I can relax for a spell before any real cooking starts up again.
I worked yesterday until 1:00 and then headed to the store to pick up my fresh veggies for today.  I managed that in all of 45 minutes.  Once home I was able to bake my cornbread and two pies.  I was also able to pull my turkey out of the fridge, give it a rinse and pull the neck and giblets out to cook.  This is all normal procedure.  I've done it so many years consequently that it is pretty fail-proof.
This morning, I rose and started to put together my cornbread stuffing.  I broke up my cornbread with crumbled french rolls, sage, thyme, rosemary flat-leaf parsley, celery.  Onion.  Where's the onion?  We have no onion!
I stopped what I was doing and opened the darkened door to the bedroom and announced to a sleeping Jay, "We don't have any onions!"
"What?" he managed to grog out in his sleep.
"You used all the onions, we have no onions."
At this he pushed himself up in the dark and sat up.  "ME?  You're blaming me?"
I didn't waste any time on argument.  "We don't have any onions for the stuffing.  There will be No onions in the stuffing."  I think I was trying to absolve myself of any complaints about the stuffing more than trying to point a finger of blame.  I had been to the store the day before and didn't think to buy onions.  We always have onions!
So the turkey is in the oven with freshly made cornbread stuffing  with no onions.  I am taking a short break now before starting any other prep for the feast.  I was going to make the pesto for the crustini appetizers but I thought this break might be a better idea.  You see, I went to start making the pesto and found I didn't have any olive oil!  What?
And I was so confident that this was all so very fail-proof.
TT

November 23, 1979

It was a Friday, and that year it fell the day after Thanksgiving. We both had the day off from work and we thought it was as good a day as any to take that next step together.

We were already living together. He had moved into my apartment a good 9 months before this date. He had asked me the question six months prior and I put him off. I wasn't sure this was the way I wanted things to go. I wasn't sure I was ready. I wasn't sure. So I put off the decision. He persisted, and after what seemed like an enormous amount of time I finally said yes.

So the day after Thanksgiving, a Friday, on November 23, 1979 we were married. That was 34 years ago today. We have never had the Friday after Thanksgiving off again, in all that time, so it seems we only had that small window of opportunity to take advantage of the situation.

Our honeymoon was a weekend get-away at the beach thirty minutes from our apartment. We stayed the first night then drove back home and bought furniture. I remember browsing the fancy furniture store, both of us dressed as beach bums, and getting side-ways looks from the salespeople. They didn't take us seriously, and I believe one or two must have cursed themselves silently for ignoring us when our final purchase was wrung-up and paid. Through the years, it's seems most of our major purchases have been made when we weren't dressed to impress. It might be because we have a knack of discussing these matters, letting some time pass in-between, and then spontaneously going out and doing it while we are in the middle of spending time on the beach or working in the yard. It's worked. We've worked. Thirty four years worth of work because I won't say there weren't times when both of us thought of pulling out that marriage certificate to check the expiration date. 

We could never have predicted all those years ago that we would still be here today, together. We hoped, and thought we had a good shot of it, or we wouldn't have done it. All that time ago it was okay to be unsure, and okay to put off the decision. All that time ago, he persisted. And we both have, for the past thirty four years. We're not planning on stopping now.

Our wedding anniversary is not the day after Thanksgiving this year. It's today, which is a cold, rainy Saturday and he is going to work. But when he gets home, we are looking forward to going out to dinner and drinks, and next week, we both made arrangements to be off from work the Friday after Thanksgiving. We are too far away now to drive to the beach, but who knows, maybe we will dress down and make some large purchases or some other such foolishness. But whatever we decide to do, we are certainly looking forward to all those next steps together. 
TT 

No way

There is evidence to the left that I have completed the very first step in preparation of the coming Thanksgiving Feast.  I have a copy of the menu, a handwritten grocery list, and the cashiers receipt of the purchases.
I have stowed the items I bought and will now begin to prepare the list of items I will need to return to the store and buy, at a date closer to the festivities, that are more perishable.  I will also need to purchase all the things I forgot in this first round...like Pelligrino.  How did I forget that!   And a number of other things.
But that is why this is only step one.  This is a process.  There is no way, no matter how many times I have done this before, that I can ever get this done in one step.  Impossible.  It's just too big a celebration.  There is just too much food and preparations and ideas.
No, wait.  That's not right.  There is no way this could ever be too big or too much.  Not when it comes to this...
TT

Misfit

I've been spending a lot of time on this writing.com site.  I've been trying to figure out where I fit within this massive virtual writing community.  There are so many different activities, contests, newsletters, works of fiction, reviewing groups, blogging groups, poetry forums.  I could go on and on.
I have been trying to figure out the best way to get involved within this seemingly wonderful place.  I've been trying.  I've been reading the newsletters, I've tried a few posts, I've watched and read and tried to do things to find a place where I felt comfortable within this writer's confines.
It finally dawned on me and I've come to the realization that I don't fit.  Again.  I don't get it.  I can't figure it out.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do to fit into this virtual land.  Then I realized I don't fit into any virtual land.  And I'm not sure that is such a bad thing.
The only reason I went out to this site, and the other I bailed on, was to get someone else to read what I've written and hopefully get comments in return that would help guide me along a better writing path.  I had to get some type of gauge to judge what I was writing.  I've done that with the few things I've posted and I've average fairly well with a 4 stars out of 5 for my work.  That should give me my gauge.  I learned some very good things and gathered some good information.
The problem is I get caught up in all the other paraphernalia the site offers.  I need to stay focused on using that site as a place to help in reviewing my work, and discard all the extra offerings that I don't actually need. It wasn't my focus when I joined to use all my time searching the site.  I wasn't looking to fit into a virtual community.  I was looking for input on my writing.  I got that.
TT

No Dashing

No Dashing

As much as I wanted to follow up my Sunday run with another Monday afternoon it didn't happen. I knew I had an appointment to take my car to get it's 35,000 mile maintenance, but I was hoping it wouldn't take as long as expected and I would be able to dash home in order to dash around my neighborhood before it was too late. The dashing didn't happen. Either variety. It took over two hours for the car maintenance to be completed, which put me into rush hour traffic to get home. It was already dark when I pulled into my drive and I knew the possibility of even a quick dash around the block was out of the question. It wasn't going to happen. I had a co-worker question me about the small amount of miles on my car. It's a 2007 with only 35,000 miles? The car already attracts it's own attention being that it is a small, compact, convertible two-seater. Then when you mention the current mileage people get the impression you are being pretentious and have a 'weekend car'. It isn't that at all. I drive the car every day. I have the luxury of having only an eight minute drive to work, unless there is traffic and then it's ten minutes. Really. This is the car I use every day. I just don't have to drive it very far. Unless it's time for maintenance and then I have to go across town. Then the co-worker very cleverly pointed out, "you run more miles in a year than your car does". Cute, clever. No. Yesterday, I was only going to dash three miles. The car is way ahead of me. TT

Double Duty

You might see four new posts below and one above with the titles in bold black lettering that re-iterates the same title.  These are posts I've written in my portfolio at the writing.com site that I have copied and pasted here.  I am not sure what might have possessed me to write up, start up, or try to post blog entries there when I already had something going here.  (I don't think I have anything going here, but let's all pretend for the sake of argument).

Anyway - If you were wondering about the posts below, or if you were wondering where I went, the answer is the same.  Nowhere.  I'm still in the same place I've always been.  I haven't gone anywhere.
TT

http://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/tessat

Ready for the Week

Ready for the Week

It's Monday and back to work, but I had a great weekend. I woke up Sunday morning with my body screaming for some movement. It was a perfect morning so I laced up my running shoes and headed outdoors. I decided to change things up by heading in the opposite direction of my normal rectangle of miles. Instead of tackling mile one of incline, I went the other way, and that same tough mile became the last mile of easy, downhill running. I've done this before but it's been a very long time since I changed it up. I forgot how much easier it is to run it the other way with me coming down that mile instead of going up. I do get stuck in routines at times even when it doesn't make sense anymore. The run felt awesome. I lost myself to the pace and my own footfalls. My tracker, transmitting through my earbuds, told me I had completed another mile. I didn't realize another was covered. The ease of propelling myself forward had been forgotten as my mind was free and full of other thoughts. The movement stretched my muscles while my mind skipped along to this idea and that thought. When I was all done I completed 4.79 miles feeling better than I have in a long time. It was exactly what I needed. And now the week begins, and I'm feeling ready. Ready for another of those runs. TT

Calling Out My Procrastination

Calling Out My Procrastination

I woke up early this morning. I followed my usual routine by getting up and making coffee. That is when I noticed it was 4:39 a.m. Ah, well, that's a little early. But there is nothing like starting off my weekend. I figured I could use the extra time to get all the things I want to get done, like working on my story. I poured myself a steaming mug and headed upstairs to my space. I clicked on my desk lamp and waited for my laptop to make it's connection. I started by checking emails, entering the book I just finished into goodreads, checked out some writing sites. I checked out more writing sites, and then another. What happened to my writing? I realized I'd spent an hour wandering through short articles about writing that contained information I already knew . How much more information do I think I need to acquire to continue writing? This has turned into a new method of avoidance. Did I think because I was using my time with writing specific sites that it counted towards words on a page? I believe I have come to the point of using these searches as a way to procrastinate the actual process of writing my own pieces of fiction. Of course, that is what it is! I am using my time for everything except actual writing and then claim I don't have time to write! Nothing like an early morning reality check to get myself back on track. Now it's time for another cup of coffee. But before I go downstairs to fetch it, I'm closing this window and opening my word document that contains the story I am writing. Yes, writing. No more reading articles about how I can do it, and then not having the time! TT

Then comes Friday

Then comes Friday

Good Morning, Friday! I know I will be able to shuffle through this work-day without a single misstep. I expect to wind down the clock of my day until quitting time. It might not be the best approach, but I'm sticking with that idea. One idea. One goal. I need to keep busy getting things done all day so the time speeds by and I get my free time. Then the time is my own! My own schedule, my own work, my own free time. Good Morning, Friday! TT

Reminders Can Be Good?

Reminders Can Be Good?

I received a reminder this morning that I needed to update my blog. It told me it had been 4 days, 16 hours and. I don't remember all the specifics, but there was an entire string of numbers telling me how long it had been since I hadn't done something. I had reset the reminder before when it was popping up every day! I knew I needed to be realistic about how often I would be able to write here so I set it for every 4 days. That's when I got the reminder this morning. It must have worked because here I am, blackening a page with alphabetic characters. But it didn't take me long to realize I needed to make a change on how often I wanted that reminder. I've gone through his wonderful delusion before, where I have set reminders, and notices, and used tools to keep me on track, thinking I will get things done more often or on a more timely basis. It didn't always work out as planned. I've figured out that way isn't always the best to motivate myself. It can backfire pretty quickly. It can turn into another reason to feel bad about not achieving something I wanted to do when it hangs out there undone. I'm a pretty self-motivated person as it is. Adding notices and reminders can be a good thing. It's only when I use them to push myself too far, when I have too little time. It's as if when I am the busiest, I will use these type of tools which only set me up to be defeated - by myself. Ah, it's a horrible game of push and shove I play on myself, like nothing anyone else would push me to do. But, ah well. This might have been a good post if I had the time to sort through the ideas I presented. As it stands, it's just a way to be able to delete that reminder out of my inbox, so I can move along to the next notice, reminder, and tracking tool that is ringing away at me at the moment. TT

*sigh*

I need a massage.

I don't really care for massages.  I'm not thrilled with the idea.  I don't think it's the soothing, relaxing experience some people look forward to having done.  I would rather do without.

Unfortunately, I also know that the muscles in my upper shoulders and neck are starting to go beyond the point of being able to un-kink on their own.  They have gotten to the point of the constant ache, and no matter the stretching and prompting myself to relax these spots have eased the feeling of tension that has built up.  I think I have no choice but to surrender to the obvious.  *sigh*

Maybe I can get away with only 30 minutes.  I don't think I could stand an hour.
TT

Friday 'fess up

It's Friday, so it's time for me to 'fess up about my goals. Yes. 

I just posted how I did with the weekly goals I posted on Monday. It turns out, I didn't do as bad as I thought I might. Here are my original goals and how I managed this week.

1)-Arrange to take Friday off from work  
2)-Continue writing on my current short story by committing to:
-Two (2) - 1 hour sessions after work between Monday and Thursday (halloween?!)  
- One (1) - 2 hour session on Friday when off from work  
3)-Run 3 times between Monday and Friday for a minimum distance of 3 miles each time.  I only ran twice for a total of 7 miles (But, I still have the weekend!) 

I had to break down my first writing session into two 30 minute sessions instead of a full hour. I was having terrible trouble getting the words to flow and by the time the clock ticked over to the 30 minute mark I was pretty much toast. I wasn't feeling particularly good about what I had written when I finished that session. As it turned out, I was able to put in another 30 minutes (to complete that hour) early the next morning, and found what I slogged through the day before wasn't too bad. My next attempt went really well and then today, while I was off from work, I skipped through two more one-hour sessions like I was chasing butterflies. There wasn't a thing to worry my silly head over. I must remember this as a testament to keep the discipline, even when I think I need to stop. Hang in there, do the work, even in shorter increments, as long as I consistently keep at it. It's amazing how many written words I have to show when I actually sit down and write them instead of thinking I should. What a concept! 

So, Friday 'fess up wasn't too difficult. I managed to get what I set out to do done. Well, mostly. I did skip one run.
I thought too hard about it.
TT

Ghostly goals

Oh dear, what have I done?

The past few weeks, I have posted weekly goals on Mondays at the writing.com site and updated the status of those goals on Fridays. The StoryMistress (Webmaster) has generously rewarded me, and all the other individuals that commit to their goals, with 1000 gift points for posting goals and another 1000 gift points for following up again on Fridays on how they measured up on achieving what they posted on Monday. It seems to be a good way to think about what you want to accomplish during the five-day time span.  Put it down, act on it, and then review it at the end of the week to see how much you've done. Or how little you managed to do. It's a simple process. Put it down on Monday, 'fess up on Friday.

Sure, simple. But, after last week, I barely managed to 'fess up. I had completed my stated goals by Friday, sort of. I finished the book I was reading  I wrote three book recommendations  I didn't write the Public Review until Sunday  

I decided I was going to skip this week, as far as posting weekly goals. Then, I woke up Monday morning feeling rested, great, ambitious, and I went and posted goals! Not only did I post goals but I made them even more difficult than the prior week. Here is what I committed to do:

1)-Arrange to take Friday off from work
2)-Continue writing on my current short story by committing to:
-Two (2) - 1 hour sessions after work between Monday and Thursday (halloween?!)
- One (1) - 2 hour session on Friday when off from work
3)-Run 3 times between Monday and Friday for a minimum distance of 3 miles each time.

I've lost one day already since this is early Tuesday, before I go to work all day.  I was so tired after work yesterday, I didn't do a thing! All of these goals need to get done after work and I've blown an entire day already! Buckle down, girl. Pick it up, keep your focus, drive ahead. You can still do this if you put your mind to it, right?

Oh dear, what have I done?
Well, I did manage to check the first thing off my list.

I'm off work on Friday! 
TT

I only want

I'm heading out for another run this morning.  I managed five miles yesterday morning but my overall miles over the past months have been in the pits.  This year has not been good for me and running.  I don't have the hard and fast reasons why I haven't been up to par.  If I did, I might have done something to change it.  I certainly don't like where I am, and the only thing I can do is move along.
And moving along is exactly what I will be doing in the next few minutes.  But first, I want to drain this last bit of coffee from my mug.  I want to get these last few words typed up, I want to get those clothes in the dryer when the washer stops.
Oh wait.  I might have hit on some of those reasons.  I've managed to give myself a hundred and one reasons why I need to procrastinate. I don't have time, I need to do this, I missed my window of opportunity.  Yeah, sure.
Not this morning.  Today, I don't care about the coffee, the words, or the laundry.  This morning, I only want to get out and run.
TT

Something better than 'book'

 I found some interesting data yesterday concerning my original book draft within my own computer documents.

Yes.  This is a screen shot.  It's the folder that holds the chapters of my entire draft of my book.  Under the column 'Name' you will see numbers, which is each chapter, and then there is the first column which is titled 'Date Modified'.  You can see I have lots of gaps in between writing, but I  finished the book on 8/24/12.

This screen shot is the 'New folder' of my book draft.  This is the beginning of my revisions.  I started up again on 11/22/12 and went through 12/11/12, cutting and splicing and dicing the story up until that point.  Then I came to a crashing halt.  That was it. No one was giving me input, and I knew it was a mess.

I guess the only reason I thought it was interesting is because I've been thinking about this story again.  It truly IS a mess.  I'm not even sure it could be called a story.  But, if I'm allowed to admit this, it has some good bits of writing in it.  It has some characters that seem to be real.  They are pretty pissed off at me for taking off last year before the holidays, and not giving them a "Hey, how are you, dear friend," in all of that time.  They are sneaking into those early morning waking hours for me, so it might be time to take another stab at a first round of revisions.  I might need to gather these old documents, and do more than take a look at 'Dates Modified'.  I should give myself until 12/11/13 to get started.  That would give me time to finish the draft of the short story I'm slogging through right now.  By that time, I could create a new folder with new dates.  I could even figure out a working title.  Well, I could at least think of something better than 'book'.
TT

Cell phone death

My phone died.

All day Monday I tried and tried to charge it up and it pitifully hovered at 4%.  By 3:30 that day, I was on my way to the Sprint store and they opened it up and prodded it with screwdrivers.  They held out the uncovered flesh of one side for my inspection.  "There," he said as he pointed to a small red rectangle.  "Do you see how that doesn't match the pattern on this side?"  He pushed the other half of my diseased cell phone under my nose.  "It's water damaged."

"No!" I denied.  "I didn't get it wet."  I forcefully kept my gaze steady, and refused to let my eyes move from side to side.

The sprint man just held the two open pieces of my phone in each of his hands, making me view the distinct difference in the red rectangle and the patterned one.  There was no denying they were not the same.  I didn't drop it into water, but could it have built up over time?  That phone is in my pocket when I run.  I get sweaty.  I'm not telling him that, I thought.  How do I know the red pattern means I got it wet?  He could be making it up.

"So, what do I need to do to fix it?" I asked.

"Do you have insurance?"

"No."

He smirked.  Okay, maybe he didn't.  Maybe I smirked.  He said he would add the insurance for me and then I could get a replacement phone for $100.  

What?  $100 for a used phone?  My mind was going into hyper-drive.  Couldn't I buy a brand new phone for that?  I was well into the 22nd month of a 24 year contract, and due for an upgrade anyway.  

"Thank you.  I'll let you know."

I high-tailed it out of there, and headed to my nearest electronic store.    Once I arrived I was able to get a brand new phone.  It cost me a total of $119.68 including tax, and it's faster and better and rings all kinds of sounds and whistles and beeps, and I've found the settings to shut them all off.  Unfortunately, my old phone died before I was able to transfer my photos and contacts.  They couldn't transfer my data because my old phone finally depleted it's charge and just went black.  I had to let it go. 

So, I have a new phone with all the bells and whistles, that I shut off, but without the data I had before.  I'm staying positive, and I'm sure I will build it up again.  Besides, this new phone has 'dropbox' which allows it to backup those kinds of things on my laptop, in the cloud.

So, I've moved on since that fateful Monday.  I will manage without my numbers and photos.  I will boldly continue on from the day my phone died.

TT

---------------
Can you believe it?...this is my 1400 post!

Expired

Back by popular demand...the post about the expired pantry items!

Above you will find the link to an entry I wrote back in April 2011.  It was mentioned to me recently, and since I am off work and had the time, I went searching for it.  I've included the link above if you would like to peruse once again, or for the first time, and hope you enjoy this small, but very typical, slice of my life.
TT

Good times

If Monday is the beginning of the week, then I ended last week marvelously!  A trip out of town and down the road turned a regular afternoon into a time to smile, laugh, and feast on warm conversation.  The food wasn't too bad either, and the nickels and dimes that were minutes turned to hours as they rolled quickly away and out of our grasps.  I surely didn't want to part and say our goodbyes, almost as soon as we said our hello's, as it seemed to me.
But even though the most splendid of lunches came to an end, Jay and I only had time to do a quick regroup and reprimp for another event.  We arrived promptly at 6:00 pm and were embraced by long ago friends still holding true.  The outdoor splendor of the wildflower enhanced tables adorned the swirl of people that increased as the hour ticked forward.  A glass of wine, a taste of rabbit pate, fried chicken with sweet potatoes and macaroons with hazelnut or citrus fillings were presented, as we lifted a sparkling flute to toast the occasion with hearts filled as surely as our appetites.
But Jay and I weren't finished.  Another quick drive and we settled into a table to watch men with cases assemble their instruments onto the stage we faced.  It was only a few sips of dark ale before the small room hung out the bouncing notes of sax, harmonica, and lead guitar.  The jazzy float of melodies streamed past and into the night as the clock again pushed forward past the time to say goodbye.
A marvelous way to end an afternoon, a day, the week.  And here I sit in a darkened hotel room, with a strong cup of coffee and nothing more to do than let the lovely time pass through my mind and spill over a page.
What a wonderful way to end a week and start a new.
TT  

No skipping

I managed another run yesterday afternoon.  Whew!  I raced home, barreled through the front door, kicked off work shoes and tugged a blouse over my head, to pull up running shorts and lace up street worn shoes.  Yes, of course, I managed a tank top, too, and headed out the door again.  Quick, make this fast, I only have so long before Selma shows up with the boys.  I need to get back to the house to take care of Mr. L and the big boy so she can make it to her accounting class on time.  Run!
 And I did.  And with the lower temperature and that extra drive I got the run in instead of skipping it.  It brings me right on track with the simple goal I have for this week.  Runs.  Just about done.
Now, the writing portion of the goals...well.  That isn't as far along as the other.  But, I am staying confident I will be able to pull it off.  Today.  It's a matter of focus and putting it in front of me.  Look.  Here.  Now.
It's simple.  Do it.  Besides, it's already Friday!
TT

Zero Wednesday

Let's just say that yesterday was a zero.  If I am spending this time recapping my simple, weekly goals from the day before, than I have nothing to report.  I came home from work and I didn't run.  I rationalized it would be a good day to take a break.  I don't want to go full-on this first week and then fall apart and do nothing the next.  It seemed a good enough strategy. I talked myself into thinking it was a good move.
But then I didn't take advantage of that time to go over my story, like I was supposed to, either.  I didn't do anything.  If was a minus Wednesday.  Well, it wasn't exactly minus because it didn't take away anything, but it didn't add either.  I guess if it was a math problem it was subtracting zero from what I already had.
Okay, so I've worked it out that it's fine.  I should still have time after work today to get another 3 miler in before Selma drops off Mr. L so she can attend her accounting class tonight.  That will put me back on track to accomplish my 13 miles for the week and even if I don't run this afternoon, I can do it Friday and finish up Saturday morning.  And then the writing.
Since I didn't actually say I was doing specific writing, it shouldn't be a problem.  I was going to rethink my story - my plot, my characters motivations, and where the story should actually start.  It only comes down to giving what I've already written a little thought and some brainstorming.  So there.  Nothing much to say about yesterday.  Let's move right along to today and see what I can do.  It's Thursday!
TT

Stand up, sit down

It's cool and rainy on a Wednesday morning.  I'm looking forward to another short run this afternoon now that I have two behind me already.  The weather might have me rethinking that later if the rain doesn't ease up, but even so, that would give me the writing time I need to start on that other part of my simple goals for this week.
I have my story ready to work on.  I have the task I want to complete.  Now comes the part that is always the toughest.  I need to do it.
But I've already identified what I need to do so it's just a matter of sitting down and making it happen.  It's sort of the reverse of getting my running goals done for the week.  For that, I need to get up and make it happen.  Stand up, sit down.  It's either a child's game or the lyrics of a RadioHead song.  But whatever helps me get motivated, I will take.  The idea of setting up short goals for the work-week was a good idea.  I only need to concentrate on 'what do I need to do today', instead of 'I need to do all of this and I haven't done any of it'.  Much better.
So let it rain, or let it ease up, I will still have my simple to-do for today.  Not too hard, not too complicated.  Just something simple.  Happy Wednesday!
TT

Simple goals

I cleared out the old, saved draft posts.  I didn't even open them, but just hit delete, delete.  I'm bad that way.  I didn't even want to spend an extra moment to reread them.
I realize there might have been a sentence that was magical, electrifying, mesmerizing.  *throws back head and laughs*  Right.  Sure.  You can tell the level of confidence in my belief in that actually being true by my simple action of poising my finger over the key and pressing down.  delete.  delete.
Start over stupid.
I wrote myself some easy goals for this week.  Easy because I have to start somewhere.  I've been floundering again and need to focus.  So I wrote a couple of simple goals.
Go back to the short story I have 4000 words on (it will be longer than short) and rethink the following:
- my plot arc
-my characters internal motivations
-is where I begin the story the best place to start
That is for this week.  I haven't sat down yet and gotten started yet but since it is an official goal, a simple one, I will.  I also put down that I wanted to run 13 miles this week.  Not much, but what?  13 miles more than last week. So, now I've made my goals and only need to get started.  Happy Tuesday!
TT

Runaway thoughts

I have posts that I've started but didn't have time to finish that are stored up as drafts.  I didn't have time to finish them and now I have to figure out if I have time to go back and do something with them.  I doubt they are worth the time to bother with and I should just delete them.  Just as I should probably delete this one and all the ones from the past.  Don't worry.  Nothing that dramatic will happen.
I'm just at that point where I have lost focus on what this is all about (again).  It didn't help that at the beginning when I started,  I didn't have a clear understanding of what exactly I was doing here.  At the time, it seemed a good place to push me to write.  And write, and write.  Everyone said the more you write, the better you get and, well, I believed it.
I also threw in a lot of stuff about food and family, but then almost 2 years ago, my new grandson was born and I got very protective about saying or sharing anything about those things anymore.  Good, bad, wrong, right, that is what happened.  And things here became weird and boring because it went back to just writing to keep writing because you have to write and write to get better.  No matter.  What.
Hmmm.  Now I've gone and given a history lesson when I was only wondering about draft posts that I should possibly delete.  I really should get my thoughts in order!
TT

Speed of light

I have a feeling this week is going to blur.  It's only been a day and already things seem to be traveling at the speed of light.  All those good intentions, plans, and ways to map out certain things to do, are all going to be left by the way-side as other things snuggle their way into the priority spot.  I can see it happening.
The only thing I can do now is make a note.  I can give myself a reminder.  I can put all the notes in the same spot so when all the rushing is done, I can come back and see what the new priorities are or were.  I might find they are worth pushing aside.  I might find that waiting to do them is best.  I might find out I have a better idea.  I'll have to wait and see on some things because others aren't waiting on me to happen.
TT
 

Clear and crisp

Here is the weather for today.  It is currently 52 degrees, clear and crisp.  The high should be 83-86 and stay sunny.  The week looks pretty much the same with the lows increasing to around 59-71 in the mornings, and the highs will only increase slightly from 86-89.  At least that is the forecast.  It doesn't always turn out that way.

But if it does turn out, it means I might actually be able to get my runs in after work.  That is the time I have always preferred to go out during the week.  I've tried to change it up to mornings but it doesn't work out at that time if I am to get to work as early as I do.  It hasn't worked out.  So here is my opportunity to work it back up and work it out in the afternoons.  We will see.  

TT 

Ahhh

Today started slow, built up some action, calmed down, sped up, and is now working itself into a relaxing end.  It isn't a story plot, but regular every day life as it played out for me today.  Not such a bad way to spend a Saturday, and now I need to go fix dinner, while I open a beer and put on some music.
Ahhhh...
TT

End of week

Pfffft.  How did it get to Friday already?  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not complaining.  I'm just trying to figure out how I got to here from there so quickly.  Have I really been moving that fast?
Maybe it was the Eye doctor appointment on Monday and then the Dentist appointment yesterday, and then all the regular stuff in between.  Maybe it was the three hour product review writing marathon, and the two hour reading about writing articles that swept me through the week.
I would suggest all of the above had their own small part in passing the time along in a way that feels different, or more quickly, than the usual draggy norm I am used to experiencing.  Maybe.
What difference does it make?  It's Friday!
TT

The upside

The upside of today is that I am leaving work at 2:00.  The downside is that I have a dentist appointment at 2:30.  The other downside is that I've cancelled and re-scheduled it twice making it two months late.  I'm sure I'll hear about it from the staff.  I'm sure I'll feel their anger while they buzz, and scrape, and my knuckles turn white from gripping the arms of the chair.
Sorry.  Dentist visits are never pleasant experiences and even though I have followed their very strict advice of seeing them every three months, it hasn't prevented me from having to endure more ferocious procedures than anyone would expect from someone following orders.  So, I thought the heck with it and kept moving the appointment out.  They will do to me whatever they want no matter how diligently I do what they say.  I've gotten to the point where I smile and nod and then do what I want.  Their advise doesn't seem so great, after all of my experiences with them.
So, it will be to the dentist I go today.  And I will be leaving work at 2:00.  I'll also have the pleasure of knowing I managed 5 months without seeing the dentist instead of their prescribed 3.
There is always an upside.
TT  

Long day

Yesterday, was one long beam of continuous work.  It never pulsated, making it more hurried or less, but was one constant push forward that was unrelenting.  I had a meeting a 1:00 which is my usual lunch time that went until 2:10.  By that time, I figured why go to lunch and ate a sandwich at my desk as I pushed on.  The skipped time from lunch made it easier for me to close up shop earlier, so I headed out about 3:30.  My head was so fuzzy from the all-day grind that the transition from work to home managed to stay blurred.  I thought I should have a run but once inside the house I wandered upstairs and started something else.
I wrote three product reviews.  It took me until 7:20 pm.  I never realized the time had gotten so far away from me.  It had been only 4:00 when I started.
It isn't fiction but another way to exercise the writing muscles.  I found a reading group, which led to the product reviews, which will probably lead me elsewhere within this internet community.  It is much more expansive than I realized.  I will be exploring more of it's features with plans to use as much of the experience that is useful.  I have my eye on two different contests but I will see how those play out, whether I enter or not, but possibly use the idea's to write another couple of short pieces.
It was a long day yesterday.  It felt pretty good.
TT

Oct 1st

It's the first day of a new month, and I feel I need to make some bold, sweeping statement to start if off.  The sweeping statement idea is only a thought that enters my head, as if it is some rule I need to follow.  If I don't get it done to exact specifications, somehow, I have failed.  The fact is, there is no such rule.  That is something I have, somehow, embedded into my own way of thinking in order to punish myself later, when I don't follow my own rule.  I'm not sure when I started to do that.  I don't know what triggered my brain to hold myself accountable to such crazy rules.

I am slowly beginning to recognize all the items I find reasons to punish myself for, and started to remove them from my thinking.  These thoughts are not actually anyone's rules.  They are items that only exist in my mind. And, I am questioning my own rules.  Why?  Yes.  Exactly.  Why do I need to make a bold, sweeping statement? Do I need that statement now?  If I don't come up with one at this moment, does it really mean I've failed? Maybe it only means it's a thought, I'm working on it.  It's there in my head, and I need to think about it a little longer.  I need to figure out if it's really something I need or want to do, and most importantly, why do I need or want to do it?

And this new process of letting the little stuff go, it makes the things I get done, so much more fun.  There is a bigger sense of accomplishment when I complete something that has a real reason for me to do it, then some crazy rule that happened to appear in my head at that instant.  They say, don't sweat the small stuff, and it's true.  But, if the small stuff is all you think you have, you believe it isn't wise to get rid of it.  That is, until you realize how much happier you are once they are eliminated.  There is so much more to enjoy when you clear away the punishments for self-imposed rules.  It isn't easy, but I've made some bold, sweeping strokes in the right direction.

It's the first day of a new month.
TT

A Penny: reviewed

Hello Tessa

An interesting and inspiring story from start to end. Ben's ability to understand his mother's concern about the penny is admirable. That somehow makes him a considerate and thoughtful man and an affectionate son as well.

The penny story-
Teri's friend has advised her well. There is charity in her thought when she suggested the tails up penny must be turned down for the next person. Very few think of the rest of humanity's good. Few realize what is bad for us is bad for others. In my daily life I see bags full of selfishness and indifference to others.
There is a great lesson in this story. Kindness to others is more important than concern for self.

The last line contains a question which provides food for thought. Many would leave the penny unflipped. But Teri is different. She couldn't leave it the way she found it. Ben's part is no less. He equals the situation by providing an intelligent alternative. It must have given his mother some relief.

The story is told in an engaging style with apt dialog and setting.
Made me go behind the obvious.
Thanks for sharing.
---------------------------------------------
I wasn't expecting a review this late in the game from the writing site I posted my A Penny piece.  It was totally unexpected to wake up this morning, and find this in my in-box within the site.  But, what a pleasant surprise!  I couldn't have asked for anything better, and the fact that it came with a 5 out of 5 rating topped it off.
I was (finally) right about revising, and reworking the piece in third person, instead of leaving it in the first person point of view.  It helped that I cleaned up all the passive voice, and grammar mistakes.  It was worth the time spent to watch for flow, and separate myself enough to cut the words that were excessive, and dragged the piece down. It was great to get the prior reviews that helped make me aware of some of the problems I could fix. 
The work paid off.  And the best part of the review is that it only talks about the story.  There isn't a single suggestion to tweak.  I managed to grab them up into the story.  
Talk about some excellent motivation!
TT 

A Penny: revisited

Ben didn’t have to work that weekend, so he accompanied his Mom, Terri, for an out-of-town trip.  He liked the idea of showing his support, even if he never fully understood his mother’s desire to run the distance races she kept entering.  He knew this particular race caused her some anxiety.  It was the longest distance she trained for and attempted; it wasn’t a local race, and then the weather had taken a turn for the worse.  Ben wasn't sure how she would fair.

Ben was the younger of her two sons, just turned twenty-three, and was far from the small boy he was growing up.  His height had him taller than his older brother, and he towered over his mother.

Once the activity was underway, Terri, somehow, not only managed to complete the race, but also scored a third place medal for her age category.  It was a challenge, but once finished, there was some well-deserved celebrating after the race. 

Just as they were about to leave the next morning, Terri mentioned that she was thinking about a penny she saw on the ground during the run.

“A penny?” Ben asked.

“Yes,” she said. “You’ve heard about picking up a penny?”

“Yeah, it’s supposed to give you good luck.”

“Yes.  If it’s heads up,” Terri said.  “But, what if it’s tails up?”

“I don’t know.  Do you get bad luck?”

Terri went on to explain what a dear friend told her.  If you see a penny heads-up, it’s good luck, so pick it up, but if you see a penny tails-up, turn it over to heads and leave it for the next person.

Terri didn’t really put too much into believing luck comes from finding pennies, but the thought of passing it on to someone else by merely turning it over intrigued her.  She found herself turning over tails-up pennies ever since her good friend told her about it.  What was the harm?

The problem arose when she saw a tails-up penny while running the race. She struggled with the decision to go back in order to turn it over, but by the time she realized what she saw, it was too far to go back.  It had come up on her too quickly. 

As they were making their way to leave, Terri explained her dilemma to Ben and her thoughts about it.  Ben turned to her and said, “Sounds like we need to go flip a penny.” 

They would be passing the run route on their way out of town.  They drove to the area closest to where Terri saw the penny and parked.  Terri shivered slightly as a breeze blew out over the bay along the pavement where they walked.  She hunched her shoulders and wrapped her arms around her as they followed the curve along the water.   Side by side they walked, making their way down the race route, scanning the ground.  After a while, Terri knew they went farther than where the penny should have been.  She finally stopped and shook her head.  She reluctantly admitted it wasn’t there, so they turned around to head back to the car.  “Ah, well,” said Terri, “at least we got a chance to walk along the water.” 

They walked on silently until her attention was turned to Ben when he pulled his hand out of his pocket.  He held out his palm showing a handful of loose change.  They stopped, and Terri looked at him.

“Take it, Mom.”

“What?”

“The penny.”

She didn’t move or answer him, but looked up at him.

“Take the penny and put it down heads-up,” he said.

She was confused and didn’t move.

“What’s the worst that can happen?  That there are two pennies out here?” he asked, shrugging his shoulders. 

Terri took the penny from his hand, put it on the ground heads-up, and smiled.

“Now, you’ll know one of them is heads-up, Mom.”

Isn't it funny, how a penny can have so much value?

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Nobody calls me Terri, my younger son isn't named Ben, and his older brother would argue that he is actually taller than his younger brother.  All of that is fiction.  The rest of the events in this story are true, if we go back to March of 2009.  It was my first 10K, at my personal paradise, and when Jay bailed on going with me, Dante was happy to take his place.  We really did what I described in the story about the penny.

  

I originally wrote this up in first person back then and posted here.  I recently thought I needed to update it, so I did.  It's almost exactly the same, except for the POV, and now, of course, I think it's better.

Here is a link from this site of the Original version from 3/16/09. 

TT 

Logo

I have a new logo!
Yes.  After much trial and error, after many rejected graphics, and colors, and backgrounds.  After considering this, and removing that to substitute the other, we finally got to the point of this is it!  And it is - it's finally official.
I am talking, of course, about the new logo for my cookies.  My younger son, Dante, took on this task and we have been going back and forth with the company preparing it for us for months.  Yesterday, we finally got the finished product, and WOW!  It's a great feeling, and it looks terrific!  Dante even did a mock-up of a portion of the website, and sent it to me.  It's amazing!
I will have a lot of work now.  I will need to re-design the labels for my packaging to incorporate the new 'branding'.  I'll need to re-work my website, even if it means to pull it from it's present provider in order to make it operate the way I would like.  It means I will need to get my stuff together, so all the things I have learned so far from operating this tiny cottage business, can be boosted just a little.  Maybe when I say the business can be boosted, I really mean I can be boosted.  I mean...it was never supposed to sell like it does and has.  It was just a crazy venture.  And then people called me for cookies.  And now I have a professional logo!
TT

As expected

Yesterday was as expected.  The time at work passed rather quickly.  I was able to work myself through the over 350 emails that were waiting for me after taking my week of vacation.  I have some things I need to tackle first when I arrive at my desk this morning, but it will all take care of itself.  It's all good.
We got some miraculous rain in the middle of the day.  We've been waiting, and I was able to watch it for a while.  I'm not sure why that always entrances me but it does.  I was hoping it would start up again in the evening, so I could watch out of my bedroom window but it didn't happen.  Maybe, it will return today and once again give me that tranquil reprieve from the busy day.
TT  

Back at it

It's off to work I go.
It's a whole other mind set, isn't it?  I was able to enjoy every ounce of the time I had off.  I didn't even start to get mopey yesterday afternoon, as the time was crunching down to where I would normally realize I wouldn't be spending another day without responsibilities.  That has always been a crucial time when I would begin to feel myself sink.  It didn't happen.
I know I will be busy at work today just in catching up, so I expect the time to scoot by rather quickly.  That will be good.  Busy is good.  Then when the day is over, I can re-consider my outlook, and how I will decide my future routines.  But that is for later.  For now, I'm off to work.
TT    

Balancing act

I have another day of vacation today.  This will complete my entire week of being away from work.  I still have the weekend, of course, but that never seems to count as vacation time, since I would normally get that time off anyway.  I shouldn't cut myself short.  I'm not sure why I analyze it that way, but I do.
It's been a good week.  (There I go again, acting as if it is already over).  Let me try that again.  The time off has been very good.  Getting away, and out of town was a good starting point.  Yes, it seemed a little stressful, but I wonder if I wouldn't have been just as stressed if I had gone anywhere else, or even stayed at home.  I was just endlessly tired.  I was needing to break regular routines, and have the time to ditch everything I was normally doing.
I haven't done everything I would have liked to do during my time off.  It's lamentable that as soon as I get the extra time to do things I've been moaning about, I don't use the time for those things.  If I could figure out how to do it all, and not extend myself to the ultimate edge of exhaustion, I would certainly put that plan into action.  I guess I'll need to think of an alternate route.  I would like to say it's about finding that balance but, let's face it, I have a tendency to heap the things I want to do on one end of the see-saw.  There is no way any amount of balancing weight will lift what I've piled there. Let's just say that is the way it is.  I have to be okay with getting as much done as I can, and stop carrying the rest of it around with me.  It can weigh me down.
It doesn't mean I won't stop trying.
TT

Home; it's sweet

I'm home!
I've been here more than a couple of hours already.  I've spent the hours from the time I arrived until now getting things in order.  I am getting everything in it's place to make everything comfortable.  It isn't as if things weren't already in place, but I am now on my way to washing the clothes, and checking the fridge.  A short grocery list: coffee, bread, cake.  Why not?  I'm still on vacation.  So cake it is, for after dinner tonight, or even before, if I decide.
Now that I have things back in place, I'm able to curl up with the brand new Sue Grafton novel #23.  I'm looking forward to it, and as soon as the cake comes out of the oven, it will need time to cool.  The perfect time to start the book.
At home.
Sweet.
TT

Heading back

I'm in the middle of my vacation.  I am up, drinking coffee, and ready to turn around, and return home.  I am feeling better, and happy I took advantage of being off the entire week.  Yesterday was another low-key lay out in the sun day.  That is exactly what I did.
After breakfast, I spent another 3 hours lounging outside.  I didn't lift a finger to do one thing until Jay called my cell and told me I had a 1:30 appointment for a massage.  He had searched the internet during my lounging time, and found a place that would rub our weary bones.  The ache in the back of my left shoulder has never really gone away.  It is always knotted up due to my computer time at work.  It seems all my stress manages to work it's way into that small section.  I went to the appointment, and then lunch, and then more lounging.  It all seemed to work the frazzle right out of me.
This morning I am ready to bring it home.  I was here long enough to let the tired, weariness peak, and then flow away.  I'm now just as anxious to get home as I was to get here.  I still have these few days before going back to work, and that is what is making me so excited.
So I only have a few more things to pack up, and then it's off I go.  I'll be home this afternoon!
TT

Living dead girl

What am I doing in a darkened hotel room at eight o'clock on a Tuesday morning?  Shouldn't I be out running the seawall, which is only four lanes of traffic away from me?  I probably should.  My mind is kicking me in the ankles, and telling me to put this sitting aside for now.  This should be my time to go out, and take a look around at the morning.
I have been so thoroughly exhausted.  I didn't know it.  We arrived late Sunday afternoon, and stopped at a outdoor bar and grill to wait for our room.  I could see the ocean from where I sat, and I only wanted a beer to try to shake off the nerves from the horrible stress of traffic coming into the island.  I didn't think I would have a problem with the speeding vehicles, in multiple lanes, vying for their premium spot ahead of the pack.  I thought I was over the nervousness of driving without thinking of our two-year old accident when we found ourselves rolling completely over like a carnival ride.  But the nerves got the best of me, and I felt worse.
My beer didn't arrive before some food.  I wasn't interested in the food, but I was told to eat.  I thought it was strange that I could see the waves rolling to the shore, but couldn't hear them over the noise of the four lanes of traffic I had to look through to see the water.  We moved away from that area, and I thought we could get that drink in a quiet spot.  Unfortunately, the volume of the television bursting through tall speakers dashed any possibility of tranquility, and I was a wreck by the time we arrived at our room.  No matter.  I had already eaten, and proceeded to fall asleep.  Very early.  And slept very late the next morning.  All that with two drinks.
But I was still dragging on Monday.  Luckily, we found a place by the bay and sat quietly for two hours.  I scribbled some thoughts down, but mostly just sat still.  We came back to the hotel to get lunch and re-group.  I went to the pool and spent another two hours trying to nap.  I never fell asleep, but I've never been so inactive for such long periods of time.  So, by the time I cleaned up, we went to dinner.  It was perfect.  The restaurant was on the water, without any frenzy.  The drinks were cold, and the food appetizing.  I was finally beginning to uncoil.
I will see what we can be up to today.  I might have rested enough to feel less like a zombie, and a little more like a tourist on vacation.  A little extra time to sit might be the way to go.  I have an ocean to watch, a book to read, notes to jot down, and a brain less muddled.  And now, I realize, the hotel room isn't quite so darkened.  It's time to get out, and get busy with some more relaxing.
TT

Nature's alarm

It's Sunday morning. The sky is beginning to fill with lighter shades that will become the day.  It's that blessedly quiet portion of time between dawn, and let's get moving.  And today is about getting moving, as I watch the strokes of dark gray magically replaced with streamers of blue and white.
There is no sound as the world pauses before coming fully awake.  A distant bark of dog and hesitant chirp of bird try to stir the slumbering scene.  They gradually fade, then return again a little brighter and stronger.  It's time to stretch, and rub the crusty sleep from our eyes.  It's time to look out of our windows, and see the day begin to unfold.  Nature's own alarm clock is ringing.  
It's Sunday morning, and it's time to get moving.
TT

About time

It's Friday!  Finally, the last day of the work week, and the last day before my week long vacation!  I shouldn't be so looking forward to this.  I shouldn't be so terribly excited about it.  I don't know where all this electricity is coming from.  I don't know, I don't care, I will take it and run!  Literally, and figuratively.

Here comes the mornings of fingers poised over a keyboard, contemplating a scene or character.  Here comes the mornings with fresh coffee, cup after cup, while thinking through the splatter of words on a document.  Here comes the free time to decide to get up, and throw on those running shoes to give my thoughts a break or break-through.

Then, there will be a few days to sweep myself off to another place.  There will be a change of scene to look around, and see old things in new ways.  I need to remember to tuck my index cards into my pockets, not that I will forget.  I want to capture a few choice words, and descriptions.  I might be able to juggle them into a sentence or two when I come back, as I once again poise my fingers lightly over my keyboard.

It's about time.
TT

2 more days

This morning, my time is in a rush.  I wish I could pause it a moment.  Every time I avert my eyes to the clock on my laptop, it has skipped more minutes that I think it should.  Hold up.  Where are you going in such a rush?  Give me a chance to get my thoughts collected.

It won't listen.  It will continue on it's merry way even as I throw my hands up in frustration.  Ah, but, in the very back of my mind I am thinking I am not far from being in exactly the spot I am wishing to be at this moment.  I only need a couple more days, and with a little more patience, I will arrive sooner than I am able to imagine at this moment.  You know, this particular moment, as my clock is poking, and teasing me.  As it prods, and tries to rush ahead of me in it's little race against me this morning.  Fine.  Run ahead.  But keep running, for a few more days.  I'll catch, no, I'll be waving as I pass you by, on my vacation.

TT

GPs

I have been doing the most ridiculous thing.  It turns out the writing.com site I joined is celebrating its 13 years in operation this past September 1st.  They are actually celebrating the entire week.  I know you're asking, "How does a site celebrate?"  I thought the same thing.  I was having trouble understanding all the different areas, and etiquette of this site to begin with, without adding celebratory activities.

But before the celebration, I figured out how to start up my portfolio, and I have posted three items to this site.  I was able to figure out how to post to the site to let people know I was interested in receiving reviews.  The feedback I received from individuals who took the time to read, and send me comments on my writing, has been priceless.  The perspectives I have been able to gather, and ideas given me to improve, have been motivating.  The site also offers contests of all kinds, and newsletters of varied topics.  It was offering a challenge to write a novel in 30 days that I read about very carefully.  I was actually considering the idea of joining, maybe,since there would be some prompting and instruction to go along with the process.  But I was only thinking about it.  I thought about it until I realized they wanted 10,000 GPs to join.  I didn't have nearly that number.  Now, I hear you asking, "What are GPs?"
They are Gift Points that everyone on the site accumulates. You can earn gift points just by being on the site.  It's a mere 10 gift points a day, but there are other incentives to earn GPS.  The site will reward you with GPS if you give a review to someone.  It gives you more if it is someone you never gave a review to before.  Sometimes, people will attach GPS if they read, and enjoyed your work.  I've received GPS from people I have reviewed, and they wanted to thank me.  I gave gift points to anyone who rated my pieces as a thank you.  (And then I went out and reviewed a few other people to up my bank of GPS that was dwindling.)  It encourages people to help out other people.

This week, they will give you 1300 GPS just for logging in each day!  That alone has pumped up my bank.  I can afford to join any class they offer about now.  And then there is this ridiculous thing I've been doing.  This site gives you a space of your own.  You have an inbox, a place for your portfolio of writing, a notebook, and more.  It has forums you can go to and IMs that scroll.  I found there are game bots on the scroll this week.  A conversation might be going on (not with me, I'm only there for the bots) and a Play Now will appear.  If you play, and answer all the questions correctly, and the fastest, you get GPS for coming in 1st, 2nd, or 3rd.  I've racked up more than a few GPS doing this.  Somehow, keeping that chat window open, and ignoring it until out of the corner of my eye it catches the Play Now, I become a little too invigorated.  The Play Now means hurry up!  Only a few changes to get those points!  It's ridiculous, I know.  I've got more points now that I will know what to do with for a while.  It's really silly, but I keep playing.  I've turned it off for now.

Maybe, it's time to put the celebration on hold, and get back to some real writing and reviewing.

TT