New workspace

Take a look here. This is a before and after picture of my workspace. Yes - the one to the right is where I have been, writing this blog for the last...what is it? two months? Yes...I think so. Well, this afternoon Jay thought I needed to do something about it. He said I had been spending more time here and he had found these pieces that he thought I would like. He thought there were functional but feminine. Yes, - he used that particular word. So in case you can't tell, the one on the left is the before picture. It's the one I've been used to. The picture on the right is the now picture. The one that I am using right this minute. Not too bad, not to shabby. I wouldn't have changed it if he hadn't come up with this idea.

Not a bad way to spend a Sunday.

TT

Mellow

As much as I felt hurried yesterday, I'm the opposite today. This time I've got this laid back, tranquil feeling. I'm keeping an eye on the clock but it's like, "oh, look...getting late, okay". It's amazing how it can go from one extreme to the next in such a small amount of time.

Maybe it's just because it's a Friday and the end of the work week. I have another weekend to look forward to. I can spend my time the way I want, keep the schedules I make for myself. I'm enjoying the time off. I have things I can do if I want and time to do them when I decide. I like factoring that part in...when I decide, if I want.

It seems to keep getting better. I'm liking that.

TT

Scurry?

I am having a consuming feeling of rush this morning. Have you ever felt that prodding feeling to hurry? That niggling sense of urgency when there really shouldn't be? No, it isn't the coffee! Not yet...I'll watch that. I really have time. I guess there were more than a few things I wanted to get done this morning before heading out to work. I think I had my mind in gear again before I could do the automatic sort and I wasn't sure how I would do on my time-table. I believe it cast this looming inkling to scurry.

But it's fine. I'm doing fine with my time. Or I've done a quick run-through of the things I can and can't get done this morning and it's relieved the urgency. Nothing will fall off the edge of the world - at least not this morning, anyway.

Give me time...I'll end up pushing something off .

TT

No promises

Something is happening here. I think it might be good but then...you know me, I'll question it up one side and down the other.

I'm writing more and setting it aside. I have a couple of drafts started and want the opportunity to flesh them out before posting. I can see things in them that can be better developed with just a little more time spent on them. That would make them second drafts instead of shitty first drafts. Like the first drafts you've been getting on these posts.

Now wait, I'm not promising anything here. I'm not saying you're going to get any better than what you've got. I'm just saying. I'm saying. Well, I think I'm saying I can do more with what I have been writing. I can make it a little better. I am thinking about having something already started and working with my own words.

This might be good...but then, I don't know. I mean, all you got today was just another shitty first draft.

TT

One, two I like

I am not sure what I was going for when I started this. I'm not sure I had a clear idea of what I wanted to accomplish. I'm not sure what was in my head when I started out. I guess I could go back to the beginning and see if there is any inkling of a reason. But then, I'm not sure if I need to know why.

What I do know is that I look forward to the time I sit here in front of this blank page. I know that most of the time I have no idea where the words will take me. I know that for every 40 posts I have one, possibly two that I like. I know that one or two make it worth the effort and all the others are just a progression to get there. And I look forward to keep doing it.

I'm greedy and I want one or possibly two more good ones. Those one or two out of the many makes me feel like, there-there it is...I knew it was in there inside me...I just needed time, patience, perseverance, self-loathing, under confidence, fear, stupidity, and insanity to find it. But there it is.

I don't know if everyone needs all those things. I seem to.

TT

One more day off

This is my fourth day off in a row and I'm beginning to enjoy this too much. I could see myself actually doing this for a while. I wouldn't have thought I'd be fine with not having my work routine but I'm finding out right now that I could. I have too many other things I want to be doing. I don't have enough time to fit everything I want to do in when I'm working. I'm thoroughly enjoying not having a strict schedule to adhere to. I'm going to have to go back to work tomorrow.

But not today. I still have all day today.

TT

Extreme Combat

Yes. That is what the gym class was called. Two hours. Alternating 30 minutes of Zumba and what they called Extreme Combat. A mixture of kickboxing, martial arts and street fighting. Yeah, swagger, curl and move those fingers inward, come-on, come-on, with chin high. Bring it on. Show me what you got. Step forward and I'll lead with a power punch, smash with an upper cut and get the sweatest, burning workout you can imagine.

Whoa. Intense. And no, we didn't fight each other. It's all imaginary opponents. One of the best visual moves was: squat slightly, right knee bent. Hold out right arm straight down wih palm parallel to floor...yeah, the guy is on the floor and you're holding him down. Now, take the left arm and punch. Hard, repetitively...don't let him up...keep going. Okay, okay...back off. Now come back to reality, take the little hand towel they give you at the gym and mop up all the sweat you splattered on the floor because you've already been doing other moves and were already dripping wet.

Not very lady-like. Ppfffttt. No. But then we started out with Zumba...hmm. Mixture of latin salsa, rumba, belly dancing, hip moving choreography. Much more lady-like but with an attitude. Any way you look at it, it's a great workout and after two hours? Who would have thought I could have lasted the entire time? I just got too into it, I guess. I just thought it was awesome. It was fun. Am I sore today? You know, not as much as I thought I would be. Not any more than I was after the class yesterday. Maybe it will come on later. But then, I need to put in 5 miles today and am actually looking forward to it. I will probably go out and get that done now.

Extreme. Yeah.

TT

Reacher is gone

Mr. Reacher is gone again. He left early yesterday after a brief few minutes to close things up. It was wonderful to have two great evenings together and since I was off work yesterday we were able to get together for the last few (and sometimes the best) moments. He was never one to stay around too long. He can always give you lots of information very quickly but always has a reason for it before it's all done. No guns, so to speak, presented in the first parts of a conversation if not used later for a good reason. You might not even remember it was talked about so early until you realize why it was discussed later on. I'll miss him as I always do. But there was a promise of returning sooner than not this time. I helped him on with his jacket and closed the book for now. I did want to share this piece with you if I may. If I'm not allowed please just tell me and I'll pull it.

"I never say no to a cup of coffee, but I was all done with sitting down, so I agreed to go-cups only. We could sip and talk as we walked. We stopped in at the next Starbucks we saw, which as in most cities was half a block away. I ignored the fancy brews and got a tall house blend, black, no room for cream. My standard order, at Starbucks. A fine bean, in my opinion. Not that I really care. It's all about the caffeine for me, not the taste."

You have to understand - that is also my standard order for coffee at Starbucks. Black, no room for cream...never say no to a cup of coffee. So this is just a lesser, insignificant reason that draws me to Jack. Not the most important reason by any means, but a nice coincidence.

It seemed like such a short visit but so well worth it! I guess to be perfectly honest, I have to admit I went back and spent some time last night with Lucas.

TT
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Excerpt from Lee Child, Gone Tomorrow, top of page 63-hardcover.

Opposite ends

I took a vacation day today and slept in just a bit. My regular schedule is off by just a little but it's nice to have the extra day and time. I was looking through the gym class schedules early this morning and was able to find an 8:30 am kickboxing class. I could have waited another hour and taken a zumba class but I haven't been kickboxing in a while and I've always enjoyed it. There is something about the loud music, repetitive boxing strokes, the get down and be allowed to sweat hard with the knowledge of getting an all-over body workout that has always appealed to me. My only mistake was that I usually take these classes after work, not Friday mornings. There is a whole different batch of class members that take an early Friday class then from say an evening or even a late morning Saturday class. The difference is the intensity or for this mornings class I should say, lack of. But that's okay, the instructor only had to remind me twice that they were keeping it low impact. I have a tendency to overachieve and it certainly doesn't stop at work. Is it a good or bad sign if your arm muscle definition is better than the instructors? I don't do any weight training and maybe that's a good thing. My family genetics must be giving me a head start on things like muscle definition and tone. Maybe it was the four brothers I grew up with. I didn't fight with them so much, but I kept up with them. Or I tried to. Is that where that competitive nature people tell me I have comes from? I never thought I was so competitive with others...just mainly myself. I know my brothers didn't bother with me one way or another, but it sure made a big difference to me. That I could keep up with them - and three of them were older.

So, the good part about going to the class today is I found out there is one tomorrow that sounded very interesting. They are calling it extreme combat. Don't worry, they name classes like that at gyms to get your attention or to allow for the ego's of some people who take them. "Yeah, yes...I've been taking the Extreme Combat class over on Prue Road." Then they wait for for the reaction from the person they are talking to which they are hoping will be..."Really? Wow, that's a really hard class isn't it?" their eyes wide in admiration. (I know, not everyone but you know some.) What sounded interesting to me is that these classes are combinations of different martial arts, kickboxing, and street fighting moves. It's probably going to be set to some hard driving music and it becomes choreography for me. What could be better? An all body workout that's almost dancing. The addition is that most of these instructors have martial arts training (which I have none) and that makes it especially new to me...like when they do the afro/brazilian moves in zumba.

A hard driving class sounds like fun to me. I'll check it out and see how it goes. I'll get my workout done tomorrow then possibly have some shopping time. I know, I'm at two different ends of things most of the time. Hard, sweaty workouts then four inch stiletto's and detailed blouses. Give me a break. As the pictures above and below might help prove...I may have had four brothers, but I wasn't one of them...come on.

TT

Jack & Lucas

Mr. Reacher arrived at my desk yesterday afternoon about the time I was leaving for lunch. I had been notified that he would be coming but not of the time. I was glad to see him but I had to decide if I was going to change my plans. I had my gym bag and was heading to the gym for a 3 mile run during my late lunch. I wavered on spending the time with him instead. As hard as I have been working on staying consistent with my workouts I decided that I would proceed with my original plans. I didn't think he would have arrived until later in the day. I went ahead to the gym and did the three miles I had set out to do.

I got back to my desk in a little over an hour, flushed, and still cooling down even after the brisk rinse off after my work out. He was still there waiting but I had a few hours left in my work day. Somehow I managed to get through my pending assignments for the afternoon and I wrapped the day up at work. I finally had a chance to focus my attention on Jack Reacher but I knew it would only be for a short borrowed amount of time since I had an appointment. It didn't take long for us to re-introduce ourselves to each other again. He didn't hold back on letting me know what had been happening to him. I was mesmorized with what he was telling me and a little startled when I realized I needed to break away to keep my appointment. I didn't want to go just yet. I promised to meet him later at home.

I finished my chores later that evening and got comfortable knowing I would have time to spend with Jack. I helped him out of his jacket and we quickly found the spot we had left off. It was so easy to find the comfortable place with the two of us together. Before I realized, I noticed it had been well over three hours. It was much past my usual time to be awake but every time I thought I needed to let him know we would continue later he would entice me even further. Somehow I just couldn't stop and I let him continue.

My tiredness finally overtook me and I had to say goodnight. He had managed to tell me half of his story and we have arranged to meet again so I can hear the rest. I can't wait and look so forward to it.

I have to admit that Lucas Davenport had arrived two days before much in the same way. I was happy to see Lucas but he knew I was still working my way through some information from a set of twins and I wouldn't be able to give him my immediate attention. I have to admit I stalled overnight on Lucas' information knowing Reacher would be arriving soon. Don't get me wrong, I've spent most of my time with Lucas lately, but I hadn't seen Jack in a long time. Lucas would understand that his arrival would have been better timed if he had waited until I had completed the work with the twins. I have to admit that since Jack doesn't say as much, I've missed him more.
------------------------------------

Now, before you wonder how I could do this, please take a minute to understand. Jack Reacher is a character in a series of books by Lee Child as Lucas Davenport is for John Sanford. I just received the newest hardcover books in these series from a dear friend that knows how much I enjoy them. I was struggling to finish the last two books (my reference to twins) in the Sanford series when the new book arrived. Since I've been playing catch up with the Davenport series and the twins (#17 & #18) are still on my nightstand waiting to be read, I couldn't exactly pick up the newly arrived hardcover (#19) when I received it. Besides, it's true about Jack...there are fewer books in that series and it had been a while since the last one came out.

I couldn't help but try to get you to understand how much I love my books - in my own kinda way.

TT

So good...

I drove past the main entrance to the gym yesterday afternoon to get a parking spot. I noticed there were several gym employees setting up tables and getting ready for an open house they were hosting that night. I had the top down on the car and the radio cranked probably a tad too high. I parked, grabbed my bag and went on to the entrance. Just as I was going into the gym, one of the trainers that was setting up got my attention. He said, "Great day to be driving that car." I looked up and stated, "Every day is a great day to drive that car."
He didn't say anything and I hurriedly added, "Can you tell I love my car?" At that point his smile matched mine and he nodded as I went into the gym.

I was two miles into my run before I even realized I was half way done. I was thinking about the trainer when I remembered a year ago I had considered using a trainer because my motivation had left me at a low and I was hoping to change up my workout routines. I mentioned to Jay at the time that I was thinking of using a trainer to get back on track. He told me I knew all the things to do, I just needed to put them into action. He didn't think a trainer was necessary. He thought I just needed to get myself to the gym and I would be able to do it on my own.

A couple of days later my 27 year old son was at the house and I mentioned the trainer idea to him. I thought I would have an ally with him since he was always suggesting different weight training (which I never do) for me. I told him about hiring a trainer and I was surprised when he also thought I didn't need to go that route. I told him his Dad had said the same thing! "Well, come on Mom, he said. You just want some good-looking guy getting you all sweaty and telling you what to do."
"What! I hadn't even thought about that!"
He turned back to me and grinned as he was leaving. "Sure, you didn't."
I hadn't. Really.

I was well into the last 3/4's of a mile to complete the four I had planned on running. The workout had gone fairly easy. I had gotten past one 1/4 mile that was a little tough but was on the downstretch when I realized I was thinking about it now. I was thinking about the trainer idea and what Sonny had said.

What a great way to end a run.

TT

So far...

It might be good to know I still seem ready for this new running plan. I actually had a rest day yesterday but was able to go to a class that I enjoy which gives me a good workout and I was able to run a mile afterward. It is amazing how much better I seem to feel when I get myself out there. All the things they say about exercise are all very true. Yes, it's hard, yes it takes time, yes motivation slips terribly but when you get into a groove were you are looking forward to doing it there seems to be added benefits. My mood changes for the better. I feel more energized. I feel better about myself and feel like I'm accomplishing something. It gives me a clearer head to think and put things into a better perspective. I'm not stressing and have something that I'm looking forward to by the end of the day. I've also found that no matter how tired I am at the end of that day, if I go ahead and workout, I feel better after than if I skip the gym and go home to "rest". I know I'll get a really good nights sleep after a work out on one of those tired days. It works.

So now I'm ready for the 4 miles I have scheduled for today. I'll have to let you know how it goes although I'm expecting it to be an easy run.

Oh, and I am brewing something with my writing but too soon to take the tea bag out yet. Let me get a couple more good runs in and I'll let you know where it's going.

TT

New running plan

It's a new work week, a Monday, a beginning of sorts. I'm finally looking forward to it a bit more than I did last week. It might be because it will be shorter for me since I decided to take Friday off and make the Monday holiday a four day - long weekend. Then it will actually be two four day work weeks in a row. I can live with that right now. That will make me grin.

Aside from that, I found an older running training program that I had tucked away in a file. It's actually better than the one I used for my race training back in the first quarter of this year. It seems more do-able. I started it yesterday and am actually looking forward to keeping on track for the next five weeks. I don't have a race planned for the culmination but I think it will be good for me to use and who knows, I might find a race out there by that time that will work. It's also flexible enough where I can change days out and add classes if I want. I'm looking forward to it.

Finally.

TT

A tool

Up until now I haven't had a very hard time putting things here to post. I let an idea take me wherever it wanted to go and wrote it down. That was my purpose for starting this in the first place. This was another tool for me to use to help build some type of discipline and routine to writing again.

The last couple of days, I've not known what to write. The idea of just letting an idea go without much thought was probably making me sound more insane than I actually am. Well, I am insane and I am under confident and I know that's what has me pausing right now.

I think I'm looking to find a direction. Or am I? Is it okay to just write random things here that come into my head? I'm not sure. I do know I'm thinking about it. I am thinking about what I want to put here, and why. And even if the only reason I put anything here at all is because I want to, then that will be good enough. For now.

TT

Hesitating

I should be organizing my thoughts. I have come to a place where I can get my ideas together, do some research and put together some type of well formed structure to what I want to do. I need to do that. I need to lay the background outline in order to have an organized approach to how I want to proceed. It seems like the only way. Then I am not just out there...running aimlessly around hoping to get lucky enough for something good to come out of it all.

I'm talking to myself again about my writing project. It keeps coming back to that. It must be something I really want to do or I wouldn't keep thinking about it, would I? I am finding things to get in the way instead of seriously starting up again. Sure, there are the ideas, and notes but not a serious start. I haven't sat and known I've put this time aside to get this going. I'm almost scared of it.

Must be something important somehow.

TT

Not today

I don't know that I want to blog today.

I'm feeling I need to re-group. That feeling might pass or I might decide to spend my energies somewhere else or I might do a lot of things. You never know what will go through my mind at any given time. But I know today isn't the day to decide.

So I'll put that on the list for later.

TT

No Pity

I'm struggling with balance. No. I'm not getting into any of this. I'm not indulging myself into a pity party when there is nothing wrong. I should have but didn't work out yesterday. I came home, read for at least an hour and a half and vegged out watching nonsense television. No, I'm not making a statement about television - I really watched a program that there was no reason to watch and keep watching. I want to say now that I would have felt much better if I had worked out and even read. But you know what? It's not that big a deal.

I've been very good about getting myself to the gym or doing runs in my neighborhood. I've been very good about what I eat and how much. It's not like I weigh too much for my size. I'm healthier and fitter than I was this time last year. So, the problem is?...the problem is? There is a problem here somewhere, right? A problem I should be correcting and doing something about. Maybe something I should be doing a different way?

I think I know what the problem is. Well, the obvious is that the problem is me. Yes, bingo. That is the biggest, most obvious, top of the list, yes - that's it, problem. But that's me and I know I am the usual cause of my own problems whatever they might be. Unfortunately, I seem to be suffering from a devastating condition that no one wants to encounter and most will avoid at all cost - even by suffering through a television show they know they should shut off.

I'm bored.

TT

Lost idea

It's funny how sometimes you have this great idea and all you want to do is get it down, write it up, quick- grab a scrap of paper and scribble it before it goes right out of your head. That has happened to me before. I'll be driving or doing something at work and it will happen. This idea out of nowhere will present itself. I will go quiet and my eyes will focus on something in the distance and it will play there in my head.

I'll scramble for a pad and hope no one talks to me or the radio doesn't distract me before I can get the words down. Sometimes I'm lucky and I'm able to write the entire idea down. Sometimes, I have to wait until I can get to a spot where I can pause a minute and the idea becomes a focused chant running through my brain in a loop until the pad and pen are found. It's funny how it becomes a mad scramble so the thought isn't forgotten. It's even funnier when you come across that scrap of paper later. I mean much later. I'm talking cleaning out contents of your bag later and stopping yourself from throwing away one of those great ideas you scribbled down. Finding yourself pausing long enough to glance at the scrap of paper to realize it isn't an old grocery list. Or realizing it was an old grocery list that you used to scribble the idea on but saved just before your outstretched hand let it go into the trash. Pulling your hand back to glance at the words not in the organized order of a list. Oh - look at this. When did I write that? Not bad, uncrumble it, straighten it out and fold it properly and try to remember to put it with the other "official" notes you keep.

I didn't have one of those ideas today. But I found one.

TT

See what happens

Somehow I skipped right through yesterday and landed here this morning. My weekend somehow got blown away. I work all week to get to my weekends and then look what happens. It isn't like it wasn't a really good weekend. It was a very good weekend. I think maybe it's more that I'm not really looking forward to the week the way I should be. I could sure use some time away from work and I know...it's not like I couldn't get away, but I hadn't planned on it. I try to plan. The idea goes through my head. I think about it. Then it goes away and I don't really decide.

But that's okay. I'll start thinking of what I need to get done and it will all fall into place. I have a whole week to see what happens. That could make it interesting.

TT

'nuff said

I just got back from an out of town road trip. It was one of those days that started out really well and never quit.

Friends are incredible!

TT

Unlax

I seem to be having problems trying to focus lately. My mind seems to want to jump around, this, that, the other, all, what?, now, no later, no, not later back to now. See what I mean? It's nothing new. I do this from time to time. I think I might just have a bit too much extra time on my hands and me being me, I seem to feel like I have to fill every possible waking minute. Oh, I don't know...maybe not every minute but a good majority of them. I didn't realize that wasn't supposed to be what you do...the doing something all the time. Aren't you? But then I'm told to unlax (you know like unwind and relax all at the same time). Can you really do that? I don't think I'm very good at that. I'm not sure why.

It's especially hard when I know I'm keyed and know I need to slow down. It's like the other day...it went on for most of the morning. I made efforts to try to stop my madness. I stopped my coffee intake before 9:00am (when I can go on past 11:00) and made myself eat (which that also is about 11:00). It still took a while to actually bring myself down and I was trying. I was making a conscience effort. I knew I needed to slow. Whew! You'd think I would be exhausted. No...I just keep thinking I should have worked out. I probably needed the break since I had worked out 4 days in a row and had managed some good miles, but I kept going over it in my mind. I was thinking about a few other writing ideas, I was getting some things done at work, I was thinking I forgot to download some music I wanted, I was thinking about...like that.

But these things happen and I know they will happen to me again. It's unfortunate for the people around me since they don't have a clue when they talk to me. That is, they don't have a clue until it's too late and I've gone off in some weird direction in my head - but out loud. Maybe this blog isn't such a good idea. Maybe I shouldn't indulge myself with extra thoughts. Hmmm...let me think about that when I don't have 50,000 other things on my mind. It helps that it's Friday and a promise of happy hour which should help in the slowing process. No, don't worry...not too slow.

Oh fudge! Look at the time. I'm supposed to be off to something else already!

TT

Triggers

You might be happy to know that I was able to get my few ideas down yesterday. It was small steps again in the right direction. I'm not sure what put me in the panic mode it turned into but I'm not going to argue with the results. I got the words down and I did what I set out albeit with a little craziness thrown in. Well, some people might say lot's of craziness and I don't think I would be able to disagree with them over much. I guess in my defense it was a positive kind of craziness if that counts for anything. I can say it wasn't a stormy rant I've been known to be thrown into.

But those rants haven't happened as much lately. I'm trying to think when the last time I actually had one of those instances. It's been a while. That's a good thing, I think. Those trigger's don't seem to be as...what are you supposed to say about triggers? Maybe I should go with something like...those switches don't seem to be flipped as often...or I'm not feeling those buttons being pushed? I know in the middle of the day I'll think about the trigger thing and how it's suppose to go. Probably not...more likely I'll end up asking someone in conversation. You can imagine how that would go?

"What is it that you call a trigger when it is so sensitive it just goes off with the slightest of touches"? That person will look at me funny for a minute trying to figure out where in the world I'm coming from. I don't pay much attention to that. I'm pretty used to people looking at me funny all the time. It's more a normal occurrence with me. If it's someone that knows me, it will only be a passing look anyway. They know it's normal for me to ask these off the wall sort of things. Then they might actually help me out and I'll end up with more information - possibly even something I'll use later that's better than what I started out with.

Funny that.

TT

Competition began

Wow, am I in a hurry today? I have more time than usual but I seem to be rushing. I feel like I need to catch up. I know I just need to take a breath and pause. I wanted some extra time to gather some thoughts this morning and I may have put myself into gear a little too quickly. Now I need to slow down a little just to be able to think. Stop. Hold on a minute. Yeah that, breath...

I've got these thoughts in my head again for my story. It's mainly ideas about some characters I knew I would be using but I'm coming up with ideas about how they would be influential to the main character. I am having ideas about what I want to write about these characters as I introduce them that will weave itself into what happens later in the story. That story, you know, the one that's been in my head. The story that I've barely got more than a page of an outline for. And now I feel like I don't have enough time to get it all down. I know I'll have to get up from here and not have another moment for a while. Will the ideas keep? It's not like I can wrap them up, seal them tight, and hope they will be fine whenever I'm ready. Or maybe it will be fine. It's not like I've forgotten everything I've already have working on. I seem to be getting more ideas. I know, I know...I do this to myself.

Jay reminded me the other day how competitive I was. We were actually talking about my running but it applies to most things I do. He didn't actually mean I was competitive with others. He was talking about how competitive I am with myself. I'm not sure if it's good or bad. I guess I've done it so long I never thought of it at all - well, actually I think about everything too much. That's where I over process. Is it impatience? Do I get tired of waiting on myself to get things done? Here I go...questioning everything again. Aren't you tired of this? You would think I would be. You would think, but no.

So, I've got to get these story/character ideas down now. I need to put them down in some kind of order so I can come back to them later and understand where I was taking them. I'm getting a little anxious about the time I have right now. So I need break away because I've managed somehow to let my competition begin again.

TT

Only Tuesday

Hello Tuesday.

I had a whole 'nuther post written but was distracted and I've obliterated it. On purpose. Yes, me editing myself again. Actually, the reason for deleting my original and posting this instead is very simple.

My distraction was caused by people far more important than putting together a short note here that was sounding a little too, too...it wasn't right and I was trying to correct it. That's when I was able to make some connections that were far more important and for a simple Tuesday morning, that should be all routine and simple, it's turned into an exciting connection with friends (yes, (s) - I'm reaping it in today - more than one).

So hello, Tuesday! So good to hear from you...oh...and I forgot!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

TT

Short

This will be a short post this morning...

I just wanted to say that last night at the Sushi bar for Dante's birthday turned out great. We spent over two hours there and it was nothing but good food and times. He sure knows his sushi to be sure. It was a very nice evening.

I need to get moving now...it is a Monday. I've had some ideas for my story that I need to get written up (yes) and I've had some good runs lately (yes). So I feel like I'm back to it!

And now I need to get to it!

TT

D's Bday

It's quiet and I love these times when I can sit. I don't have to rush off first thing. And for some reason it really is quiet this morning. I have a perfect view outside my window upstairs on this worktable with my laptop. There are a few cars going back and forth in the neighborhood but not a lot of activity which is really nice. Nice and calm...see how long it will hold.

Today is my youngest son, Dante's, birthday. He turned 24 today. Twenty-four. He was born on a Friday about noon. I had seen my doctor on that Monday and he told me if I didn't have him before then to check myself into the hospital Friday morning. He was getting too big for me to wait much longer. He was 8 lbs even and 21 inches long and extremely hungry. I had been at my job then for only 6 months - yes - I was 3 months pregnant when I was hired and I did not tell them. In fact, I didn't tell them until the end of January so I was beyond my 90 day probation period for the job. I couldn't have held out much longer than that...was starting to show.

We weren't the best off financially at the time but I was determined my oldest son, Santigo (Sonny) wasn't going to be an only child. I have to admit I didn't discuss it with Jay, I just didn't do anything to stop it. If there had been too much discussion there would have been a million reasons why the timing wasn't good. But I had thought about it. I didn't want an only child and I didn't want too many years separating them. They are 3 1/2 years apart and it seems to have worked well for the two of them. They are just far enough apart to have their own friends and independence but not so far apart that they aren't close. I'm amazed sometimes how close they really are.

So the birthday tradition is they get to pick a meal we cook at home. It's usually a pretty special menu, handpicked and tweeked to fit our likes and tastes. Or - they can pick any resturant for a meal - any restaurant - no matter the cost. It's their birthday! Dante decided we would go out to eat today and he wants Sushi. So that's what we will be doing later this evening. So I have no prep to do today in the kitchen. It makes it really easy and quiet and we will be celebrating together later in the day. I think Dante knew to make it easy - for me - and still pick a meal he really loves (and knows I do, too). But then, that's the kind of man he's turned into. Did you read my post in April, A Penny? That's all Dante.

Quiet is so nice and so powerful.

TT

Shy?

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday. My day. Do what I want, when I want, all by my lonesome. If I choose. It's the day I have to myself since Jay, my husband, works on Saturdays. I guess I struggle with it sometimes but not really. I love having that free time, that Garbo - I want to be alone - time. Get out of my face, I don't want to be social, I don't need constant interaction day. It drives me to boredom sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I don't turn into a recluse. I get out and spend time on Saturdays doing things alone but out. I especially like shopping in open air retail areas. I get to look around, I get to notice other people, I even get to have some short but interesting conversations with people I've never met and may never see again. No pressure, no expectations and I get to notice things I was always too busy to stop and see before. So I get to be very free and easy about it. And I have tons more confidence that I ever had before.

But I wasn't always. I have friends that knew me way back when I wouldn't, couldn't, didn't dare say a word to anyone. Yes, believe it. Very shy, very quiet. One of my best friends from back then told me her first impression of me was that I was stuck up since I wouldn't say anything. I just didn't know what to say. What could I possibly say that would be interesting? Why would anyone want to hear a word I had to say? Wow...what's happened since then? Well, that friend is still very close and I don't believe she thinks I'm stuck up anymore. I'm not really sure how long that impression really lasted. I'll have to ask her. But then it would seem it was too much about me. It doesn't really matter anymore, we are way beyond that.

It was funny how I was talking about the fact that I was so shy ages ago. I was involved with theatre then and could step into roles and play to packed (and sometimes not so packed) houses of people I didn't know without a glimmer of a problem. I could get up on stage and not have a single nervous inkling except the normal adrenaline you get before performing. That being said, I had to drop a speech class in college during that same time before the first assignment was due because I couldn't get up to face the class with my own speech. My own words terrified me but not the scripts and characters I played on stage - whatever they happened to be.

But I think it's about time for me to head out now. I might have an opportunity to strike up some pleasantries with strangers. I've come a long way, baby.

TT
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Postscript: I did actually end up talking with another lady during a Zumba class today. We were somewhere in the middle of all the music and motion when she turned to me and said, "This sure gives us an excuse to do these moves." We were in the middle of a lot of pelvic motion and hip movement ala belly dancing. "Sure does, I said, a good excuse." we talked a bit more as we tried to keep up with the dance moves. She lent me one of her coin covered hip wraps that moves with you. I never asked, she just had another one and let me use it. I told you these things just happen to me.

Refill

Wait for me, I think I need more coffee. I'm not sure if I drained two cups already but I'm looking down into my cup and it's all gone again. Wait for me a minute while I go get more or I won't be able to think about anything except an empty cup.

There. Thank you. Much better. Just having my morning companion there is reassuring. Me and my routines and coffee, coffee, coffee is a big part. Good stuff and I drink it black.

And here it is May 1st. Already. Chances for new starts, looking forward to changing things up or putting things in order. Good time to make lists, getting organized, setting priorities. I'm thinking about all those things and I've yet to really shake this positivity that seems to have taken me hostage lately. Should I be thinking that it's going to unravel sometime soon, because I'm not. I admit it's streamed through my mind but streamed right out again. It doesn't seem to be a major concern that the deep dark lurking badness will overtake me anytime soon. Actually all the things that I've worried about are pretty much trivial. I mean, come on. I worried about what?...running workouts, spending more time writing, updating some pieces in my wardrobe? There are so many other major things going on. I was thinking I should name them but eeiighhh. Why? I'm not worried about them. They've become a boring topic to me I guess. I want to wave those things off, yawn and move on.

Oh look. Somehow my coffee cup is empty again. I'm not sure how that happens. Wait for me...while I go grab some more. Just one thought. Where does that put my cup in the half full, half empty standings? I mean...since I keep refilling it and drinking it up?

TT