Home working didn't

Well, my working from home yesterday lasted all of two hours before I packed my company laptop and went to work at work.  There were too many things I needed to do that I had to be in the building to accomplish.  And it is a lot in the next few days.

Coordinating a move of approximately 90 people into quasi-permanent spots in another area until they can restore the module they currently inhabit is a time consuming job.  It's mine, and I needed to be there yesterday to get started.  Today will be another process of information gathering and plotting to move the necessary equipment from one spot to another.  I will be using and filling in the empty spaces available for where they will land for the 4-5 weeks and I need to figure out the best places to put them all.

So, yes, it's another freezing day in the neighborhood.  Let's add a busy schedule and the noise of hepa fans and smell of smoke curling down your lungs to make it all complete.  I guess I better pack my gym bag for when the day is done to relieve it all.  That might be a very good idea.
TT

Working from home

We have had a few disruptions at work.  The powerful ice storm that hit us last Friday closed our campus for a portion of the morning due to bad road conditions.  It was further closed until noon that same day because there had been an electrical fire with an A/C unit on the roof of one of our modules.  That has turned into the more serious of problems since, although the fire was contained to the roof, the amount of residue, smoke, and lack of power had the associates directed to work from home.  I had already planned on doing that only based on the weather, so I was slightly ahead of the game.  Everyone expected things to come back to normal over the weekend.

I returned to my desk yesterday and although I work in the adjoining module to the one still without power, the smell permeated our area and associates were again instructed to go ahead and work from home.  I managed to hang in there the entire day but only because a hepa filter/fan was set up in the next aisle from where I sit.  Then this morning was another threat of freezing rain and another note about the damaged module.  Temporary locations are being set up for associates sitting in that 'power-downed' module.  It looks like it will be inoperable for 4-5 weeks.  Again, the request to work from home has been extended until next Monday.

I am at home now, with my company laptop open and working in the quiet of my upstairs office.  I might venture later this morning back to my desk at work but I might do that tomorrow.  As long as the smell doesn't settle in my throat the way it was beginning to do yesterday morning it will be fine.  It seems there will be a lot to take care of in the way of logistics for the misplaced associates that will need to be figured out. But for now, I'll do a little from home.
TT

Keep pounding

The official race results from my 5K on Saturday still have not been posted on-line.  I guess they don't work on the weekends.  That seems a little odd to me since most races are on a weekend and I would think people would want to check it out as soon as possible.  Or maybe their webmaster is sick or out of town or...I'm sure I could come up with other reasons of the delay but the bottom line is I will need to wait it out.  I'm pretty sure my time was 31:34 which isn't flying fast but a Very good time for me lately.  I've been pretty much slogging very slowly lately through all my runs.  That number seems hyper-faster than all the other runs I've timed lately...by 30-60 seconds a mile!  I guess I was colder than I ever realized and wanted to finish to go inside to warm up.

I am already signed up for another 5K for February 15th.  That will keep me going forward with my plan for a race a month.  I also have my eye on the 10K in March which takes place at my personal paradise.  I will need to amp the training for the longer distance but I've already started.  I haven't registered yet but I've talked about the plan to Jay and he seems up for the trip.  That's a good thumbs up!  It looks like I might have taken care of the first quarter.  Now I just need to get those miles pounded out in the meantime.  

Sounds like a plan.

TT

Hooks

Where do I go this morning?  What do I do?  I have a few household chores.  I need to do some grocery shopping.  We have no toothpaste or will run out of the tiny sample tube we are using very soon.  I don't want to wake up with no toothpaste tomorrow.  And coffee.  I need more of that.  Eggs.

It sounds like the first order of 'going' will be to gather supplies, now that I have a list started.  Before I do, I need to take a look at some of Jay's shop receipts.  He has been having some really good days lately.  Of course, there is the work of closing out his last years books so I can do all the taxes.  I need to start setting some time aside for that.  It isn't good enough to have it hovering in the background of my mind anymore.  I need to start pulling that more forward. And what other million things can I think about doing that won't possibly fit into one day?  A five mile run.  I want to do that for sure.

One other thing I need to buy is cup hooks.  It's not that I bought any mugs.  I don't hang coffee mugs in the kitchen.  No.  These hooks I use for something else and I couldn't find any yesterday when I looked.  I use the hooks for my medals and after yesterday, I have one more to add to the wall directly behind me.  One new medal from yesterday.  Push forward to five miles today.
TT

Low numbers

After much whining and crying, kicking and screaming, I went out and ran the 5K I signed up for this morning.  It was just before light when I climbed into my car which was covered in frost.  I switched on the ignition to get the defroster going and the dashboard lights flicked on a red warning number of 27 degrees.  I  ignored it.  I was going and I wasn't going to let the temperatures bother me.  That was the only thing I was fearful of.  It wasn't the distance.  It wasn't as if I wasn't going to finish.  I was only afraid of the cold.

But I went.  I tried very hard not to pay any mind to the red dashboard light or the number on the weather widget on my phone.  It didn't matter.  I wouldn't let it matter.  It wasn't a long run.  I'd be done quickly.  Go.  Besides.  Something my trainer said or really what wasn't said had changed my mind and made me go.

During my training session yesterday afternoon I was asked about my race.  I said it was going to be too cold and I wasn't going.  The trainer completely ignored that statement and went on to lead me through some upper body weights.  Toward the end of the session I was instructed on some foam roller stretches for my lower body and told how my legs would be super ready for the race in the morning.  I again mentioned I didn't think I was going and I was again ignored.  As I was leaving the trainer said goodbye, set up our next Friday afternoon appointment, and told me to let them know what my time was for the race.

The trainer never acknowledged the fact that I was trying to say I wasn't going to show.  It was never a question or debate.  There were only simple statements that I would be doing it.  Maybe I was looking for an argument so I could defend my position on not going but I was never given that opportunity.  It changed my mind about going and got me thinking about how I would.  I started thinking about the fact that I had all the gear.  It was a short run.  I could survive.   So I went.  And somehow I did.

It might have been how very cold it was that made me hurry.  Maybe the cold was the very reason I might have pushed through.  I didn't think I was going any faster than a regular run but I might have been.  The number that hadn't crossed my mind while I was so busy considering the temperature numbers was my pace.  It turned out that maybe that was the low number I should have been thinking about.  Well, I'm not sure that I should have considered any of those numbers but what I am sure of, is that I ended up first place in my age category.  Hmmm....no-show or first place?

I didn't realize those were the two options.  I'm glad I showed up to find out!
TT

Let me delete

I admit it.  I wrote and put up a new post early yesterday morning.  You won't see it because sometime in the middle of the afternoon yesterday I happened to re-read it and I deleted it.  Yes.  I know.  I said I wasn't going to do that but I did. I deleted it.  It's gone and you or me will never see it again.

Believe me.  It's for the best.  And now time to move on.  I'm trying to keep my head up and brace myself for this winter flurry that is supposed to move into my area this afternoon.  It's going to drop into ridiculously cold temperatures with rain, possible ice, and all those lovely things I look so forward to during this part of the year.  You know me if you realize these are things I dread the most.  I'm not sure Friday is going to be much better.  We even got an e-mail at work about making common sense decisions on being safe coming in on Friday because of the weather.  Believe me, none of these things are very reassuring to me, with my known abhorrence for this type of situation.  I mean really, give me a break.  I'm a small town tropical island girl.  I could live on the beach year round and never give a single thought if the universe decided to eliminate winter and go from late spring to summer to early fall without the terrible thing know as winter in sight.  Let's just skip right over that season every single year and I would be a happy sun-worshiper.

But the reality is, that isn't going to happen.  I've tried to adjust my attitude year after year but I've failed miserably and I've failed yet again.  I'm at a standstill, petrified, by the fact that I will need to stop all major activities until this passes.  And then I will have to endure the entire rest of the miserable season I wish I could delete out of each year.

Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing?  If I could just delete winter the same way I delete posts.
TT

Again?!

I've done it again.  I re-read what I previously wrote and I don't think there is any conceivable way that anyone would have any idea what I might have been talking or eluding to in my last post.  That seems to be the flavor of the day, at least recently.  I've been putting down these words and after leaving them for a day or two or even a few hours, I realize there isn't much in letting a reader know what I must be trying to say.  Do I have a clue what I'm trying to say or just running together a bunch of words and calling it a thought?

At least I'm recognizing it and even going as far as calling myself out on it.  It's much like the damn walking lunges the personal trainer had me doing and I knew when my form was off.  I would extend my leg too far out and I wouldn't have that nice 90 degree angle with my knee to the floor.  I would know it as soon as I placed my foot and look over at the trainer to see if they saw what I did.  I knew I did it wrong and the trainer finally spoke that out loud, "At least you know when you are doing it wrong."

Right.  I know.  I've been doing this wrong.  Or I've been doing this not exactly right and I know it.  You would think I'd stop doing it like that, already!
TT

Stumbled

I'm a little frustrated with myself today.  I'm not feeling on top of my game but it might be the after effects of the four beers I had last night.  The pork taco's and handfuls of chocolate, walnuts, and coconut I shoved into my mouth doesn't make me feel any better, either, but I will leave that behind.  When you've been eating as clean as I have for the past four weeks it's bound to happen.  The frustration comes from my old way of thinking that one incident will destroy everything I've work so hard to accomplish.  It's spoiled and that's it, throw in the towel, I'll never be able to fix it.

So not true.  I don't think I ever really believed that even when it became the old habit of thinking from the past.  It is just an easier way to release myself from the work that needs to continue.  It's a way to release myself from the responsibility to keep on working at it because it's easy to say, "there, I didn't do it, I've failed, I need to stop."   Not this time.  As frustrated as I might want to feel, it isn't enough to make me stop or give up. I mean, give up?  Why would I want to give up?  

If there is something I need to give up it's the frustration.  I have nothing to prove (remember).  And, when I keep on doing what I've been doing I will need to come back to this point in time and say to myself, "See.  That day I was feeling frustrated is tiny when compared to the amount of positive I have felt from keeping on."  So I will leave it behind without another thought.  I shouldn't have given it even this much.

I feel better now.
TT

Don't delete

I couldn't even get through reading my previous post from yesterday.  I know I must have had too much coffee.  I know I had a lot of things on my mind about what I wanted to get done.  I was trying hard to prioritize those things in my mind while also putting up a post since I hadn't done that for almost a week.  So the previous post is a mess and I thought to pull it but I didn't.

If I had to recap yesterday, it might have started a little frantic but it played out fairly well.  I got many things that I wanted to do done and still a little (very little) time to relax, but how much do I really need?  I'm more energized by all that I have been doing instead of all the things I don't do.  Would I like to spend more time writing.  Yes.  I really would like that.  It will happen, but I really needed to jump start a few other things.  At least that is the way I am prioritizing it all right now.  And it is up to me.  I'm driving this car of my life and I get to make the choices.

It's the same with these posts.  There isn't any real thought behind them and I should probably pull them out and delete them.  They aren't anything more than scribbles.  But they are words on a page which is something.  It's like a training run.  It's only a few miles (words), not very fast (thoughtful), but adds to the total results (discipline).

I figured I could rationalize it somehow.
TT

Guilty

Good Morning, Saturday.  I am feeling energized with all the things that I would like to get done today.  I am feeling like I should skip this part and not blurb here right now.  I might need the time to get other things done instead of pausing for a moment and putting down these words.  I am making myself spill these words out because I know I haven't put anything down since Monday.  Even that particular piece was about spending more time writing but I've blown it off the entire week, anyway.  Am I conflicted about that or am I just making other choices?  Am I looking for that perfect time to write again?  Foolish.  There is no perfect time, I know that.

So, I'm guessing in order to alleviate my guilt, I am here rushing through some writing time, all the while completely distracted that I should be up and moving.  I'm thinking I should be doing those other things or at least lining them up so I have my plan of attack.  And maybe, right now, that is what I should be doing.  I have some uncertainties about what I might do today and a few minutes might be all I need to put them in place and free up my mind to keep me from begin so distracted.

I'll should probably do that.  I'll let you know how it goes.  But I'm still energized and plans are made to be changed!  Especially if I am feeling guilty.
TT

Write

There was a picture of a very old typewriter.  It was black and extremely heavy.  I knew from my long ago past experiences that it took some finger strength to press down the keys to make them strike the actual piece of paper you threaded through the top roller.

The picture made me stop and look.  It revived a very old memory of how hard it was to press down on those keys.  Each key stroke took time and effort.  I thought about how mistakes on a page were not remedied by backspacing or deleting.  It involved an entire process of aligning the error to keystroke it again with a white-coated square of paper between the key and original sheet.  That would, of course, correct only the original sheet and hopefully you didn't have multiple sheets with carbon paper in between.  If that were the case, the corrected errors on those pages would only become blurred letters fitted in-between words and not corrected at all.

But the picture made me stop.  It made me look.  It brought back very old memories of how manual the process of actually typing up a piece used to be.  And underneath the picture was one word.

It said, "Write."

And that struck me also.  How long ago did I ever find the time to type on such an old device, with real paper threaded into the machine, and mistakes that took many minutes to correct?  Using that old machine back when it was the only thing to use, took so much more time and effort than I can even possibly imagine anymore.  Today, I have a laptop with a lighted, floating keyboard and I can speed along with incredible accuracy since there isn't any finger strength or outside materials to correct simple errors.  I can pick up and transport my laptop to any location.  Something that wasn't easily done with the bulky, black machine in the picture.  Should I even mention the spelling and grammatical errors the applications I use now point out while I am still typing?

And yet I can't find time to "Write."  Hmmm.

I guess time is relative to how much I want to spend on what I want to do.  That old picture certainly gave me something to think about.
TT

Getting it done

I got a little frantic yesterday when I realized how great the weather was going to be on Saturday.  It's when I realized we are already turning the corner to the middle of this month.  Almost half the month has dissipated!  I felt like I needed to move things along, speed up, hurry!  I began searching for a 5K.  I've had it in the back of my mind that I will run at least one race each month.  I only ran one race the entire of last year and I also didn't do well with my total mileage.  So I knew I wanted to change things up.

First thing I did was go back and join the gym.  As much as I was stubborn about the fact that I prefer to run outdoors, there were many, many days I wouldn't because of the weather.  I joined so I would have the opportunity to run at the gym when I wouldn't go outdoors.  It's worked so far.  I've managed to run 7 days out of 9 for this year.  They aren't big long distances but they are miles I wouldn't have logged otherwise.  It does make a difference.  I only ran outdoors once out of those seven runs.

After searching this race and that race, I realized I was going to pay premium for a last minute registration.  At that point I (of course, I did) checked the weather for the following Saturday.  Eughh...it was predicted to be colder!  Yuck, not sure if I could manage that.  Then I spotted some races for the last weekend in January.  Hmmm....this might be it.  I didn't allow myself to check the weather.  They can't predict that far ahead anyway and I knew I would over think it if I allowed myself that privilege.  So I settled on one and signed up.  Quickly.  So I wouldn't change my mind.  And then, while I was at it, I went and signed up for another in February.  There!  I'm in.  I have two races to look forward to.  I have two marks on the calendar where I need to prepare and show up.

It feels good to have something in the back of my mind and start taking steps to accomplish it.  It's nice to stop and realize, Oh!  Time is getting away from me so I need to get this in place. It's a good thing when I don't have the attitude that it's too late, it's too cold, it's too highly priced, but strive instead to find a way to get it done.

Sometimes it's very good to get a little frantic about something important.
TT  

No Pain, Please

When I signed up for the gym during my time off from work during the holidays, I also signed up for some sessions with a personal trainer.  I thought it might be a quick way to incorporate some weight training into my preferred activity of running.  Everyone has always said there needs to be a balance.  You need to work on both weights and cardio in order to become stronger and improve stamina.  At the time, I listened with only one ear because somehow I was able to train and run a half marathon without any weight training and without a trainer.  I took various training plans I researched for free and worked out a plan that worked for me.  I completed the race.

But then, I realized I ran only half the miles last year of my previous year.   I decided my idea of running only outdoors wasn't working.  I needed days I could use the dreaded treadmill when the weather was awful (like today - I'm waking up to 20 degrees!!!!).  So this year when I joined I thought, what the heck and signed up with a trainer.  I'm sore.  Two sessions and my muscles are screaming.  First my arms felt like they would fall off and now my legs are almost immobile.  What the heck!  No pain, no gain?  What, what?  When I was finally able to run outdoors this past Saturday it was like a crawl.  My legs were so stiff I couldn't get any speed.

I know.  It takes time.  It will all pay off in the end.  But the end of what?  My life as I know it?  And now the trainer is pushing me to join a 12 week challenge which would mean a few more times to meet with the trainer and more pushing and gaining and, and, dare I say it, pain.  Ouch.  I told the trainer I didn't want to spend the money.  How's that for a way to misdirect?  The trainer told me they would see me on Friday for our session.

Yikes.
TT

Moving Past

It's Monday morning and I am heading back to work after a long vacation.  The break in my routine during the holidays was probably just what I needed to revitalize and restore myself.  I am feeling so much better than I have in a long time, especially last year.

I'm not sure why last year was such a bummer.  My analytical mind would normally try to mull over every last detail, to turn over every stone, to try to figure out the reasons why I just couldn't feel right about anything. I think it might have been a way to stay in that comfortable, albeit, not-good mind set.  Something finally made me realize finding the answers for not feeling right was holding me back from finding out what would make me feel good.  It didn't really matter why I wasn't clicking on all cylinders.  I knew I didn't like that feeling and only I can do anything about it.  I had gone through it long enough to waste any more time dwelling in the middle of it and it was time to move on to my better.

So I am concentrating now on what will make me be better.  No more looking to the past to discover what was underneath those stones.  It couldn't have been anything good anyway.  I mean, yuk, what lives underneath stones?  Not me, not anymore.  I'm moving past them.
TT

Gym or No Gym

I went to the gym yesterday for the fourth time since Monday.  If nothing else, I am certainly getting my money's worth out of joining.  I know I wouldn't have run three times out of my four trips if I didn't join because the weather has been so blistering cold there is no way I would have ventured outdoors for my runs.   It is what I needed to do to work on my consistency.

I know what you are thinking.  You're nodding your head and pretending to agree because everyone knows you join a gym the first of the year and by the first couple of weeks or even in a month you forget all about it.  It becomes wasted money for monthly fees.  Sure.  Go ahead and nod.  Keep nodding.  I'm not worried.  I have a whole lot of resolve going on and it has nothing to do with the first of the year.  I joined the gym purely because I knew I wasn't going to run outdoors with the temperatures dipping too low.  I compared my total running miles for 2013 when I was not a member of the gym to 2014 when I was.  Last year I ran half the amount of miles than the year prior.  I ran less last year.  I can't blame it all on whether I was a member of the gym or not but already since joining I have ran three times that I wouldn't have run if I had to push myself outdoors.  I wouldn't have done it.  Too cold.  So instead I was able to run three days and even though they weren't particularly very long runs, I still ran.  Big difference.

I'm planning on running again today.  It's too early now for me to decide if I will go the gym or see if the temps will rise enough for me to venture outdoors.  Predictions are it should warm up enough for me to go outdoors and that is what I would prefer.  But if not, I'm hitting the gym.
TT      

Separate is Good

I'm still on vacation.  I'll finish out this week of holidays and return to work on Monday.  I shouldn't even be thinking about that yet but it passed through my head.  I'm looking at it from the standpoint that I don't have to go back just yet.  Good for me!

I started today by going to the gym.  I wanted to make sure I got out and got it done before I let myself think about how very cold it is and has been.  But I also knew I had to be back at home before 10:00 am because Jay had arranged to have the house cleaned for me.  Yes.  The house cleaned.

"But the house is clean - mostly," I said.

"Yes.  It is.  But they can do the blinds and the baseboards."

I thought about that.  "That sounds, okay."  I was thinking I hadn't done any of that in a...never.  But it didn't help to make me any less uncomfortable that someone else would be coming in to clean up my mess.
Wouldn't they think I should be doing this myself?  Wouldn't they think I'm some sort of lazy slob that can't get up and do what I should be doing on my own?

"What's the matter," Jay asked.

"Nothing,"  I lied.

"They get paid to do this, you know.  It's how they make their money.  Besides, why not let someone else do it and give yourself a break.  Just look at it as a Birthday present."

"You already got me a new coffee machine," I protested.

Jay gave me a look.  Then he said, "they can also do a deep cleaning of the bathrooms."

That's when it dawned on me.  This was a good deal.  Jay usually cleans the bathrooms.  It crossed my mind that maybe he wanted to get out of doing that himself.  But I've lived here with him long enough and before with our two boys to know how horrific bathrooms can get and I've always left that for them to clean.  Well, I leave it as much as I can stand for them to clean before I go in to clean it myself.  This might be a good deal after all.

"So, I guess so,"  I agreed and he called them up.

Now I'm here at home waiting patiently as the cleaning crew of two go through my house, dusting, mopping and deep cleaning bathrooms.  It's a birthday gift.  A one time deal.  I guess I'll live through it if only they would hurry and go.  This is uncomfortable and awkward for me.

Who knows?  They seem to be doing a really good job.  Maybe I'll take advantage of these birthday gifts when it's all done.  I'll make myself a cup of coffee from my new coffeemaker and sip the hot drink while sitting on the edge of the deeply cleaned tub overlooking the landscape of the sparkling and sanitized bathroom. I could combine the two gifts while I'm still on vacation.  Let me think about that.

Maybe not.  No.  I think I will appreciate them much more if I enjoy them both separately.  Yes.  These are two new sparkling gifts I will definitely enjoy more separately.
TT

Breaking Rules

I have an entire fiction novel stored in my documents.  Granted, it is a first draft of over 70,000 words that are in dire need of (numerous) revisions, but just the same, I have a completed framework of writing.  It is something concrete.

I also have a 16,500 word novella completed.  This piece was supposed to be a short story of approximately 7500 words but by the time the story unfolded it ended up much longer.  I reasoned that I needed to write this shorter piece after I abandoned the thought of first revising the original full length novel.  My reasoning was to go through the entire process of writing a short story so I wouldn't spend as much time as it would take to write an entire novel.  I finished this novella but have yet to go back and revise it.

I then started another short story that is turning into a novella that I haven't finished.  It currently has 6500 words.  I reasoned I needed to write another entire story before going back to revise any of the writings I have previously completed.

At this point, I have to laugh or at least chuckle at myself for these outrageous rules I seem so good of coming up for myself.  My reasoning throughout all of my writing is preposterous.  I could very well ask, "Who comes up with these rules," but that would be ridiculous since I know it's me.  Yet, I seem to think these rules need to be followed as if I would be committing the ultimate sin if I didn't.

So now what?  Am I locked-in to finish my current novella before thinking of doing anything else?  That was the rule, I believe.  Yet, I am starting to hear that rebellious voice in my head, "But what if I don't.  What if I think about my today and moving forward and the best way to do that?"  Smirks all around.  "Yes, let's break the rules."

I am in a wonderful position to do it all.  If I want to keep creating new writing, I can work on the novella not finished.  If I get to a point my creativity is waning, I can go to revise my finished novella or even my novel.  I can bounce from one piece to another and make a new rule to keep writing somewhere, or revising, which will bring all my pieces closer to becoming a truly finished story.  I can actually bring myself to a higher level of discipline than I've managed already by being more likely to be consistent.  I didn't even mention the story I started writing without any idea of where the story might be going.  I could even go back when I'm feeling creatively organizational and come up with an actual outline for that story.

There are so many options, it's become exciting!  And here I've spent so much time and energy being so hung up on learning and following the rules of writing.  I should have known that when I did, I would only turn around and break them.
TT

First Day of 2014

The calendar, now a days, rolls to a new page all on it's own.  It used to be you had to manually pull over that last page of a calendar to reveal the new month or take it down completely and hope you remembered to buy a new one.  Not so any longer.  I have a widget on my laptop with a calendar that does it all for me.  It's easy, convenient, and sometimes surprising because I can have a tendency to forget what day it is.

I haven't forgotten today.  It isn't much different from yesterday.  I am still at my desk at early morning, still sipping my cup of black coffee, and able to look out my upstairs window.  It's a routine I repeat almost every day, over and again, whether I stay at home or go in to work.  It's a pretty fine routine.  The only difference about today is everyone gets a clean slate if you want to take advantage of it.  It's different because there is an entire forward motion that everyone can take ahold of and use.  The momentum is there if you want to participate.  No one is thinking to save that old calendar.  It's all over and done.  It's time to put up the new.

And that is what happened this morning when I was going through my normal routine.  Coffee, window, and there is that calendar widget in the upper right hand corner of my laptop, winking the date of Wednesday, January 1st, 2014 at me.  The first day of the new year starting off the same and not the same.  It's reminding me to take the parts of the old routines that work and use that forward momentum of the new to it's best advantage.  It's time to roll.  Forward.
TT