Sore thumb

I have a band aid on my right thumb.  It's nothing serious.  Just a small break in the skin right along the nail.  I bound it up and it will be fine.  Unfortunately, I can't seem to type properly.  The space bar won't engageand words areclumping together so I gottastop.
Later...when the thumbis better.
TT

What's it worth

Once Upon a Time there was an overachiever that decided to take a break.  She had worked herself frazzled without ever knowing it and finally took the advice to do things if she felt like it and not if she didn't.  She swallowed the idea that you shouldn't feel bad if you didn't do something because she would get around to it when she felt like it.

It sounded like a great plan.  The time off would do her good.  The idea of not pressuring herself to get things done would be helpful.  It would turn into a better situation where the birds would sing, the butterflies would flit off sunny flowers and total tranquility would envelope the world.
In this fantasy all of those things happened.  It was calming and quiet and things were smooth and settling.  The world became calmer and more tranquil.  For a while.

Unfortunately, after too much time of skipping through the flower garden of daily living the dark clouds were noticeably starting to gather.  The idea of not doing things because she didn't feel like it became laziness and procrastination.  Somewhere along the soft and pleasant path a line was crossed.  There were things that weren't getting done not because she didn't feel like it but because they were now part of a new routine of not doing them.  At all.  Any more.  Later was the good enough solution for not doing them because you didn't have to feel bad about it.

But she did.  The reason there was a wonderful calming garden in the first place was because of all the things she had done before and had been avoiding.  She had built that garden herself by all her previous labors and accomplishments.  It was because of the things she had done that made the garden such a wonderful place to stop and wander.  And now it was fading.  How sad.  And she was.

The only solution was to get back to the things she had taken the break from.  It seemed like an impossible task to find the way back to where she was before but she couldn't let it all go.  She needed to allow herself the chance to build the garden back up even if it was a slower process and would take more time, not to mention the hard work.  Possibly once she started doing those things she had taken a break from it would rebuild what was fading.  Then there would be the opportunity to have a tranquil garden when it was needed.  For balance.  And not only have one or the other.

She knew it would be difficult to start again.  It wasn't going to be easy but there was something about her that couldn't let it all go.  She wanted it all and was willing to do the work even if she didn't think she felt like it.  It would be a hard stumbling block to get past after all the time allowing it not to happen.  But sometimes it isn't okay to not do something because you don't feel like it.  Sometimes you have to push yourself a little harder to have something more than a garden that was once plentiful but is now faded.  Sometimes it is because of the way it makes you feel when you've pushed a little harder for something you want that adds the most value to it.  Sometimes it's more than worth it.

No wait.

It's always more than worth it.
TT

Real fiction

I got a phone call late yesterday afternoon after I had made it home from work.  I have to admit I wasn't doing much more than finishing another book.  It sort of whisked me back to reality out of my haze of words and someone else's world.  It startled me slightly as it chimed and buzzed until I picked it up.  I pressed answer and took the call.  "Hello..."
Well, well now. 
It was a good call.  Nothing bad has happened and nothing negative is pressing.  It seems I have another big - no huge - corporate order for cookies.  I haven't done a thing with trying to market my, more like a hobby, cookie business.  At the end of last year, Dante had me put together a mission statement and goals for the first quarter of this year but once I did that I left it alone.  I haven't done a thing to the website and that is in need of some updating.  I haven't spent a lick of time doing anything on it.  I really had the attitude to leave it as it is and let it be a hobby.  So that is what I have been doing.  And then I get this phone call with an order of...goodness, how am I going to do this...90 dozen cookies.  Yeah...you heard me...90 dozen.  But they have given me a date of March 5th for delivery so I have time to plan.  And bake.  And I wonder what would I do if I spent just a bit of that reading time figuring more of the business out.  I know Dante has told me recently about getting a more professional logo and has asked someone to give us some sketches but I haven't talked to him about that since he mentioned it.  Oh boy, wait until he hears I got another huge order.
I better hurry and finish that book I was reading.  I might have to divert some of my reading time.  It seems this little bit of my life has taken a turn into it's own fiction novel.  It seems close to true but more like fiction.  But that many cookies are definitely real.
TT

Not too cool

I spent some time in the backyard yesterday.  I was debating whether it was too cool to go out or not and decided I would venture as far as my backyard to find out.  It was a good idea.  I ended up making some major progress with cleaning up an entire flower bed. 
After I had pulled weeds and cut back overgrown plants I had a fairly nice area.  I made enough debris to fill the city's large garbage container to the brim.  Luckily, they will pick that up today.
If I had to guess I would think I spent at least two hours working on it.  And then I couldn't leave the empty patches as they were.  The ones where plants didn't make it through the winter.
It might be too soon.  It might be a bit risky but I went ahead and put down some new plants.  They could all be wiped away if the temperatures go too far south but it was a risk I felt I wanted to take.  The area is neat and clean and well, pretty.  Not a bad way to find out if it was too cool or not.
TT

Coming around

How about this glorious idea of having a Monday off after having the weekend?  Super!  I can sit here after getting my weekend things done and still have time to come up with more things I want to do.  And what a better Monday morning could I have asked for than this one?  Right now. 
I don't even want to tick off all the things going through my head that I want to do.  I'm not going to restrain myself (like it was restraint that has been holding me back - yeah, sure) but plunge right into it.
A short run yesterday was a kicking off point.  Today it will happen again.  Plus.  More things around the house, more writing, more...
It's amazing how much better I feel when the weather comes around.
TT

De-rut

Blah, blah...blah, blah, blah.  And then blah a blah blah.

Sorry.  But it sure seems that is all I've done lately.  Since I am old enough to know what a vinyl recording is I can make the reference to know that I am sounding pretty much like a scratched record lately.  Repeating the same words over and over... 
Get some focus already!
Well, I'm trying.  And it's coming around, too slowly, but it might be coming around.  I'm sipping coffee, looking out my window thinking the day is shaping up for a run.  (Not now unfortunately - you kidding - it's 42 degrees!) But later today.  And I have some writing to attack.  Yes.  Things I want to do that have been shoved away to the wayside.  I have some plans for myself on these fronts and I'm trying to put them back in place.  Short, small, steps but more than I've done since the beginning of the year.  Since I haven't done anything, small steps will seem huge.  It's all about taking them.
Ruts are a terrible thing to find yourself in.  It's even worse to find yourself there and not do anything to get out.  Time.  It's time to de-rut.
TT   

Now

Let's make an early sprint for it today!  Somehow I woke up to a Friday and instead of trying to keep to my staying in bed later to try to straighten myself out to a more 'normal' time frame I was up early again.  To heck with it today.  I want to attack it now so I can get it going.  It's the start of a three day weekend and I want to get it started.  I want it started now.  It's like the lyric's of the classic Queen's song:  I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now!
How can a Friday begin any better than a Queen song going through your head?  Maybe it's an omen, maybe it's a sign.  Maybe it's just a song but what a great powersong to start off with.  You don't get it all now if you don't go for it.  It won't come to you all on it's own - believe me.  Sprint...!
Or maybe it's just the coffee.
TT

Let's postpone

I've managed to forget every day this week so I would rather skip over today as well.  I managed to miss Fat Tuesday.  I completely forgot about Ash Wednesday and I would like to postpone Valentine's Day for a good while.  Could we please?  Please.
I am trying to rebuild a routine right now and all these outside distractions are making it difficult.  Am I really supposed to stop and notice all these things when I am trying to concentrate?  They say you are...you're supposed to stop and smell roses.  But what if the fragrance of roses isn't on the top of your top priority list at the moment?  What if the constant slowing down and stopping is messing with your momentum?  Well, if I even had any momentum.  With all the stopping and starting lately I can't seem to dig my feet in and get any purchase. 
I'll get there.  It just seems like I've lifted my standards again after a long pause and I've become a little frustrated with getting back on track again.  Deep breath.  Think.  Do.
Have some chocolates for me.  I'm putting mine off until later.
TT   

Ho hum

I forgot it was Fat Tuesday yesterday until someone asked me if I had had any King Cake that was in the breakroom.  No, I hadn't.  I saw it there later when I went to retrieve coffee.  I wasn't interested.  Or rather I just blurred it out with the many other things that I seem to be glossing over.  Oh, look, yeah, hmm.
I want to shake myself sometimes and say, "Wake up already!" What am I waiting for and why am I coasting along.  When did I become another member of the walking dead?  Okay, maybe that was a little extreme.  I'm a little mad at myself but can't seem to get the day to day on track.  Any track.  I'm completely out of my regular routine and I can't seem to give enough thought to finding a new one.
So I need to make up my mind to just make up my mind.  Taking a break, giving it a rest, trying to recoup is all well and good as long as that is not the only thing I'm doing.  And why?  And why now?  And why still?
Maybe just raising the question is a start down the right track.  I know this track sure isn't working but it's the easy one.  Maybe I need to get a little more mad at myself to change it.
TT

Rolodex

I had an odd instance as I was writing on Saturday.  I was busily writing along with a character sitting at work looking for a phone number for a photographer that she needed to call out of the many she had worked with before. She was looking for one in particular.  Then I had to stop.  There was a definite stopping of the flow of writing as I came to that point.
Why would that stop me, you ask?  Or maybe you don't ask but go with me on this one.  It's an age thing I guess.  The character needed to find a phone number and I realized what I was going to put down for where she was going to look was outdated.  This detail took me completely out of the moment I had submerged myself into as I was weaving this fantasy and brought me squarely back to reality at my own desk, at my laptop, wondering where this character would possibly look to find a phone number. 
My thought (that I knew was wrong) was a rolodex.  It made sense to me.  The character was at her desk, looking for a phone number out of multiples that had been used before.  It made sense to look there at the small container with ticket-size pages with phone numbers written on them that are arranged in alphabetical order.  But that isn't right and it stopped me from writing and out of the faux world where that character wouldn't know what that was.  My problem was I didn't know what the character would use. 
It was time for quick research.  Google:  what to use instead of rolodex 
It took some searching but it pretty much came up with using a list of contacts on an application like Outlook or your cell phone contacts.  I even found a small comment stream of people asking what the heck a rolodex was.  Ah-ha!  So I was right that the character had no clue what it was even if I did.  And I had been jarred enough out of my writing that I knew it wasn't right, even if I didn't know what the character would use.  Dang this is getting complicated.
I wonder how many other outdated things I might have written that my characters might be looking at me sideways with a look on their face asking, "say what?"
TT

Chasing time

I am hoping this weekend doesn't slip away from me the way the last one did.  I'm not sure what happened but it seemed as if I was off for the weekend and then immediately back to work.  I'm beginning to feel a little that way about my yesterday, my Saturday.  What happened to it already that I am sitting here just before 8:00am on Sunday wondering what happened to Saturday?  What did happen to it?  It's already gone and now I only have half the time left and I feel like I better step up and do something about it.
Or maybe I should stop trying to chase down time.  It's as if I look at the clock and am stunned.  "Oh, shoot, already!"  The whole anxiety over how the time is getting away from me during my free time might be the problem in itself.  It is no more or less than any other time so why worry about it.  I'm not losing time.  I'm using it all up.  Every last bit.  Even if it's 3 hours with the family or 6 minutes on the phone with a friend.  I still got it all.  And the minutes aren't the way that it counts. 
I've realized that I have just gotten greedy about my free time.  It's not about not having enough.  It's about wanting even more.
TT 

Started Point A to Point B

What dreary, dreary weather.  It's the middle of a Saturday afternoon that I thought might clear up when I started the day but it's only gotten more cloudy and more rain is coming down.  It started off with just a few sprinkles but has turned into an all out muck now.  So much for that.
I have managed to pull myself away from my book.  Yeah - the only thing I am 'on track' with is all my reading lately.  I'm half finished with my 11th book since the beginning of the year.  Yeah.  Great.  The only thing I actually do any more is read.  Talk about vegging.
But - not entirely true.  Today, I did manage to start that short story.  I started writing.  I had already done my brief outline.  I had my notes and quick chapter synopsis ready to go.  Then I let at least a week go by with not a word written.  My mind was bombarded with ideas.  What if I take it this way and what if I have the character do that and what if...
I finally went back to my outline and realized I'm overthinking it again.  The entire idea when I started out to do this was that it would be a very simple short story.  I would have an extremely simple Point A to Point B.  A simple one.  No multiple threads in the story line and nothing long.  Six chapters and maybe 5000 words?  I don't know how many words but not many.  Short, simple, uncomplicated.  Point A to Point B.  Plan, Write, done and then - yeah - leave it a moment and then reread it and edit.  Quickly.  Simply.
This isn't going to be anything more than a simple, quick, short story.
So I started.  And it's tough.  But I'm enjoying it and it's there on paper now.  So while I haven't done much more than read I can now say I've done this.  Almost done with chapter one.  Good beginnings on a mucky afternoon. 
TT

No Service

I didn't have any cable or Internet service yesterday or the night before.  I came home Tuesday and I had no Internet and the cable TV wasn't working.  I tried to reboot my modem and the cable boxes.  They didn't do what they were supposed to.  They didn't display all the numbers and odd characters they would normally show until they ultimately fixed themselves and displayed the time again.  That didn't happen.
I called the company.  I waited on hold.  I went through the automated menu of... is it this problem or that problem, choose or say 1, 2, 5, or 15, tell me again if that is what you meant, did you eat your vegetables?  Okay, maybe it didn't ask that last part but I was finally connected to a technician.  He had me reboot the equipment I had just rebooted with much failure.  He asked me to do it again when I protested because he said he was going to send some signals to it while it rebooted in order to tell what was happening so he could correct the service.
It was a lie.  I knew it was a lie.  I think he knew I knew it was a lie.
That is what they tell people that have already figured out that they have a problem with the service and have already done everything they could to correct it themselves and the company is stalling.  There are no signals.  If there were signals I would have service.  But I didn't protest again.  I waited for him to do what he had to do and stayed on script.  I didn't want to delay the fact that he knew I knew he would have to tell me a technician would need to be deployed to my house at a most inconvenient time to fix it.  And that is what he finally did.
I got out of work to meet the technician and he was very efficient and short.  I don't think the fact that he was short had anything to do with how well he corrected the problem but I noticed it right away.  I think with my heels on I was taller than him and that is just crazy since I am very short and he was, well, shorter.  But he didn't even have to check the equipment inside except at the very end to make sure everything was restored.  The mystery was solved.
It seems the city had come out and mowed the alleyways behind our neighborhood and managed to cut the cable wires in three places.  The very efficient and short technician replaced all the wires and reconnected them properly to give me back all the services I pay for each month. 
Not a very dramatic ending, I know.  But lately I don't know how much drama I can put up with anyway.  I thanked the technician as we made sure all the devices where doing their assigned jobs and the time was beaming out on each display box as it should.  As he left I  resisted the urge to ask him if he had eaten his vegetables.  It might not help him in the height department but, well, I couldn't see where it could hurt.  But no, I didn't say that.  I'll leave the 20 questions to the cable company.
TT

The less I do

How is it possible I dragged myself through the entire of yesterday?  Could I have been more tired and still manage to get myself just barely functioning enough to get through the day?  It seems I did manage to survive it.  I'm here.  But I don't know how.
I'm not sure what has happened to my happy routine.  I used to be able to get my work done, get my running done, write some stuff every day, cook a daily dinner, clean up and read like crazy and still...yes...and STILL feel great and awake and all that.  Or is all that what has caused all this dragging around lately. Was it all that getting those things done that has me dragging?  But how could it since it doesn't seem I've been doing any of it lately.  With this break from all I was doing,  shouldn't I be feeling revitalized and ready to go?  No.  It doesn't seem to be working that way.  The less I do the less I do.  Simple.

So now that I knocked that around.  I wrote up a short one page plot sketch for a story.  A short one.  I wrote out brief paragraph synopsis of each chapter and am ready to start actual writing.  Hmmm...haven't started that part yet.  And I have another short plot sketch that I wrote out before thinking I would write that one and guess what...hmmm...haven't started that one either.  It seems I have a few ideas but no courage to actually do it.  Things seem to be circling down the same drain.
TT