Looking forward

It's Friday, it's the end of the month, and it's payday. I'm looking forward to my time off over the weekend. I hope to spend some quiet time getting my thoughts together about what exactly I need to be working on during my free time. I always wish I had more of it, the free time, but since I don't I'm trying to make realistic plans on how to spend what I have.

Time to do some wishing.  If I could do whatever...  Once I let my wander over the possibilities I try to figure out if it's something I really want to do and why. I find the 'why' is especially important when I get to the point of doing something.  It makes it much easier to push through a difficult spot if I know the answers to my 'why'. I can sit back and ask myself, "Now, why was I doing this?" Sometimes in the middle of all my forward actions I can lose sight of what that is and it helps to be able to easily remember.

Of course, one of my wishes is to figure out how to get more free time. I'm working on that, too, but it's a larger plan and will take more time. For now, it's the end of the week, end of the month, and I have money in the bank.  A good time to start that new resolve and put my wishes into actions.
TT

Picture that!

A major drop in the temperatures would normally have me running screaming into the night.  The temperatures did just that last night and are still holding to their icy spot.  But, wait, on second thought, I probably wouldn't go running into the night because that is the last place I would want to be with the temperatures taking their dive.   Now, I would probably be screaming and muttering my resentment, but it would be inside while I turned up the heat and shivered into my over-sized sweater.

That isn't the case this morning.  I'm not screaming, muttering, or being resentful of the deeply cold that blew in yesterday afternoon and dropped to even lower ranges last night.  I'm not.  I even have the slightest of smirks on my face in an almost gloating kind of way.  But wait, maybe I shouldn't think I have anything over on the cold weather but, let's be real.  I know this little spell of bluster will be gone by this afternoon.  It will warm incredibly by tomorrow and then the temps come up for an even better weekend.  Yes, the weekend will be like heaven on earth.  Wow, what a wonderful thing to look forward to!  Picture that!

Blow away, cold temperatures.  Your time is almost all spent.
TT

Ain't nobody's victim

I started out this morning writing up a bunch of philosophical nonsense.  I let myself get a few paragraphs into it when I finally stopped myself and thought, "What a bunch of whooeee, this is."  It boiled down to being very busy at work, coming home tired, and being frustrated with myself for not choosing the things that would be better for me to do than the things I was actually doing.

I know that's what it is.  It am prolonging my own bad feelings and zapping my own energy by using it to rationalize my behavior and negative choices.  I am playing victim to myself  because it's easier and more comfortable.  The philosophical nonsense is just protective wrapping and insulation.  I know what I really need to do is adjust my attitude so I will do the positive things I should be doing instead of the things that are routine and comfortable.  I mean, it's easy to be my own little victim when I allow it and what better way to do that than by closing inward with all those little victim thoughts I've told myself before.  I'm not anyone's victim.  If anyone else called me that, other than myself, I'd fight them on it.  "Am not!"

So,  I'm not going through another day being frustrated and stressed and tired because I allow it.  Yes, there are a lot of things going on.  Yes, I will need to work through the amount of work.  But also, Yes, I can decide how I will handle it for today and it won't be with the extra frown and rushed attitude. I have a feeling the outcome will be better for me by the end of the day and then I can decide how I will use my extra energy.  Maybe I could use it for some better philosophical pursuits.

Maybe not.
TT

One of those days

Is this one of those days I should never have left my house?  I haven't been able to get even the simplest of tasks done at work.  I have a meeting at 1:00 today and need to update the agenda with a spreadsheet that needs formatting.  I do this all the time.  It might be a little time consuming but it's easy.  Not today.

I opened the application, found my spreadsheet and proceeded to 'try' to change the orientation and the margins.  I couldn't.  The options to do those things were dimmed.  There was nothing I could click into or out of, to make them appear so I could choose them.  WHY?  I went on to a page break view.  I knew I would need to manipulate the breaks so it would print one sheet and not 3 or 4.  I couldn't do that either!  WHAT?  I closed the sheet.  I closed the application.  I tried it again.  And then I tried it again.  No go.  This is supposed to be simple formatting.  This isn't anything complicated. I've done it many, many times before with excellent results.  But not today.

Is it my fault?  I knew I wasn't feeling all that terrific this morning.  I did notice the temperatures were mild so I thought it would help to drop the top of my convertible car.  That always puts me in a better mood, so I did just that.  I was on my way to work when it started to drizzle!  What's THIS?  Is it me?

I don't know.   I did manage to make it into work without being drenched.  I was able to restarted my work computer and, sure enough, I was able to update the spreadsheet as if nothing was wrong.   I don't know what exactly is going on, but maybe this is one of those days I shouldn't have left home.
TT

Only a reminder

I have all my handwritten notes surrounding me on my desk.  I have all my reminders for plot, key characteristics and outline suggestions.  All of those notes are mingled with my other notes that contain running training schedules and food logs, and  motivation suggestions.  They are almost all interchangeable.  Almost.  Well, not exactly.  Not all of them.

Both the writing and the running, can use high doses of motivation.  They both work well with planning.  The thing that works best for both is discipline.  All the reminder notes in the world won't progress me farther than the actual act of doing it, whether it is running or writing.  I cannot learn from all the notes in the world if I don't experience it myself and keep learning as I go. 

The tools are great.  They can set up the knowledge to begin.  But at some point I have to pull on my running shoes and take them out on the road.  I have to place my fingers on the keyboard and let the words come out.  Only then and again and again, will I be able to build from what I have.  It's not like I don't know this already.  It's just a reminder I need to get going on it again.

TT   

Morning process

This morning is shimmering in fog.  It's not heavy or dense but iridescent sheets I can weave in and out of like the plastic strips hanging from a walk-in freezer.  I need to go run.  I only paused to drink my coffee.  I'll be off in only a moment but I wanted to see what might appear on this page if I put my fingers to the keyboard.

More words appeared than I thought.  More appeared than you see, since I've removed so many.  And that is the process.  Write.  Put it down.  Read a bit, and be brave enough to weed it out. I have some stories that need some serious weeding.  But right now, I will go run before the day burns off my shimmering fog.
TT

Just show up

I just finished my third 5K for this year.  I almost didn't make it.  I woke up late and I really wasn't feeling it.  I thought I'd go anyway and if I made it on time that would be fine and if I didn't, oh well.  I had a pretty blah attitude.  Then I pulled up to the location and the scenery was incredible.  I know there are many races around this lake area but I had never been to one until today.  The land hitting the edge of the water which reflected the sun was an unexpected and very pleasant surprise.

I figured I would just pace it out.  I figured I would enjoy the three miles around the lake.  And I did.  I didn't think about the other, faster, younger, taller, sleeker, people passing me.  I just kept it going.  I did what I've done before.  It was a double lap around so I ran my first turn and went back for the second.  Soon enough I was rounding the final stretch and crossing the finish line.  I didn't have any hopes or expectations but I waited as the scores where totaled and posted.  Why not?  The sun was coming out and the day was turning warmer and brighter.  And the numbers came up.  There was my name, there was my time, there I was - 2nd place in my category (the old one, 50-59 women's).

I wasn't going to go.  I woke up late.  I was feeling pretty blah.  I got myself there.  I saw the beautiful scenery.  I kept my own pace.  Then I placed.  It wouldn't have happened if I skipped the race.  Sometimes, it is just about showing up and letting everything else happen.
TT

Crazy voice

I took a rest day yesterday.  It wasn't scheduled but I felt I'd been pushing hard this week and my calves have been cramping and my right shin was tight and I was feeling puny and...  Yes, exactly.  My brain came up with so many reasons so I didn't work out yesterday.  Then I attacked a box of crackers after dinner, like they were some type of exotic dessert.  It didn't fair well for my weigh in this morning.  Can you really put on 1.4 lbs from a bunch of crackers?  Maybe it was the last three pieces of valentines chocolate I also had or the combination of both workout frustration and carb overload.

So I'm trying hard to beat myself up this morning.  Can you hear that crazy voice?    "You skipped an easy run.  Three miles was all you needed to do and you didn't.  And then to turn around and eat straight from the entire box of crackers?  Really?  All three chocolates?  What did you expect this morning?"

Just let her talk.  Sit back and let it go on without saying a word.  All these years and you would think she would know what she is talking about but she doesn't.  She makes stuff up as she goes along and I'm not falling victim of actually believing what she is saying now.  Her advise is never all that good when she goes on like that, if you can even call it advise.

The fact is that I'm feeling much better today after taking yesterday off.  I think I needed an extra few calories because I was starting to feel a little puny.  I think it's going to give me the extra energy to do some upper body weight training later today and to step up for that 5K I have tomorrow morning.  There is absolutely zero value in listening to a crazy voice.
TT

No fail

I was surprised by how many articles I've come across lately that are about failed resolutions.  I happened upon them completely by chance, I wasn't looking for them, and they popped up at completely different locations.  The gym had the notices up about February 18th being the day the resolutions die.  They obviously based this statement by counting their stats of people's check-ins and compared them to when they start to decline and fall off.  I could have told you the same by the availability of work-out machines that weren't available in January because of occupancy.  I can tell you how empty the place was last Friday compared to the first few weeks of the year.  It's a big difference.

I was a little more surprised when I read a writing article about failed new year's writing resolutions.  It was even more interesting that the article compared writing to exercising. It said, "Writing is a lot like exercising.  Sometimes you can't get over the mental hurdle of actually exercising when you haven't exercised in awhile.  Writing is the same way." *  It pretty much said writing is hard and you need to set a time to do it like you would set a time to exercise.  When I first read this it was like when worlds collide.  Set time to exercise, set time to write, set time to...  Yeah.  I know.  Not a thing about these articles are new to me.

I know it isn't about failed resolutions.  There is no fail.  There is only - what are the things I really want to do.  Start doing it.  Or start doing it again.  Change the plan, make a new plan, try it out, keep at it.  If you dwell in the land of failed resolutions you may never remember that you thought at some point these 'things' you wanted to do were important.  You gave them some thought and wanted to give them a try.  Revisit those important thoughts, re-mix them and do them again.  It should never be considered failed if you stopped at some point unless you don't start them up again.  There is no better time for the things you want to do than now.
It's by my timetable...not the new years.
TT
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* http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/writing-setback-how-to-successfully-start-writing-again

Just look to today

After the really nice long weekend, I'm heading back to work this morning.  The weather this entire rest of this week is going to be fabulous and I am going to take advantage.  Yesterday, I worked out a three week training plan which will take me up to my 10K on Saturday, March 8th.  It helps me to have that plan in place because I only have to check today, see what I'm supposed to do and do it.  That is opposed to me thinking I should do this or that and then later change my mind and try to analyse it to death until I end up snacking and skipping any training altogether.  The planning eliminates all that.  It's pretty much, today, this many miles, do it.

I should probably use that same technique for a few other things.  I could probably get a lot more done with a lot less thinking about it.  The trouble is, there is only so much time in the day and I'm pretty streamlined most of my processes as it is.  It really isn't that I don't get a lot done.  I just wish I could finagle a little more into a day.  But then, that is why we have priorities, right?

Let me see...what am I running today?
TT

Up to me

I just finished a 5 mile run in the neighborhood.  It's Monday and I have the day off so I get to start off the week the way I want instead of the way I'm required.  I will spend a little time plotting my training for the next few weeks.  I am a week away from another 5K and three weeks away from a 10K.  I think I need to have a better plan of action in place instead of just wingin' it.

My last session with my personal trainer was last Friday.  It went rather well after all my fretting about adding more sessions.  There was no pressure to add more and, as it turns out, instead of 'breaking up badly' my trainer and I ended that part of our relationship being really good friends.  And now it's all up to me to keep at it.  But, you see, even with a trainer it was still all up to me.  I just don't have a standing Friday evening date anymore.

So, I better put together some type of training plan.  I'm feeling good but I know I need to have a plan to stick to or it will be too easy to skip today or the next.  It's not going to happen.  It's all up to me.  

TT

Showing up

I'm heading out to run another 5K this morning.  It's good to know the idea of doing a race a month is actually happening.  I managed the race in January even under extreme weather conditions.  Well, it was extremely cold.  There weren't any other conditions.  Today is cold but not extreme.  In fact the difference in temperatures from January to this morning are about 24 degrees higher.  I can't complain.
I have another 5K lined up for next Saturday also, and I did go ahead and register for the 10K on March 8th at my personal paradise.  It looks like I've got the first three months taken care of as far as fulfilling that simple idea of a race a month.  The times are in place and now it comes down to showing up.
I should really see about getting ready to leave.
Later
TT  

Overthinking it

I have been doing a really good job of not taking things too, very seriously lately.  I have managed to get a lot of things done with a good amount of quality while dismissing most of the extra pondering I would do that would normally hold me up.

I do have to admit there is one constant thought I haven't been able to dispel lately that has taken up too much time in my thoughts.  It's totally ridiculous and I wish I could dash it out of my head but I am anticipating an argument.  I have my last session with the personal trainer at the gym on Friday (tomorrow).  I am actually quite glad it is the last session.  I think I've had enough one-on-one time.  I've been able to meet this once a week schedule for the past 7 or 8 weeks and I've expanded my knowledge of the whole core/strength training I always knew about but always ignored.  It's been a good thing for me to do for myself.

But it's time to end.  Tomorrow is my last session and I am hoping to leave it at that.   I'm done with the sessions I've paid for and I don't want to continue.  But, I know my trainer is going to try to talk me into more sessions.  It started last week with a brief discussion, so I've had a conversation in my head going on since then about how I will need to end it without getting talked back into going for more.  I know there will be all these good reasons presented why I should continue.  I understand those reasons, and they make sense.  I am just at the point where I need to go my own way.  I need to move on.  The weather is going to be fabulous tomorrow  where I would rather be outdoors pounding the street instead of stuck inside a gym. The trainer doesn't get that and never will.

I need to make tomorrow my last session and I will need to stay firm no matter the arguments.  It really is best and I need to break away.  Even so, it makes me feel a little weird since tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I've spent so much time contemplating breaking up with my trainer.
TT

Totally lost in thought

It's straight up 6:00 am in the middle of the week.  It's currently 35 degrees with the outlook of it getting warmer and then warmer some more.  I will be going into work today, getting it done, and then leaving to come home again.  Or possibly the gym.  I should have gone to the gym yesterday but no, I didn't.

I will probably go on a mini-rant now.  If I'm allowed a cliche I will say, I am paving that road to hell.  You know the one - with instead of asphalt or blacktop, it's paved with good intentions.  I've been doing a lot of paving lately.  Think about it or wait no, you don't have to, because I already have.  All those wasted good intentions.  They don't mean a thing if you can't back them up.
(I'm not sure where the imagery of that saying is supposed to go.  If you are busy paving the road to hell with good intentions and then actually back those good intentions up at some point -does that make you veer off to another road?  Have you stopped the job of actually paving it and allowed to travel instead of working on the maintenance of the road?  I wonder if whoever came up with that saying was a runner since they always seem to be out pounding a road somewhere, leading to who knows where).  Just a stray thought...what the hell does that saying mean?  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  ?  What are other roads paved with - you know, the better ones.  ?

Obviously, I'm not so very worried about the state of my gym or no gym.  I'm on my own road and it's not so very bad.  It leads to and from my house...which is a very, very, very fine house...with two cats in the yard, life used to be so hard, but everything is easy...

Damn...it's still 35 degrees.
TT

  

Not bored

So much to do.

I have so many things swirling around in my head that I need or would like to get done.  It started yesterday and is barreling headed of me this morning.  Prioritize, prioritize.  There isn't any way I can get all of it done but I am trying to think of what would serve me best to do first or what I need to get started on that I can break down into smaller bits. I've already been picking away at some things this morning but every time I walk through the house another thought enters my brain as I think, I should do that, I should work on this.

First things first, I guess.  And it is a weekend when I'm supposed to have a little down-time.  That's what I am told.  It's tough to think about that when there seems to be so much to do.  But that's always the case, isn't it?

So much to do.  But, so much better than being bored.
TT

Don't talk

I've done fairly well with the weather so far.  I am not a fan of winter.  There it is, plain and simple.  I cannot compare this winter to last winter or the winter before.  I cannot process the winter I am experiencing here to someone else's winter somewhere else that might be much worse.  My brain shuts down or closes a curtain, and it all becomes a blur of cold, numbing frustration.  I'm not looking for sympathy by saying this.  I'm just stating how I process this entire season.and how it works for me.  Or rather, how it doesn't work for me.  And yet, this time, I feel I've done fairly well with my tolerance level.  Frustration about the weather hasn't been as...well...it hasn't been as...frustrating.

I've tried really, really hard to refrain from mentioning the weather.  I have not brought it up in casual conversation.  I've avoided the topic.  I think that has helped.  I haven't centered my focus on it so it can't become as important.  I've, sort of, pushed it to the back burner (if only I could heat it up that way).  I realized this morning as I read another winter weather advisory that the 27 degrees we have hit yet again should begin to progress slowly upward by sometime in the next two days.  I think.  If there isn't another winter weather advisory.  What I do think about, is the fact that I was at least able to run outdoors last Sunday and this past Tuesday.  These small, miraculous breaks in the weather has helped.  I'm looking forward to when these small breaks fill more and more of the calendar days instead of these treacherously low, cold ones.  I'm hoping soon but not focusing on them.  Except for this morning, when I couldn't hold out any longer and had to bring up the weather.  Casually.
TT    

Word for the day

The word for the day is:
busy  - actively doing something; full of activity or work; full of people or things.

Actually, to be accurate, it isn't the word of the day but the word of the last week and a half.  I expect today won't be as busy.  That might be wishful thinking and solely based on the fact that I won't be occupied by the same 'busy' as the last week and a half.  Somehow I thought this strain of 'busy' would have ended or at least tapered after last Friday.  It didn't.  Monday was incredibly more 'busy' than the previous days which made it a little overwhelming.  I hadn't expected it.  Yesterday still had its issues but finally here today I am expecting to get back to some regular work and not have as much of the 'busy' interference.  Actually, to be accurate, I am hoping to catch up on my regular work that I have had to put aside with all the other work I have been doing that had to take priority.

By tomorrow, everyone at work that was in the module affected by the small fire on the roof, that never entered the building but caused horrific smoke damage and caustic fumes, will be moved over to new locations into the adjoining module.  The damaged module will be closed off and repairs will be made.  I think I am at the end of this coordination effort that I have been so heavily involved.  Do I really think that might ease some of the 'busy'?  I will have to wait it out to answer that question.  My thinking is now that I am surrounded again by multitudes of personnel, instead of the vacant quiet I have come so accustomed, will make a new normal for the word 'busy'.

I'm taking it a day at a time.  And I have my running shoes with me at all times.
TT

Super Bowl Snacks

Sonny outdid himself with the Super Bowl meal he prepared yesterday.  The previous week we were at his and Selma's house when he was talking about the menu he was thinking about.  It was a very good menu.  I didn't realize he was inviting us over.  I'm not sure why except that I figured he would have other friends that would be attending the big ball game and I can't remember the last time I watched a super bowl or even a football game for that matter.  The conversation about the menu he was talking about was all I was interested in whether I participated or not.

It turned out we were invited and he prepared every last thing on the menu.  He even didn't prepare one last thing because it was too much food!  He left off the street tacos from yesterdays menu but I got a really good taste of the green sauce he was planning on using on them and it was beyond the best.  It was especially hot.  I happen to like flavors that inch toward peppery paradise so I bagged a small portion up and will use for a meal today.

So here is how Sonny lined it all up.  Starting out with jalapeno poppers stuffed with diced crispy bacon  and cream cheese, topped with cheddar.

Just as the last popper was taken the next option of stuffed potato wedges were laid down for tasting.  Mmmmmm!

And then...came the sliders.  Sonny fixed Italian sausage with homemade red sauce!  But then he also fixed up some pulled pork with homemade barbecue sauce (to die for), topped with cabbage slaw on Hawaiian rolls.  It was sweet, tangy, bursting with flavor.  Jay stole a couple of those to take home but only after eating his fill of Italian sausage sandwiches!  You can see why Sonny didn't go head and make the street tacos.

My only contribution was the banana nut bread.  But who had time or room for dessert?  Save it for later.

And after all this food!  So delicious, such a great job, Sonny!  

And me...now...take thee to the gym, girl!

TT

More juice?

Saturday!  Where have you gone?

I started the morning with several cups of coffee while I balanced out the shops sales.  That was only to give me some time to drink my coffee and wait for a little more light outdoors.  That is when I geared up, tied my laces, and went out the door.  I managed a 6 miler because I was determined.  I needed it as a gauge because I wanted some mental reinforcement before I signed up for the 10K at my personal paradise in March.  I think I proved I should go ahead and register.  It isn't as if I can't do the distance.  I want to do that run.  But I felt I needed to test myself yet again before actually making the commitment.  Now there is no reason not to go ahead and sign up.  I've passed.

I can start planning the trip.  I can make all the arrangements.  I even went out yesterday and got myself a new pair of running shoes.  I would have needed to do that anyway but this makes it even better.  It's seems slightly odd that for all the really great heels I buy they never cost as much as I am willing to spend on my running shoes.  I could get into all the rational about that but I'll spare you.  Aren't you glad of that?  (smile)

But the day has gotten late.  I'm sitting here with Mr. L while his Mom, Selma, takes a spin around my neighborhood.  I got her a new pair of running shoes, too (for her birthday) and she brought her shorts and so, well, she is having a run while I watch the little guy.  He's sitting behind me.  He likes it there.  It works well for both of us up here.  Except now he wants more juice...

Where has Saturday gone?
TT