Old photo

I came across an old photo of myself. It was a very old picture that was taken the summer after I graduated high school. I'm don't know why the photographer wanted to take the picture but there must have been something they wanted to capture. I'm still not sure what that might have been or if it turned out the way they envisioned.

As I looked at the picture I thought about that girl. It was a moment in time as she looked out to the future. Who is she and what lies ahead. So fresh, so young, so thoughtful. So many ways the paths ahead could lead or she could decide to take.

Am I that girl in the photo? Do I recognize that person? I will never look the way I did so many years ago, but this wasn't about physical appearance. I'm still connected with that girl in the photo. There has been many years, with many decisions and choices made by that girl. She stepped beyond some acceptable perimeters while staying well inside others. But, I'm not that girl. There is no way we could be the same with such a span of time between us. Things are not the same now, as in that moment before. How could they be? It would be unrealistic to say it's all the same. It would be boring to think nothing had grown or changed in all those years.

So much has been captured in the time spent in between now and then. And so much more has been done than, I think, even that photographer might have envisioned.
TT

Like the first time

What if you start the day as if you have no past? Try to get past the initial thoughts of how awkward that idea might be to know you have a past but ignore it.

The idea is to try and take a fresh look at what you are doing. What if you have nothing to compare how good or badly you did something previously? Would this give you the opportunity to start and build whatever you are doing with an unmarred set of processes? You have a clean slate to do whatever it is you want to do with no preconceived notions or even statistics. You are open to do anything without any measures and with only the joy of doing it like it is the first time. Would it change the way you do things? Would you approach them in a different, more positive way?

It certainly sounds like a fresh way to approach some things. What am I doing now. How do I want to get this done. What are my new expectations. Take the old routines and pretend you've never done them before and find the new ways of thinking and doing them. Wouldn't it be a little fun to act like a beginner again? Are you nervous and is it a little exciting? It should be, right?

It's called change and that word is mostly feared. You wouldn't think of it that way by the above approach but that's what it is. It's not really fearsome at all. I mean, really, when you get down to it, change is only doing differently. It's like you haven't done it before and get to give it a try.
TT

Smart?

I've had one of those weekends where I think I got a lot done but came away feeling like I didn't do enough. That's not the case because plenty was done. It only feels like the time escapes and there is the notion that with the stretch of free time it would stretch even longer than a normal day. Well, the reality is there is no extra stretch.

Jay and I spent some of yesterday upgrading our television devices to include some smart tv applications. We have been going back and forth about giving up our cable service and this would be a way to view movies and even some television shows without the outrageous cable bill. I'm still not sure about losing certain programming but then, how much am I really going to miss? And how much is too much?

Technology can take up a chunk of a day especially when it seems I've been spending a lot of time trying to figure out certain things like adding bluetooth for Jay's wireless speaker that he uses at work and switching out a DVD player for a smart tv application box. So it's all in place now and we will give it all a test drive. Maybe it will be worth that bit of free time not to mention the dropped cost of cable.

TT 

The Power of Red Sauce

I had a real bad hankering for something yesterday. I wasn't sure what I wanted or what was going on with me. I felt a little off all day but there wasn't any reason for me to be feeling that way. I knew it would blow over. I was just having one of those days.

I had planned on making chicken for dinner. I had taken it out of the freezer early that morning, but when I got home I realized I had time to make some soul food. Yeah. That was what I wanted. I wanted something to soothe my soul and thought of some good old, simmering red sauce. So I put it together.

I had everything I needed so a sweated some onions, a bit of garlic, ground beef and Italian sausage and then tomatoes. Season it up, bring it to boil, then turn it down low.

It was already smelling the way it should and I was already feeling better.


I let it go for a few hours while checking on it every now and then, stirring the pot and scraping the sides, smelling the aroma, and adjusting the spices. It's an entire ritual that brings you to that perfect center. It's a chicken soup for the soul except more personal and heartier. It's my brand of comfort food when something is going on that isn't quite right when nothing is really wrong. It rights those wrongs.

So, I'm feeling so much better and everything is right with me and the world. Homemade red sauce can do that.
TT

Not zipping

I was carrying on routinely this morning and all of a sudden it was time to gear up to run. I realized at that moment I was going to skip out. I've been zipping along almost every day and at the instant I saw the time I realized I didn't want to get out there this morning.

I isn't like I feel like that's it, no more. It's more a feeling of okay, I can still bang this out without today. I hit the same mileage yesterday that I ran last month. Maybe today is just a breather. Whoo! Matched it. Reset. Rest. Go again. Something like that.

So I'm not rushing off this morning. I'm taking it a little easier and finishing off the week. Here are the stats: 76.8 miles for the month.
TT

Four more

Another weekend gone but another Monday is ready to cross off the list. One day down, four to go before another weekend. I'm loving my weekends. The days in between are just a little more not so lovable.

Most of my mornings begin with a run. Not too far, not too fast, but a run. Get back to the house, grab a fast shower, and haul myself to work for the rest of the day. Run, rinse, repeat. Until the weekend. Then it's a little more laid-back. Coffee, more coffee, then go run. Get back and have plenty of time to cool down before grabbing a shower. Then the day is up for grabs. Shopping, cooking, a visit from Mr. L, or let's read for a few hours, outside on the lounger on the deck. It feels like a vacation. What time is it? Don't matter none. How many days left...yeah, four.
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Don't jackrabbit

I did my 5K run this morning. It was just as exciting and fun as I thought it might be. I have to remember it's a good idea to go out and sign up for these official runs every so often since they really do give you a sense to seeing some results to my individual commitment. Also, it's just plain fun to get together at an event.

I ended up 10th in my age category but it covered nine years and this group has a lot of women in my category. I'm not walking away disappointed. If fact, I don't know how I managed an average 10:05 mile and chip time of 31:21. That is a whole lot faster than times I've been running lately. I know I made a major mistake of hauling off like a jackrabbit for the first mile. Everyone knows you don't do that but I did. It was winding down about the time I was feeling the effects of starting too fast but by that time I was done. That's a good thing about short races. They're over. And I ended up with a pace I haven't seen in a long time. Encouraging to say the least but it really says a lot more.
TT

Weekend!

It's the weekend! Finally. I'm out of work. I've got a load of laundry already going in the wash. I'm getting ahead of the free time and looking forward to being off.

I'm actually going out for an official 5K tomorrow morning. Dante's girlfriend suggested we give it a turn and I don't mind joining her. I probably would have run more miles on my own tomorrow since it's a Saturday but sometimes you just have to join in with the larger group. It's a good thing to go out and take in all that extra energy. It's been over a year since I participated in any official runs so this will be good. I'm kind of excited about doing it and it'll be fun. I can't ask for much more than that.

And it's officially the weekend! After laundry, tomorrow will be pretty exciting.
TT

5K a day

I didn't go out and run this morning. It felt a little weird to drive into work about the time I would normally be making the turn to head back to the house when running. The sky was a little cloudy and the air was stirring enough to be almost cool. It's been really nice these mornings.

Today is only the second day this month I haven't run. I'm still averaging more than a 5K a day for July. I didn't have that in mind when I started out the month. That wasn't a factor in the plan or goal or discipline but it's where I can say I'm at right now.
TT

Writing 5K

I read an article in Writer's Digest that was trying to make a connection with the Couch 2 5K training to writing. It had it's comparisons of a beginning runner to a writer that needs to get off the couch and make a plan to write, beginning with 5000 words (the 5K).

Alas, it was a disappointing comparison. The author admitted to being a runner starting in her adult life, "for 5 minutes." Well, that certainly showed in her writing of this article. She obviously read about running and decided to use those items to compare to writing. It was fairly flat. I guess it might help a writer that has no knowledge of running but for a (sometimes) writer that runs almost every day (lately) the suggestions were pretty generic. You might be able to tell I was hoping for more from this article.

Nothing was mentioned about discipline. How do you leave that out when you are talking about running or writing? I don't know. Give me 5 minutes, maybe I can figure it out.
TT

Midway

July 14th, 2015

I hit over 50 miles this month. So far. I took one day off (yesterday) after going 12 days straight with at least a 5K a day. I woke up early enough yesterday but knew, I just knew, it was the day I needed to let it rest. So I did and I went back at it this morning and pulled myself over the half way mark in miles before the month reached it's middle.

How 'bout them old apples.
TT

Aging theory

I came up with this theory for aging and the whole getting older thing. Let's face it, I'm getting older. I know I'm not the only one but in all reality that has been going on ever since the day I was born.

When I was a child, I couldn't wait to get bigger. As a teenager, it was frustrating to not be old enough to do the things I thought I should be able to do. My body and mind were changing and there was a period of trying to catch up and adjust. There were physical things going on that I had to figure out in my mind. It was a time when society expects certain teenage behaviors.

Now I'm in the last number of my fifties and there is a different set of physical changes and processes that have happened. Society tells me now that I will gain a few pounds and not be able to take them off.  I am to slow down and I will be more tired than before. Be careful, don't overdo or you will hurt yourself. I am surrounded by commentary that wants to pull me down to the couch and stay there like the nice old person I am.

I realized I could be the type of older person that sits around and fulfills all the typical things that are said about someone my age and older. It would be an easy and expected way to behave. But, it didn't feel right. I kept thinking it was as if they were trying to dress me in an itchy coat that I couldn't wait to take off. So, I decided I will do whatever it is I want to do and not let the 'age' factor into it. I might not be as fast while doing it. I might not be able to go as far. Yet. There doesn't seem to be any real reason I can't re-train what I have going for me. I can start at a new point. I can make my own point of reference instead of comparing to whatever I may have done before.

So this theory of mine is I will do whatever I want to do. I might have to adjust physically and mentally to how I am to do it now as opposed to how I did it before but it still can be done. I can decide to keep at it and if I'm not as fast I get a pass since I'm so old.

Maybe one day I might reach that point of sitting around all day talking about how things need to slow down. That isn't now and I don't see it anytime real soon. I don't know why anyone would want to wear that itchy coat.
TT

Seemingly closer

I've been meaning to write more. Not just here on this blog but away from here on the other stories I've started or have written first drafts. They need work and I keep thinking I'm going to work on them. I think about scenes and characters. This character would be doing this and the other would have a good reason to react a certain way and that would be a good place to take the plot. The ideas drift through my head and I try to freeze frame it all so I'll remember it later. When I write. Except I haven't been writing. And the ideas are probably all jumbled up and half forgotten.

But I know I'll get to it. I know I will. It will be fun and I'll fit it in at a time least expected. So meaning to write isn't writing, but knowing I will makes it seem a lot closer.
TT

Math doesn't equate

I have another eight consecutive days of running. I started out keeping it to myself because I couldn't make the math equal the goal. I kept adding this number of miles and that number of days and shook my head 'no'. There was no way I could get them to equal by the end of the month. Then I thought the heck with the math and just ran.

I'm up to 31 miles this month. That's a good number. That could possibly work out to the total of 100 miles for the month if I keep adding. I will probably need to divide a few miles by days and subtract at least a few days off and then I'll end up not making the goal. I can't seem to come up with the right answer on paper.

I've always hated math. I think I will just stick to running.
TT

Sailing smooth

Look at the list. Check the clock. Glance at the calendar. Where am I. Where should I be. What time is it. I have time. I'm running out of time. It doesn't add up. It could work. Stay focused. Don't think about it. What if I...

Don't think I'm having some kind of attack. Not all of those things have been going through my mind all at once like above. I'm not bombarding myself with all those questions, but I have thought of each one individually over a space of time. Each one, at some time or other, could be good. It's only when they happen all at once that they become frenzied and that hasn't been the case.

In fact, it's been fairly smooth sailing lately. I could have started this off by saying, "It's already July 7th! Where did those days go so quickly." Well, three of those days I was off on a long weekend and the rest, well, were pretty routine. There has been something good about all the last few days in July even if I happened to look at the list, or checked the clock. I mean, we all need to do those things every so often, don't we? It's just part of the routine.
TT

Sitting still

I will not be the one to complain about this past three-day weekend. I wish they came every week because when they happen to come along, I realize how much I can get done on my own in that space of time. It includes down-time, relax time, time to sit and read, time to not go so fast. I kind of like that state of going at my own pace whether it's slow or doing a bunch at once. The main difference is I'm doing the choosing of when, where, how and how long. It's a pretty nice place to find myself.

It was such a thrill to be able to read outside under the metal roof of my deck outdoors when a small rain cloud came over. It rained hard for a mere 4-5 minutes and passed over but I never had to move from my spot. I only paused long enough to recognize it really was raining all around me. I didn't need to move but sit still, listen, and enjoy.

All weekends should be like that. Heck, all days should have some of that even if it's in smaller doses until the weekend. I'm going to find a small dose right now.
TT

Fun overload

I am barely dragging myself out of bed. I think it was too much fun and an overload of the amount of food I ate yesterday.

Sonny had a full plate of everything homemade. You can start with the fresh corn at the top of the plate and come around to the mac and cheese, fresh made ranch-style beans (these are NOT from a can, kiddos), coleslaw and a six hour, slow-roasted brisket with that tangy sauce in the middle of the plate.

I made an utter pig of myself because when it was all said and done there was nothing left on the plate except the corn cob. Really. I practically licked the platter clean! And then, I had a piece of cake!

Fireworks were everywhere, too! Since restrictions are lifted with all the rain, all you needed to do was look up to see the sparkling glitter light up the sky. Sonny lives just out of the city limits so it's legal and his neighbors go wild with it. It's all for free, just sit back and watch.

But now, with all that relaxing from yesterday, I'm moving a little slower than usual this morning. I stayed in bed, am just getting a cup of coffee, and need to get moving. I have a few things to do today and well, times a wasting.
TT

Relaxing

It's Saturday and July 4th! We are planning on going to Sonny and Selma's house. He is doing the cooking today and has already made his homemade barbecue sauce. He makes some really good sauce - thick and spicy. He's planning on grilling a brisket and I just love that smoking beef. I can't wait to sit out and watch it slow cook while the aroma floats all around. What a perfect way to spend the afternoon.

I need to finish frosting a cake and put in a batch of cookies. I've got plenty of time and should be able to get in a little reading before we head over. Sounds like it's going to be one relaxing day.
Happy 4th!
TT

Desserts are done!