Today is February 29th or what is called Leap Day. It's that extra day you get this month about every four years. It's put there so the powers-that-be are sure to enforce that everything will stay on track with the calendar and keep it flowing nicely with the seasons and astronomical something or others. Somehow if they didn't add the extra day I guess all the cogs in their device would miss their groove and lose their place and the whole system would get jammed. I can't imagine that adding one day every four years would actually do that but I'm not the one with the powers.
I'm glad this month is (almost) over. I don't have much against February (except that it's usually the coldest month. It's been the grayest. I've missed outdoor run time. It's been hard to get motivated.) Okay, maybe I don't like February as much as other months so that might explain why I'm glad it's over.
What it means is that I can finally say we are headed around the corner for better weather. Better meaning warmer (hotter). Yes. I am one of those people that literally loves basking in the sun. I want those golden rays beaming down on me. I don't really care about all the talk about how it's not good for me. If you really want to see something that isn't good just take it away from me for any amount of time and see what happens. Believe me. That isn't nice and it isn't pretty.
So February is about done. March is coming in like a golden ray of sun.
Come to think of it, that does kind of make me want to leap.
TT
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Plenty of work
I've lost track again. I've lost track of where I am on my entire fiction book writing project. I'm in the groove and putting the story together and then I can't remember if I wrote in a particular detail that needed to get written or if I just had thought about writing it while it swirled around in my head.
If anyone let's on this business of writing anything longer than a post is just about putting words on a page let me know and I'll set them straight. My organizational skills are simply lacking when it has come to this project of mine. My discipline on this particular writing project has been lacking. This jumping around and leaving it for spells and then coming back and trying to find my spot isn't working and it's making it frustrating. I can keep writing until the (let me steal this phrase since it's in my head and I'm rushed) cows come home but if the story is leaving things out and not covering details it needs but I forgot to write then it isn't going to work. For me. This isn't what I'm working towards and now I'm getting frustrated.
I came up with the idea of a board for my characters when I first started. I took an index card and wrote each of their names on it (yes - and even naming them was a ponder fest) and bullet pointed characteristics about them. It worked and reminds me certain things about them when they appear in the writing. It's a quick reference. I am thinking I need something like that. Another board - something more visual for my story line - a quick reference. That way I can keep track of what I've already written...all those details of what I need to cover. I know, that is usually an outline and I have one but then I write and things don't always stay exactly to the outline. Characters get difficult or say something that puts something else in the mix and even though they will eventually get to where they are going (on the outline) it's not always a straight path. This is the part that makes it more interesting and it supplies that creative spark that keeps me doing it, but I need to get organized! How can I have over 55,000 words and have to search back to see if the details were written up so I can pull it together? An example is I might say the main character is going to meet with her father on a certain day and then I can't remember what day it is in the story? Did I miss writing in their lunch or am I on track for it now?
I'm going to figure this out. This rookie isn't going to sit here and let more time pass and not get this project going at a consistent, disciplined speed because of a technical difficulty or a faulty memory.
Oh, what I said about anyone who thinks this is as easy as putting words on a page? I'll set them straight but not soon. I've got plenty of my own work ahead of me.
TT
If anyone let's on this business of writing anything longer than a post is just about putting words on a page let me know and I'll set them straight. My organizational skills are simply lacking when it has come to this project of mine. My discipline on this particular writing project has been lacking. This jumping around and leaving it for spells and then coming back and trying to find my spot isn't working and it's making it frustrating. I can keep writing until the (let me steal this phrase since it's in my head and I'm rushed) cows come home but if the story is leaving things out and not covering details it needs but I forgot to write then it isn't going to work. For me. This isn't what I'm working towards and now I'm getting frustrated.
I came up with the idea of a board for my characters when I first started. I took an index card and wrote each of their names on it (yes - and even naming them was a ponder fest) and bullet pointed characteristics about them. It worked and reminds me certain things about them when they appear in the writing. It's a quick reference. I am thinking I need something like that. Another board - something more visual for my story line - a quick reference. That way I can keep track of what I've already written...all those details of what I need to cover. I know, that is usually an outline and I have one but then I write and things don't always stay exactly to the outline. Characters get difficult or say something that puts something else in the mix and even though they will eventually get to where they are going (on the outline) it's not always a straight path. This is the part that makes it more interesting and it supplies that creative spark that keeps me doing it, but I need to get organized! How can I have over 55,000 words and have to search back to see if the details were written up so I can pull it together? An example is I might say the main character is going to meet with her father on a certain day and then I can't remember what day it is in the story? Did I miss writing in their lunch or am I on track for it now?
I'm going to figure this out. This rookie isn't going to sit here and let more time pass and not get this project going at a consistent, disciplined speed because of a technical difficulty or a faulty memory.
Oh, what I said about anyone who thinks this is as easy as putting words on a page? I'll set them straight but not soon. I've got plenty of my own work ahead of me.
TT
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Just go
It's Sunday afternoon 2:35 and the family is expected over at 3:00. I should be hitting the shower since I took advantage of the time it would take to wait on my washer to finish goint through it's cycle to get a in a quick three miler. Well, I managed the run, got the laundry in the dryer, but I'm sitting here instead of getting changed. This will be the second day that I didn't think I would get a run in but did. Am I racing the month? I knew I wasn't going to hit the 75 miles for the month I got in January but I have hit the 50 I thought I would for February. It helps that I just want to get out there. I'm just wanting to run. Nevermind I'm cutting it close with company coming over. Nevermind I have laundry sitting to be done. Nevermind. I'm better and happier than if I put it off and wish I had done it but didn't. But I did. And you know what? I'll be ready, the laundry will get done and I'm happy. 54.73 miles this month my counter says. It's not 75 but it's more than the 50 I had planned and it wouldn't be there if I didn't get up and go. Don't think, just go.
TT
TT
Good book
I just finished reading a really good book. I found it on my own (well, sort of) which is something I haven't done in a while. I have friends that suggest books to me that I will almost always give a chance and read. I've been doing it for longer than I can remember. I read a lot of books that are a series and I will notoriously find the first in that series and read it from book one to the last. I think the longest series I have read is one that has 33 books, in which I have read all. (News update - #34 of that series just came out and I've downloaded it and reading it now).
But this particular book I found all on my own. I say sort of because there is a friend at work that is always giving me television show suggestions that I should watch. I don't watch much TV so he is always telling me...I know you will like this one...check it out. Then I don't and he will say I can't believe you're not watching that! So he suggested I watch a new show called The Finder. It is about a man that can find things and people and I actually watched a couple of episodes and liked it. Then I noticed something on the credits. (Yes, am I the only human left that actually reads credits after shows)? The show was loosely based on a novel written by Richard Greener about a man that has a reputation of being a locator. Locater...Finder, Book...TV show. Some, if not most, of the similarities stop there between the book and the show although the main characters' name is Walter Sherman in both and they both have military backgrounds although Book Walter is Vietman and TV Walter is Iraq. TV Walter is much younger than Book Walter but separating the two I found them both enjoyable. Television did a good job of taking the idea and making it work because it really is based loosely on the book and not trying to reproduce it page for page.
I especially liked the book. Richard Greener did a fine job on his first novel, The Knowland Retribution. I like the older Walter and all the characters around him and the story weaves itself the way a good story should. It has it's hard action and driving plot lines. I liked it a lot. And no it isn't a soft romantic book. I may try to write some mush but I don't read it often. Give me homicide and mystery anyday - actually give me a good story anyday.
After I read the book I wanted to find out more about Greener. I hadn't heard anything about him and wouldn't have even known about him if I hadn't been paying attention to credits on a television show. I found out he is in his sixties and retired from a radio station. He had had heart problems and trouble sleeping so he was more comfortable sitting up and in the middle of the night when the pain would start he would get up. He decided he would do something since he was sitting up and started writing with no intention of ever publishing. It was what he did to spend the time until the pain went away. His son-in-law found the manuscript and sent it out to publishers. It worked...he got published. He now has a second Walter Sherman book out called, The Lacey Confession. What a great story behind his stories! I wouldn't have known anything about him or the books if I hadn't listened to my friend at work and actually watched (one) of the TV shows he keeps trying to suggest to me.
I have The Lacey Confession in my wish list for next books to read. I will first need to finish up #34 of the series I just started first. But if you need a good book...a good read...give Greener a look-see. It will be worth it.
TT
But this particular book I found all on my own. I say sort of because there is a friend at work that is always giving me television show suggestions that I should watch. I don't watch much TV so he is always telling me...I know you will like this one...check it out. Then I don't and he will say I can't believe you're not watching that! So he suggested I watch a new show called The Finder. It is about a man that can find things and people and I actually watched a couple of episodes and liked it. Then I noticed something on the credits. (Yes, am I the only human left that actually reads credits after shows)? The show was loosely based on a novel written by Richard Greener about a man that has a reputation of being a locator. Locater...Finder, Book...TV show. Some, if not most, of the similarities stop there between the book and the show although the main characters' name is Walter Sherman in both and they both have military backgrounds although Book Walter is Vietman and TV Walter is Iraq. TV Walter is much younger than Book Walter but separating the two I found them both enjoyable. Television did a good job of taking the idea and making it work because it really is based loosely on the book and not trying to reproduce it page for page.
I especially liked the book. Richard Greener did a fine job on his first novel, The Knowland Retribution. I like the older Walter and all the characters around him and the story weaves itself the way a good story should. It has it's hard action and driving plot lines. I liked it a lot. And no it isn't a soft romantic book. I may try to write some mush but I don't read it often. Give me homicide and mystery anyday - actually give me a good story anyday.
After I read the book I wanted to find out more about Greener. I hadn't heard anything about him and wouldn't have even known about him if I hadn't been paying attention to credits on a television show. I found out he is in his sixties and retired from a radio station. He had had heart problems and trouble sleeping so he was more comfortable sitting up and in the middle of the night when the pain would start he would get up. He decided he would do something since he was sitting up and started writing with no intention of ever publishing. It was what he did to spend the time until the pain went away. His son-in-law found the manuscript and sent it out to publishers. It worked...he got published. He now has a second Walter Sherman book out called, The Lacey Confession. What a great story behind his stories! I wouldn't have known anything about him or the books if I hadn't listened to my friend at work and actually watched (one) of the TV shows he keeps trying to suggest to me.
I have The Lacey Confession in my wish list for next books to read. I will first need to finish up #34 of the series I just started first. But if you need a good book...a good read...give Greener a look-see. It will be worth it.
TT
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Can't pass up the chance
I started out this morning doubting if I would be able to get to run outside. It was cold. It was cloudy. I wanted to run and I wanted to run outdoors but I was almost, but not completely, resigned that I would have to venture to the gym. But instead I decided I would get some chores out of the way first and see if the clouds would break.
I managed to keep my car legal. I went out and bought my new tags and then had the car inspected. Both of those things would have expired by the end of this month. By that time it was creeping to be right around 12:30 and I wasn't completely satisfied I was ready to brave a run outdoors yet. I was giving some thought about going out to buy some new running shoes instead. That would be just the inspiration and motivation I would need to get me out there. What could be better than to run in a new pair of shoes? About that time Dante called and asked if he could borrow my car. He had a function he needed to attend and long story short I agreed. After I hung up the phone with Dante, Selma called and asked if it would be okay for me to watch the little ones for her. She wanted to go the gym and Sonny had gone into work and..Yes. I couldn't go anywhere anyway since Dante was going to use my car.
She brought the boys over and left. I kept them amused and then Dante called and said he wouldn't need my car after all. Selma picked up the boys after her workout and I realized I was at the point in the afternoon where I could let the day slide away or take advantage of this window of opportunity. I took it. I pulled on a long sleeved shirt, capri length pants and my old running shoes. I didn't want to risk going out for new shoes and lose the time and chance to actually run. And I did run.
So feeling good, feeling fine. A little bit of it all.
To think I might have missed it. To think I started out so doubtful.
And didn't I get the added bonus of spending time with Mr. L? How could I pass up a chance like that? No way.
TT
I managed to keep my car legal. I went out and bought my new tags and then had the car inspected. Both of those things would have expired by the end of this month. By that time it was creeping to be right around 12:30 and I wasn't completely satisfied I was ready to brave a run outdoors yet. I was giving some thought about going out to buy some new running shoes instead. That would be just the inspiration and motivation I would need to get me out there. What could be better than to run in a new pair of shoes? About that time Dante called and asked if he could borrow my car. He had a function he needed to attend and long story short I agreed. After I hung up the phone with Dante, Selma called and asked if it would be okay for me to watch the little ones for her. She wanted to go the gym and Sonny had gone into work and..Yes. I couldn't go anywhere anyway since Dante was going to use my car.
She brought the boys over and left. I kept them amused and then Dante called and said he wouldn't need my car after all. Selma picked up the boys after her workout and I realized I was at the point in the afternoon where I could let the day slide away or take advantage of this window of opportunity. I took it. I pulled on a long sleeved shirt, capri length pants and my old running shoes. I didn't want to risk going out for new shoes and lose the time and chance to actually run. And I did run.
So feeling good, feeling fine. A little bit of it all.
To think I might have missed it. To think I started out so doubtful.
And didn't I get the added bonus of spending time with Mr. L? How could I pass up a chance like that? No way.
TT
Bad hair or not
I'm having issues with something as simple as my hair. I made the decision a few years back to stop dying my hair to cover the grey. I knew the chemicals were doing some serious damage to my already dry hair. Let's face it, I spend a lot of time outdoors and the sun is my best friend. I'm not stopping my meetings with my best friend no matter what everybody wants to throw at me for reasons I should stop. So the dye added a multitude of drying effects to the mix. Then the fact that the color of these artificial concoctions were no longer resembling anything you might actually see on this earth and that made me decide I would rather not deal with it any longer. I would rather have healthy, shiny, and yes even grey, mixed with my dark hair than the unreal situation I was in. I started the long and frustrating year and a half to completely grow it out. I've had it this way for a few years now.
I had comments from my son about my hair at the beginnings of that process. He would ask when I was going to do something about my hair while it was growing out and I would respond I was doing something about it. I don't have a problem being the entire 56 years I am. I didn't have a problem when I decided to do this back then and I thought I was still okay with it.
Now, I've had two instances of people (males) suggesting that I color the grey. They suggested I would look 10-15 years younger if I did. They go on to say I already look much younger than my age and it would be a ...at that point I couldn't hear what they were blah, blah, going on about. I'm usually a very good listener but I no longer heard what they were saying. I started to think what had happened in the time I grew it out until now? What changed, what was different to promote this sudden suggestion for change? It really made me stop and think about it when I hadn't been. I've always managed to make sure my hair is styled, especially since I let the grey show. I decided way back when that if I was going to let it go grey it wasn't going to be messy and ragged. I've kept that up. So why then? Why these suggestions?
I decided it doesn't matter why. If they want me to look 10-15 years younger I can't help them. I really am as old as I am and it doesn't really look so bad. I'm not sloppy, I'm not unkept, I already look younger than my age (I'm told), so what's the deal? The deal is no deal. Sorry guys. I don't need to look younger just because you think I need to.
I live enough in my own fantasy world. I don't need to do it with this.
TT
I had comments from my son about my hair at the beginnings of that process. He would ask when I was going to do something about my hair while it was growing out and I would respond I was doing something about it. I don't have a problem being the entire 56 years I am. I didn't have a problem when I decided to do this back then and I thought I was still okay with it.
Now, I've had two instances of people (males) suggesting that I color the grey. They suggested I would look 10-15 years younger if I did. They go on to say I already look much younger than my age and it would be a ...at that point I couldn't hear what they were blah, blah, going on about. I'm usually a very good listener but I no longer heard what they were saying. I started to think what had happened in the time I grew it out until now? What changed, what was different to promote this sudden suggestion for change? It really made me stop and think about it when I hadn't been. I've always managed to make sure my hair is styled, especially since I let the grey show. I decided way back when that if I was going to let it go grey it wasn't going to be messy and ragged. I've kept that up. So why then? Why these suggestions?
I decided it doesn't matter why. If they want me to look 10-15 years younger I can't help them. I really am as old as I am and it doesn't really look so bad. I'm not sloppy, I'm not unkept, I already look younger than my age (I'm told), so what's the deal? The deal is no deal. Sorry guys. I don't need to look younger just because you think I need to.
I live enough in my own fantasy world. I don't need to do it with this.
TT
Friday, February 24, 2012
So perfecto
Friday, Friday. After a long week. A four day work week that turned long and still one day to go. The wind is howling and we are under a wind advisory until noon. Sounds bleak but really isn't. I'm not sure but I think the few days of really good weather got me turned in the right direction. I got my running on and remembered what I love about it.
That routine way of realizing you are tying your shoe laces when your mind didn't give you a chance to talk you out of it. Then you're ready before you know it and have already hit the pavement and feel the sun tapping your shoulder. It makes me smile. I can't imagine what the passers-by must think but it doesn't matter to me. It's those foot strikes one after another, moving along, seeing the new but familiar things along the way. Turn here and watch the path, it's laden with stones. Move up this incline and then you get a nice flat surface. Re-coup your breathing, steady and move on. And move on.
All the while I can see the sky, see the birds. I can hear the barking dogs behind a fence. Then because the sun has followed me on my route it gives me a wink. I can turn my head to the street and glance at my running partner beside me. She only comes out when the sun is on my side and smiling. Like me. Because it feel so good, so perfecto!
TT
That routine way of realizing you are tying your shoe laces when your mind didn't give you a chance to talk you out of it. Then you're ready before you know it and have already hit the pavement and feel the sun tapping your shoulder. It makes me smile. I can't imagine what the passers-by must think but it doesn't matter to me. It's those foot strikes one after another, moving along, seeing the new but familiar things along the way. Turn here and watch the path, it's laden with stones. Move up this incline and then you get a nice flat surface. Re-coup your breathing, steady and move on. And move on.
All the while I can see the sky, see the birds. I can hear the barking dogs behind a fence. Then because the sun has followed me on my route it gives me a wink. I can turn my head to the street and glance at my running partner beside me. She only comes out when the sun is on my side and smiling. Like me. Because it feel so good, so perfecto!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Small dose
I got a good run in. I came home from work, took a quick look at my laptop, then changed and headed out the door. It was almost automatic. I didn't skip a beat, didn't waste a moment. Bing, bang, gone.
And what an afternoon to be perfectly in synchronization with it all.
I've missed running outside when the weather was this glorious. I want more but am so happy I got this small dose. It just might be enough to keep me a little while longer.
TT
And what an afternoon to be perfectly in synchronization with it all.
I've missed running outside when the weather was this glorious. I want more but am so happy I got this small dose. It just might be enough to keep me a little while longer.
TT
Skip the sarcasm
It's supposed to be another lovely day today. That seems to be a good word to use. Lovely. I like it because I can say it sarcastically to describe my workday. Yes, it's going to be a lovely day, just lovely. I can tell it will be another lovely day. (Okay, I'll stop. I've just had a lot going on and it never fails - the busier I am the more and varied things people want me to do, making it harder and more time consuming to try to get everything done so someone is not always happy that their thing isn't on the highest priority list and they get snotty about it). Lovely.
I'm putting all that aside though. I'm leaving the sarcasm to that first paragraph and behind me. So I'm busy. I've worked all day, got as much as I could get done yesterday and I will continue today. That's how it goes.
It helps when I get to come home and enjoy what is truly a lovely day! No sarcasm here. The weather was so good. The sun was out, the temperatures were somewhere around 78 degrees and I didn't hesitate to try on my new running clothes and see how smelly I could get them on a short run around my neighborhood! It felt great. It was more than terrific. It was lovely! There are promises of it being that way again today with the slight bonus it might actually hit 80. I really am excited about it!
I won't mention that the rest of the week will plummet down in temperatures. That is later and I won't let it affect my enthusiam of enjoying today.
I don't need much. Really, I don't. A couple of spectacular days in the midst of all the awfuls help me along. I'll take them in bundles however small. It just means they might start hanging around a little longer and that, to me...well. It's just lovely!
TT
I'm putting all that aside though. I'm leaving the sarcasm to that first paragraph and behind me. So I'm busy. I've worked all day, got as much as I could get done yesterday and I will continue today. That's how it goes.
It helps when I get to come home and enjoy what is truly a lovely day! No sarcasm here. The weather was so good. The sun was out, the temperatures were somewhere around 78 degrees and I didn't hesitate to try on my new running clothes and see how smelly I could get them on a short run around my neighborhood! It felt great. It was more than terrific. It was lovely! There are promises of it being that way again today with the slight bonus it might actually hit 80. I really am excited about it!
I won't mention that the rest of the week will plummet down in temperatures. That is later and I won't let it affect my enthusiam of enjoying today.
I don't need much. Really, I don't. A couple of spectacular days in the midst of all the awfuls help me along. I'll take them in bundles however small. It just means they might start hanging around a little longer and that, to me...well. It's just lovely!
TT
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
One of
I woke up late. I'm rushing. I think it's going to be one of those weeks. You know the kind I'm talking about. You get the extra holiday at the beginning of the week so you eliminate the dreaded Monday and only have four days until you get a weekend again. It's all splendid and wonderful! You are made to believe this is something great! This is going to be a breeze!
Then that short week starts and you get through the first day (barely). It beats you up and the next day you wake up late and have to rush. You can only expect that day to be a race to catch up on all the things you couldn't possibly have covered the day before...because you were catching up for the Monday you missed. But how does that happen? Everyone else was out, too, and yet there it all is. All that work, pressing, taking small menacing steps toward you until it backs you up against a wall. So you finally take all the work it shoves at you and it turns and leaves. For a while. Then you are left sorting through everything you've been handed but before you can finish even more gets sent your way and the sorting takes on another level. And that is before anything is actually done. If you aren't careful they will soon be back asking where you are on this thing or that when that thing is lower on the sorting list.
You know the kind of week I'm talking about. One of those weeks.
TT
Then that short week starts and you get through the first day (barely). It beats you up and the next day you wake up late and have to rush. You can only expect that day to be a race to catch up on all the things you couldn't possibly have covered the day before...because you were catching up for the Monday you missed. But how does that happen? Everyone else was out, too, and yet there it all is. All that work, pressing, taking small menacing steps toward you until it backs you up against a wall. So you finally take all the work it shoves at you and it turns and leaves. For a while. Then you are left sorting through everything you've been handed but before you can finish even more gets sent your way and the sorting takes on another level. And that is before anything is actually done. If you aren't careful they will soon be back asking where you are on this thing or that when that thing is lower on the sorting list.
You know the kind of week I'm talking about. One of those weeks.
TT
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Half hour
I should be going out for a run. The weather is perfect. I'm home from work, the weather is perfect and it would be a great afternoon for a run. It would be good even for a short run just to get out there and take advantage of the perfect weather. We haven't had weather this good in a while which is why I have been hauling myself to the gym instead and running on the treadmill. But today I wouldn't have to do that since this is the weather I've been waiting for to run outdoors.
But here I am instead. It was a long day at work. I'm a little tired. My leg muscles are slightly sore. I'm being lazy. All of the above.
Typical. Everything is now in it's perfect place and I'm not motivated. I even went through my work-out clothes yesterday and threw out old sports bras and old shirts that I use for running. I went out and replaced them all with new, improved (nice smelling) clothes. And still I'm staring out my window and thinking I should be out there but not making a move to actually do it.
I'll give myself a small break. Maybe I just need a half hour to unwind since I had a long day at work and I'm a little tired. My leg muscles are a little sore and it's making me lazy. A half hour should do it unless it takes 45 minutes. That should do it. No more than that. Just to unwind.
Who am I kidding? I should just go out for a run.
TT
But here I am instead. It was a long day at work. I'm a little tired. My leg muscles are slightly sore. I'm being lazy. All of the above.
Typical. Everything is now in it's perfect place and I'm not motivated. I even went through my work-out clothes yesterday and threw out old sports bras and old shirts that I use for running. I went out and replaced them all with new, improved (nice smelling) clothes. And still I'm staring out my window and thinking I should be out there but not making a move to actually do it.
I'll give myself a small break. Maybe I just need a half hour to unwind since I had a long day at work and I'm a little tired. My leg muscles are a little sore and it's making me lazy. A half hour should do it unless it takes 45 minutes. That should do it. No more than that. Just to unwind.
Who am I kidding? I should just go out for a run.
TT
Monday, February 20, 2012
Peee-uu
I just got back from the gym. That makes three work-outs since yesterday. I'm not going for any obsessive record or trying to make up miles for days I skipped out on. I'm not. It's just that Jay actually decided he would (yes - for real) go to the gym yesterday afternoon to walk for 30 minutes! He might do it again today and if that is the case I will go with him and have another day with two workouts since I already got mine done in the mornings. It's all about getting there and if I can help with that for him it sure doesn't hurt me. I'm kind of glad to do it.
But right now I couldn't help but get a whiff of myself and I must say peee-uu! I don't know what's been going on with me lately. After these workouts I am really not being able to stand my stinky self. It never seemed to be quite this bad before but now it seems to have gotten really bad and so much worse. I think I need to replace some of my more worn out work-out clothes. I think even after my regular and timely washings they just aren't getting as completely clean as I would like or need them to get. I already replaced my deodorant for a stronger brand so it must be the clothes are just old and I need fresher, newer ones.
I mentioned this to Jay not too long ago. He listened to me go on about my b-o and I didn't think he was taking me seriously. (Does anyone take conversations about body odor seriously)? I did what I had to do. I marched into my closet and pulled out a freshly laundered workout shirt and threw it across to him with it landing (as I grinned) strategically across Jays face. "Smell that and tell me if it doesn't reek!", I shouted over to him. He seemed to breathe it in and pulled it down and held it out for me to take back. "It doesn't reek," he said.
"It doesn't?"
"Nope. It's not the shirt."
"It isn't?"
"I can't smell it. It seems fine."
That wasn't what I wanted to hear. That could only mean it really is me. I reek. Aww, man!
Then because timing is everything the next day I found this comic that is above torn out and on the refrigerator door. Jay had put it there and I have to admit it made me grin. It doesn't make me feel any better about my stinking situation but it takes some of the edge off.
And I will be thowing out those old workout clothes and replacing them - possibly today - before my second workout this afternoon just in case Jay is wrong and they are contributing to my current state of smelliness.
And now that I think about it...Has he done it again?..another animal? Where am I at now? Let's see... Whale, mule, small horse, skunk. No wonder I smell so bad.
TT
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Finally!
I've only left myself a moment. I charged through and finished a piece of my fiction that I had been dancing around for quite a while now. I got through the portion of it that was holding me back and I was finding more than a dozen reasons and more unrealistic obstacles on why or how I couldn't possibly write it. I was the one making up all these reasons and obstacles to block myself. I finally got tired of hearing my reasons and tired of all my obstacles and wrote it. It feels pretty good to have done it. Finally.
So I've only left myself a moment here since I've been pushing words around somewhere else. I think I hear a LandShark calling my name to help me celebrate because I do feel that good about it and it seems like it should be cause for celebration. I got that portion I hemmed and hawed about done!
Finally!
TT
One postscript here...Another thing I feel so good about. If you haven't already, please read the comment I received on my post just before this one. Words that truly touched me.
So I've only left myself a moment here since I've been pushing words around somewhere else. I think I hear a LandShark calling my name to help me celebrate because I do feel that good about it and it seems like it should be cause for celebration. I got that portion I hemmed and hawed about done!
Finally!
TT
One postscript here...Another thing I feel so good about. If you haven't already, please read the comment I received on my post just before this one. Words that truly touched me.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Unjumble
For some reason today feels like an unscheduled vacation day instead of an ordinary Saturday. It would be understandable for it to feel like that to me since this past week has been an entire jumble. Days were not what they should have been and didn't feel like they should have felt.
I've learned that vacation days when they are not filled with to-do lists can actually be the best of days. That is what this morning is feeling like. I'm not just drinking my coffee but I'm sipping, sitting back, both hands around my mug, thinking, while I'm having my coffee. I don't do that on regular days. Who has the time? I don't even do that on regular days off most of the time but vacation days? Yeah. I think I do.
So excuse me. I'll be around but right now I'm refilling my coffee mug and watching the rain for a while.
TT
I've learned that vacation days when they are not filled with to-do lists can actually be the best of days. That is what this morning is feeling like. I'm not just drinking my coffee but I'm sipping, sitting back, both hands around my mug, thinking, while I'm having my coffee. I don't do that on regular days. Who has the time? I don't even do that on regular days off most of the time but vacation days? Yeah. I think I do.
So excuse me. I'll be around but right now I'm refilling my coffee mug and watching the rain for a while.
TT
Friday, February 17, 2012
Can you hear it
Rain is drumming down again on this still dark morning. I heard it as I made my way out of my shadowy room and didn't mistake the sound. There is a distinct way it falls against the sides of the house when it is coming down. I really like the rain. I've always liked it. I can't see it this morning but I know it's there from the familiar way it makes it's presence known to me.
There have been other days when the rain came in the middle of the day instead of the edge of morning. If I am able I will sit in a small spot outside with just enough shelter to keep me dry but still be out close to it. I watch it coming down. I see the strips of wet coming from above and travel down to the place they strike and pool. There is something about the smell when that is happening. The air turns crisp or clear. I can breathe it in while it swirls around and sends stray bits of moisture to hit my arms or legs in my confined space where I sit to watch.
It's raining again this morning even though I can't see or feel it. I hear it there and if I don't get angry at it for taking away my best friend the sun again it can actually be calming.
I really do like the rain. I've always liked it. Listen.
TT
There have been other days when the rain came in the middle of the day instead of the edge of morning. If I am able I will sit in a small spot outside with just enough shelter to keep me dry but still be out close to it. I watch it coming down. I see the strips of wet coming from above and travel down to the place they strike and pool. There is something about the smell when that is happening. The air turns crisp or clear. I can breathe it in while it swirls around and sends stray bits of moisture to hit my arms or legs in my confined space where I sit to watch.
It's raining again this morning even though I can't see or feel it. I hear it there and if I don't get angry at it for taking away my best friend the sun again it can actually be calming.
I really do like the rain. I've always liked it. Listen.
TT
Thursday, February 16, 2012
French
I found something interesting yesterday when I went to look at my web counter. Well, yes...part of the interesting part is that there was at least one person that actually viewed my site in the past two months and that was at least twice during that time (two hits ain't bad, right?). No that wasn't it. The real interesting part is that somehow, someone from France viewed my site.
I'm always curious about how they might have found my site even though I know it's on the web and that makes it a possibility. I wonder what they might be looking for and how did they stumble upon this obscure little place? In any case...someone from France? Interesting.
It seems they settled onto my recent scenario about Lip Service. That must have been it. They were probably trying to figure out what that phrase meant or how it translates. They were probably trying to do some research on how that phrase came about and if it's used to any extent recently. I'm sure they had some solid ideas of what they were looking for and happened to pause a moment when they found my small bit of fiction. They probably realized they wouldn't get the information they needed from my post but read it through anyway just for a break in all their work and hopefully gave it a nod. In French, of course. A French nod which is exciting, to me at least.
Of course, that is all in my imagination. Sure, they probably did a google search and found my piece and glanced through quickly and went on to other things (without the nod) :(
But it's more fun for me to think it went the other way.
And like I said it was interesting. Especially when I followed their link to see how they viewed my page...
I can't read a word of it but it's looks really interesting in French!
TT
I'm always curious about how they might have found my site even though I know it's on the web and that makes it a possibility. I wonder what they might be looking for and how did they stumble upon this obscure little place? In any case...someone from France? Interesting.
It seems they settled onto my recent scenario about Lip Service. That must have been it. They were probably trying to figure out what that phrase meant or how it translates. They were probably trying to do some research on how that phrase came about and if it's used to any extent recently. I'm sure they had some solid ideas of what they were looking for and happened to pause a moment when they found my small bit of fiction. They probably realized they wouldn't get the information they needed from my post but read it through anyway just for a break in all their work and hopefully gave it a nod. In French, of course. A French nod which is exciting, to me at least.
Of course, that is all in my imagination. Sure, they probably did a google search and found my piece and glanced through quickly and went on to other things (without the nod) :(
But it's more fun for me to think it went the other way.
And like I said it was interesting. Especially when I followed their link to see how they viewed my page...
I can't read a word of it but it's looks really interesting in French!
TT
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
0000000000000000000000000
I was furiously pounding away on my keyboard for a post I was working on. I had an idea that had taken hold and I was typing as fast as I could to get it all down before the momentum evaporated into fine mist the way it sometimes can. One moment it is clear and the next I'm wondering what I was trying to get across. This wasn't the case this time. I was well into the meat of my subject. I was progressing splendidly and had more than a few small paragraphs presenting my idea.
I stopped briefly to open my Nook to check on a precise quotation and set it to the side of my laptop. That is when my laptop took control of itself and wouldn't allow me to take it back. I had typed up a few words of a sentence and then it went crazy. All on it's own it was typing 000000000000 across the page. It wouldn't stop. It kept going. When it got to one end it started another. I would move the cursor to the start of the 00000000s and try to delete them but once I released the cursor it would zoom off again with more continuous rows of 000000000000s.
It was getting frantic. It was maniacal. It wouldn't stop and I couldn't get it to stop. I had that sinking feeling that the entire document was lost and there would be no way I could re-create it again to the way I had written it in the first place. I tried to start at the beginning to highlight so I could possibly copy and paste it to another document but as soon as I released the cursor the 000000s would start again. Now they were not only at the end of the last sentence I had written but interspersed everywhere within the document where I had attempted to rescue my work.
I finally gave up knowing it wasn't going to stop and just shut down the entire laptop...hoping...maybe...that the 000000000 craziness would have stopped and some portion of my post might have been auto saved.
While I was waiting for my laptop to re-start I picked up my nook and moved it over from the side of my laptop. Oh. There. Boy, do I feel dumb. There was the cause of the laptop gone crazy with 0000s. It wasn't anything I couldn't have prevented myself. It wasn't anything the laptop was doing to mess me up. It wasn't anything that couldn't have been avoided or at least stopped if I wasn't so focused on the laptop itself instead of what I was doing or had done.
I had put the Nook on top of my USB powered numeric keypad I had attached to my laptop, right on the spot where the 0 appears pushing it down by the weight of the Nook causing continuous 000s to type across my page without stopping.
Talk about feeling like a zero.
TT
I stopped briefly to open my Nook to check on a precise quotation and set it to the side of my laptop. That is when my laptop took control of itself and wouldn't allow me to take it back. I had typed up a few words of a sentence and then it went crazy. All on it's own it was typing 000000000000 across the page. It wouldn't stop. It kept going. When it got to one end it started another. I would move the cursor to the start of the 00000000s and try to delete them but once I released the cursor it would zoom off again with more continuous rows of 000000000000s.
It was getting frantic. It was maniacal. It wouldn't stop and I couldn't get it to stop. I had that sinking feeling that the entire document was lost and there would be no way I could re-create it again to the way I had written it in the first place. I tried to start at the beginning to highlight so I could possibly copy and paste it to another document but as soon as I released the cursor the 000000s would start again. Now they were not only at the end of the last sentence I had written but interspersed everywhere within the document where I had attempted to rescue my work.
I finally gave up knowing it wasn't going to stop and just shut down the entire laptop...hoping...maybe...that the 000000000 craziness would have stopped and some portion of my post might have been auto saved.
While I was waiting for my laptop to re-start I picked up my nook and moved it over from the side of my laptop. Oh. There. Boy, do I feel dumb. There was the cause of the laptop gone crazy with 0000s. It wasn't anything I couldn't have prevented myself. It wasn't anything the laptop was doing to mess me up. It wasn't anything that couldn't have been avoided or at least stopped if I wasn't so focused on the laptop itself instead of what I was doing or had done.
I had put the Nook on top of my USB powered numeric keypad I had attached to my laptop, right on the spot where the 0 appears pushing it down by the weight of the Nook causing continuous 000s to type across my page without stopping.
Talk about feeling like a zero.
TT
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Can't argue
Today was February 14th. Everyone knows what day that is and the candy/flower/card industry promotes it to it's fullest. Mine went like this:
Jay phoned me this morning and when I answered he said, "Happy Birthday."
I said, "Thank you."
We both know it isn't my birthday.
He asked me, "How old are you now?"
I said, "I'm still 56. It didn't change today."
"Then it really is a good birthday, isn't it?"
How do you argue with that?
When I came home from work there was a box of flowers on the porch. I let myself in, opened the box and put the flowers in a vase with water. I called Jay and said,
"Someone left a box of flowers on the porch."
He said, "It must have been that Fed-Ex guy. He keeps doing that."
"The Fed-Ex guy?"
"Yeah, him."
I asked, "You sure?"
"Yeah."
I said, "Well, he left a card with the flowers that says he loves me."
He said, "Oh! No wonder he keeps leaving things on the porch."
I didn't argue with that either.
Aren't these manufactured holidays fun?
TT
Jay phoned me this morning and when I answered he said, "Happy Birthday."
I said, "Thank you."
We both know it isn't my birthday.
He asked me, "How old are you now?"
I said, "I'm still 56. It didn't change today."
"Then it really is a good birthday, isn't it?"
How do you argue with that?
When I came home from work there was a box of flowers on the porch. I let myself in, opened the box and put the flowers in a vase with water. I called Jay and said,
"Someone left a box of flowers on the porch."
He said, "It must have been that Fed-Ex guy. He keeps doing that."
"The Fed-Ex guy?"
"Yeah, him."
I asked, "You sure?"
"Yeah."
I said, "Well, he left a card with the flowers that says he loves me."
He said, "Oh! No wonder he keeps leaving things on the porch."
I didn't argue with that either.
Aren't these manufactured holidays fun?
TT
Can I just run?
I gave myself a rest day from running yesterday. I managed to get to the gym five consecutive days in a row and was feeling a little creaky and tired yesterday after work. I thought it was a good day to take off and recharge. If I was to believe the bathroom scale I had also dropped four pounds but that isn't true, I know, but even a couple is a bit much for such a short time span. It isn't like I put in a bunch of miles although it is getting tougher to hang in there on a treadmill. The 21 miles during those five days weren't the easiest to run even with an entire wall of flat screen televisions spread across the walls to divert my attention. It just isn't the same as outside.
I've been trying to keep my motivation up and running. I went to my nike+ site to take a look at my progress. It stores all my runs with distances and times and even calories. I can sort my results and it offers challenges with other nike+ users. Anyone can sign up for a described challenge and since the site knows how many miles you have clocked it can set up a leaderboard. Whenever someone sync's their runs it jumps them up on the board so it's kind of a neat way to see where you are running with the (virtual) pack. Everyone also is color coded by the miles they have run using the device. I'm currently blue with another 219 miles to get to the next level of purple. That means I have run over 1300 miles on the device, using the site.
What is puzzling to me is that recently I have received two notifications for friend requests from strangers. This isn't a social network. You can't talk to each other or send messages and the only reason to set up someone as your friend is so you can view their running summaries. I'm a little stumped why I got these invites? I can't imagine that these strangers really care about my running habits but then it is a running site and that would make sense. The only other identifying thing is the pictures that appears and maybe that's it? That is when I thought that maybe I should change the picture I have on the site. Even I have to say it's a pretty good picture of me which is why I used it in the first place. But then, maybe Ed30 doesn't realize that TessaT is really 56.
TT
I've been trying to keep my motivation up and running. I went to my nike+ site to take a look at my progress. It stores all my runs with distances and times and even calories. I can sort my results and it offers challenges with other nike+ users. Anyone can sign up for a described challenge and since the site knows how many miles you have clocked it can set up a leaderboard. Whenever someone sync's their runs it jumps them up on the board so it's kind of a neat way to see where you are running with the (virtual) pack. Everyone also is color coded by the miles they have run using the device. I'm currently blue with another 219 miles to get to the next level of purple. That means I have run over 1300 miles on the device, using the site.
What is puzzling to me is that recently I have received two notifications for friend requests from strangers. This isn't a social network. You can't talk to each other or send messages and the only reason to set up someone as your friend is so you can view their running summaries. I'm a little stumped why I got these invites? I can't imagine that these strangers really care about my running habits but then it is a running site and that would make sense. The only other identifying thing is the pictures that appears and maybe that's it? That is when I thought that maybe I should change the picture I have on the site. Even I have to say it's a pretty good picture of me which is why I used it in the first place. But then, maybe Ed30 doesn't realize that TessaT is really 56.
TT
Monday, February 13, 2012
Other things
The weekend has come and gone and it's raining. It sounds as if this might take a downward turn but it won't. Those are just the facts of where things are right now. If I were to say anything that isn't positive it would be that I am kicking myself for not spending any time writing. I had hopes of getting more of that done and as it turned out I didn't get any done. That isn't a positive thing about the weekend. I'm not sure why it works out that way sometimes but it just does. The thing I might have in my mind that I want to do gets overshadowed with doing other things. And, yes, it does remind me of that saying by I can't remember who about Life is what happens while you are out doing other things. I just wanted one of those other things to be writing and I didn't make it happen this weekend.
I did make other things happen and that is the positive. I will keep those things in the forefront because there wouldn't be any reason to diminish their importance because of the one thing I didn't do.
So this week will be better than last. I will keep making things happen and best of all, I will still feel good even if there is something I didn't get to do. I've got a feeling I'll make that happen sooner rather than later.
Besides, what better time to write than when it's raining?
TT
I did make other things happen and that is the positive. I will keep those things in the forefront because there wouldn't be any reason to diminish their importance because of the one thing I didn't do.
So this week will be better than last. I will keep making things happen and best of all, I will still feel good even if there is something I didn't get to do. I've got a feeling I'll make that happen sooner rather than later.
Besides, what better time to write than when it's raining?
TT
Friday, February 10, 2012
A regular zoo
Jay has likened me to three different animals in the past few days. I don't think he was purposely trying to do that but it worked out like that or I just happened to notice the references he was making. Maybe the first time he was trying to get back at me since I had said something previously about him being beached. It was the next day that I was spread out lengthwise on the bed to my full tiny self and he said I looked like a beached whale.
"A whale," I said deadpan. He tried to come up with something clever but realized it wasn't going to go well. He muttered to himself and went away. The next day on the phone I was actually thanking him for calling me and telling me to go directly to the gym...that it had worked and I felt really good about it. He said, "Yeah, you're like a mule." In my head I'm thinking, now a mule so I asked him, "A mule?"
"Yeah, sometimes you need to wear those things they wear on their eyes...those blinders so you don't get distracted with everything else around you."
"Oh. Right." Okay. He managed around that one fairly well.
The third strike came in the middle of last night. It was dark, we were asleep and I got a massive cramp attack in my left foot. That happens to me sometimes but it usually happens earlier in the evening. I slid out of bed, faced it to leaned on the edge with both hands and stomped my left leg on the carpeted floor to get the blood circulating to stop the cramping. The successive pounding of my foot woke Jay up. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing, I've got a cramp in my foot."
"Can't you do anything about that? You keep getting them?"
"They don't last long and I just need to get the blood going."
"You sound like a small horse."
The cramp hadn't gone away but my mouth opened and I said, "Now a horse?"
"Well, you sound like a little horse stamping his hoof."
"That's three animals already?"
"Go to bed."
Yes, I seem to be three different animals. A whale, a mule, a small horse. What's next? Who knows. I have no idea what Jay will come up with next.
What a weasel.
TT
"A whale," I said deadpan. He tried to come up with something clever but realized it wasn't going to go well. He muttered to himself and went away. The next day on the phone I was actually thanking him for calling me and telling me to go directly to the gym...that it had worked and I felt really good about it. He said, "Yeah, you're like a mule." In my head I'm thinking, now a mule so I asked him, "A mule?"
"Yeah, sometimes you need to wear those things they wear on their eyes...those blinders so you don't get distracted with everything else around you."
"Oh. Right." Okay. He managed around that one fairly well.
The third strike came in the middle of last night. It was dark, we were asleep and I got a massive cramp attack in my left foot. That happens to me sometimes but it usually happens earlier in the evening. I slid out of bed, faced it to leaned on the edge with both hands and stomped my left leg on the carpeted floor to get the blood circulating to stop the cramping. The successive pounding of my foot woke Jay up. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing, I've got a cramp in my foot."
"Can't you do anything about that? You keep getting them?"
"They don't last long and I just need to get the blood going."
"You sound like a small horse."
The cramp hadn't gone away but my mouth opened and I said, "Now a horse?"
"Well, you sound like a little horse stamping his hoof."
"That's three animals already?"
"Go to bed."
Yes, I seem to be three different animals. A whale, a mule, a small horse. What's next? Who knows. I have no idea what Jay will come up with next.
What a weasel.
TT
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Went
So I went. Finally. To the gym. And yes, it felt good and yes, I'm happier that I did and yes, I fussed and fudged for no good reasons. Yes. Yes. But Jay told me that part doesn't matter. Leave the past. He called me five minutes before I was to leave from work today to tell me what to do. He said go home, change and go. Don't stop to do anything else. Home. Change. Go. No thinking, no stopping to just do this, no nothing. It worked.
I had tried to get him to go to the gym with me yesterday as a way to get there. I asked him in the morning that if I was dressed and ready when he got home after work could we go to the gym together? I was stunned when he said yes. He said yes and I was about to go on that we didn't have to stay long and we only...he stopped me and said, "I already said yes so leave it." I stopped talking. Of course, he called me later that afternoon to tell me he had forgotten he was going to meet some friends after work. Oh. Hmm. I asked him, "Who are you planning to blow-off?" He asked, "What do you mean?"
"Nevermind. You just answered my question." And it was okay he blew me off. I hadn't expected him to go in the first place. But since he knew I was starting to stress and obsess he found another way to try to help me out by calling me five minutes before I was to leave work. That was when he knew to give me the instructions to go home, change and go to the gym.
I did and I went and I feel better. I'll tell Jay thanks. I shouldn't remind him about blowing me off though, should I? Nah.
TT
I had tried to get him to go to the gym with me yesterday as a way to get there. I asked him in the morning that if I was dressed and ready when he got home after work could we go to the gym together? I was stunned when he said yes. He said yes and I was about to go on that we didn't have to stay long and we only...he stopped me and said, "I already said yes so leave it." I stopped talking. Of course, he called me later that afternoon to tell me he had forgotten he was going to meet some friends after work. Oh. Hmm. I asked him, "Who are you planning to blow-off?" He asked, "What do you mean?"
"Nevermind. You just answered my question." And it was okay he blew me off. I hadn't expected him to go in the first place. But since he knew I was starting to stress and obsess he found another way to try to help me out by calling me five minutes before I was to leave work. That was when he knew to give me the instructions to go home, change and go to the gym.
I did and I went and I feel better. I'll tell Jay thanks. I shouldn't remind him about blowing me off though, should I? Nah.
TT
Get going
Get up, get up, get up. My alarm is tinkling out it's pre-programmed tune to let me know it's the time I set it to wake me. It really is too early. The fact that I was awake 45 minutes before it went off doesn't help. I think to myself I should get up and head to the gym. I could squeeze in at least 30 minutes and still have time to shower and dress before work. I think that and get up. But somewhere in the time during making coffee and brushing my teeth the thought is thrown out. I've abandoned the idea of rushing out for that workout to rush back home to get ready to rush to work. I have so much more time after work. It's makes sense to go then. So I will put it off and take the chance of the possibility I will abandon the idea of going after work. Like I have done too many times already.
It makes me wonder where my motivation went. How did I lose it and, more importantly, how do I get it back? Maybe a break is what I needed. Nah. I'm feeling fine except for this lapse. Jay keeps telling me to do it when I feel like it and don't worry if I don't. I can't seem to process it that way. If I left everything to when I feel like it I don't think I would get a whole lot done. But I don't know.
I know I am going to have to break through soon. I know the one thing I don't feel like doing is this nothing I've been doing. I don't want to wake up to give myself the opportunity and then talk myself out of it. So if it makes sense not to go early and I have time after work it seems I already worked out the logistics. If only I can get my head out of the mix and stop this mental processing.
I can be such the pain!
TT
It makes me wonder where my motivation went. How did I lose it and, more importantly, how do I get it back? Maybe a break is what I needed. Nah. I'm feeling fine except for this lapse. Jay keeps telling me to do it when I feel like it and don't worry if I don't. I can't seem to process it that way. If I left everything to when I feel like it I don't think I would get a whole lot done. But I don't know.
I know I am going to have to break through soon. I know the one thing I don't feel like doing is this nothing I've been doing. I don't want to wake up to give myself the opportunity and then talk myself out of it. So if it makes sense not to go early and I have time after work it seems I already worked out the logistics. If only I can get my head out of the mix and stop this mental processing.
I can be such the pain!
TT
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Some sun
The days have been dark and dreary but yesterday as I worked I thought I saw the slightest glimmer of light. It caught my eye while I was working and I realized the reason I noticed it was because a small strip had actually appeared across my desk. I followed it with my gaze from one edge of my laptop to the end of my desk. It must have taken a mere two seconds before my head jerked up and turned to the windows. It was brighter. I could feel the same happening inside of me. A smile was tempting it's way out as I actually saw some sky with numerous clouds keeping it close company.
By the time I went to lunch the sun had braved its way out and was shining brightly. The clouds had moved away and I was left with nothing but warm rays and blue hues overhead. The air was sweeter and lightly played with the edges of my napkin as I was able to sit outside and bask in the best hour I have spent in months. The warmth, the sun and sky while sitting out during my free hour in the middle of a hectic day? I couldn't have asked for much more at the time.
It all seems too good to be true. Well, oh course, but it isn't. It isn't true. I write fiction, remember? It's all in my imagination and yesterday was as drab, dreary and dark as all the others we have had in succession.
I just had to find a way to make the best of it and well, this helped.
TT
By the time I went to lunch the sun had braved its way out and was shining brightly. The clouds had moved away and I was left with nothing but warm rays and blue hues overhead. The air was sweeter and lightly played with the edges of my napkin as I was able to sit outside and bask in the best hour I have spent in months. The warmth, the sun and sky while sitting out during my free hour in the middle of a hectic day? I couldn't have asked for much more at the time.
It all seems too good to be true. Well, oh course, but it isn't. It isn't true. I write fiction, remember? It's all in my imagination and yesterday was as drab, dreary and dark as all the others we have had in succession.
I just had to find a way to make the best of it and well, this helped.
TT
Monday, February 6, 2012
Learning to ignore
Monday morning 5:59am and I wonder. I comtemplate and think, too much. I can grin about it because I have gotten good at that one thing. Thinking. I can take a simple thought in so many different directions it certainly can make life confusing or fun depending if the weather is in my favor or not (she says sarcastically).
This morning I am thinking I need to firm up my routine. I need to think about making a plan to fit in the things I want to be doing while still doing the things I have to do. But then I am thinking (grin here) that what I need to do is change my routine. Or is that really the same thing but looking at it from a different side of the room?
I know I want to get moving whether it is around the room, the house, outside or in front of my laptop writing more chapters. There it is. I think that is what has been stomping all over my brain lately. That best friend of mine called insecurity keeps leaving me messages about writing and has been slowing me down. The good part is that I have kept focused on the pieces I am writing during these times and have even found myself curbing the overthinking in order to just put down the words. That comes first. That's the hard part. Then later I can see what needs to be done.
I just need to get better at ignoring those blasted messages about the writing.
TT
This morning I am thinking I need to firm up my routine. I need to think about making a plan to fit in the things I want to be doing while still doing the things I have to do. But then I am thinking (grin here) that what I need to do is change my routine. Or is that really the same thing but looking at it from a different side of the room?
I know I want to get moving whether it is around the room, the house, outside or in front of my laptop writing more chapters. There it is. I think that is what has been stomping all over my brain lately. That best friend of mine called insecurity keeps leaving me messages about writing and has been slowing me down. The good part is that I have kept focused on the pieces I am writing during these times and have even found myself curbing the overthinking in order to just put down the words. That comes first. That's the hard part. Then later I can see what needs to be done.
I just need to get better at ignoring those blasted messages about the writing.
TT
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Lack of circulation
I am a wimp when it comes to cold weather. I have no doubts or qualms about that. It is well known by people who know me and honestly, I know they are sick of it. That's okay. I can get pretty fed up with people complaining about the heat but somehow I think that is the way it balances out in the cosmic spreadsheet of life.
I must say that I sometimes get the impression that people think I am looking for sympathy or exaggerating my terrible negativity for the cold. They do not understand the real, bone chilling effects it really has on my person. They don't understand there is a level of extreme physical discomfort that can play into my brain especially when I am made to believe it isn't really anything. Nothing. Get over it. And I try and sometimes I succeed to press it away from the forefront of my thoughts and sometimes the pure physical effects takes its toll.
Today I am not looking for sympathy or exaggerating. You can't tell me this isn't painful. I didn't doctor this pic or take it under special lighting. Yes. My fingers have gone numb from a mere quick trip to the grocery store. I know I don't have a circulation problem when it's warm.
I must say that I sometimes get the impression that people think I am looking for sympathy or exaggerating my terrible negativity for the cold. They do not understand the real, bone chilling effects it really has on my person. They don't understand there is a level of extreme physical discomfort that can play into my brain especially when I am made to believe it isn't really anything. Nothing. Get over it. And I try and sometimes I succeed to press it away from the forefront of my thoughts and sometimes the pure physical effects takes its toll.
Today I am not looking for sympathy or exaggerating. You can't tell me this isn't painful. I didn't doctor this pic or take it under special lighting. Yes. My fingers have gone numb from a mere quick trip to the grocery store. I know I don't have a circulation problem when it's warm.
And I dropped a dozen eggs. It's got to get better from here.
TT
Skip this one
It must be the weather. The dark, cold, and wet that has managed to permeate. I can't think of any other reason. There isn't any other reason. Nothing else is slightly the bit wrong and yet. Yet I can't help the feeling of it surrounding me. It has me cornered on all sides. There isn't a place I can go to break through because it has positioned itself everywhere. My only chance is to hold tight.
I know it will pass like everything does. But when it's there it can be a dreadful path like fighting dragons to get along my way. I know I can be stronger than it ever seems to be but it places it's pits where I am least suspecting. Insecurities can be a bitch. Too bad she wants to be my best friend.
But it must be the weather.
TT
I know it will pass like everything does. But when it's there it can be a dreadful path like fighting dragons to get along my way. I know I can be stronger than it ever seems to be but it places it's pits where I am least suspecting. Insecurities can be a bitch. Too bad she wants to be my best friend.
But it must be the weather.
TT
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Dreary day
It's been a dreary, overcast day. There was a thunderstorm last night and it left the day with no sun and colder than it has been all week. I got up too early, drank too much coffee, and posted a bit of fiction I probably should have left in a forgotten document somewhere. Ah well. So it goes. I had to go out and donate my portion of blood. It seems I am on their list now and they schedule me whenever my time comes up. I don't have a problem doing it. It used to be I was anemic and couldn't so I won't complain.
I came home and did some usual household chores. Then I baked cookies. It filled the afternoon and the kitchen with some great aroma's. I pulled my laptop down to the kitchen table and wrote. It passed the time and I got to do two of the things I enjoy doing so much.
A dreary, overcast day alone but filled with things I do by myself. Not such a bad combination.
Oh, and the fiction I wrote this afternoon? It's in a document, filed away. I'll decide later if it's one that needs to be forgotten about along with all the other chapters that are there with it.
But the cookies? Impeccable.
TT
I came home and did some usual household chores. Then I baked cookies. It filled the afternoon and the kitchen with some great aroma's. I pulled my laptop down to the kitchen table and wrote. It passed the time and I got to do two of the things I enjoy doing so much.
A dreary, overcast day alone but filled with things I do by myself. Not such a bad combination.
But the cookies? Impeccable.
TT
Scenario: Lip Service
I was up way too early this morning. I wasn't going to work on this mushy bit of fiction but approached it as just another writing exercise. Just another workout on the way to another goal, so to speak. It came from the simple phrase I heard in a song about giving me lip service and I took it from there. It could have gone in so many other directions but this is where I took it this time.
TT
--------------------------------------------------------
He walked her to the door. They had been seeing each other only a few times and this had been a particularly fun evening. It had been filled with so much conversation they couldn't contain their thoughts as they talked and shared, words spilling out with laughter. It wasn't the first time in their handful of dates that she had experienced the warm feeling of closeness with him and knew he felt it too. They were both guilty of having a little too much fun with everything being said during the times they spent together. This evening had been no different. Or that is what she thought as they walked together and reached her door to say goodbye.
He leaned down and brushed her lips and told her he would call. He moved slightly away and that is when she met his eyes and they held for a solid moment before he turned. She couldn't read his face. He hadn't smiled or changed his serious expression. Was she making too much of it? Had she been too hopeful in where she thought this relationship might be going? She closed her eyes briefly to try to ward off the insecurity. But she couldn't deny that feeling of a heavy stone in the pit of her stomach. Somehow, something had changed and he had just given her lip service. No, not the kiss but all the rest of it. It was in the way he barely touched her lips and turned away after giving her the classic brush off about telling her that he would call. How could she have let herself be so hopeful?
She watched him as he walked away. She wanted to call him back and make it all rewind. She wanted to find the moment where it had all changed. And to find out why.
Maybe she was wrong. She could have been imagining it. It was only a look, a swift feeling. She couldn't pin anything down to prove it was true. But she knew. She knew. He wouldn't call again. She thought she was good at reading all the unspoken signs. Maybe too good. She was suddenly sad since she believed there could have been so much more. She had gotten to know him and it had been so easy and honest. But she couldn't deny what she was feeling. There had been something that passed between them in that flicker of their eyes. She felt foolish now that she had allowed herself to feel so much for him in such a short time.
She pushed her key into the door and let herself in. She put her purse down on the table and took a deep breath. She heard her cell phone ring and reached into her bag to pull it out. She frowned with confusion as she recognized his number and answered, "Hello?"
"Hey. I'm outside your door. I walked away but had to come back. I had the weirdest vibe about the two of us. Is everything alright? Can I come in?"
She turned to switch on the light to illuminate the dark room. The stone in the pit of her stomach turned into anxious nerves as she suddenly realized her own insecurities might have reflected from her eyes during that instant moments ago. She opened the door to him unable to contain the upward turn that was brightening her face. He stepped inside and studied her smile. He brought his face down to hers and that is when the real lip service began.
TT
--------------------------------------------------------
He walked her to the door. They had been seeing each other only a few times and this had been a particularly fun evening. It had been filled with so much conversation they couldn't contain their thoughts as they talked and shared, words spilling out with laughter. It wasn't the first time in their handful of dates that she had experienced the warm feeling of closeness with him and knew he felt it too. They were both guilty of having a little too much fun with everything being said during the times they spent together. This evening had been no different. Or that is what she thought as they walked together and reached her door to say goodbye.
He leaned down and brushed her lips and told her he would call. He moved slightly away and that is when she met his eyes and they held for a solid moment before he turned. She couldn't read his face. He hadn't smiled or changed his serious expression. Was she making too much of it? Had she been too hopeful in where she thought this relationship might be going? She closed her eyes briefly to try to ward off the insecurity. But she couldn't deny that feeling of a heavy stone in the pit of her stomach. Somehow, something had changed and he had just given her lip service. No, not the kiss but all the rest of it. It was in the way he barely touched her lips and turned away after giving her the classic brush off about telling her that he would call. How could she have let herself be so hopeful?
She watched him as he walked away. She wanted to call him back and make it all rewind. She wanted to find the moment where it had all changed. And to find out why.
Maybe she was wrong. She could have been imagining it. It was only a look, a swift feeling. She couldn't pin anything down to prove it was true. But she knew. She knew. He wouldn't call again. She thought she was good at reading all the unspoken signs. Maybe too good. She was suddenly sad since she believed there could have been so much more. She had gotten to know him and it had been so easy and honest. But she couldn't deny what she was feeling. There had been something that passed between them in that flicker of their eyes. She felt foolish now that she had allowed herself to feel so much for him in such a short time.
She pushed her key into the door and let herself in. She put her purse down on the table and took a deep breath. She heard her cell phone ring and reached into her bag to pull it out. She frowned with confusion as she recognized his number and answered, "Hello?"
"Hey. I'm outside your door. I walked away but had to come back. I had the weirdest vibe about the two of us. Is everything alright? Can I come in?"
She turned to switch on the light to illuminate the dark room. The stone in the pit of her stomach turned into anxious nerves as she suddenly realized her own insecurities might have reflected from her eyes during that instant moments ago. She opened the door to him unable to contain the upward turn that was brightening her face. He stepped inside and studied her smile. He brought his face down to hers and that is when the real lip service began.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Calming work
I can't say I did it purposefully. I was going through the mess on my desk and realized I had this page I wrote quickly and tucked away a few weeks ago.
It is a fiction brainstorm or what I have called in the past - a scenario. I think I got the idea when I heard a line from a song I happened to be listening to and it said something about giving me lip service. I thought about that phrase and where I could take it. I grabbed a scrap piece of paper and wrote the fiction down.
Now it's sitting across my keyboard and I'm thinking I should use some time writing it up properly to get me centered again. I've been all over the place this past week. I've been busy, rushed, stressed, frustrated...but no worries...let's just say I knew it was happening and I have been trying to cure myself. Like finding a short piece of fiction I wrote a few weeks ago and thinking I will sit quietly and write it up.
It's amazing how after the chaotic effects of a tornado I will find the one important thing that will make me pause and I remember what I should always be making time to work on.
TT
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Rushed
So when did everything get so rushed? Yet again, this morning is one of those days layered over days that continue to allow me no time. When did my time become so compressed that I can't get enough done? It is so frustrating to have to stop doing things that I had hoped to get done early and not only have to leave those but a few others. It comes to a point where I feel like I am moving in circles until I am dizzy. I can't get to it all. I certainly want to, but the time slips away and I have to leave or go off in another direction.
Today is another rushed morning when things will get put aside when all I want is to grab them up and take care of them. My wish is to place them where they should be and take stock in the things around me. I would like to pay attention to the things that have gotten pushed aside and neglected.
Oh, who am I kidding, but myself? I don't have the time. Yet again.
TT
Today is another rushed morning when things will get put aside when all I want is to grab them up and take care of them. My wish is to place them where they should be and take stock in the things around me. I would like to pay attention to the things that have gotten pushed aside and neglected.
Oh, who am I kidding, but myself? I don't have the time. Yet again.
TT
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Move forward
I knew I needed to write a new post this morning. If for no other reason than to collapse my archive that is to the right-hand border of this page. I knew getting up this morning that it is a new month and the only way to make all those older posts go away is to write a new one at the beginning of a new month. It isn't really about making them go away but putting them aside so I can concentrate on what is ahead.
I ended last month by getting to my goal of running 75 miles for the month. If I stop too long to feel good about it I won't do a thing about accomplishing anything this month. I was lucky enough to get some great comments on the past two posts of the month. It's amazing what a little encouragement can do.
I will need to match my 75 mile goal again this month. I haven't really put together much more than that. I know I need to take a closer look at my nutrition which has been sorely lacking in what I should be consuming. Let's face it, I haven't been doing well with what I have been eating lately and I'm feeling the bad effects. Don't think it doesn't play a part in the whole scheme of things. It does and I am feeling some ill effects of eating things I thought would make me feel good when they really slowed me down instead.
Then I need to get some new running shoes. What better motivation to get out and run than to have a new pair of dogs?
It isn't really a complicated plan. I'm still thinking it through and will need to set up some weekly goals and schedules. It's the first day of the month and I'll start now.
Let's put last month away and start up new. What's to do and how do I do it?
One step at a time, but always moving forward.
TT
I ended last month by getting to my goal of running 75 miles for the month. If I stop too long to feel good about it I won't do a thing about accomplishing anything this month. I was lucky enough to get some great comments on the past two posts of the month. It's amazing what a little encouragement can do.
I will need to match my 75 mile goal again this month. I haven't really put together much more than that. I know I need to take a closer look at my nutrition which has been sorely lacking in what I should be consuming. Let's face it, I haven't been doing well with what I have been eating lately and I'm feeling the bad effects. Don't think it doesn't play a part in the whole scheme of things. It does and I am feeling some ill effects of eating things I thought would make me feel good when they really slowed me down instead.
Then I need to get some new running shoes. What better motivation to get out and run than to have a new pair of dogs?
It isn't really a complicated plan. I'm still thinking it through and will need to set up some weekly goals and schedules. It's the first day of the month and I'll start now.
Let's put last month away and start up new. What's to do and how do I do it?
One step at a time, but always moving forward.
TT
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)