Today really is the last day of the first month of the New Year. I say that like I don’t believe it’s true. It is true. A month has gone by and I am slightly amazed and I shouldn’t be.
It isn’t like I wasn’t there the entire time. I have been here every day even on recent days when I shouldn’t have been, saying things I shouldn’t say.
And that’s how it is sometimes whether I like it or not. Sometimes just doing, keeps me in motion long enough to get to the good stuff.
So I set out at the beginning of the month with a few things to do. Or a few things was what I thought. I had no idea how much time would go into these things while still doing everything else. But I can’t say I didn’t manage to do them because I did. I would like to poke big fist-sized holes in how I did all these things but I’m already too good at doing that and then why? Maybe it is because I am so good at it. The hole-punching thing in all that I do.
The facts still remain that I did them.
• I have written something every day. Some days I wrote more and better than others, but I wrote every day.
• I have followed a scheduled running plan for the past five weeks.
• I read eight books this month.
• I kept up with work and life in general. (It tried to take me down but I’m still here.)
So all in all I didn’t do anything major or earth shattering. Nothing that big to anyone except to me because I was able to fit it all in. It is probably why it got tough for me that last week. I don’t need to push so hard when I’m already getting it done now do I?
So I did that too. I pushed too hard and learned I didn’t have to.
Good month January.
TT
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Running Week Five
I have managed to complete 5 full weeks of running. This whole idea of trying to put myself on some sort of training schedule seems to have given me some motivation to actually do this.
There has been at least two times recently that I found myself tying laces up on my running shoes when my brain hadn't registered that I was going out for a run. And both times I went out and ran. Both times it turned out to be a really good feeling run. I can't even tell you the distances or the speeds. Those things seem immaterial right now. What I remember is that I went out and I felt really good when all was said and done.
I have my stats for this week. It was fewer miles that the previous week but I was trying to do that on purpose. I also only ran 4 days this past week instead of the five days I had done the previous weeks. But then, after I took two consecutive days off I set a personal record and best of 8.25 miles in one run.
Yes, that long run was first thing this morning and I will take it for whatever it’s supposed to mean. I wasn’t setting out to do that, but I did.
Wk 5-1/24/10-1/30/10
Sun-Plan-3 Actual 3.25
Mon-Rest Actual 0
Tues-3 Actual 3
Wed-4 Actual 3
Thur-2 Actual 0
Fri-Rest Actual 0
Sat-4 Actual 8.25
Total-16 Actual 17.5
I can take another look at my plan for the entire month. I had given myself the task of running 67.5 miles for the first five weeks. My actuals have totaled 80.5 miles. I'm not kidding, I added it twice.
Not too bad. That would put me pretty far out of town.
TT
There has been at least two times recently that I found myself tying laces up on my running shoes when my brain hadn't registered that I was going out for a run. And both times I went out and ran. Both times it turned out to be a really good feeling run. I can't even tell you the distances or the speeds. Those things seem immaterial right now. What I remember is that I went out and I felt really good when all was said and done.
I have my stats for this week. It was fewer miles that the previous week but I was trying to do that on purpose. I also only ran 4 days this past week instead of the five days I had done the previous weeks. But then, after I took two consecutive days off I set a personal record and best of 8.25 miles in one run.
Yes, that long run was first thing this morning and I will take it for whatever it’s supposed to mean. I wasn’t setting out to do that, but I did.
Wk 5-1/24/10-1/30/10
Sun-Plan-3 Actual 3.25
Mon-Rest Actual 0
Tues-3 Actual 3
Wed-4 Actual 3
Thur-2 Actual 0
Fri-Rest Actual 0
Sat-4 Actual 8.25
Total-16 Actual 17.5
I can take another look at my plan for the entire month. I had given myself the task of running 67.5 miles for the first five weeks. My actuals have totaled 80.5 miles. I'm not kidding, I added it twice.
Not too bad. That would put me pretty far out of town.
TT
Friday, January 29, 2010
It's raining
I didn't hear the rain until I came upstairs. I knew it was coming and expected it last night but I didn't hear it then either. I'm not sure if it was raining the whole time but I could hear it once I was sitting up here in front of my dual windows still dark with no sounds outside except the drops coming down.
It is the completion of the last week in the first month of this year. It keeps sliding by. Just 11 months left to this year of 2010 and lots to do.
You can tell I need to ease down that expectation monitor that keeps ticking for me. I can tell too. If I can't sit and appreciate the rain, then even I have to admit it's a bit much.
There is nothing better than having a few moments to sit and listen to the rain coming down. Early morning darkness still throwing it's cloak around and me safe and dry with my hands around a warm cup.
Even if it's only for a few moments. Small things make the biggest differences when I don't get too caught up not to notice.
It is so much better to stop and notice.
TT
It is the completion of the last week in the first month of this year. It keeps sliding by. Just 11 months left to this year of 2010 and lots to do.
You can tell I need to ease down that expectation monitor that keeps ticking for me. I can tell too. If I can't sit and appreciate the rain, then even I have to admit it's a bit much.
There is nothing better than having a few moments to sit and listen to the rain coming down. Early morning darkness still throwing it's cloak around and me safe and dry with my hands around a warm cup.
Even if it's only for a few moments. Small things make the biggest differences when I don't get too caught up not to notice.
It is so much better to stop and notice.
TT
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Whadda I do?
Have you ever had a disagreement with someone but can’t remember what caused it? You know in the back of your mind it had to have been something you did but since you don’t remember you can’t be sure. You are placed in the uncomfortable position of wanting to straighten things out but not sure how to go about it?
This morning I can’t figure out why my writing is upset with me. I would like to make amends but I’ve attempted three times to come up with ways to get going and smooth the path but have deleted each attempt. It wasn’t right and even now I have big doubts this is going to help.
But I guess it can’t hurt any more than trying and trying and not liking anything until you just say, “I don’t know what’s wrong,” and leave it at that for now.
Maybe I can take it out for coffee later.
TT
This morning I can’t figure out why my writing is upset with me. I would like to make amends but I’ve attempted three times to come up with ways to get going and smooth the path but have deleted each attempt. It wasn’t right and even now I have big doubts this is going to help.
But I guess it can’t hurt any more than trying and trying and not liking anything until you just say, “I don’t know what’s wrong,” and leave it at that for now.
Maybe I can take it out for coffee later.
TT
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Just in Time
I thought about my Dad. There was something about the piece I just wrote. Maybe it was the title Like dancing that triggered it. That was part of it but it was more the free spirited aspect. It was more the idea of the carefree, easy-going way about it.
My Dad has been gone a while. He was gone on a Friday, January 6th – yeah, Epiphany, at age 82. Every Friday after that day was marked for a long time. I wondered when Fridays would become just Fridays again and not how many Fridays since…
It became a ritual of mine to listen to music when I would get ready for work. I would always put on one of his favorites on Friday mornings and Artie Shaw and his renowned clarinet would bleed out tunes I won’t ever forget. It was having Dad there again for the brief time I captured on Fridays listening to what he liked and I loved because of him.
Dad was so easy. Dad told silly corny jokes and made everyone laugh with him. Dad sang in the car and made me sing along with him. He picked an old song and we would sing it acapella until the harmonies were perfect or perfect to us or never just right, let’s do that part again, there that’s better.
He would drink scotch, which was nasty, but not all that often. He would tell me to stop drinking coffee, “It’ll stunt you’re growth, look at me?!”
I’d laugh at him and keep drinking it and it did. Just like him. He was short.
He ate large bowls of ice cream after dinner while watching television in his recliner. It’s his fault I love ice cream so much.
I think the reason I thought of Dad was partly because of the title of that last post. After he was gone I wrote a short piece that I titled Keep Dancing. I hurriedly tried to find a copy of it last night and didn’t but it must be there. I told of how he would show me the steps, lead me along. I told of how he was always there and knew when I needed more practice and then he was gone. But I told of how the music is still playing and how I can keep dancing.
It’s funny how something as foreign to my Dad as running could trigger, for me, memories of him. I think it was the pure joy of the act that did it for me.
He loved it all and made it easy.
TT
-----------------------------------------------
"Just in Time" was the name of the song we would sing in the car. I don't even know the name of the artist since we would always turn off the radio to sing it. It was just our voices, together.
My Dad has been gone a while. He was gone on a Friday, January 6th – yeah, Epiphany, at age 82. Every Friday after that day was marked for a long time. I wondered when Fridays would become just Fridays again and not how many Fridays since…
It became a ritual of mine to listen to music when I would get ready for work. I would always put on one of his favorites on Friday mornings and Artie Shaw and his renowned clarinet would bleed out tunes I won’t ever forget. It was having Dad there again for the brief time I captured on Fridays listening to what he liked and I loved because of him.
Dad was so easy. Dad told silly corny jokes and made everyone laugh with him. Dad sang in the car and made me sing along with him. He picked an old song and we would sing it acapella until the harmonies were perfect or perfect to us or never just right, let’s do that part again, there that’s better.
He would drink scotch, which was nasty, but not all that often. He would tell me to stop drinking coffee, “It’ll stunt you’re growth, look at me?!”
I’d laugh at him and keep drinking it and it did. Just like him. He was short.
He ate large bowls of ice cream after dinner while watching television in his recliner. It’s his fault I love ice cream so much.
I think the reason I thought of Dad was partly because of the title of that last post. After he was gone I wrote a short piece that I titled Keep Dancing. I hurriedly tried to find a copy of it last night and didn’t but it must be there. I told of how he would show me the steps, lead me along. I told of how he was always there and knew when I needed more practice and then he was gone. But I told of how the music is still playing and how I can keep dancing.
It’s funny how something as foreign to my Dad as running could trigger, for me, memories of him. I think it was the pure joy of the act that did it for me.
He loved it all and made it easy.
TT
-----------------------------------------------
"Just in Time" was the name of the song we would sing in the car. I don't even know the name of the artist since we would always turn off the radio to sing it. It was just our voices, together.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Like dancing
It could have been a quick escape into solitude after a grueling day when I dragged myself out of the car this afternoon. I realized it had reached 71 degrees. I stopped just long enough in the drive to think my jacket for the first time today was slightly too warm to have on.
I made my way indoors and found I had not only pulled open my gym bag but had thrown on my microfiber gear and running shoes. I was out the door and into mile two before I realized I hadn't given a thought to that mile incline. I was practically skipping to a three/four beat tune as my mind tried to say wait, hold up, but my body knew the discipline too well and didn't pay it any mind as it danced forward.
Three miles, that real, that true, that easy.
That good.
TT
I made my way indoors and found I had not only pulled open my gym bag but had thrown on my microfiber gear and running shoes. I was out the door and into mile two before I realized I hadn't given a thought to that mile incline. I was practically skipping to a three/four beat tune as my mind tried to say wait, hold up, but my body knew the discipline too well and didn't pay it any mind as it danced forward.
Three miles, that real, that true, that easy.
That good.
TT
Old saying
I was told yesterday that I was, "Una hierba nunca muere."
This took place late yesterday afternoon when I was feeling more than a little low. Somehow I had managed to work up enough mental stress to exhaust myself physically. I could click off at least 6 or 7 (I'm not kidding - that many) bullet points that had gotten me there. I thought I had cleared myself of most of the stress over the weekend but I had managed to let some creep right back into place by yesterday afternoon.
It didn't help that my attitude about the weather was unbearable. No one should feel so uncomfortable with the weather inside a public building. But I did. No one should have to sit on their hands alternating them to keep warm while still trying to work.
But that was only one thing. There were others.
I will spare you all the details. It doesn't matter since they are my mental sufferings and will clear appropriately as I get past them. It was just not such a good day.
My poor attitude must have held the tiniest glimmer of hope when I was told this Mexican saying. With only 6 days left of the first month of this New Year I have managed to juggle more than a few difficult endeavors of my own making while taking care of regular business. It was no wonder I was showing signs of stress when a few more curve balls were thrown in my direction and I thought I needed very badly to field them all myself.
I seem now to have slightly put them back in some kind of perspective so hopefully; hopefully, it won’t be such an issue. I’m too stubborn, tenacious, and persistent to allow these things from stopping me from the things I know I should and want to be doing.
That’s where the saying comes into play.
I was told yesterday that I was a weed that never dies.
TT
This took place late yesterday afternoon when I was feeling more than a little low. Somehow I had managed to work up enough mental stress to exhaust myself physically. I could click off at least 6 or 7 (I'm not kidding - that many) bullet points that had gotten me there. I thought I had cleared myself of most of the stress over the weekend but I had managed to let some creep right back into place by yesterday afternoon.
It didn't help that my attitude about the weather was unbearable. No one should feel so uncomfortable with the weather inside a public building. But I did. No one should have to sit on their hands alternating them to keep warm while still trying to work.
But that was only one thing. There were others.
I will spare you all the details. It doesn't matter since they are my mental sufferings and will clear appropriately as I get past them. It was just not such a good day.
My poor attitude must have held the tiniest glimmer of hope when I was told this Mexican saying. With only 6 days left of the first month of this New Year I have managed to juggle more than a few difficult endeavors of my own making while taking care of regular business. It was no wonder I was showing signs of stress when a few more curve balls were thrown in my direction and I thought I needed very badly to field them all myself.
I seem now to have slightly put them back in some kind of perspective so hopefully; hopefully, it won’t be such an issue. I’m too stubborn, tenacious, and persistent to allow these things from stopping me from the things I know I should and want to be doing.
That’s where the saying comes into play.
I was told yesterday that I was a weed that never dies.
TT
Monday, January 25, 2010
The story continues
I wrote on Chapter two of my book yesterday. I forged forward, got past all the reading of chapter one and found my spot where I needed to pick up the story again. I have to say it was a halting flow. I got two pages written by the time I was finished and came to a stopping place, but I had the sensation of being watched the entire time. I kept waiting for someone to come up, read over my shoulder and say, “You better stop, shake their head and walk away.” I am not sure why I couldn’t settle down and just get into the flow of what I was doing. I guess I have to get over my jitters and give myself a chance to fit in again. I guess. I hope.
Even the simple task of reading through chapter one without a single keystroke change was almost impossible. I can see so many things that need to be re-arranged and re-worded and re-done. I did manage to stick to the course and made my way through it without changing a single thing (yet). It wasn’t an easy chore.
I am not one to leave something I know isn’t “done” properly. I will usually fix it or chuck it. I will need to learn to treat this differently. I thought I already wrapped my mind around that concept but I keep getting the urge to fall back into that bad habit of doing it right, fixing it, or stopping. Not a really good bunch of options right now when I know I have to keep writing – going forward.
But Chapter two has definitely been started with real words and progression. I had a few false starts last week when I couldn’t even get past the reading of Chapter one. This time I am at least putting words on the page and creating that forward motion.
So halting jitters or not, the story continues. I’ll do the re-arranging, re-wording and re-doing when there is something more substantial to do it to.
I just need to follow rule number one right now: I need to write.
TT
Even the simple task of reading through chapter one without a single keystroke change was almost impossible. I can see so many things that need to be re-arranged and re-worded and re-done. I did manage to stick to the course and made my way through it without changing a single thing (yet). It wasn’t an easy chore.
I am not one to leave something I know isn’t “done” properly. I will usually fix it or chuck it. I will need to learn to treat this differently. I thought I already wrapped my mind around that concept but I keep getting the urge to fall back into that bad habit of doing it right, fixing it, or stopping. Not a really good bunch of options right now when I know I have to keep writing – going forward.
But Chapter two has definitely been started with real words and progression. I had a few false starts last week when I couldn’t even get past the reading of Chapter one. This time I am at least putting words on the page and creating that forward motion.
So halting jitters or not, the story continues. I’ll do the re-arranging, re-wording and re-doing when there is something more substantial to do it to.
I just need to follow rule number one right now: I need to write.
TT
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Running Week Four
Week Sun Mon Tues Wed Thu Fri Sat Total
Wk 1
12/27-1/2 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actual 2 2 0 2.5 3 0 3 12.5
Wk 2
1/3-1/9 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actual 3.25 2 0 2.5 2.25 0 3 13
Wk 3
1/10-1/16 3 Rest 2 3 2 Rest 3 13 miles
Actual 4.5 2 0 3 3 0 3 15.5
Wk 4-Plan
1/17-1/23 3 Rest 3 3.5 2 Rest 4 15.5 miles
Actuals 4.5 4 3 0 4 2.5 4 22
I guess I don't need to include the entire four week schedule of plans and actual miles I have done each week for the last four weeks. Next week I will probably change it to only the current week accomplished but I will think about that next week.
I really turned it on this week. I know I have been doing a mile, a mile and a half more than the plan each week but this week...well, the plan was 15.5 and I did 22. It felt good, what can I say?
I can always turn it around and say it's only 4 miles. That's not a 10K - not unless you add 2.2 miles to that 4 mile run. I am still a bit away from that and I think this week I'll stick closer to the plan for week five. It would be a drop in miles since it only asks for 16 total, but it might be a good thing to just maintain this coming week.
It had been strongly suggested that I needed to go out and get myself a massage after my run yesterday. Well, I have to admit I ran and showered and managed to get caught up in a few other things before I checked the location. I was a little late yesterday but I have the location, phone number and some basic information.
I'll see. When I only have so much time to fit in a multitude of sins I don't know where that exactly falls in.
And I do have to run again today, afterall.
TT
Wk 1
12/27-1/2 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actual 2 2 0 2.5 3 0 3 12.5
Wk 2
1/3-1/9 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actual 3.25 2 0 2.5 2.25 0 3 13
Wk 3
1/10-1/16 3 Rest 2 3 2 Rest 3 13 miles
Actual 4.5 2 0 3 3 0 3 15.5
Wk 4-Plan
1/17-1/23 3 Rest 3 3.5 2 Rest 4 15.5 miles
Actuals 4.5 4 3 0 4 2.5 4 22
I guess I don't need to include the entire four week schedule of plans and actual miles I have done each week for the last four weeks. Next week I will probably change it to only the current week accomplished but I will think about that next week.
I really turned it on this week. I know I have been doing a mile, a mile and a half more than the plan each week but this week...well, the plan was 15.5 and I did 22. It felt good, what can I say?
I can always turn it around and say it's only 4 miles. That's not a 10K - not unless you add 2.2 miles to that 4 mile run. I am still a bit away from that and I think this week I'll stick closer to the plan for week five. It would be a drop in miles since it only asks for 16 total, but it might be a good thing to just maintain this coming week.
It had been strongly suggested that I needed to go out and get myself a massage after my run yesterday. Well, I have to admit I ran and showered and managed to get caught up in a few other things before I checked the location. I was a little late yesterday but I have the location, phone number and some basic information.
I'll see. When I only have so much time to fit in a multitude of sins I don't know where that exactly falls in.
And I do have to run again today, afterall.
TT
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Card game
I am sorting through my Saturday morning the way I sometimes shuffle my index cards of ideas. Mostly they stay in a small pile but occasionally I pick them up and check through them.
I am doing that with things I am thinking about this morning. I have picked up my small imaginary pile of index cards and am shuffling through them. What's to do, what I want, what I need, what should I...
It's like a game of solitaire. I’ve spread out the options and make different piles. This card goes in the I will do this pile, that goes in the I wonder if I have time for that pile, this goes in the I will make time for that, for sure, pile and then wonder if I have a few minutes for this pile.
Silly stuff.
And just like cards it will play out whatever way the deck is shuffled on this particular occasion.
It’s nice to be able to just leave it to the cards sometimes.
TT
I am doing that with things I am thinking about this morning. I have picked up my small imaginary pile of index cards and am shuffling through them. What's to do, what I want, what I need, what should I...
It's like a game of solitaire. I’ve spread out the options and make different piles. This card goes in the I will do this pile, that goes in the I wonder if I have time for that pile, this goes in the I will make time for that, for sure, pile and then wonder if I have a few minutes for this pile.
Silly stuff.
And just like cards it will play out whatever way the deck is shuffled on this particular occasion.
It’s nice to be able to just leave it to the cards sometimes.
TT
Friday, January 22, 2010
Word day
How about a word for the day? Are you up for it? I don’t think I am really up for it but this is all I got after a tough day yesterday.
I know, I gave myself a break…didn’t run, didn’t write (well – I wrote a little) but let’s face it, I took a day off because I was getting exhausted.
So all that being said I think I have no choice but to use my fall back 365 new words-a-year calendar. And the word for today, Friday, January 22, 2010 is: Revenant.
Yes, you heard correctly and it is spelled right. The word for today is revenant. It is a noun that means: one that returns after death or a long absence. I don’t know a longer absence than death but I don’t write the words or the definitions.
I had to think on this word for a moment because when I saw it I had to check it twice. It is not the word relevant. Everyone has heard of and knows the word relevant so when I read the word revenant I could only think of a five year old mispronouncing the word. I think they would say revenant much the same way they would say effanent, for elephant of course.
Can you hear a small child saying…revenant?... the way they would say effanent? Maybe it is just me but I can sure hear it that way. I don’t know I would want to use the word if I were to be heard by others coming across as a small child mispronouncing words.
Someone might have the desire to take me off to a local zoo to point out the effanents and make me say it correctly after them. “See, there, the big gray E l e p h a n t. Say it again, E l e phant. Yes,” nodding vigorously.
At that point I would be able to stare at them glaringly and say, “You’re kidding me, right?”
At that point I would wish I was a revenant that decided against returning at all.
TT
I know, I gave myself a break…didn’t run, didn’t write (well – I wrote a little) but let’s face it, I took a day off because I was getting exhausted.
So all that being said I think I have no choice but to use my fall back 365 new words-a-year calendar. And the word for today, Friday, January 22, 2010 is: Revenant.
Yes, you heard correctly and it is spelled right. The word for today is revenant. It is a noun that means: one that returns after death or a long absence. I don’t know a longer absence than death but I don’t write the words or the definitions.
I had to think on this word for a moment because when I saw it I had to check it twice. It is not the word relevant. Everyone has heard of and knows the word relevant so when I read the word revenant I could only think of a five year old mispronouncing the word. I think they would say revenant much the same way they would say effanent, for elephant of course.
Can you hear a small child saying…revenant?... the way they would say effanent? Maybe it is just me but I can sure hear it that way. I don’t know I would want to use the word if I were to be heard by others coming across as a small child mispronouncing words.
Someone might have the desire to take me off to a local zoo to point out the effanents and make me say it correctly after them. “See, there, the big gray E l e p h a n t. Say it again, E l e phant. Yes,” nodding vigorously.
At that point I would be able to stare at them glaringly and say, “You’re kidding me, right?”
At that point I would wish I was a revenant that decided against returning at all.
TT
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Day taken
Yesterday was another of those mornings when things were not going as smoothly as they could. I am beginning to average one a week lately, it seems. I barely dragged myself out of bed although I was fine immediately after my feet hit the floor.
I got myself together and wandered on upstairs to put a few words together and my laptop was misbehaving again. It likes to cycle sometimes when booting up and play peek-a-boo with my internet connection. I know from experience that I should bite the bullet and just shut it down completely when it does this and re-start from scratch. Well, again for some crazy reason, I thought I could keep working and not do that. I know better.
It lost connections, I got frustrated, my words weren’t happening and time was dwindling before I had to leave for work. It is astounding the things I will do to myself when I know better.
I finally shut it off and back on again. I got it going properly and was off and running so to speak. But I had cut my available time down to a minimum.
Still, it was only early morning and if I try to keep a bright and sunny outlook I still had time to do more if only later in the day. I did have a few things to do but then it’s just a matter of deciding to do them and then getting them done, right?
Well, it would be great if I could say – yes – I was able to get through the day and got all the things done that needed to be done. That wasn’t the case. I was able to get a ferocious amount of items done at work. I stayed pretty focused and managed to cross many things from my get these done list.
It was more the after hours stuff that didn’t look like it was happening by the time I was able to leave work.
The temperature was good but the chilling wetness had crept into my bones and I was somehow hearing leg muscles talk to me that haven’t said a word in many months. The run was not going to happen for sure but once entering my own front door my brain seemed to want act stupid and silly.
I realized it was going to be a non-productive day. I wasn’t going to get anything of worth done and if I pushed myself I would end up with another day just like it all over again. So I didn’t do.
But hey, that’s okay right?
Why do short work weeks always seem so long?
TT
I got myself together and wandered on upstairs to put a few words together and my laptop was misbehaving again. It likes to cycle sometimes when booting up and play peek-a-boo with my internet connection. I know from experience that I should bite the bullet and just shut it down completely when it does this and re-start from scratch. Well, again for some crazy reason, I thought I could keep working and not do that. I know better.
It lost connections, I got frustrated, my words weren’t happening and time was dwindling before I had to leave for work. It is astounding the things I will do to myself when I know better.
I finally shut it off and back on again. I got it going properly and was off and running so to speak. But I had cut my available time down to a minimum.
Still, it was only early morning and if I try to keep a bright and sunny outlook I still had time to do more if only later in the day. I did have a few things to do but then it’s just a matter of deciding to do them and then getting them done, right?
Well, it would be great if I could say – yes – I was able to get through the day and got all the things done that needed to be done. That wasn’t the case. I was able to get a ferocious amount of items done at work. I stayed pretty focused and managed to cross many things from my get these done list.
It was more the after hours stuff that didn’t look like it was happening by the time I was able to leave work.
The temperature was good but the chilling wetness had crept into my bones and I was somehow hearing leg muscles talk to me that haven’t said a word in many months. The run was not going to happen for sure but once entering my own front door my brain seemed to want act stupid and silly.
I realized it was going to be a non-productive day. I wasn’t going to get anything of worth done and if I pushed myself I would end up with another day just like it all over again. So I didn’t do.
But hey, that’s okay right?
Why do short work weeks always seem so long?
TT
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Running barefoot
I finished reading a book Monday night that I had been lent by a friend from work. I had been enjoying another series of books I was reading but my co-worker thought I might be interested in reading this one that he had to offer. He told me it was about a tribe in Mexico that ran barefoot.
He happens to sit just a little way from me at work so I had heard him talking about running barefoot and how he actually has done it on a few mornings through a golf course close by. I had caught small bits of conversation about how much better it’s supposed to be and all. I never really joined in on the conversations because I have absolutely no desire to run barefoot anywhere. None.
So you can understand how totally skeptical I was to take the book he was offering me to read.
But I did take the book and I read it. I do that. There are so many books I never would have read if it wasn’t for these friends that think enough to offer me something I never would have picked up myself. And I never would have picked up this book based on what my friend had said about it.
It turned out the book to me wasn’t nearly what he had described. Yes, it was about an evasive tribe in the Sierra Madres that run long distances (I’m talking ultra running) in the mountains with only a small strip of rubber on the bottoms of their feet. But, to me, that wasn’t what the story was about.
In the end, it was a tale about how much more you can achieve by enjoying what you are doing as you do it. To me the story permeated with the idea that most people are more likely to become successful if they appreciate what they are doing as they go. They are successful because they are not doing it with an eye on the prize but with the freedom and genuine interest to get better because of how good they feel when they do it.
This tribe ran long distances with a sense of camaraderie, some healthy competitiveness and a happy attitude. They were able to go long distances because this was a way for them to come together and celebrate. They weren’t out to win a big race or to break any records even though they did that along the way.
I didn’t know what to expect when I started to read this book. I didn’t know what I would learn from the Tarahumara tribe. I will definitely thank my friend for lending me the book.
It’s nice to know how much better I can do when I am running barefoot.
Even if I am wearing a good pair of running shoes.
TT
He happens to sit just a little way from me at work so I had heard him talking about running barefoot and how he actually has done it on a few mornings through a golf course close by. I had caught small bits of conversation about how much better it’s supposed to be and all. I never really joined in on the conversations because I have absolutely no desire to run barefoot anywhere. None.
So you can understand how totally skeptical I was to take the book he was offering me to read.
But I did take the book and I read it. I do that. There are so many books I never would have read if it wasn’t for these friends that think enough to offer me something I never would have picked up myself. And I never would have picked up this book based on what my friend had said about it.
It turned out the book to me wasn’t nearly what he had described. Yes, it was about an evasive tribe in the Sierra Madres that run long distances (I’m talking ultra running) in the mountains with only a small strip of rubber on the bottoms of their feet. But, to me, that wasn’t what the story was about.
In the end, it was a tale about how much more you can achieve by enjoying what you are doing as you do it. To me the story permeated with the idea that most people are more likely to become successful if they appreciate what they are doing as they go. They are successful because they are not doing it with an eye on the prize but with the freedom and genuine interest to get better because of how good they feel when they do it.
This tribe ran long distances with a sense of camaraderie, some healthy competitiveness and a happy attitude. They were able to go long distances because this was a way for them to come together and celebrate. They weren’t out to win a big race or to break any records even though they did that along the way.
I didn’t know what to expect when I started to read this book. I didn’t know what I would learn from the Tarahumara tribe. I will definitely thank my friend for lending me the book.
It’s nice to know how much better I can do when I am running barefoot.
Even if I am wearing a good pair of running shoes.
TT
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Too much fun
I have had so much fun putting together the Rules of Writing pieces. I would never have thought that was possible. The idea of putting down my frustration about the things that I created in my own head about writing wasn't something I would have bet I would get so much satisfaction out of. But I have managed quite a bit of both - satisfaction and fun.
At this point, now with three, I would hope they are enjoyable for someone else to read but it isn’t even something that crosses my mind at this point. Well, of course it crosses my mind. I do want people to like them but it isn’t a deciding factor of whether I write them or not. They have turned into such a pleasurable thing for me to create that it doesn’t matter.
Somehow, the whole idea of taking these honest, very real doubts and fears of mine and letting anyone (including myself) see how crazy and ridiculous it all has been for me, well, has become amusing for me. I am having fun recapping my real craziness in this fictitious office where characters work doing I am not sure what exactly. A place where the furniture is constantly being re-arranged and they are there for me whenever I need to run down a hallway and ramble insanely.
I am not sure I could have created a better place. It serves so many purposes. It provides a creative outlet, double daily word counts, practice with dialogue and descriptive undertakings, a good healthy fun poking of myself that in turns help me not take everything so seriously.
And I have fun doing it.
Boy, oh boy.
TT
At this point, now with three, I would hope they are enjoyable for someone else to read but it isn’t even something that crosses my mind at this point. Well, of course it crosses my mind. I do want people to like them but it isn’t a deciding factor of whether I write them or not. They have turned into such a pleasurable thing for me to create that it doesn’t matter.
Somehow, the whole idea of taking these honest, very real doubts and fears of mine and letting anyone (including myself) see how crazy and ridiculous it all has been for me, well, has become amusing for me. I am having fun recapping my real craziness in this fictitious office where characters work doing I am not sure what exactly. A place where the furniture is constantly being re-arranged and they are there for me whenever I need to run down a hallway and ramble insanely.
I am not sure I could have created a better place. It serves so many purposes. It provides a creative outlet, double daily word counts, practice with dialogue and descriptive undertakings, a good healthy fun poking of myself that in turns help me not take everything so seriously.
And I have fun doing it.
Boy, oh boy.
TT
Monday, January 18, 2010
Rules of Writing, 3
Note: You may want to read Rules of Writing and Rules of Writing, 2 before this piece. You can find them under the Writing heading to the right or in the 2009 Archive in July and Sept.
----------------------------
My heart was pounding and I felt I would never reach the door at the end of the hallway. I was practically running with the need to get through and find the answers to the questions that had been welling up inside me. I had waited too long and the unknown had taken me hostage again, freezing my every movement until now. Until now as I was almost running toward the place that could give me the answers and clear my doubts.
I reached the doorknob and jerked the door open as I flew inside speaking to whoever was there and listening.
“Where is Erik?” I shrieked.
The dark haired girl behind the reception desk merely held up one finger to indicate she needed a moment. Her eyes never moved to mine as she continued her telephone conversation.
“Yes, you should write more often. You’re welcome.”
She clicked off the phone and saw my startled look. A slight crease formed between her brows as she seemed to recognize me.
“Oh, hello again,” she said as her expression went back to bland.
“I need Erik.”
“Of course.”
“He’s here right?”
“Yes”
“Can I talk to him? I need to talk to Erik.”
“Of course.”
“Then I’m going in, okay?”
“Yes, of course.”
I tried to swallow down my agitation and made my way past the reception desk and through the high archway leading into the main room. My heels clicked on the wood floors as I tried to get my bearings. They had re-arranged things again and I found myself in a receiving area that in one direction lead to a corner conference room. The door was closed but one entire wall of that room was clear glass revealing people gathered in the room. As I approached I could see them all sitting around a small table with various notebooks, laptops and index cards scattered about. One man was gesturing wildly as I watched the silent pantomime. He was leaning forward in his chair and seemed to be in mid-sentence when he abruptly turned to stare at me.
I was aghast I had interrupted as the entire group turned to look. I waved my hands as I huddled myself and back-stepped out of their line of sight.
I was making my way back to the safety of the receiving area when I felt a sharp poke on my shoulder. I turned and stared up at the piercing blue eyes of Erik.
“I am so sorry I interrupted. I didn’t mean to bother in the middle of all that,” I stammered as I waved my hand toward the conference room.
“Theresa, you are never a bother, said Erik as he took my hands between his. Today you are a pleasant interruption.”
“Today?” I asked.
He merely smiled down at me as he released my hands and took my elbow. He directed me away from the conference room through a door to a small sitting area. He released my arm and slowly sank into an oversized cushioned chair. He crossed his long legs, sat back and with a bent elbow rested his chin and cheekbone against his thumb and index finger. I opted for the smaller slightly padded wing-back across from him.
I cleared my throat and dived in. “I need your advice. I’ve waited too long to ask and now I’m not sure which way to go.”
“Yes.”
“I’ve written a good many words and I have more of the story lined up to write. I’ve paused from writing for a good while now and I am wondering if I should polish up what I have already written or just continue. I need to go back and read through what I have so far but I keep thinking I will need to firm it up as I go but then I think I need to just read through to see where I was and just continue.”
Erik was looking at me intently. Nervously I went on. I stood up and circled the chair away from him gesturing this way and that with my hands. “I was also using a book that said I should have all my character sketches and plot outlines completed before I go on since it eliminates re-writes but I worked on it and got stuck. I was thinking I had to do it that way. I stopped and looked over at him. He was still watching me. I stammered as I made my way back around the chair and sat.
“So then I thought I didn’t have a story anymore. It really shook me that I got stuck there. But I do have a story!”
“Oh, Theresa, said Erik leaning forward in his chair with hands clasped between his legs. “Of course you do. You know it yourself.”
“So, what do I do now?” I shrugged.
Erik relaxed back into his chair and stretched his arms along the padded cushions on either side. He was smiling at me and asked, “Did you come across an unexpected character?”
At first the question threw me off but I started thinking back to what I had already written. I finally answered, “Yes. I actually did.”
“Had you written a character sketch for her?”
“No, I said shaking my head, she was just in the scene and developed from there.”
“Can you picture her? Is she real?”
“Yes. Now that I think of it she turns out to be a neighborhood acquaintance of the main character.”
“All that without a single preliminary thought of her until you wrote it.”
“Yes,” I stated hazily.
He grinned broadly as he stood. He motioned toward the conference room and asked, “Would you like to join the discussion?”
I slowly gathered myself and shyly shook my head as I got up. “No, thank you. Not this time, Erik.”
I moved away toward the exit and I heard him behind me. “Not editing, but you have more writing to do.”
I turned to look up at him. I couldn’t contain the smile that transformed my face.
“Yes,” I nodded and locked eyes with him. “It seems I do.”
TT
----------------------------
My heart was pounding and I felt I would never reach the door at the end of the hallway. I was practically running with the need to get through and find the answers to the questions that had been welling up inside me. I had waited too long and the unknown had taken me hostage again, freezing my every movement until now. Until now as I was almost running toward the place that could give me the answers and clear my doubts.
I reached the doorknob and jerked the door open as I flew inside speaking to whoever was there and listening.
“Where is Erik?” I shrieked.
The dark haired girl behind the reception desk merely held up one finger to indicate she needed a moment. Her eyes never moved to mine as she continued her telephone conversation.
“Yes, you should write more often. You’re welcome.”
She clicked off the phone and saw my startled look. A slight crease formed between her brows as she seemed to recognize me.
“Oh, hello again,” she said as her expression went back to bland.
“I need Erik.”
“Of course.”
“He’s here right?”
“Yes”
“Can I talk to him? I need to talk to Erik.”
“Of course.”
“Then I’m going in, okay?”
“Yes, of course.”
I tried to swallow down my agitation and made my way past the reception desk and through the high archway leading into the main room. My heels clicked on the wood floors as I tried to get my bearings. They had re-arranged things again and I found myself in a receiving area that in one direction lead to a corner conference room. The door was closed but one entire wall of that room was clear glass revealing people gathered in the room. As I approached I could see them all sitting around a small table with various notebooks, laptops and index cards scattered about. One man was gesturing wildly as I watched the silent pantomime. He was leaning forward in his chair and seemed to be in mid-sentence when he abruptly turned to stare at me.
I was aghast I had interrupted as the entire group turned to look. I waved my hands as I huddled myself and back-stepped out of their line of sight.
I was making my way back to the safety of the receiving area when I felt a sharp poke on my shoulder. I turned and stared up at the piercing blue eyes of Erik.
“I am so sorry I interrupted. I didn’t mean to bother in the middle of all that,” I stammered as I waved my hand toward the conference room.
“Theresa, you are never a bother, said Erik as he took my hands between his. Today you are a pleasant interruption.”
“Today?” I asked.
He merely smiled down at me as he released my hands and took my elbow. He directed me away from the conference room through a door to a small sitting area. He released my arm and slowly sank into an oversized cushioned chair. He crossed his long legs, sat back and with a bent elbow rested his chin and cheekbone against his thumb and index finger. I opted for the smaller slightly padded wing-back across from him.
I cleared my throat and dived in. “I need your advice. I’ve waited too long to ask and now I’m not sure which way to go.”
“Yes.”
“I’ve written a good many words and I have more of the story lined up to write. I’ve paused from writing for a good while now and I am wondering if I should polish up what I have already written or just continue. I need to go back and read through what I have so far but I keep thinking I will need to firm it up as I go but then I think I need to just read through to see where I was and just continue.”
Erik was looking at me intently. Nervously I went on. I stood up and circled the chair away from him gesturing this way and that with my hands. “I was also using a book that said I should have all my character sketches and plot outlines completed before I go on since it eliminates re-writes but I worked on it and got stuck. I was thinking I had to do it that way. I stopped and looked over at him. He was still watching me. I stammered as I made my way back around the chair and sat.
“So then I thought I didn’t have a story anymore. It really shook me that I got stuck there. But I do have a story!”
“Oh, Theresa, said Erik leaning forward in his chair with hands clasped between his legs. “Of course you do. You know it yourself.”
“So, what do I do now?” I shrugged.
Erik relaxed back into his chair and stretched his arms along the padded cushions on either side. He was smiling at me and asked, “Did you come across an unexpected character?”
At first the question threw me off but I started thinking back to what I had already written. I finally answered, “Yes. I actually did.”
“Had you written a character sketch for her?”
“No, I said shaking my head, she was just in the scene and developed from there.”
“Can you picture her? Is she real?”
“Yes. Now that I think of it she turns out to be a neighborhood acquaintance of the main character.”
“All that without a single preliminary thought of her until you wrote it.”
“Yes,” I stated hazily.
He grinned broadly as he stood. He motioned toward the conference room and asked, “Would you like to join the discussion?”
I slowly gathered myself and shyly shook my head as I got up. “No, thank you. Not this time, Erik.”
I moved away toward the exit and I heard him behind me. “Not editing, but you have more writing to do.”
I turned to look up at him. I couldn’t contain the smile that transformed my face.
“Yes,” I nodded and locked eyes with him. “It seems I do.”
TT
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Running Week Three
Week Sun Mon Tues Wed Thu Fri Sat Total
Wk 1-Plan
12/27-1/2 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actuals 2 2 0 2.5 3 0 3 12.5
Wk 2-Plan
1/3-1/9 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actuals 3.25 2 0 2.5 2.25 0 3 13
Wk 3-Plan
1/10-1/16 3 Rest 2 3 2 Rest 3 13 miles
Actuals 4.5 2 0 3 3 0 3 15.5
This is how running week three turned out. Three weeks already! I have to say it feels really good to be able to get to this point. I have managed to stick with the plan and found time to work out the five days out of seven I had proposed. I have also managed to work around some bad weather and trade outdoor running for indoor treadmill running. I seem to go back and forth with which I prefer. Last year all my training was done indoor on a treadmill. Now I have four different mileage routes in my neighborhood that I like. I guess having both is just an added bonus.
I was going to say next week I add more miles but the plan totals the 15.5 miles I ran this week. It seems I head-started myself last Sunday with a long 4.5 mile run when I was only assigned three. I had managed to wind myself into a knot and that afternoon the time running just got away from me. I am a bit surprised when I look and see the number now. But it's a good surprised and I am starting week four today. I am assigned another 3 miles today and will do at least that.
It looks like I have some good weather coming up this week so I may be able to hit the neighborhood routes.
So as they say...So far so good!
How appropriate to mention far when I am running.
TT
Wk 1-Plan
12/27-1/2 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actuals 2 2 0 2.5 3 0 3 12.5
Wk 2-Plan
1/3-1/9 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actuals 3.25 2 0 2.5 2.25 0 3 13
Wk 3-Plan
1/10-1/16 3 Rest 2 3 2 Rest 3 13 miles
Actuals 4.5 2 0 3 3 0 3 15.5
This is how running week three turned out. Three weeks already! I have to say it feels really good to be able to get to this point. I have managed to stick with the plan and found time to work out the five days out of seven I had proposed. I have also managed to work around some bad weather and trade outdoor running for indoor treadmill running. I seem to go back and forth with which I prefer. Last year all my training was done indoor on a treadmill. Now I have four different mileage routes in my neighborhood that I like. I guess having both is just an added bonus.
I was going to say next week I add more miles but the plan totals the 15.5 miles I ran this week. It seems I head-started myself last Sunday with a long 4.5 mile run when I was only assigned three. I had managed to wind myself into a knot and that afternoon the time running just got away from me. I am a bit surprised when I look and see the number now. But it's a good surprised and I am starting week four today. I am assigned another 3 miles today and will do at least that.
It looks like I have some good weather coming up this week so I may be able to hit the neighborhood routes.
So as they say...So far so good!
How appropriate to mention far when I am running.
TT
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Pep talk
I went through some of my notes and found a pep talk. It was on a word document that I keep with undeveloped ideas and thoughts that get started but don’t go anywhere. Okay, I am shaking my head now because I can hear that voice saying… “Aren’t all my ideas undeveloped and fail to go anywhere?” Yeah, well maybe, but this one was obviously written just to spill over. It started out with a downbeat and went on to find the positive and beginnings of actions that needed to be taken. It was a 455 word count by the time it was finished but as I read it recently it was definitely a pep talk.
Funny how I would capture that sort of thing on a page like that and not delete it immediately. Maybe at the time I thought with that many words I should leave it for a while. I obviously knew at the time I wasn’t going to do anything with it since I stated that within the piece.
It was good to know I could allow myself to just write and not feel like it had to be anything special or polished or completed. It was a good practice in getting something progressing forward even though it wouldn’t amount to more than just forward movement.
Sometimes I just have to keep myself moving forward and not worry so much about all planning on which path to take. Sometimes it is okay to just know where you want to end up and take the paths that closest take you there.
And it is okay to take the wrong turns every now and then. Sometimes that works out even better. You discover things you never would have encountered without that wrong turn. And you can still get to the end but with added experiences.
So the pep talk worked without me knowing at the time I wrote it. It worked to help me keep writing and moving forward and then helped me realize the value of wrong turns.
Some of the best things come out of taking the chances to get where you want to go.
TT
Funny how I would capture that sort of thing on a page like that and not delete it immediately. Maybe at the time I thought with that many words I should leave it for a while. I obviously knew at the time I wasn’t going to do anything with it since I stated that within the piece.
It was good to know I could allow myself to just write and not feel like it had to be anything special or polished or completed. It was a good practice in getting something progressing forward even though it wouldn’t amount to more than just forward movement.
Sometimes I just have to keep myself moving forward and not worry so much about all planning on which path to take. Sometimes it is okay to just know where you want to end up and take the paths that closest take you there.
And it is okay to take the wrong turns every now and then. Sometimes that works out even better. You discover things you never would have encountered without that wrong turn. And you can still get to the end but with added experiences.
So the pep talk worked without me knowing at the time I wrote it. It worked to help me keep writing and moving forward and then helped me realize the value of wrong turns.
Some of the best things come out of taking the chances to get where you want to go.
TT
Friday, January 15, 2010
Todays word
My word for today is fervid. Yes, on my 365 new words-a-year calendar the word for January 15th is fervid. It’s an adjective and can mean very hot: burning or marked by often extreme intensity of feeling. I kind of like this word.
I could use some of the very hot that it is talking about for my weather. I know I wouldn’t have a problem with the temperatures taking a turn in that direction. This past week certainly hasn’t been the extremely incapacitating low degrees of last week but I could use some warmer fare.
I am liking the meaning of fervid but I think I like the sound of yesterday’s word better. That word was quaggy.
Don’t you like that sound? It sounds like what it means…marshy, flabby…quaggy. It comes from quagmire, which is a patch of wet land that feels soft underfoot.
Don’t you hate it when you step into that? You think you’ve got some solid footing and you manage to slowly ooze your way through whatever section of pathway you need to make your way through. There usually isn’t another course you could take or you have already stepped right into it before you can avoid the seeping reek that permeates your shoes. All of that sopping wet that creeps into the layers of sole and sock leaving you destined to be inelegant and ill at east the rest of the day.
So wait, maybe I like this word more. It gives it to you straight up. You don’t have to figure out what it means because it so obviously sounds like what it is.
I think I could become a fervid fan of the word quaggy.
Good words…I will have to remember to use them somewhere.
TT
I could use some of the very hot that it is talking about for my weather. I know I wouldn’t have a problem with the temperatures taking a turn in that direction. This past week certainly hasn’t been the extremely incapacitating low degrees of last week but I could use some warmer fare.
I am liking the meaning of fervid but I think I like the sound of yesterday’s word better. That word was quaggy.
Don’t you like that sound? It sounds like what it means…marshy, flabby…quaggy. It comes from quagmire, which is a patch of wet land that feels soft underfoot.
Don’t you hate it when you step into that? You think you’ve got some solid footing and you manage to slowly ooze your way through whatever section of pathway you need to make your way through. There usually isn’t another course you could take or you have already stepped right into it before you can avoid the seeping reek that permeates your shoes. All of that sopping wet that creeps into the layers of sole and sock leaving you destined to be inelegant and ill at east the rest of the day.
So wait, maybe I like this word more. It gives it to you straight up. You don’t have to figure out what it means because it so obviously sounds like what it is.
I think I could become a fervid fan of the word quaggy.
Good words…I will have to remember to use them somewhere.
TT
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Woman scorned
My coffee maker has been holding out on me. It was showing symptoms of disinterest for a period of time now but I had been in a state of denial.
I knew something was wrong when it began. It started holding out on small amounts of water that should have brewed. It was a slight inconvenience but it was a concession I was able to make. Then recently it became evident that larger amounts were being withheld from me. I was upset thinking of what I could do to make it function the way it had in the beginning. I was willing to do whatever I could to make things right.
I went out numerous times and purchased the high priced mineral deposit busters that would help. That worked for a while and we were able to enjoy things as they were at the beginning again. But then the problem would re-surface. I would try again but then realized I was just enabling. I realized this was something that I couldn’t fix. There wasn’t any real change coming about. I was glossing over the problems instead of realizing the facts that it wasn’t going to change back to the better. It was never going to give me the fully brewed wonderful cup of coffee it had promised me when I first took it in.
The problems have really intensified and I am barely getting a drinkable cup this morning. It thinks I am going to continue along in this state of it being complacent while it makes no effort to contribute to the situation while I rally around trying to make it right.
It is so sadly mistaken. I gave it a go. I put up a good fight. I tried every which way I knew how to make the compromise work. It just didn’t put in my same effort and that was its downfall along with giving up on me.
I will keep it one more day pretending it’s the only coffee maker for me. Then its out on its stainless carafe with the locks changed.
Its replacement has been tracked to arrive tomorrow.
I can barely contain my anticipation for that first new sip.
TT
I knew something was wrong when it began. It started holding out on small amounts of water that should have brewed. It was a slight inconvenience but it was a concession I was able to make. Then recently it became evident that larger amounts were being withheld from me. I was upset thinking of what I could do to make it function the way it had in the beginning. I was willing to do whatever I could to make things right.
I went out numerous times and purchased the high priced mineral deposit busters that would help. That worked for a while and we were able to enjoy things as they were at the beginning again. But then the problem would re-surface. I would try again but then realized I was just enabling. I realized this was something that I couldn’t fix. There wasn’t any real change coming about. I was glossing over the problems instead of realizing the facts that it wasn’t going to change back to the better. It was never going to give me the fully brewed wonderful cup of coffee it had promised me when I first took it in.
The problems have really intensified and I am barely getting a drinkable cup this morning. It thinks I am going to continue along in this state of it being complacent while it makes no effort to contribute to the situation while I rally around trying to make it right.
It is so sadly mistaken. I gave it a go. I put up a good fight. I tried every which way I knew how to make the compromise work. It just didn’t put in my same effort and that was its downfall along with giving up on me.
I will keep it one more day pretending it’s the only coffee maker for me. Then its out on its stainless carafe with the locks changed.
Its replacement has been tracked to arrive tomorrow.
I can barely contain my anticipation for that first new sip.
TT
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Help really helps
I received some really good support for my writing this past weekend. It came at a perfect time when I was getting balled up trying to follow a book I was using for drafting my plot sketches. Since I couldn’t seem to realize it wasn’t the only way or absolute authority on how to go about it I was having difficulty. I was having enough trouble following the books guidelines on how I thought it should be done, that I began to think I didn’t have a valid story idea.
That’s were I was pulled aside and told these books are a dime a dozen and I didn’t have to follow it exactly to the letter.
“But, they are the experts.”
“It’s just one book. It’s just one way of doing it. It doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong if you do it your own way and not exactly as they say.”
There was more discussion where I said a lot more buts…and it finally came down to me being asked to read my prologue after giving a verbal run down of what my entire story was about.
I read two short paragraphs and stopped, thinking he didn’t really want to hear more. He did. He made me read the entire prologue. When I finished and stopped, I looked over at him. His look surprised me. It was just the expression he should have had after what I had just read and then he went on to comment. He said all the things I could have hoped to be said after just reading that particular opening and his expression told me it was true. He then went on to say that he could see where the story would go and to just lay out my ideas into a chapter form. I could put that silly book I was trying to use away and just get started.
It was so good to hear.
I had already gotten something close to that same support. After being corrected about my perceptions of some recent writings, I was pretty much given deadlines when each chapter up to the first five should be completed. It was good solid advice that I can appreciate and can work with. I had tried to de-rail myself and somehow was gifted with the encouragement I needed to get back on track.
I’ve worked my first few chapter outlines and I have my chapter deadlines posted on the left hand corner of my laptop. My chapter two deadline is coming up soon. I might have missed it without this wonderful help.
I’ve got some writing to do.
TT
That’s were I was pulled aside and told these books are a dime a dozen and I didn’t have to follow it exactly to the letter.
“But, they are the experts.”
“It’s just one book. It’s just one way of doing it. It doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong if you do it your own way and not exactly as they say.”
There was more discussion where I said a lot more buts…and it finally came down to me being asked to read my prologue after giving a verbal run down of what my entire story was about.
I read two short paragraphs and stopped, thinking he didn’t really want to hear more. He did. He made me read the entire prologue. When I finished and stopped, I looked over at him. His look surprised me. It was just the expression he should have had after what I had just read and then he went on to comment. He said all the things I could have hoped to be said after just reading that particular opening and his expression told me it was true. He then went on to say that he could see where the story would go and to just lay out my ideas into a chapter form. I could put that silly book I was trying to use away and just get started.
It was so good to hear.
I had already gotten something close to that same support. After being corrected about my perceptions of some recent writings, I was pretty much given deadlines when each chapter up to the first five should be completed. It was good solid advice that I can appreciate and can work with. I had tried to de-rail myself and somehow was gifted with the encouragement I needed to get back on track.
I’ve worked my first few chapter outlines and I have my chapter deadlines posted on the left hand corner of my laptop. My chapter two deadline is coming up soon. I might have missed it without this wonderful help.
I’ve got some writing to do.
TT
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
One minute
I am feeling like I need to stop and take a breath. I know. It's only Tuesday morning and I am already a little rattled and anxious. This is the first time in an extremely long time that I am writing and posting all in one sitting. I have managed for a very long time to write a day, sometimes days, before something actually gets posted. Not so today. What you see is what spilling out real time. I’m not so pleased with that. But then it’s only part of what is making me anxious, I think.
I know I just need to take a breath. I am starting to pile the pressure on myself and I need to stop and let it go. I so don’t like that. When I know the only real reasons things seem so bad is when I add the pressure to myself. No one else is really doing it nearly to the extreme as I am.
So I am stopping and taking the breath I need. Just to pause and regroup and okay, if there are all of these things that are coming at me at once, I can take a minute to stand back to get a better picture of how things are going to work out. Because they will, they will all work out.
If I give myself the chance and stop the unnecessarily added self-inflicted pressure, I will get it all done.
Just give me a minute.
TT
I know I just need to take a breath. I am starting to pile the pressure on myself and I need to stop and let it go. I so don’t like that. When I know the only real reasons things seem so bad is when I add the pressure to myself. No one else is really doing it nearly to the extreme as I am.
So I am stopping and taking the breath I need. Just to pause and regroup and okay, if there are all of these things that are coming at me at once, I can take a minute to stand back to get a better picture of how things are going to work out. Because they will, they will all work out.
If I give myself the chance and stop the unnecessarily added self-inflicted pressure, I will get it all done.
Just give me a minute.
TT
Monday, January 11, 2010
Not all fiction
I am having a hard time getting this done today. It isn’t for any obvious reasons like no topic ideas or not in the mood or feeling rushed. I re-read a piece I had written way back in June of 2008 and it has made me pause.
It was an interesting piece. I found a printed copy stuck in the back of the binder I have been using to keep my book notes organized. It shouldn’t have been there and I don’t remember ever printing it much less putting it there.
I was taken aback by what I had put on that page.
It was that strong a piece. It was bold, direct, and almost in your face with never a raised voice. It could be a new way to approach writing character sketches. The character itself did the talking and told you who they were. And this particular one did just that. You didn’t finish reading it without a crystal clear picture of this person.
I remember some discussion at the time of the writing of this piece that it reflected too much of myself. I always defended it was fiction. It was and is fiction to me. But re-reading it now, I have to honestly admit to many similarities to me and this character at the time. I can’t seem to believe I captured so much of it so accurately and to the point. I flung it out there and it all landed in the right places.
It would be curious to go line by line to try to analyze the exact statements. I can read through and know exactly where it all came from. A psychiatrist could have a field day with me – or maybe I with him. That could be an interesting exercise.
But I think the main reason I am having difficulty now about finding that strong piece from so long ago, is not so much the similarities between me and the character but to find the underlying sparks of determination and confidence. I was amazed to find out that I knew and had it then. Somehow, somewhere I have managed to cover it over and pretend those parts were fiction. I flung it out there, letting all the positive goods parts loose, and then said they were all fiction. I guess that is why I printed it and tucked it away knowing I needed time to realize it had always been there when I was ready for it.
It is so hard to compete against yourself. I can’t even go back and say no, I didn’t do it because I printed it and put it there for me to find…to prove it to myself when I got there and was ready.
I can hear my mom again… “Sometimes you’re just too smart for your own good.”
Yes, mom. I think this time you would be right.
TT
It was an interesting piece. I found a printed copy stuck in the back of the binder I have been using to keep my book notes organized. It shouldn’t have been there and I don’t remember ever printing it much less putting it there.
I was taken aback by what I had put on that page.
It was that strong a piece. It was bold, direct, and almost in your face with never a raised voice. It could be a new way to approach writing character sketches. The character itself did the talking and told you who they were. And this particular one did just that. You didn’t finish reading it without a crystal clear picture of this person.
I remember some discussion at the time of the writing of this piece that it reflected too much of myself. I always defended it was fiction. It was and is fiction to me. But re-reading it now, I have to honestly admit to many similarities to me and this character at the time. I can’t seem to believe I captured so much of it so accurately and to the point. I flung it out there and it all landed in the right places.
It would be curious to go line by line to try to analyze the exact statements. I can read through and know exactly where it all came from. A psychiatrist could have a field day with me – or maybe I with him. That could be an interesting exercise.
But I think the main reason I am having difficulty now about finding that strong piece from so long ago, is not so much the similarities between me and the character but to find the underlying sparks of determination and confidence. I was amazed to find out that I knew and had it then. Somehow, somewhere I have managed to cover it over and pretend those parts were fiction. I flung it out there, letting all the positive goods parts loose, and then said they were all fiction. I guess that is why I printed it and tucked it away knowing I needed time to realize it had always been there when I was ready for it.
It is so hard to compete against yourself. I can’t even go back and say no, I didn’t do it because I printed it and put it there for me to find…to prove it to myself when I got there and was ready.
I can hear my mom again… “Sometimes you’re just too smart for your own good.”
Yes, mom. I think this time you would be right.
TT
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Running Week Two
Sun Mon Tues Wed Thu Fri Sat Total
Wk 1-Plan
12/27-1/2 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actuals 2 2 0 2.5 3 0 3 12.5
Wk 2-Plan
1/3-1/9 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actuals 3.25 2 0 2.5 2.25 0 3 13
Above is how this past running week (two) shaped up. All of my running time this week was at the gym on a treadmill. I actually did the middle shorter runs during my lunch hour at the gym at work. I honestly thought it wasn't going to stack up as well but I can't complain. I seemed to have accomplished the task.
I ran into one bit of a problem after the run on Monday. I have that foot disorder which I discovered actually is called Morton's toe. It seems it is named after the Orthopedic Surgeon who originally described it. His name was Dudley Joy Morton (1884-1960) and the condition he described is when your second toe is longer than the larger first toe. My second toes are longer than my first. Somehow with the new running shoes and on that particular day, I seemed to have a slight problem with the second toe on my right foot. I must have tied the shoe too tight or was favoring my right foot. Anyway, my second toe on my right foot was very sore, like it had been hitting the inside top of the shoe continuously while I was running.
I hoped it wasn’t the new shoes! I bandaged the tip of that particular toe, kept with the schedule and the soreness seems to have gone away. I was thinking I might lose a toenail (I’ve done that before from running – just not that toe nail).
So it’s been interesting to find out the disorder with my second toe has a name. Doesn’t it seem funny that a regular pair of running shoes would be the pair that causes me discomfort and not all the high heeled pointed ones I wear?
But that has nothing to do with running, now does it.
TT
Wk 1-Plan
12/27-1/2 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actuals 2 2 0 2.5 3 0 3 12.5
Wk 2-Plan
1/3-1/9 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actuals 3.25 2 0 2.5 2.25 0 3 13
Above is how this past running week (two) shaped up. All of my running time this week was at the gym on a treadmill. I actually did the middle shorter runs during my lunch hour at the gym at work. I honestly thought it wasn't going to stack up as well but I can't complain. I seemed to have accomplished the task.
I ran into one bit of a problem after the run on Monday. I have that foot disorder which I discovered actually is called Morton's toe. It seems it is named after the Orthopedic Surgeon who originally described it. His name was Dudley Joy Morton (1884-1960) and the condition he described is when your second toe is longer than the larger first toe. My second toes are longer than my first. Somehow with the new running shoes and on that particular day, I seemed to have a slight problem with the second toe on my right foot. I must have tied the shoe too tight or was favoring my right foot. Anyway, my second toe on my right foot was very sore, like it had been hitting the inside top of the shoe continuously while I was running.
I hoped it wasn’t the new shoes! I bandaged the tip of that particular toe, kept with the schedule and the soreness seems to have gone away. I was thinking I might lose a toenail (I’ve done that before from running – just not that toe nail).
So it’s been interesting to find out the disorder with my second toe has a name. Doesn’t it seem funny that a regular pair of running shoes would be the pair that causes me discomfort and not all the high heeled pointed ones I wear?
But that has nothing to do with running, now does it.
TT
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Lotsa new words
I had a small package I had ordered in the mail yesterday when I came home. It was one of those 365 New Words-a-Year Calendars. You know the ones. They are the small desk calendars that have a new word and definition for each day of the year. It also uses the word in a sentence like you had to do in grade school. I knew I needed a calendar for my desk and thought this might be a good idea.
I had actually gone out to some local stores to find it but they didn’t carry it in the store. I finally went on-line and searched away and finally located it. I was a little paranoid about delivery since there didn’t seem to be any tracking system and the delivery dates were promised anywhere from 1/8 through 1/26. I was thinking I could miss almost an entire month of new words!
But as I said, it arrived yesterday and I unwrapped and scanned hurriedly through the days and words I missed.
I got the idea to get the calendar from two different series of books I have read. I found it interesting that two characters in two very different kinds of books written by two different authors stated at some point in one or more of these books that they were using their word of the day.
These two separate characters were talking about a word they had seen on their calendar that they were making a point of using in an instance during the things that were happening to them in their stories.
I didn’t think anything the first time it happened but then when it happened again I thought it kind of interesting. I am not sure why. Then I had to have one. I am not sure why to that either. I am going to make a stab at it here but I guess, maybe, I felt I had to keep up with the status quo of fictional characters? (But Mom…everyone has one! You know how Mom’s respond to that sort of thing – well, mine anyway – If everyone is jumping off a cliff are you going to do it too? I always wanted to tell her I didn’t think I had enough information to answer that…but never did).
What was I talking about? Oh…I am not sure why I thought I needed one.
But I have it now and can use it when I am topic-less or when I need an inspiration for an idea. Suddenly there will be a deluge of new words, meanings and sentences right here. Isn’t that exciting?
Just nod your head. I know. About as exciting as jumping off a cliff.
But my cliffs have always been kind of interesting.
TT
I had actually gone out to some local stores to find it but they didn’t carry it in the store. I finally went on-line and searched away and finally located it. I was a little paranoid about delivery since there didn’t seem to be any tracking system and the delivery dates were promised anywhere from 1/8 through 1/26. I was thinking I could miss almost an entire month of new words!
But as I said, it arrived yesterday and I unwrapped and scanned hurriedly through the days and words I missed.
I got the idea to get the calendar from two different series of books I have read. I found it interesting that two characters in two very different kinds of books written by two different authors stated at some point in one or more of these books that they were using their word of the day.
These two separate characters were talking about a word they had seen on their calendar that they were making a point of using in an instance during the things that were happening to them in their stories.
I didn’t think anything the first time it happened but then when it happened again I thought it kind of interesting. I am not sure why. Then I had to have one. I am not sure why to that either. I am going to make a stab at it here but I guess, maybe, I felt I had to keep up with the status quo of fictional characters? (But Mom…everyone has one! You know how Mom’s respond to that sort of thing – well, mine anyway – If everyone is jumping off a cliff are you going to do it too? I always wanted to tell her I didn’t think I had enough information to answer that…but never did).
What was I talking about? Oh…I am not sure why I thought I needed one.
But I have it now and can use it when I am topic-less or when I need an inspiration for an idea. Suddenly there will be a deluge of new words, meanings and sentences right here. Isn’t that exciting?
Just nod your head. I know. About as exciting as jumping off a cliff.
But my cliffs have always been kind of interesting.
TT
Friday, January 8, 2010
Pass the sunscreen
I am struggling with something I don't want to talk about. Yes, you heard me correctly - I do NOT want to talk about. As much as that may be true, I cannot help but have the weather in the forefront of my mind but it isn’t something I particular want to dwell on. Alright, now I've gone and mentioned it. I have gone ahead against my better judgment and opened my mouth about it.
It is going to be absolutely frigid.
Okay, I'll try to re-group and I will say it myself, that it is January and it won’t last more than a few days and then it will be slightly warmer than frigid.
So there, that is all the play time I should give that.
Moving right along, I also don’t seem to want to talk about my running. I will give you the weekly update after the week is over. I don't think I should particularly go into the details but I will mention that the weather has not made it easy for me this week.
Oh, and have you noticed that I also seem to have a slightly less than better attitude today. I know, I know... it is Friday and that is always a good thing but the weather is making me sullen.
Ah, the heck with it. It’s no use. It is 20 friggin’ something degrees and I do not like that! Not one bit!
So now that I have managed to talk about what I knew I didn’t want to talk about (and for good reason), I will go ahead and try to pretend I am on the beach somewhere working on my tan. It will be really tough but I've got to try something.
Have a great Friday!
TT
It is going to be absolutely frigid.
Okay, I'll try to re-group and I will say it myself, that it is January and it won’t last more than a few days and then it will be slightly warmer than frigid.
So there, that is all the play time I should give that.
Moving right along, I also don’t seem to want to talk about my running. I will give you the weekly update after the week is over. I don't think I should particularly go into the details but I will mention that the weather has not made it easy for me this week.
Oh, and have you noticed that I also seem to have a slightly less than better attitude today. I know, I know... it is Friday and that is always a good thing but the weather is making me sullen.
Ah, the heck with it. It’s no use. It is 20 friggin’ something degrees and I do not like that! Not one bit!
So now that I have managed to talk about what I knew I didn’t want to talk about (and for good reason), I will go ahead and try to pretend I am on the beach somewhere working on my tan. It will be really tough but I've got to try something.
Have a great Friday!
TT
Thursday, January 7, 2010
One of those
It started out as one of those mornings. My alarm went off and actually startled me awake. Lately, I have been awake a good 20-30 minutes before it is supposed to fire off. I am usually up then, too. But not this time and it took me another good 5-10 minutes to drag myself out of bed.
I managed to get myself through the routine morning things to make myself look like the professional I am supposed to be at work. I am not sure how, maybe by practice every day, but I managed even though I felt like I was in a haze. I had myself together and went upstairs to boot up my laptop. I was into pulling up my first email and went to take the first sip of my coffee, but the cup was almost empty. It was full when I brought it up with me. I don’t even remember drinking my first cup but now it was empty and I had to go down to re-fill it.
Now time has flown and I drive into work. I get a good parking spot and drag my coat around me, my oversized purse that doubles as my laptop carry-all and my gym bag. I am going up the flight of stairs and I stop and peer down two steps where one of my shoes has decided to stay and visit instead of staying on my foot where it should be. I maneuver myself and all my paraphernalia back down the two steps and try to drive my foot back into the shoe hoping no one else is arriving at the same time.
I somehow managed to get through the rest of the day. There were other things that seemed to crop up that were just those constant annoyances but not really anything to write home about. Well, except me.
I seem to write home about just about everything. I write even when it is nothing more than just one of those mornings.
TT
I managed to get myself through the routine morning things to make myself look like the professional I am supposed to be at work. I am not sure how, maybe by practice every day, but I managed even though I felt like I was in a haze. I had myself together and went upstairs to boot up my laptop. I was into pulling up my first email and went to take the first sip of my coffee, but the cup was almost empty. It was full when I brought it up with me. I don’t even remember drinking my first cup but now it was empty and I had to go down to re-fill it.
Now time has flown and I drive into work. I get a good parking spot and drag my coat around me, my oversized purse that doubles as my laptop carry-all and my gym bag. I am going up the flight of stairs and I stop and peer down two steps where one of my shoes has decided to stay and visit instead of staying on my foot where it should be. I maneuver myself and all my paraphernalia back down the two steps and try to drive my foot back into the shoe hoping no one else is arriving at the same time.
I somehow managed to get through the rest of the day. There were other things that seemed to crop up that were just those constant annoyances but not really anything to write home about. Well, except me.
I seem to write home about just about everything. I write even when it is nothing more than just one of those mornings.
TT
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Short and snappy
I will be short today. You hush! I know I am short everyday but I wasn't referring to my height for this one blasted time. I am talking about making this brief. I need to get this off quickly so I can get some real book-work done.
At least that is the plan. I will spend little time here, I will be concise and to the point, so I can go off and get back to the outline I have barely started on the story.
Yes, the story...the story that I have promised to write this year that I am finding I am not writing a word of under the pretense of getting organized. I need to make sure I am not just getting these character sketches and plot timelines worked out as a way to avoid actually doing any real work on the actual thing someone could read. No one wants to read sketches and outlines no matter how much time I spend on them. I don’t even want to read sketches and outlines.
So that’s it for today. I have really procrastinated enough and I am not going to use this as an excuse for not getting to working.
I’ve been short but I don’t mean to be curt. If I’ve been abrupt, I didn’t mean to be rude.
Tomorrow, my friends.
TT
At least that is the plan. I will spend little time here, I will be concise and to the point, so I can go off and get back to the outline I have barely started on the story.
Yes, the story...the story that I have promised to write this year that I am finding I am not writing a word of under the pretense of getting organized. I need to make sure I am not just getting these character sketches and plot timelines worked out as a way to avoid actually doing any real work on the actual thing someone could read. No one wants to read sketches and outlines no matter how much time I spend on them. I don’t even want to read sketches and outlines.
So that’s it for today. I have really procrastinated enough and I am not going to use this as an excuse for not getting to working.
I’ve been short but I don’t mean to be curt. If I’ve been abrupt, I didn’t mean to be rude.
Tomorrow, my friends.
TT
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Got any idea?
I tried to write about how I needed an idea. I’ve been sitting here putting words on a page that could possibly be worked into a topic if I actually had an idea to write about. The problem seems to be I don’t and can’t think up a topic. I am topic-less.
I feel very strange since for once in a very long time I feel like there is nothing in my brain except a huge expanse of nothing. There seems to be nothing there except for a lot of …well, a lot of room.
There seems to be a lot of room that should be occupied with topics or ideas. Where did they all go? Who cleaned out the place? How could they have left me without a trace of anything? I don’t seem to have a speck of anything left to even make something out of.
The problem with not having an idea when you want one is they seem to become more elusive the harder you try to find one. It is even harder to start looking when there doesn’t seem to be anywhere to look. You can’t exactly open and search through drawers when the dresser is missing. You can’t pull and throw things out of a closet that has already been emptied. You can’t look under piles of papers that aren’t there. So what do you do?
You take a deep breath and turn yourself slowly around and scan the empty places. You need to do it quietly and calmly. The topics will flee the very minute you start showing any signs of anxiety or agitation. It is best you stay calm and not think for one minute that it will stay that way. It won’t. All the wonderful clutter will find its way and move right back in.
The best part of being topic-less is realizing what an enormous opportunity there is to re-populate. I mean, come on…you know what always happens with empty spaces, don’t you? Of course, you do!
They always get filled.
TT
I feel very strange since for once in a very long time I feel like there is nothing in my brain except a huge expanse of nothing. There seems to be nothing there except for a lot of …well, a lot of room.
There seems to be a lot of room that should be occupied with topics or ideas. Where did they all go? Who cleaned out the place? How could they have left me without a trace of anything? I don’t seem to have a speck of anything left to even make something out of.
The problem with not having an idea when you want one is they seem to become more elusive the harder you try to find one. It is even harder to start looking when there doesn’t seem to be anywhere to look. You can’t exactly open and search through drawers when the dresser is missing. You can’t pull and throw things out of a closet that has already been emptied. You can’t look under piles of papers that aren’t there. So what do you do?
You take a deep breath and turn yourself slowly around and scan the empty places. You need to do it quietly and calmly. The topics will flee the very minute you start showing any signs of anxiety or agitation. It is best you stay calm and not think for one minute that it will stay that way. It won’t. All the wonderful clutter will find its way and move right back in.
The best part of being topic-less is realizing what an enormous opportunity there is to re-populate. I mean, come on…you know what always happens with empty spaces, don’t you? Of course, you do!
They always get filled.
TT
Monday, January 4, 2010
Last holiday thing
I had a good long holiday weekend. It was the part of the holidays where I am unrushed and this year I managed to have a lot of time to myself. It was a truly good thing. Now my New Year starts and I am actually looking forward to it all.
I have to stop and digest the fact that the year is 2010. The number seems hard to imagine even though we have been working up to it year after year. It’s not like we skipped numbers or anything of the like. But even so, it still isn’t that easy to fathom. Who would have thought…2010?
But before I was able to tuck the holidays away and pack up the bright and shiny baubles of the season, I realized I had a tower of empty cookie tins. I had cookie ingredients in the cabinet. I had a comment on my post from Dec 21st saying they hadn’t received the cookies I sent.
The fact was staring straight at me. I had never baked. There were no cookies. No cookies were sent to anybody.
So I baked cookies until I ran out of flour. I managed a good five different varieties as you can see.
I have flour on my grocery list and if you don’t get your shipment – well, you will need to let me know. I can make a special order.TT
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Running Week One
I managed to complete my first week of running. I know this was a resolution for the New Year but I got a bit of a head start on it in order to start with a full week. Besides, since I have not been running for the past…long time…it is like I am beginning from square one again. I don’t know why that is but if you stop running it always feels like you are starting all over. I will need to build it all up again and get myself acclimated. Here is the plan and my actual distances.
Week 1 Sun Mon Tues Wed Thu Fri Sat Total
12/27-1/2 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actual 2 2 rest 2.5 T 3 rest 3 T 12.5
*T=treadmill, all other miles ran outside.
Week two will be the same plan as week one. I wanted to give myself a chance to warm up to it all over again. I wasn’t sure how much I would be able to accomplish and didn’t want to dive in and make myself swim too far straight off and fatigue myself before I got started. Okay, no…I’m not swimming also, just running. Don’t let me confuse.
I was able to get all five days in and that, I feel, is a good start. I will see how it progresses. It doesn’t look like my weather is going to cooperate much next week so I may need to take more runs at the gym. I will need to make sure to pack the gym bag properly and not forget anything…like socks!
So my first weeks plan went as planned. I am happy with it so far!
TT
Week 1 Sun Mon Tues Wed Thu Fri Sat Total
12/27-1/2 2 Rest 2 2.5 2 Rest 3 11.5 miles
Actual 2 2 rest 2.5 T 3 rest 3 T 12.5
*T=treadmill, all other miles ran outside.
Week two will be the same plan as week one. I wanted to give myself a chance to warm up to it all over again. I wasn’t sure how much I would be able to accomplish and didn’t want to dive in and make myself swim too far straight off and fatigue myself before I got started. Okay, no…I’m not swimming also, just running. Don’t let me confuse.
I was able to get all five days in and that, I feel, is a good start. I will see how it progresses. It doesn’t look like my weather is going to cooperate much next week so I may need to take more runs at the gym. I will need to make sure to pack the gym bag properly and not forget anything…like socks!
So my first weeks plan went as planned. I am happy with it so far!
TT
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Admit it
I was sitting alone at the kitchen table gazing off into nowhere. It was quiet except for the normal pings and humming’s of the appliances surrounding me. It wasn’t a distracting noise but the white comforting background kind that I am familiar with. It was the kind that allowed me to sit and gaze into space with my mind slowing tripping over itself.
It lighted on one less important thing after another until it finally came circling around to what it seemed it wanted me to ponder on. It seemed I needed to remind myself of how hard it would be to do the things I was attempting this year. How did I think I was going to be able to accomplish these things?
I thought about what I do. I am a secretary. Let’s face it, no matter what fancy title they give me, that’s what I am. I had little formal training but have done best by following my instincts and learning as much as I could. I can admit to that with no problem and have done very well.
Now I have put myself into a training program for running 5 days a week and, honestly, that made me grin. I have been running off and on for a few years but have yet to admit that I am a runner. I will deny it any chance I get. “I’m not a runner. It doesn’t come easy or naturally for me. I have to work hard at it.” Yet, here I am after only the first week of this self-imposed training and I am doing it. I am running.
Then this whole idea I had come up with that I am going to write a novel this year. This doesn’t make me grin so much as wrinkle my brow and try to take a deep breath to settle and calm me. This is daunting. I needed to take another deep breath to settle myself. “I’m not a writer. I don’t know the rules or how to hit the marks I need to hit. This is something I have to work hard at.” But it is something that I have been doing consistently for the past 8 months. I am writing.
So I admit to being a self-taught secretary but not so much a runner or a writer. I had to grin again at myself at that point. When exactly did I think it would be that I crossed the fantasy line of not being into being?
I know I just need to follow my instincts and learn as much as I can. I’ll have to work hard at it.
Somehow I thought all that while sitting alone in a quiet kitchen with only the clicking of the surrounding appliances.
What can I say? I tried to tell you I never know where my thoughts will take me.
TT
It lighted on one less important thing after another until it finally came circling around to what it seemed it wanted me to ponder on. It seemed I needed to remind myself of how hard it would be to do the things I was attempting this year. How did I think I was going to be able to accomplish these things?
I thought about what I do. I am a secretary. Let’s face it, no matter what fancy title they give me, that’s what I am. I had little formal training but have done best by following my instincts and learning as much as I could. I can admit to that with no problem and have done very well.
Now I have put myself into a training program for running 5 days a week and, honestly, that made me grin. I have been running off and on for a few years but have yet to admit that I am a runner. I will deny it any chance I get. “I’m not a runner. It doesn’t come easy or naturally for me. I have to work hard at it.” Yet, here I am after only the first week of this self-imposed training and I am doing it. I am running.
Then this whole idea I had come up with that I am going to write a novel this year. This doesn’t make me grin so much as wrinkle my brow and try to take a deep breath to settle and calm me. This is daunting. I needed to take another deep breath to settle myself. “I’m not a writer. I don’t know the rules or how to hit the marks I need to hit. This is something I have to work hard at.” But it is something that I have been doing consistently for the past 8 months. I am writing.
So I admit to being a self-taught secretary but not so much a runner or a writer. I had to grin again at myself at that point. When exactly did I think it would be that I crossed the fantasy line of not being into being?
I know I just need to follow my instincts and learn as much as I can. I’ll have to work hard at it.
Somehow I thought all that while sitting alone in a quiet kitchen with only the clicking of the surrounding appliances.
What can I say? I tried to tell you I never know where my thoughts will take me.
TT
Friday, January 1, 2010
Did you hear?
I thought about posting this just past midnight but decided I would probably have had too many (or more than usual) errors that would need to be corrected. It would also mean that I stayed up way later than my bedtime and that I had too many glasses of wine (or beer or drinks). That isn’t such a great combination if you are thinking of posting something public on your blog.
But…HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am not saying how late or how many or any numbers from last night. I may say quite a few things in these posts but you will never ever know everything and when I won’t tell, you couldn’t get it out of me for the world.
I am great if you have a secret because I really won’t spread it. I have been called the vault at times. That is - if I understand that it really is a secret you want to keep from others. If I don’t get that part, then I will turn around and tell the exact person you didn’t want to hear since I have trouble distinguishing why they shouldn’t know. What better person needs to hear than the one talked about?
But what does all that have to do with anything?
It doesn’t have anything to do with anything. Don’t you see? These are just my thoughts, which I turn into words, just like all the billions of others that do this.
There is a difference with me because I don’t have followers or a concept or a theme or great gizmos or widgets. I won’t dazzle anyone with colors or layout.
You see, I do this for me. Only me. It took me a while to figure it out but now I can proudly take ownership.
This is a piece of something I had to do, to learn, to advance, to figure out, to practice in order to get discipline. Now after 255 posts –almost daily - I have accumulated that one thing I needed the most to go forward.
Confidence.
It is like the secret I was keeping from myself. What better person needed to know? It is everything that is playful, feel good, and uncontestable because it is coming from the inside out.
What a great way to start out this fine first day of the newest year!
Did I say HAPPY NEW YEAR?!!!
TT
But…HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am not saying how late or how many or any numbers from last night. I may say quite a few things in these posts but you will never ever know everything and when I won’t tell, you couldn’t get it out of me for the world.
I am great if you have a secret because I really won’t spread it. I have been called the vault at times. That is - if I understand that it really is a secret you want to keep from others. If I don’t get that part, then I will turn around and tell the exact person you didn’t want to hear since I have trouble distinguishing why they shouldn’t know. What better person needs to hear than the one talked about?
But what does all that have to do with anything?
It doesn’t have anything to do with anything. Don’t you see? These are just my thoughts, which I turn into words, just like all the billions of others that do this.
There is a difference with me because I don’t have followers or a concept or a theme or great gizmos or widgets. I won’t dazzle anyone with colors or layout.
You see, I do this for me. Only me. It took me a while to figure it out but now I can proudly take ownership.
This is a piece of something I had to do, to learn, to advance, to figure out, to practice in order to get discipline. Now after 255 posts –almost daily - I have accumulated that one thing I needed the most to go forward.
Confidence.
It is like the secret I was keeping from myself. What better person needed to know? It is everything that is playful, feel good, and uncontestable because it is coming from the inside out.
What a great way to start out this fine first day of the newest year!
Did I say HAPPY NEW YEAR?!!!
TT
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