Oct 1st

It's the first day of a new month, and I feel I need to make some bold, sweeping statement to start if off.  The sweeping statement idea is only a thought that enters my head, as if it is some rule I need to follow.  If I don't get it done to exact specifications, somehow, I have failed.  The fact is, there is no such rule.  That is something I have, somehow, embedded into my own way of thinking in order to punish myself later, when I don't follow my own rule.  I'm not sure when I started to do that.  I don't know what triggered my brain to hold myself accountable to such crazy rules.

I am slowly beginning to recognize all the items I find reasons to punish myself for, and started to remove them from my thinking.  These thoughts are not actually anyone's rules.  They are items that only exist in my mind. And, I am questioning my own rules.  Why?  Yes.  Exactly.  Why do I need to make a bold, sweeping statement? Do I need that statement now?  If I don't come up with one at this moment, does it really mean I've failed? Maybe it only means it's a thought, I'm working on it.  It's there in my head, and I need to think about it a little longer.  I need to figure out if it's really something I need or want to do, and most importantly, why do I need or want to do it?

And this new process of letting the little stuff go, it makes the things I get done, so much more fun.  There is a bigger sense of accomplishment when I complete something that has a real reason for me to do it, then some crazy rule that happened to appear in my head at that instant.  They say, don't sweat the small stuff, and it's true.  But, if the small stuff is all you think you have, you believe it isn't wise to get rid of it.  That is, until you realize how much happier you are once they are eliminated.  There is so much more to enjoy when you clear away the punishments for self-imposed rules.  It isn't easy, but I've made some bold, sweeping strokes in the right direction.

It's the first day of a new month.
TT