Sooner than expected

I am trying to do too many things this morning with what I know is not enough time to do them in. I am sure you might have been in that situation a time or two before. Maybe not but I usually don't even try to acknowledge that is the case but run around frantically not really getting any of the things accomplished in any half-baked form. It looks like this morning is going to be one of those. And of course it is a Monday so I wanted to be a little more ready for the week. It doesn't look like that will be the case this morning. I have also managed to wreck my desk here. It is at the point that I will need to spend some time going through all the papers and miscellaneous objects that I have managed to litter the top of my desk. Then I will need to turn around and clear all the items I have cluttered my separate work table with that is behind me. I knew the stuff seemed to be growing as my work space seemed to be shrinking. I guess it has finally gotten to the point of no more!

Those things might be the trigger for the feeling of trying to do too much in too little time this morning. Everything here is a mess! I don’t have any room and I don’t know what all this stuff I have is that I have accumulated. Well, I know they are things I planned to go through and organize but that was to come later.

But then later always comes so soon.

TT

Afternoon diversion

I spent yesterday afternoon and evening out of town. It was a splendid time with people I had not seen in a while. I didn't mind the drive at all and even coming back home to get here just before midnight last night wasn't so bad either. It was well worth it. And now I still have today to get myself organized.

My first stop was meeting up with the youngest of the Voltaggio clan. We decided we had time to drive out to a new vineyard located thirty minutes from where she and her husband live. It was a pleasant drive and gave us time to talk, not that we ever stopped. We arrived and the grounds were slightly parched from the abusively high temperatures we have been experiencing and yet still lovely. There was an expanse of hill country green with the straight lines of vines tucked neatly to one side. The main winery and restaurant was designed like a Tuscan villa. It was too new looking to bring you back to the old country but the terra cotta roof was very appealing to the eye. I can’t tell you how wonderfully relaxing the entire time was. I don’t even know how long we where there. Time wasn’t an issue and we of course tried a bottle of the winery’s own label. Too soon it was time to head back. I had another party to attend.

I was only an hour fashionably late. It turned out many people had also just arrived so I guess that is the norm. At least it was the norm for this party. There were quite a few people attending. It was a relatively small house with many people gathered inside and me not knowing any of them. I really didn’t have a problem with that. I believe I was the only one attending from out of town and I also think I might have been the only one that had not met my friend (who’s birthday we were celebrating) from her work. I have known her since we were 13 which made for some interesting introductions considering our ages now. But never mind about that. It was a good time.

It was a good day all around. The best part is I was still able to get up this morning, make my coffee and spend a few moments putting words on a page.

These types of days are so essential. My luck on that still continues.

TT

Don't stop

I woke up this morning with a scene from my book in my head. That book that I keep inching toward but haven't actually started writing yet. The book I have not written any words for yet. Yeah, that book. I had a lovely scene playing in my head that would fit into that story. The two main characters were there and the setting was just perfect. I was watching a movie in my head of it as it played out. It was one of those unconscious idea thingy's that happen to me when I least expect them. I didn't have any index cards or tiny spiral notebooks on my nightstand to jot it down, but it's still there. I'll mark it down soon. I won't let it go without capturing it.

It's a piece that wouldn't even happen until possibly a hundred or so pages into the book. It was a little surprising that I would have thought it up at that time and maybe even this morning. I have so many other regular things to do today that writing wasn’t going to be one of the higher priorities on my list. I wasn't even thinking about it lately. Well, okay, let me be honest. It is not always far from my thoughts but I didn’t think it would be particularly forefront today.

But there it was. That wonderfully scripted, blocked, comfortable scene playing in my head. What an exciting moment for me. That’s at least two scenes knocking quietly at that door. When the first happened a while back I just pretended I wasn’t home. I thought since it wasn’t something that was going to happen until much later into the storyline that I would just call it up much later. It was too soon to dive into that thought. Now, yet other scene is knocking again this morning and I am beginning to wonder who is actually on the opening side of this door.

I think I am going to have to follow my instincts and write up these scenes that have been patiently waiting. They are not in the right sequence order of the story but my characters seem to be talking to me. I think I need to start listening to them whenever they come by and stop ignoring the knocking.

I so don’t want them to stop!

TT

Temperature check

I spent some time yesterday afternoon browsing my own blog. I am not sure what made me stop and read parts of it but I allowed myself the time to focus on it. I seemed to have been rushing in and out of my own site lately almost at the speed of light. Probably not that fast but let’s just say I have been so rushed writing, posting, done, and out, that I had not really been noticing the amount of posts I had accumulated. I had been moving so fast for the last weeks I had not stopped to check on myself.

I know quantity is not the proof of anything. It is not the answer to good writing or interesting writing. I know I could have scores of posts and all of them could be just god-awful. But excuse me, if it is all the same to you, dang! I have like over 125 posts! I have over 125 posts since April. I have had a consistent post every day since the first of July …well, except for August 17th. I didn’t have a post on the 17th of this month but (oh goodness, I didn’t realize until I just checked) I posted twice on July 17th. (I really didn’t know it was the 17th on both months —coincidences)! But that would still total a post every day for almost two months straight.

Since I was allowing myself to go through and read some of my own posts, I found a couple, a couple...well I found a couple that are not so bad. There are a couple of posts that are actually a little funny. I found a few that needed a lot of work and some that are just heartfelt and part of my life.

So there. I am talking to myself when I say that. You see, I might have proved something to myself by just taking notice of what I have done lately. By stepping back and taking a look at what I had already done, I was able to see that I have made some steps forward.

Having lots of post might not be the answer, but I think this is starting to work well for me. With a little more focus and more of the same consistency, I might be getting somewhere. I’ll keep at it. Then I will check back on myself again to see if I am still progressing and if I still feel the same way.

Right now, I’m feeling not so bad.

TT

Kitchen smells good

I didn't have time to write after work yesterday. I knew I needed to get a few things done after work and I never made it up to my workspace. It sometimes doesn't feel quite right when I seem to miss. But, like I said, there were some things I needed to do.

Since I knew I would be occupied after work I did my mile and a half during my lunch time. I am staying on track with my simplified work out schedule so far if you can count three days as sticking to it. I did Zumba class on Monday, mile and half on Tuesday and again mile and half on Wednesday. Not the longest work outs but consistent so far.

I had been asked to donate some cookies for a charity bake sale on Friday and knew I didn't want to wait until the last minute. I know they stay perfectly fresh in the tins I have so I was baking last night. Since they needed to be broken down into smaller (salable) portions I had to change up my packaging. I was able to find a small clear cello bag that fit three cookies just perfectly. I added my cookie label and tied it off with some silver raffia ribbon. It came out rather nice if I am allowed to say so myself. I don't have any concerns with the cookies themselves. It is the recipe I came up with for my Cinque Cicciolato...my five chocolate cookies and they have been proved to be a crowd pleaser. And I do actually use five different chocolates in the mix...cocoa powder, white chocolate chip, milk chocolate chips, semi-sweet chips, and bittersweet chips. You would think it would just be too, too much, too rich but it doesn't turn out that way. Ask anyone that has tried them. Mmmm. So, the project with the cookies turned out nicely. Jay thought they looked good enough to take a picture and sell in any holiday catalog. The smaller packaging worked out very well.

By the time I got cookies baked and worked on dinner - sliced pan seared pork loin, mashed potatoes, sautéed zucchini with caramelized onion and a romaine and tomatoes salad with olive oil vinaigrette - it was late! The kitchen smelled really good though. And I realized the second episode of Top Chef was beginning. Of course! Perfect finish to all that real cooking is to watch even more on TV!

It turned out my Voltaggio guys did really, really well in this episode. Michael managed to win the quick fire challenge and Bryan, his older brother, came away with winning the elimination challenge. I have never rooted for anyone on any show before...but the name connection seems to have made a difference. I keep trying to see if there is any resemblance and I could see where they look like the third brother of the Voltaggio's I know. He happens to be a Chef also but...that's just too many coincidences.

So with all the things going on and not much writing, I still am feeling pretty charged about this week. So much better than last! And I think I can count these few words as something…

TT

In the family?

I wanted to take a moment to mention one of the cooking shows I watch. I had recorded the first episode for the new season that just started so I had not actually watched it when it first aired. I viewed it later at the end of the week. I knew there was some new twist where two of the Chef contestants chosen to compete on this cooking show were brothers. I am not keeping the show a secret. The show is one of the returning seasons of Top Chef on Bravo. I have watched this show from the very first season and the cooking challenges are always interesting to me. I don’t or try not to get too caught up in the reality drama that goes on but there have been some really interesting cooking going on if you can get past the reality bits.

I had settled in and turned the show on to play when I was finally ready to watch. There are a total of 17 Chefs that have been chosen to compete and at the beginning intro of the show they always play short clips of each Chef and their names. Very good. Like I said, I am settled in and catching the flashing pictures of these new chefs as they appear. Then I push myself to the front of my chair, hands gripping the arm rests, ready to stand, eyes inches away from the TV set as I see the names of these two brothers that are in the competition. Have you seen the show? First one brother is revealed with his name appearing at the bottom of the screen. What? Did I read that right? Then the second brother appears and there is no mistake on the name. Now I don’t recognize either one of these brothers but their name is Voltaggio. Bryan and Michael Voltaggio. Have you seen the show? I am falling out of my chair. Really? Voltaggio? I grew up with a Voltaggio family! I never knew any other Voltaggio’s except the ones related to that family. I know there has to be others but it really struck home. Could they be somehow related? I found out these brothers in the competition are from Maryland which is many, many miles from where the family I know lived when growing up. But the papa of the Voltaggio’s I know so well was from Newark, New Jersey and that’s like a four and something hours drive away. Could there maybe, possibly be a relative or two here?

It’s really interesting that I am going out of town this Saturday to attend an evening party of a good friend of mine from High School. Now get this - I had contacted the youngest of the six children in the Voltaggio family to get together Saturday afternoon since she lives there too! This was before I had viewed the episode. Did I mention we were close? I will have to find out what her take on all of this is. I am amazed. Here I go again. What odds am I playing lately? There just seems to be one coincidence after another with me! Oh – and the name of this seasons show is Top Chef – Las Vegas. Vegas - odds…Go figure.

I am still shaking my head in disbelief.

TT

Still have time

I am working on getting organized. I guess I should be using the word re-organized because it seems I spend the majority of my time re-doing. I know I must have done it first at some point but I can't remember when that original doing happened and all I have left is fixing up what I originally did, or what I have re-done from some other point. Confused yet? I live this way.

Anyway, I had decided some time mid-last wicked week that I needed to get back on track with my fitness. Ah, yes! The great love-hate relationships I build around me. I prove that to be true over and over. I love the work outs, I really feel so much better when I am in that groove of working out, but dragging myself there to get it done seems to be so hard when I am trying to get back into it. Or maybe it's just so easy for me to avoid. So the plan is to get back.

I am not going to set any outrageous goals (this time). I am going to keep it fairly simple. I have a really easy run training that could take as long as seven weeks. That only means the increase in miles is very low. That should make it really easy to start out since there isn't much pressure to push hard right away. I could probably cut a good two to three weeks off of this schedule and still get the miles accomplished. But wait...that's not the idea. The organization here (re-organization) is to keep it easy enough to not make it such a chore to get it done. I am also trying to factor in the possibility that I won't only be running. If I want to take an occasional class I will be able to do that. It should keep it all interesting. I actually started out with a Zumba class yesterday. I may do another today or at the very least get my 1 1/2 mile run in. That's it. That is the distance I am starting with. If I get myself into some proper shape I should be able to do the Zumba class and run that distance afterward. But wait, I need to slow down. No big expectations here. The idea is to keep it easy enough to slide back into the program.

And I should still have time to write.

TT

Keep trying

I wrote for a good while late yesterday afternoon. I had come up with a subject and I grabbed a pad and scribbled my notes. I couldn't wait to come upstairs and type them up and work on it. That's what I did. I typed the notes this way and that. I grouped, regrouped, and reworded. I used this thought and that. I tried to embellish it and maneuver it. It seemed like such a good idea. I didn't realize how long I had worked on it. I wasn't watching the time. I was just in the moment and doing it.

I eventually realized no matter how much I worked it or how hard I tried it wasn't going to come out at all the way I was hoping. I really tried a couple of different ways to approach it. I knew it was so far off the mark there wasn't going to be any recovery. So I left it.

No, there are no real regrets. I have to congratulate myself on at least that. I was able to get up and move away with the knowledge that there is still a long way to go and this was just another hurdle. I don't know how many times I circled it before I realized I needed to stop and walk away, but in the end I did.

I was hoping to post this wonderful idea that I had yesterday but it just didn't want to happen. The thing about all this is that I am still feeling so optimistic about the entire process. This idea didn't work the way I was trying yesterday. I might dissect it later and see something I couldn't yesterday or I might just move away from it and find something else. Whatever happens I am not feeling discouraged.

I will just keep trying.

TT

Grand total $16.22

Saturday afternoon - 5:10pm.
I have just returned home from what I thought was going to be little shopping therapy.

I should have known it wasn’t a time to do any shopping when traffic seemed heavier than usual. I realized a little too late it might be because of school starting and everyone making the back to school last weekend shopping trips. I should have exercised some common sense and left right then. No, no common sense exercised. So the result was a grand total expenditure of $16.22. Pretty slim. And that was spent on a blusher from Sephora that I needed. Not even anything I could wear. I visited 5 shops and came out with nothing. I tried on a top, capri's, a dress, another top but nothing was working for me.

Then I tried another tact and I almost got a really great pair of muted print fabric Nine West peep-toed shoes. I say almost. There was a 75% off clearance rack which I browsed. I do this type of browsing from time to time but never seem able to find my size even if there is a pair I actually want. But this time they had my size in the great Nine West heel. Awesome! I plucked it off the rack and slid the shoe on. Like I said, still awesome! It looked great! I took it off and brought the lone shoe up to the counter so they could go to the back to retrieve the matching mate. The clerk came back after what seemed like an extra long wait and said…there isn’t a matching shoe. What? Nothing in the back? Then I remembered seeing another one on the clearance rack. Do you think it’s the other shoe?

We went to look. We found the other shoe on the rack. It was the same size as the original shoe the clerk is still holding. Matching shoes. But wait…a little too matching. Both are left feet. I’m looking at the clerk. Okay, maybe I was staring very intently because she excused herself and promptly turned to say she would go to the back and check again. Another long wait. She finally found the courage to resurface from the back room with the same two left shoes. She is shaking her head. I’m very sorry I think I heard her say; the other right shoes aren’t there.

I should have known. Did I really expect a pair of $79.00 originally priced, beautiful fabric, Nine West peep-toed, 4 ½ inch heels at 75% off to be available to me? Well, I did expect it. Oh yes, of course, but they were available! If I wanted two left shoes! What’s with me and my shoes lately?

Some therapy session! It didn’t exactly work out as planned. My cheeks are so glowing I don’t even need the blusher!

TT

Quotable

I saw an interesting quote written at the top of my planner yesterday morning. There is one on every page and I read them but I am not a big fan of "quotes of the day". I will always find a way to deconstruct it and find a meaning in it that I am sure was never intended or I take it out of context. This manages to diminish the much sought after effect of what the quote I am sure was going for. I sometimes wonder what the person being quoted must think of this. Do they get perturbed by the use of their words or more accurately misuse. I wouldn't think they would give it all that much thought but you know they could. I obviously think too much about it and (thank goodness) I am not the one being quoted. I wonder if there is a group that comes together for the sole purpose of finding quotable things that people say. What kind of job would that have to be? Can you imagine?

Oh my gosh, where have I wandered off to this time! I was talking about the quote I read yesterday morning...the quote.

The timing of this particular quote coming at the end of what had been a wicked week couldn’t have been planned. I had seen the movie I talked about in my 8/16 post Julie & Julia and a great glass of Claret and it felt I had come full circle. (And no…there will be no further reports or information given on the snake in the corner from yesterday. Not another word on that…it will go with me to the grave and all that…how dramatic, yawn.) Sorry, I seem terribly distracted today.

So getting back to where I was…
The quote was this: Find something you’re passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it. – Julia Child

Funny how the timing of this particular quote would be from Julia Child. Again, I can't say if these types of coincidences happen so much to me or I happen to them. It doesn't matter - it's just parts of things that seem the norm for me.

So (hmm, again - focus) after reading the quote, I realized I have found something I seem to be passionate about and I seem to be tremendously interested in it. I mean I am interested enough to spend all kinds of time working on it. I find myself logging in thinking I am going to allow myself 15 – 20 minutes and glance down at the clock and it is multiple hours later. Passion – check. Interest - check. Fun – check.

I think Julia might have been on to something.

TT

Banished sidewinder

Hallelujah, it's Friday! What a wicked week. There seemed to be an ugly viper coiled in the corner of my room. It was hissing and waiting for an opportunity to sink it’s dripping fangs into the meaty portion of my hand. Stupid snake.

It shook me at first. It’s not easy to keep your mind focused on what you are supposed to be doing with that kind of distraction. It is even more difficult when you know there is no reason for it to be there. You try to ignore it hoping it might just disappear on its own. But it persisted. And I would find myself giving it sideways glances over my shoulder. It worried me as the week progressed. It didn’t seem to have moved from its spot and I especially didn’t want it to take up permanent residence. I was not going to let it stay but I was failing on actually getting it out and away.

But today…it isn’t there. I’m at that iffy stage where it might have just moved to another spot that I haven’t located but I don’t think that is the case. I think it is gone.

It wasn’t a real snake of course. I don’t have large venomous creatures lurking in the corners of my room waiting to attack. It was just my way of saying I’ve had a tough week and I’m really glad I worked my way through it. I am feeling much better now.

Stupid snake.

TT

Tangled path

I started to write this morning and got over 200 words when I realized there was no way I wanted to continue on that subject. I am not sure where my thought paths have gone but I must be in some deep woods. It almost feels like I keep striking out to find where it connects to the main road but I manage to get deeper and deeper into the brush. I keep pushing ahead but I seem to be getting tangled into some weird spots where I’m not sure how I managed to get there. Weren’t things going along just fine? Didn’t I have a flow going? Maybe this is just another learning curve I need to deal with.

I can hear my mind trying to tell me it is a lack of creativity. I can hear it saying there isn’t another good thought in my head. I can hear it - but it isn’t resonating. I can hear it but I am almost waving my hand at it like I would an irritating gnat away from my face. That is a good thing. It is a good thing I am beginning to wave away the more negative thoughts that try to hold me back. If there is anything I may have learned from starting where I was and getting to this point is that I need to continue. Stopping, quitting, trying to find reasons for not doing this is not an option any more. And no, I don’t really think I am saying that to convince myself of the fact. I think I am actually putting it into actions. I mean, I am writing words you never see. For all that I talk about there are volumes that are never spoken. I am finding paths when I am lost and not sure where I am. My thoughts are taking me to other places that I am not mentioning here.

This dense path I have found myself on lately seems to be going on forever. But I seem to have found a determination I can’t seem to shrug off anymore and I will continue to trudge on through.

Good for me.

TT

Index sort

I am feeling a little rushed this morning. I have that oh gosh hurry feeling when I haven’t had a chance to sort through and have a ready piece to post. I need to go through my index cards. I feel like it has been a while since I wrote any ideas down. It seems there has been a lapse in the amount of ideas I have had lately or I am getting so old and forgetful I can't remember writing anything down. I thought I had written some ideas down and now I have a small stack to go through. Hang on a minute while I take a look at them.

Nope, it is just as I thought. There doesn't seem to be anything there. What a shame. It seems this stack of index cards are just the rejects. I must have used up all the better ideas, written them up and left the ones that didn't have anything. Well, at least now I can put them aside and know I'll have to start another stack. I will pull out some fresh, crisp, unused cards that are just begging for wonderful ideas to be written all over them. I sure hope they know about this arrangement. It looks like I could use some help in the index card idea begging department. I can use a lot of help. I know, I know, you can tell...!

Well, here is one thing just so you know. I did find one index card in this stack of rejects that could be priceless. One card out of the stack that is something I shoved in with all the others instead of putting aside in my other binder with my other notes. I know, one card out of a small stack doesn’t sound like much. But it is quite a bit you see. I found the index card with the names I had finally come up with for my characters in my major fiction I am on the brink of actually starting to write. Maybe that is why I have had a drop in the ideas for this blog. I have been baby-stepping my way to get into place to start writing it. And now I have recovered the names of these new people I will start to introduce in a whole other piece. So thanks for being patient while I went through these cards. I found one that was worth something. Well, it is worth something to me.

Gosh, I sure hope that was the right card. I had another that just said, “Losing battles are hard to fight.” That couldn’t be any kind of premonition, could it? But then, there was also another with the address of a party I’m going to next Saturday night and there is no doubt that is a good thing. Maybe that counter balances the two out.

I need to work on my filing system.

TT

The good news

I am here with a blank page. Life seemed to have tugged me in different directions yesterday and none led me to sitting here to try to fill a page or even part of it. Good news is it didn't keep me away too long.

I made myself nervous the other day when I backed up my entire blog to a flash drive. Uh-oh. I know what that means. Careful now. You see, that usually means I am ready to tear down the blog and deactivate it. It means I am ready to stop, quit, to find another way to spend my fool time. It was a thought since that was what happened in the past. I was wary of it. I held it in the back of my mind thinking if that was possibly my subconscious plan. I still get a tickling feeling that might be it. But then, I have a day like yesterday and I'm here. I'm back again.

Granted it is not the best or even good writing from what I can and have done in the past but I am here and writing just the same. What good is this tool if I can't just pick it up and use it whenever I need to? And look, somehow even though there wasn’t a thought in my head (Okay, that is so not true – I always have too many thoughts in my head) I have managed to write today even if one single word is not worth one single bit. But it is the writing itself that is important to me. I missed a day and that day is now gone. It is what I do with today and it seems I’ve already started back again.

I need to just keep going.

TT

PS. OH! If you happened to have read my post Hardly Cinderella from August 5th…I found my shoe!!! Good news abounds!

Julie & Julia and a great glass of Claret

It is 5:01pm on my Sunday afternoon. I just came home from the movies (yes, the movies) after seeing Julie & Julia. I had to open what has turned out to a beautiful bottle of Claret the boys got me, poured a big glass and am now finishing this post for today.

After catching a preview for Julie & Julia, I realized I wanted to see it. I wanted to see the movie because I wanted to go back and hopefully find some of what I remembered from watching Julia Child on television when she was the only one doing cooking shows. I knew Meryl Streep would do a good job. I wasn’t sure the movie itself would be all that good but the other half of the story line is that a young woman named Julie decides to write a blog about cooking all of the recipes in one of Julia Child’s cookbooks. Cooking, writing a blog – I thought I might have some way to relate to it all.

So I asked Jay about a week ago if we might go. He remembers Julia Child. He remembers catching a few of her shows and he especially remembers the funny bit Dan Ackroyd did on Saturday Night Live mimicking her. I think we watched that together. He listened as I pitched that it might not be the best movie but he understood my point about Meryl Streep doing a good job and agreed to go.

And now we are back home and the movie was as I expected. I think I took away what I wanted. I could certainly identify with the young blogger. I too have a tendency toward…how do I say this…being obsessive, emotional, overreacting, and being on the brink of insanity at times. Jay admitted I have never actually lain down on the kitchen floor when the food fell off the counter but close. He has seen me react quite strongly toward surprisingly simple things that happen. But then he also admitted that his barometer for my insanity is not set the same way as others since he has had to experience such high Richter scale readings and frequency of occurrences for such a long while. This might be a good thing for me but I am not so sure it’s such a good thing for him. But he seems to be pretty okay with it. I’ll go with that.

The movie confirmed most of the facts I already knew about Julia Child. It was entertaining watching parts of the story unfold about her and as I expected Meryl Streep did an excellent job. I had no doubt she would do any less. Her entire story line was interesting to me as was the very last scene of the movie when her published cookbook finally arrives in the mail. It had taken her years of work and even then she has so many doubts. She opens the manila envelope and takes the bound volume out. She places her hand to her mouth and has a tearful expression on joy that was unmistakable to me at the realization of her accomplishment. I realized I had the same hand to mouth and tearful joy expression as I watched.

I will now find a beef bourguignon recipe that I will prepare and serve even though no one is expected to come over. I will continue to write my blog even though no one will read. And I will stop now to refill an excellent glass of Claret that my sons were generous enough to buy for me. I know, one glass and look at me!

So enough for now. But how else could I end this but…
Bon Appétit!

TT

Give curve a new meaning

Can we talk a while about health? To be more specific, can we talk about my health? Okay, wait...maybe it's not health I want to talk about but more about fitness. My health is fine. I just had another round of doctor visits and it went very well. Okay, okay...I still have to see my regular doctor and get some blood work done - just yearly stuff. But health wise, I'm fine. What I want to say is something about my fitness. Or my fitness level at the moment. Or what seems to be my lack of fitness level at the moment.

I have been trying to get back into the swing of things. I sat around for weeks at a time writing instead of working out. Well, the writing is somehow getting done so now I need to work the exercise back into the mix. I actually ran 4 miles on Wednesday when I was still off from work this past week. I ran another 3 miles early this morning. I did a Zumba class on Thursday after work. It sounds like things are going fine. But the runs haven't been up to standard. During the 4 mile run I had to stop at least twice and walk for at least a half mile. Then today during my 3 mile run I had to walk again. I should be able to push these runs! I've done them before! RAN all the way...no walking allowed!

I need to get back into this. And then I know I have put on some weight. I can tell. It seems like I’m making it up but I’m not. Even when the doctor showed me the record that I hadn't gained any weight and he asked how I stayed so slim. What does he know? He hasn’t seen me in six months. So that means it's just all turning into flab. I mentioned the weight thing to Jay and he tried to say I looked just fine, if anything, I got some curve back.

Curve?!? And that means...?!?!? Look it up in the dictionary and I believe you will see that the word curve is now defined as the currently politically correct way to say your thighs are getting heavy. Or whatever problem body part it may apply to. I mentioned Jay's curve remark to my friend at lunch today. She thought that was pretty accurate, she liked his response. She tried to back him up by saying that match.com asks about your body type and gives you choices like thin, a few pounds more than normal, athletic, curvy...I can't remember all the rest. She said she would pick curvy over a few pound over normal. (She thinks she's a few pound over but she is just fine). She thought it just sounded better.

But there you go! You can hide behind the word but it still means you got too much somewhere. At least to me. I tried to think which I would pick (yeah, right...like I'd ever do match.com). I was vain enough to ask her what she thought I should list myself as since I didn't have a clue which to pick. Her thought was I should pick athletic. Hmmm, really? Can really short people be classified as athletic? I'm not so sure but it was interesting. I could do athletic (if I ever got back into shape)!

So I need to get a little leaner. I need to start putting in some miles like I used to. I need to find a couple of 5K's to sign up for and give me something to work towards. It's worked for me before and now is the time. Is there such a thing as hard body curvy?

I wouldn't mind that so much.

TT

Why not

I am not sure why but a thought crossed my mind the other day. It was really more of a question and it was; why do I write if nobody is going to read it?

Good question. Maybe I should ponder it a while to come up with a good answer. Maybe I should just answer it spontaneously now as the reasons come into my head. Maybe.
Oh, well okay, but in my own way of always answering a question with a question I have come up with the following responses:

· Why do I find myself singing when I am alone?
· Why do I cook a fancy meal if no one is coming over?
· Why do I coordinate a casual outfit if I plan on spending the afternoon at home?
· Why do I write if no one will read?

I don’t question why I do those other things, so do I really need to answer the last? Maybe there is a hidden thought or desire that someone might? Maybe I feel I need to be prepared? Maybe I want to stay in practice? Maybe I want to get better at what I'm doing.

Maybe the answer is I do it just for me. Somehow I think I am not supposed to say that out loud. I don’t doubt everyone would agree readily that doing something for yourself might be the best reason of all. But then, I have never been one to really know what others think or agree on. I guess for me, if I am honest, there are certain things I feel better doing then just wishing I had. I don’t want to leave things that are important to wishes. Maybe, I am not sure.

I don’t know why that thought crossed my mind. I don’t know if it should have any more thought than just this tiny bit I have already given it. I do know the writing is something I will need to continue to do for a while even if it is something that is read or not.

Maybe there are some things I just need to do.

TT

Different path

I had Dante read my post Sunday Breakfast from July 26. I must explain that he is not a reader. By that I mean he isn’t one to pick up a book and just read for the enjoyment of it. He is more the kind that would much rather watch the movie. But the post was short and he didn’t have a problem reading it.

I explained to him that when I had the idea to write the piece, the main subject actually centered on a conversation about salt shakers. I explained that when I went to write the idea up, it instead wove itself into the story as it appears on the post about lyrics to a song. He was a little intrigued by that. He thought it interesting that both versions were equally true but somehow changed as I was writing. He thought it interesting that the idea almost had a power to guide my pen in another direction than what my mind had originally thought to take.

He read the post and afterward he was laughing and said, “That was really funny.” I didn’t need to hear him say that. The happy creases and lines that appeared on his young face was all I needed to know the piece had worked. It was confirmation to me that the feel of it was accurate. I had been right to go with this other idea and follow my instinct to see where it might go.

It was proof again for me to believe in that snapshot of my idea. It is that picture in my head of what I think the main subject is, but it might not be what catches my eye once I see the picture as a whole. I need to be open to keep trusting that instinct to take another route when it presents itself at times.

It is nice to be able to have that, dare I say, confidence. It is building but so, so very slowly. I am letting it lead me more often and finding it easier when I do. Besides, if I go down the wrong path, can you imagine what a great story that might turn into?

TT

Letting it go

I have to say this just to get it over with and then let it go. I was certainly a little frustrated with trying to post pictures yesterday! I cannot believe I had such an incredibly hard time trying to put some pictures, text and formatting to what should be a fairly easy task. I tried over and over and over for (I think) more than two hours and still ended up with two pictures not showing up!

I will be the first to admit I am not the techiest person around but I can usually maneuver a photo and text. But not on this site! I had all my pictures ready and in order and realized at first that you have to upload them backward (last to first) otherwise your last photo will appear at the top of the post. Okay, I figured that out (oh, and only five uploads at a time). Then my text was all over the place. It didn't make any sense and the spacing was all off. I tried really hard to get it looking like something other than a mess. Somehow during the formatting I lost a picture. Oh great! I upload it again and (of course) it's at the top of the post when it should be close to the end. I can't move it! I tried to drag it down and can't get it to where I want it. Then I notice with all this formatting and dragging and time passing, another photo has disappeared! After two hours you think it would look, you would think it would look...good! And it just doesn't have the flow that it should have if .....ahhhgh well.

So, it was a mess of time and it didn't turn out as well as I would have liked. At least you can see the pictures that are there and I did take them all myself on Monday morning during a different two hours that I actually enjoyed.
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So here are the two pictures that didn't get posted yesterday. It's a shame they aren't in the right order and I am not even sure why I went to the trouble of adding them now anyway.














I guess two hours give or take on any given vacation day is okay. I'll let it go at that.

TT

A long walk

I have been away to my favorite place to escape for the last couple of days. We just got back and I finally have an Internet connection that is reliable so I am posting these pictures I wanted to share that I took while I was there. I wanted you to see why I so appreciate going and why it is so good for me.

Monday morning instead of my usual run I decided to take a walk along my route and take a camera with me.

I decided I would take my time and hopefully be able to capture a few shots of the things I get to see when I am here.

I wanted the opportunity to share some of the reasons I find this place so special.





Even if I needed to crouch down so you could see the things I see along the way.
Or look up to see something else.

And follow it as it lands.

And joins the rest of it's group.

And some that are not exactly part of the same group.

And even though my walk was very early in the morning, it sometimes looks like it might be another time of day.

The sun was actually attempting to come out about this time when I had turned around and headed back.

The heavens seemed to be opening up and making their morning stretch in order to start warming things up. And then just a little way up ahead, the sparkles on the water almost looked like ice.

And the water glittered and swirled as I made my way back.

I don't pretend to be a photographer. Geez, the jury is still out on my writing, but I keep coming back to this area and these picture are some of the reasons. I wanted you to see.

There is nothing that can compare to a Monday morning jog along the water where there is a possibility of seeing just one or even two of these things. I get to see as many as I pay attention to and I think I will always appreciate how lucky I am when I see them. It helps me focus. It resets my inner clock. I get back on track.

There are times when I just can't stay away. Can you see why?

TT

Soon

Here it is another day and I haven’t written a word. Shhh! Don’t tell. Being away from my routine and being away from all the things I have put into place to write has thrown me off just a bit. I am not at home. I am still away and on vacation. I can’t even say I have done all that much here. (But it is where I want to be and I am enjoying it.)

I have been at least thinking about writing. I have also been thinking about how I’m going to be able to post since the last couple of days my internet reliability has been sorely lacking. I hope to be able to get this copied over if I can squeak a connection for a fast second. If not…it will be the first time in a long time that I have missed a post.

But then, this is real life. And I should say thanks for waiting in case you have been…I’ll be back in town tomorrow afternoon.

TT

Better late...

I am extremely late in posting today! I have managed to make another escape to my place by the water. I am also working at a frantic pace because there is a good chance I won't have an internet connection for very long. It has taken me a while just to get this far but I wanted to make sure I at least made an appearance here today.

Time also got away from me. It has been a very casual, relaxing kind of day and when I realized the time, I couldn't believe how late it really was. So, I guess I've managed the very least I could do for today and will have to be happy with that. I am happy. How could I not be? I am off from work another three days, I am close to the water and (hopefully) the worst I will have to deal with is...well...not getting a good enough internet connection out here.

Just so you know, the picture is one I took this afternoon. Didn't even have much time to take more than that but hopefully tomorrow. There is always tomorrow...

TT

Hand picked words

I thought I had been struggling to get some words down on the page. I say I thought because somehow they have appeared no matter what I might have been thinking. I had gone through my index cards the other day and nothing gave me any kind of inspiration. I thought maybe I was distracted at work since I had been so busy. But I really didn’t think that was it. I even mention how very good I am at leaving my work at work and not having it interfere. It’s a true enough statement for someone who never seems to be away from work.

So it seems since I originally wrote how I was struggling to write, I’ve managed well enough. I have even written up some new index cards. Who knows, they might be totally uninspired but just having written something down is more than I thought I could do. But then it’s almost as if I am waiting to trip myself up. Like I am saying, “Watch that one there now…need to bring her down soon.” Somehow I picture that being said with a cockney accent. Then I guess it would be more like…
“Woutch ‘at one thare now…need ‘ta be bringin’ ‘er down soon.” And of course they would be dressed in something out of Oliver.

But never mind me. Hey – I tried to tell you I never know where my thoughts will take me. I can’t help if it’s a British person in my mind trying to trip me up and rob my ideas. It might not make a bit of sense (of course it doesn’t) but it’s a lot more fun for me. If someone is going to try to bring me down I think I would rather it be someone out of Fagin’s gang then admit it's just my own mind at work. A pick-pocket from the streets of London might be just the kind of inspiration I need about now.

Or not.

But I digress. Did I saying I was struggling with getting words on a page?

Right.

TT

Starting steady

I am feeling much better about the fact that I have been able to carve some time every day to spend on writing. I have been able to sit down and write and I am finding that I am looking forward to that time. Not only am I writing more consistently but I am finding I have a better feel for what might work. I was working on a draft I had put together yesterday. I am still not sure it will ever flesh out into anything. I still have hopes for it but if I can't somehow, someway get it all connected I know no matter how much I like it; it just won't work. It won't do. It can be a tough thing sometimes.

I know that sounds really out there. I think this is just part of the learning process I am going through. It feels really good to be able to have an idea, draft it, edit it, and still know that it needs more work. How do I know? I think it's by following that rule of writing I fought so hard at the beginning. You have to write. You have to do it consistently. It seems to come by doing. The great part is I want to be more consistent. And I am beginning to know a little better. It helps to get some kind of response but I can’t always relay on that. It has been more of a feel. I can tell sometimes just by the order in which the words present themselves to me across the page. Sometimes it’s the way they flow out and look back at me. Sometimes they look back with a whole lot of attitude. Like, “Right, yeah…now whatta ‘ya gonna do with us?” Such bad children sometimes. Shake your head at them and don’t let them frustrated you. It's kind of like that with the draft I was working on yesterday.

I am still looking forward to going back to it and working on it. That thing it needs is still there somewhere. I need to go back and find it. I need to spend more time with it and put it into better focus. I need to take another picture of it and take a better look at what really catches my eye when I look at it. I have come a-ways, haven’t I. A-ways?

I am just getting started.

TT

Cartoon moment

I had a weird and funny flashback yesterday. The fact that this was triggered by something at work was what made it weird...and funny, too. I thought about a cartoon that I hadn't thought about in many, many years.

I sit outside my boss's office and because of the glass walls I am able to see directly in just by glancing up. I was having a tough day and late in the afternoon I looked up from my laptop and glanced into his office. I realized he was meeting with another director from our California office. No - this director was not visiting our location, he was still in his California office and my boss was here in Texas. They were talking and viewing each other as if they were in the same room. My boss had recently installed a flat screen monitor made specifically for these live, real time, on-screen viewing meetings. What I saw when I glanced up was the director from California talking to my boss on screen as if he were there in person.

At first glance it instantly reminded me of the cartoon The Jetsons. I could almost picture Mr. Spacely on screen yelling at George Jetson for some reason or other. Way back when, The Jetsons was a futuristic cartoon. The idea of seeing someone while you were talking to them without being in the same place at the same time was, well, a cartoon. It was something that wasn't going to happen for a very long period of time...like way in the future. Of course, I came across that idea again when reading J.D. Robb's series about futuristic homicide cop, Eve Dallas. She uses her cell phone and voice commands it to either vid on or vid off depending if she wants the caller to be able to see her or not.

But this wasn't a cartoon or futuristic novel. This was late yesterday afternoon at work after a tough day. Glancing up at that moment and thinking about Mr. Spacely made me feel weird and funny all at the same time.

Who would have thought technology would catch up to a cartoon? Who knew that after such a tough day one simple thought would be all I needed. But it was.

I am still smiling just thinking about it.

TT

Hardly Cinderella

I lost a shoe. One shoe. I guess the number doesn't matter because if you lose one there isn't much you can do with the other. It happened over a week ago but I kept looking for it. I am going to have to resolve that it won't be found and I need to get rid of the one remaining shoe I have left. Bummer. It was a nice pair, too. It was a standard black pump with a small heel (okay 3 inches) but that heel was silver with a black tip. It was reminiscent of a 1930's style cigarette holder except it was the heel of a black pair of nice pumps. It wasn't cheesy. It was very subtle and you didn't even notice the silver heel. Well, I guess you would notice if you looked down as I was walking away. Now I've managed to lose one.

No, it didn't fall off my foot as I went hobbling around unawares all afternoon. I had worn them that day to work and afterward went to the gym. I was sure I had put them into the bottom of my gym bag when I changed. The shoes were the first things off, so they would have been the first thing into the bag. After the work out I got home and emptied the gym bag onto the bed. I literally turned it upside down and let everything fall out. I do this every time I come home from the gym because I always take my work clothes out and repack the bag with fresh gym clothes. (I know, whatever! I can't help being organized; really...I was a girl scout for christ sake)!

I thought I picked up both shoes and tossed them into the closet. Yes, I have a shoe rack but all the other shoes were in place and I didn't figure it would hurt to have the shoes at the bottom of the closet for a while. No big deal. A couple of days later I went to put the shoes on and only found one. I started searching the closet thinking one shoe got tossed into a corner somewhere or stuck behind other shoes on the rack. It wasn't there. I moved the entire rack of shoes. No black pump. I moved old shopping bags that were there, I looked into old shopping bags that were there but no black pump! Where did it go? I hastily picked another pair to wear that day and went to work.

My search continued later. I checked under the bed thinking I might have dropped the lone shoe and it was kicked under the bed. No such luck. There isn't anything under the bed or under anything else in the room. I went back to the closet and pulled all the stuff on the floor away. I went through what I think was everything in that I know it's here somewhere kind of mode.

It didn't help. I haven't found the shoe. I might have to let go of my one shoe and caulk it up to being lost. You know, of course, as soon as I pitch the one shoe the other will turn up somewhere. Maybe I should look just one more time.

How did I lose a shoe!

TT

New windows

My beautiful, brand-new, double-pane windows have been installed. I got home after my run yesterday afternoon and the installers were finishing packing up their gear to leave. All four windows at the back of the house are now totally replaced, properly sealed and wonderful.

It took a bit of time. Not just the installation but the entire process. It took about two months or a little more than two months depending on if you count from the time we first paid for them or the time we went in to set up measurements. It should have taken half that amount of time but, of course, there was some defect on one of the windows when they first came in, so it needed to be reordered. Then there was more waiting to set up the installers.

But for all that, they are done. All the old windows are gone and already forgotten. It's amazing how the new cleaned up and made the back of the house looks so new. We will be replacing the back door next (we had the installers take the measurement already)! Improvements are moving slowly but there is finally some momentum going. We will still need to replace the upstairs windows and then there is the monster of the upstairs bathroom that has been a festering sore for so very long. But momentum...the reality of seeing how much better the new is actually pushes me forward to do the next thing.

I didn't realize I could be so excited about windows.

TT

Good medicine

I took the entire day off yesterday. I had been thinking it was going to be a great day to be able to sit quietly and spend a few hours writing. I had been off from work and almost all of my regular chores were completed so I knew I would have the time.

I started the day with my coffee (of course) and then went out in the neighborhood for a 4 mile run. I have to let you know I have been holding out on the information that I have been running again lately. Somehow I have actually found time and energy to get some miles in and still write during the recent past weeks. I have wanted to run more outdoors but the temperatures have been too high. Yesterday morning when I decided to go out it was early enough for me to run outside before it was smolderingly hot and the run proved to be the medicine I needed. I took it fairly slow and easy and it just felt good. It felt really good.

A shower, breakfast and a quick trip to the grocery store took care of the last few pending things I needed to get done. It was now the time I had been thinking I would use to sit and write.

Well...I wished I could say I wrote but I didn't. It was one of those times when the circumstances were right but I knew my head wasn't into it. I thought about it briefly but I knew it would be better to let it go for the day. I felt I needed the time to take a break. I needed to not think about the ideas and the scenes and the planning that have been going through my mind lately. I knew somehow that by not working on it I could come back to it with renewed energy and not feel forced. It wasn't really all that big a stretch since I had been away from work and that proved to be a good thing. So by not spending the time writing I felt like I had accomplished more than if I had spent the time pushing too hard.

I did take some time at the very end of the evening to handwrite these ideas down. I took it slow and easy and it just felt good. I feel like I accomplished quite a bit yesterday by taking it slow and easy - with my run and my writing.

It felt really good.

TT

Enough

I have been going through my notes because I keep creeping closer to making myself feel it is okay to start writing my major project. As I was searching through my notes I came across this sentence that I had written which stung me it was so truthful. I wrote about myself. I feel I haven’t done enough. Never enough.

I was talking generally. I was talking about everything. But this time when I saw it, I looked at it from another angle. I looked at it by how I was applying that to my writing. I do feel it’s never enough. I would like to have outlined, sketched out, characterized, and written every scene and passage down. I wish I was pounding out thoughts as they flowed and every word shaped the whole as I pictured it. I would like to have stacks of chapters completed and ready for another pass through.

When will everything I have done to get to this starting point be enough? I feel I haven’t done enough. But I have done enough. I have done enough to get me here and I will keep on doing enough to get a little further. Right now, I am at the perfect spot to keep going.

I will keep working my thoughts and organizing them. I may write a scene that has been playing in my head to fit in later. It’s not just okay for me to start, but I have already started by continuing to work on it.

I am giving myself permission for that to be enough for now.

TT

Time off?

I have been off of work these past few days (3 counting today) and I don’t know what time it is. I am losing track of time. I have been sleeping two hours past my normal internal clock time to wake up. That should have been the first sign that something was up. I always wake up at pretty much the same time every day, even on weekends. I have friends that are appalled that I don’t seem to have a buffer on weekends and stay in bed longer. Sometimes I do stay in bed longer but it’s never two hours! It has made me think that maybe I have needed this time off more than I realized.

Yesterday I went shopping. This was a Friday afternoon! I was at home, showered and dressed after a three mile run in the neighborhood and I found myself in front of the TV at the start of a movie. I watched the first couple of scenes and thought to myself – I don’t want to sit here for two hours. It probably would have been an okay thing to do. It probably would have been a good thing. I mean, I am on vacation and am supposed to be relaxing aren’t I? Isn’t this what people do during their free time? I don’t know what people do but I don’t usually do that and the thought of blowing through two hours that way didn’t seem very relaxing. So I turned it off. Yes, just like that. There’s a switch that works all the time, not just when a show is over. I have been known to use that switch sometimes 30-40 minutes before the end of a movie. The switch works really well. I have friends look at me oddly when I tell them I didn’t see the end because I turned it off. I always thought if I wasn’t getting anything out of watching, it didn’t matter how it ended. I thought it was better to stop and caulk up the losses. So anyway, what was I saying? Do you see how I keep losing my sense of time? Oh yeah, I had only spent about 15 minutes before I turned the TV off yesterday so no big losses to report. Then I went shopping.

After I got back home, I knew I was completely off track. I pulled out the ironing board and proceeded to iron the small amount I had yesterday afternoon. No, you don’t understand. I don’t usually have a lot of laundry to iron but my routine is that I always hang it separately in the closest. I will pull it out and iron late Sunday afternoons. It’s about the time the weekend has wound down and I am getting ready for the coming week. It’s a small enough amount that if I don’t get to it, I can catch up the following Sunday. But this was FRIDAY afternoon. Now what have I done by admitting this? I can only imagine what my friends will think when they find out I have a routine time that I iron.

So when I woke up this morning I knew I had two more days off. I was thrown off big time. What time is it now? This isn’t when I usually post! I didn’t realize I had so many routines! This time off is hard work. But it’s a good kind of hard work. I might want to try it again soon some time. Oh, yeah. I forgot. I already have a trip set for my favorite place by the water August 9th – 12th.

So now I am trying to figure out what exactly taking these days away from work has thrown off. I am not sure if it's thrown my time off or my memory. I wonder what my friends will have to say about that.

TT