Hot and cold

It's the end of the month but not the end of the week.  How can this short 4 day work week be dragging on to infinity?  How can it only be Thursday morning and not Friday, at the very least?  Complain, complain...
Wow, it's already the end of the month and it's Thursday, to boot! It's only a couple more days until this week is over and I can take some much needed time off!  Maybe a little forced, wouldn't you say?
There must some kind of middle ground here.  I need a little balance. I need to do something to take my mind off the constant day to day but I'm so stuck in the day to day right now it isn't exactly something that is an easy thing to do.  I'm at the point of just counting down days and that seems to make them go ever so much slower when I would rather they sped up a little right now.  I'm still not feeling exactly up to par, with this sore throat and all, and that doesn't help in the least.  It seems to be slightly better this morning but it hasn't gone away even with all the laziness I managed last night.  Hurry up and work to crash out and rest.  What a long week.  Only a couple of days left!
TT  

33/78/45

I am starting to sound like a broken record that skips and keeps repeating the same thing over and over again until you give the needle a little bump with your finger to get it past the scratched part so it can go on with the song.  I really don't think people have any idea what that means anymore.  But I'm too tired to explain and that is my problem.  I've been tired the past two days.
I woke up with a slight sore throat on Tuesday morning and although I'm not really sick it is annoying.  I feel like I need to take it easy and rest but not so much that I need to miss work.  It's a short week anyway and since I'm planning on taking time off next week I want to finish this week out.  But I'm tired.  And my throat is a little irritated.  I'm a little irritated and that doesn't help how tired I feel.  There it goes...the broken record, it's on that scratched part again.  It's no fun knowing I'm really close to having a few days off to find out that I might be getting sick.  And I'm never really sick so that makes it all the more irritating and tiring and now I'm just whining and I should stop.
Would someone please just give me a little bump so I can get past this scratched part and get on with the song! 
TT    

Memorial Day Diet

Monday was a holiday stretching the weekend into three wonderful days off.  I used the free time up as if I was starving for food. I took big bites and grabbed for more since there seemed to be plenty.  Monday actually turned into a day filled with real food and not just the way I had been using my time.  I stayed relatively 'out of the kitchen' which isn't true since whenever the entire family gets together we are always sitting in the kitchen.  It's a shame, a crying shame, I have such a small kitchen.  For as much cooking that goes on  there I should have it completely designed to make it bigger.  But I don't see that happening any time soon or any time at all, really.  It would be nice but, so far, it hasn't stopped us yet or slowed us down.  Monday was no different.

Let me think back...Simple crudités appetizers before the meal.  Enough to munch and hold the hunger at bay while we talked and got started on the main courses.  Fresh blanched green beans, then sauteéd in butter and oil.  Fettucine alfredo with fresh grated parmesian cheese.  Grilled pork chops and tuscan mariated rib eye steak with a wine reduction sauce.  Oh my!  End the meal with a made from scratch strawberry and blueberry buckle cake sprinkled with almonds.
There was no starving going on here.  A great day, many cooks in the kitchen, and food that couldn't have been better tasting or fresh.
Here's to wonderful three day weekends!
TT

Wonderful weekend

And there it is.  I just got back from a six mile run that put me at 100.2 miles for this merry month of May.  Need I say more?
I know there are three more days left for the month.  I know that 23 miles in the past three days isn't to shabby either.  I also know this is the second month in a row I've hit 100 miles for the month.  It was what I was going for and did it.  Again.  Not too shabby.
This three day weekend has been wonderful.  I still have today and it seems the agenda is full.  I have time to get cleaned up and then it's family time.  Everyone will be arriving and we will spend the day like nickels and dimes, a bit at a time, with food and wine.
If I can find a few moments I might steal away and write for a few of those.  If not, tomorrow will definitely be a rest day from running and I can use the free time then after work.  In fact, I have a feeling that is the way it will go today.  I might not even make up upstairs again the rest of the day.  That's not so bad.
TT 

One look

I was scheduled to run eight miles so I headed out and was supposed to turn back at mile four to complete the eight on the return.  I didn't turn at four or at four and a half.  I went on and ran until mile five and then turned.  I had my misgivings about doing that.  I was going to push when I was thinking I shouldn't be pushing but I did it anyway.  It wasn't until I was approaching mile seven on the way back that I knew, I knew, I should have stuck to the miles that were scheduled.  I was getting sluggish and knew the accumulated miles of the entire few weeks and month where deciding to gang up on me right there at mile seven.  I still had three more to go.  I took it a little slower and then turned my head to the left.  I saw what you can see there on the left and I thought to stop and pause for just a moment.  This is the place, this is the time to take a deep breath and realize that I didn't put myself out there just for the miles I can run.  It's not only about distances.  It certainly isn't about exercise.  It's for sights like these.  The one to the left.  That sight that I would never have had a chance to see at that particular time, at that motion of the clouds, at that particular opening of the wildflowers when I was feeling so slight and sluggish.

It's the reason I go out there and call it Runners Haven.  It is about the fact that there are other runners there when I go and bands of cyclists rushing past.  It is because it is quiet and peaceful and has some of the best views you can imagine passing.  This is just one.  It was somewhere close or past my mile seven yesterday when I was feeling like it was a long way back to my car.  It was what I needed.  That small pause because I was tired but I could have stopped anywhere and instead it was this view that caught my eye and made me stop long enough to grab a picture.  It was enough time to take it in, enjoy the sight, and then keep on going.  I knew there were other sights coming up along the three miles I had left and it wasn't long before I completed the ten miles.

Isn't this place great?

TT

Don't be late

I woke up way too early this morning.  I'm not sure why but I've been up and sleepwalking my way around getting a few things done this morning.  I'm not sure why I had it in my head I needed to do it so early.  It could be, possibly, because I was still asleep and didn't realize it.  Is this what it feels like to people that are not 'morning people'?  To be up and walking around and not having your head on straight enough to be sure what the heck you are doing?  I can't do that.  I'm not sure why I woke up this morning this way.  I don't ever wake up this way.  If I have any control over it I won't do it again.
I am more the type of 'morning person' that gets out of bed off and running.  I'm ready.  I'm already thinking, doing, moving.  It doesn't take me hours for my head to clear.  But this morning was hazy.  I've had two cups of coffee and finally feeling a little more like myself, but should it have taken this long?  I don't think so and I don't like it. 
Now I see the sun starting to creep up and out.  It's starting to turn a lighter shade of blue and the time tells me it's time to pull on my running shoes.  I'm headed out to the haven and going for a run.  I'll leave the hazy head behind and breath some fresh air.  I'll clear the cobwebs in my brain and surge into the weekend. 
Maybe that is why I got up so early.  I didn't want to be late.
TT

Frittering away the time

I'm debating with myself on whether I should take my rest day from running today or not.  I'm even thinking of going to the gym!  I didn't run in the early morning hours the way I have the past two days because it's a scheduled rest day but right now I'm itching to get out.  It's just a little warm but what if I only go out for a short run?  or what if I walk?  What if it really is too hot and I should, maybe, just do an easy workout at the gym?  Then again, maybe I should just take the rest day the way I'm supposed to.
I could use the extra time that I'm frittering away to read the current novel I've started.  It's at the point where the assassin has tracked an assassin who killed the assassin that was trying to kill him.  He needs to know who sent the assassin to kill him so what better way to find that out than to track that assassin and ask.  Of course, there is a lot that goes on before he gets to ask that question which can be very interesting since another group of assassins are after the assassin he is tracking in order to kill her before she tells the first assassin who contracted her to kill the assassin that was going to kill him.  To kill the first assassin, I mean. Got it?  They don't want her to tell him who sent the assassin she killed that was going to kill him.   And you thought I read frilly romantic stuff didn't you?
So maybe I should take that rest day today.  I've got a long weekend to pound the pavement.  I've already decided to head out to the haven tomorrow morning.  I'll look forward to that.  Now I think I'll put in a load of laundry and pick up that novel.  The frilly assassin one.  Yeah. 
TT

Didn't lie

I guess I've been biding my time until the long weekend.  I guess.  No.  Isn't true.  I've never been able to outright lie.  I may try to lead you to believe something different and not correct you when you guess incorrectly but, that isn't exactly lying.  Is it?  Not exactly, she rationalizes.

It's been hot in the afternoons when I usually go out to run after work.  Hot for running, although great for putting the top down on the car...like 92 degrees.  I left work on Tuesday at 1:00.  I had hopes of taking care of the appoint at 2:00 very quickly to have time to get my scheduled run in and still have a little left-over time.  Well, mistake number one was skipping lunch.  Since I left the office at 1:00 which is my normal lunch time I didn't eat, thinking I would after the appointment.  Well, it was well after 3:00 before I got home and knew I needed to eat.  I knew the heat was peaking (or so I thought) and it would give me time.  It only got warmer and I got lazier.  I ate too much at that point and got a little depressed over the appointment even though it was all taken care of.  Jay and I went to the attorneys to get our simple will signed.  It's supposed to give you piece of mind and I'm glad if it works to allow the boys hassle free ownership once I'm not here but I couldn't help thinking that it shouldn't have to be this way.  It's only common sense that they would get whatever we left but I was over thinking something I had already taken care of.  And I was upset that I couldn't get myself to go out and run a mere 4 miles when I had left work early.
So the next morning I got up and went for a run.  It was early morning, as in 5:26am, and I breezed joyfully though six miles.  I didn't worry about work since I had already figured the time it would approximately take to run, shower, dress, and still get to work within a 30 minute window of my regular start time.  It worked.  I knew it didn't matter if I arrived at my usual 7:00 but 7:30 instead and the extra half hour was all I needed.
That afternoon I came home and fixed dinner and never changed out of my work clothes by the time Jay got home.  He asked me if I had gone for a run.  I said yes.  He looked at me in my work clothes knowing I run after work and he replied with a non-believing smirk and said, Sure you did.  I didn't disagree.
Later that evening he came back and asked if I ran again.  I said, yes.  He shook his head.  He told me I didn't have to feel bad about not running.  It was fine to not go out.  I didn't say a word.
I went out again the next morning and blew through another six miles at 5:30am.  There is nothing like the shades of midnight and cobalt blue the skies can blend together at that hour and the silent quiet awakening that happens all around you.  It's a glorious way to start the day if you don't allow yourself to fret about what comes next.
So Jay has no idea I've been out running early these past two mornings.  I can only imagine he would have fits at me.  I didn't lie.  I told him I had run.  If he hadn't been so pre-disposed to what he thought was the truth he might have believed me.  OK, maybe I could have offered more information.

But I've bided my time and the long weekend is almost here.  I guess I've made that partially true.  So I never actually lied.  I just didn't offer any further information (she rationlizes).
TT

Easy two days

This past weekend went quite well.  If I am to look back over the past two days I would have to say it went nicely.  I ran both mornings in really good weather for a total of 17 miles for those two days.  The best part about it is that I am feeling really good about the runs.  I'm not wiped out afterwards and I can tell I'm able to go longer without the same fatigue.  I'm getting there.  I'm not sure where "there" is exactly but I'm headed in the right direction.  I'll decide on the destination after I've enjoyed this portion of the journey first.  How's that?
I had ample time to try and relax a bit.  I finished one book and started another.  I've found that some books in the series by Glen Cook I was reading might not be available (#4, 5 & 6).  I'll have to do more searching since I will read them in order but for now I've had to go with another series by Vince Flynn.  I'm on #3 of that series.  I made it to the grocery store and picked up just a few basics.  I had a craving for mushrooms and had to figure out how I was going to incorporate that into dinner.  I managed it along with a few beers that evening.
Sunday morning started with another run except in the neighborhood instead of at the haven as on Saturday.  A few more chapters of the book after cleaning up and then breakfast.  A little laundry and a brief shopping trip that scored me some white slacks and narrow striped shirt got me into the afternoon.  Then it was time for Mr. L.  He turned five months old yesterday.  He getting himself a little bigger, holding his head up, and is focusing on things when he didn't used to before.  He can get cranky and still fights going to sleep even when he is tired.  I managed to get him to cat-nap for twenty minutes and that put him in a better mood.  And he likes to be outside.  Now isn't that a good thing!  Wonder where he gets that? 
So the weekend went well.  Do I wish I had more time.  Yes.  I do.  But there is a long weekend coming up and I'll bide my time until then.
TT 

Haven time

My alarm clock startled me this morning. Even though I set it an entire hour later on weekends than on work days I am usually awake or ready to get up by the time it goes off on a weekend. That wasn't the case this morning. I was sound asleep and when it went off it alarmed me! I understand that that is what it is supposed to do, I guess. It's seems that it has been a very long while since it has lived up to it's name for me. This morning it really did.
I reluctantly threw my legs off the side of the bed and made my way to get up and make coffee. I was going to have a cup, at least one, possibly more. But I was also going to head out to the Runner's Haven although I was still playing ping-pong in my head about whether I should go out there or just run in the neighborhood. NO! I finally smashed the silly white ball over the net and off the table. I was going to head out to the Haven, I decided, but I was already running late.
By the time I got myself coffee'd up, dressed, and headed out, I knew it would be past 7:00am when I arrived. It was close to 7:20 but by the time I pulled up and parked but it was so worth it. It felt fabulous to be there. You pretty much head out and then turn back when you run there so I would end up at my car after I finished the run. So I started and every thing I passed were great reminders of why I would rather go out there to run on a Saturday than stay with my routes at home. I was aiming for an eight miler but I was feeling so good I went out five miles before turning around and heading back. I made it a total of 10 miles this morning which brought me to 31 miles this week.
It was pretty great. I don't know why I haven't gone out sooner. It wasn't all that crowded with runners but I did get to see groups of cyclists pass and that always gives me a thrill. It was a great way to kick start the weekend. It was great once I got up and got going. Even if I had to calm myself for the first time in a long time when it came to my alarm clock. I must have been especially tired from the end of the week. Oh. And I mentally picked up the ping-pong ball and put it where it belonged.
TT

A large quantity

I just got off the phone with the sports store that is located close to what I have called the Runners Haven in the past.  It's been quite a while since I have gone out there and I wasn't sure if it was still a spot for runners to meet and run along the scenic loop on Saturday mornings.  The runners would park around that store and head out for a run for the distance of their choice starting at about 7:00 am.
I have been thinking of going out there again.  I was thinking of tomorrow morning.  But I didn't want to head out there and find out that it was no longer done.  I didn't want to go and be the only one there.
I didn't think that would be the case.  I didn't think it would ever slow down and there would always be a good amount of people that still go.  I believe it will stay a Runners Haven for quite some time.
As for my answer on the phone...well, I was told that "there will be a slew of people out there" tomorrow.  Because that is the way we talk.  It means there will be a lot of people.  A lot of runners.  A whole slew of them.
And that ain't bad.
TT

Toe curls

There was an interesting thread of comments I got involved with yesterday on this food journal online I've been keeping.  Someone had published their end of day with a comment stating she had gone over her calories due to going out to dinner with her husband.  Her evening ended okay since, as she said, she should be able to enjoy things with the one that makes her toes curl.  Someone commented that there was an activity in the counter for that but it wasn't listed under toe curling.
The next comment was someone else saying, oh yes, they had used it several times.  I couldn't resist but added, "I didn't know that.  I'll have to check."  The string went on and since I had commented I was pinged whenever someone else made a comment.  It got pretty funny after a while with people asking about stopwatches and levels of intensity. 
I forgot all about it until I was on the site again. I remembered the thread and was curious about the toe curling activity so I went searching for it.  Sure enough!  There is was.  Three levels.  Passive, general and intense.  So I checked the calories burned and it was 50, 65 and 75.  For an hour.
I'll leave it at that.  I just had to check.  I don't enter any activities to show I've burned extra calories unless I've done an actual workout, and well, no, you're kidding, I wouldn't count that as a workout.  I mean, would you really count that?  But it's there.  wow.
TT

Paper sorting

I was going through the random notes I had written myself and that accumulated on my desk.  Luckily, I've kept it fairly neat and not many have been allowed to amass and take over the small amount of space I have to work on.  No, there are not numerous piles of stacked books, spirals, and papers.  I would hate to disappoint but I don't have that nor could I handle working that way.  The largest paper on the far corner of my desk is the printed calendar where I have plotted out my scheduled training runs.  The rest are random notes of ideas or (yes) even more notes about past runs, pace times, calories burned, totals.  Sorry, those go into other logs and I will hand-write the stats before entering them somewhere else. 

It sure seems I have been spending a lot of time running, thinking about running, totalling my running.  It even occupies a good portion of my desk.  The other notes are more of the ideas.  Random.  Thoughts that will go through my head and I will write down.  Sometimes I actually remember what I was trying to capture but not always.  I will read something on a random note and not know what the heck I was trying to remember or the thought behind it.  It will just be a few sentences that I didn't leave myself enough clues to point me in the right direction.  I will hold onto those for a while in case I might remember and they end up on my desk until I discard them or they go into the top drawer of my desk.

I guess I need to plan some time to clean that out or to organize it a little better. 

Actually, if I was going to spend some time organizing (and that thought has been in my mind for a while) it should probably be to spend the time on the binders in the far right corner of my worktable behind me. 

The black one will need some time to go through since it has some very old stuff in it.  It won't lay flat with all the papers stuffed into it.  Now the nice white binder on the corner...it's my book.  The unfinished one that I can't seem to find the time or the right time or whatever excuse of the day I have to keep writing.  It's close by, not forgotten, within arms length but I have my back to it.  It might be time to have a little organization party.
It might be time to turn around and grab that white binder.
TT

Flying

I think I might have been flying yesterday afternoon.  It sure seems like that could have been the case.  After really wanting to stay home from work yesterday and have an early morning run there just wasn't any way I was going to miss a run after work.  There was no way.
I sped home when my day was over and got changed.  I pulled on my shoes, pulled by hair into a tail, and was out the door in a flash.  It might have been the momentum I had going from rushing home but I hit the street ready to go and went!  There was no thinking, no holding back, there was nothing but just pure, fine movement.  Inclines that have kept me sluggish were torn up.  I raced around my normal route like it was a high speed, no holds barred, power run.  I tore up five miles like it was nothing.  It felt great!
It was an AWEsome run.  There! There it was.  That was the feeling I had been working for.  I knew it had to be there and to finally break through after weeks of pushing, and falls, and scrapes and hard work it was finally a breeze.  It was five miles of easy running but more than that.  It was strength and joy and just the love of being outdoors knowing that something I had been working on for so long hit the mark.  It hit, hit it and did it again.  The entire run was just too good if that is even possible. 
I'll be heading out again today after work.  I don't expect it to be exactly the same.  I doesn't matter.  It's there now and ready to start building on.
TT

Dreamin'

It Tuesday morning before work and as much as I would rather stay home and not show up it isn't going to work out that way.  I'll put in my time, I'll get the work done, and I'll get it done well.  If I tried to argue that it might not be done as well I'm sure I will get an argument back how that isn't true and why do I say things like that?  I don't know.  It's what I think and somehow I have a habit of saying what I think and not necessarily using the filter that is installed in most people.  I think the filter was left out of my installation.  Or it's not the same filter.  I don't know.
I would rather spend the time not at work.  I would rather take my time here at home.  Go out to run.  A nice long, leisurely run.  Hit as many miles as I think I could go and see if I feel like more.  I would take it out, somewhere, to another location and see what I could see and keep going.  A cool breeze, slightly cloudy, maybe even a few sprinkles of rain and to keep running.  Slow and steady.  Sounds like a dream on an early Tuesday morning.
And I am dreaming because it's early Tuesday morning and I need to show up to work.  The run will have to wait until after the work is done.  It might not be as slow and steady, as long and leisurely, but I'll still get to do it.  It will need to be something I can look forward to after the time is put in for the other.
Sometimes dreams aren't exactly as you picture them but they can come true.
TT

How was Sunday?

My Mother's Day was Fabulous!  I was still feeling great from bringing home a medal from the 10K on Saturday.  It lingered overnight and I woke up still feeling really good about it.  So I did what only seemed right.  I mean, I had to stretch out my muscles, didn't I?  So I got up and ran another 10K distance in my neighborhood on Sunday morning.  Nothing wrong with that and when I got back Jay had gotten up early and was fixing breakfast. 
The rest of the morning was pretty laid back.  I did some straightening up, some reading, some not too much of anything, until it was time to head over to Sonny and Selma's house.   Dante was there and the whole family got together and Sonny did all the cooking.  No, he did it all.  I tried to help out but he wouldn't let me.  I was shoo'ed out of the kitchen, poured a glass of wine and made to sit.  It was very nice to sit in conversation and to play with Mr. L.  He is all of 4 months old now and  has started teething.  He doesn't like to go to sleep when everyone is around and fights it at every turn.  Then he will get a second wind and go from grumpy to playful again.  He made to about 6:30 I think. 
Sonnys meal started out with crustini appetizers. Oh yum! His home-made red sauce is so excellent!  Put it on a toasted ciabatta slice with bubbling melted cheese.  Oh yum!  The perfect bites while sitting with a glass of wine or two.  Then how about slicing zucchini thinly lengthwise, layering it with fresh tomatoes, bread crumbs, cheese, like a lasagna and baking it in the oven.  So good!  And then angel hair pasta with fresh shrimp.  Add a little garlic, olive oil and flat-leaf parsley.  The boy knows how to cook!  Dessert was fresh mango, jicama, strawberries and pineapples.  He knows what he's doing, that boy!  Sure made for a great meal.  Flower and chocolates came later with a sports store gift card from Dante.
How was my Mother's Day?  It was Fabulous!
TT 

Blown away x2

To the left is a screen shot of a portion of my food log for the past few days that comes from the caloriecount.com site that I have have been using.  I've been meticulously logging every bit of food I've eaten for the past ten weeks to get a nutritional perspective on how I've been doing and what I might need to improve upon.  I've also logged in my activities, like my runs and since every website has some type of social media these days you can make a comment about how your day has gone when you submit you end-of-day report (It's only once a day).  You can decide to keep it private or publish it and it will stream in real time along with everyone else's end of day reports that have been submitted at that time.  It really is very private since others can only view that one day if you publish it and they can't go back and see any other past reports on you.  So I have always published  to all to see.  Why not?  It keeps me honest and the reports accurate.

You can see from Day 2 and Day 3 of this week I don't say too much.  I don't even mention much about food.  After 10 weeks of comments it can get a little thin.  But Saturday (Day 4) after my 10K I wrote up in a few words...well, you know, that I ended up taking home 1st place in my age group.  But the comment I made wasn't what surprised me.  It was the amount of comments and 'likes' I received from the community of strangers that took the time to offer congratulations and to let me know not to make so little of it.  Here is a sample:

"That's AWESOME! Congrats!!! What an achievement! I'm training for a 5k and reading this makes my day!"

"Phenomenal! You have represented all of us 56 year olds well!!"

"You go, girl! Congratulations! And I truly doubt you were the only 55 - 59 in the race."                                                            

  Ummm, it kind of went on like that.  It kind of made my head spin a bit and I had to sit back from the laptop for a few minutes to take it in.  And then I had to include all of the 52 'likes' I received which were not from the same strangers that made comments.  Whoa.  And then I had to think of the personal congratulations I got at the race itself.  Since I went alone I was walking back to my car and the man that won first in the 35-40 age group caught up to me and and gave me his congratulations.  "Thanks."  He asked how long I had been running and we went back and forth until he came to the group he was with.  I went on to my car but turned back when one of the girls in the group yelled out to me..."Hey, I like your shoes!"  They were the new ones I picked up at the sports store when I got my race packet.  "Thanks!"

Yes.  Thanks, thanks. 

Thanks.

TT

My day

I was very reluctant to sign up for this 10K. I did it more because people around me keep telling me that it was something I needed to do. The fact that I have been running more consistently and adding more mileage to my runs gave them the idea that it would be a good next step. It's easier lately for me to just do things than to argue so I started searching for 10K's and was coming up with not too much but I kept at it. I found one. It was this morning which was the same day as the all-time big 5K run downtown - The Komen Race for the Cure. I've done that race more than a few times. It's a good race with a great cause. But I wasn't looking for a 5K. I found a smaller organized run (much less than the 30,000 plus people at the Komen) that was a 5K and 10K to benefit SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). It would take place through the park, was for a great cause, so I made my choice and signed up for it, very reluctantly, a week ago.
With missing every run this week I was still flip-flopping on whether I should go but I picked up my race packet after work yesterday and actually bought a new pair of running shoes at the sports store. I figured I needed new anyway and they were 15% off. I couldn't argue with that. Sure, give me my race packet and ring up my new shoes. I'm pretending I'm going to run a 10K. At least that is what kept going through my mind. It was all kind of not real and even this morning it was still a little blurry to me. But I wasn't going to argue and I went out and ran 6.2 miles in an official race and not around the block in my neighborhood. It's been a while since I've done official.
So, I ran the distance. I completed the race. That alone felt good. I did what people said I should do. My time wasn't any good but I know I'm not fast and I'm just trying to make the distance. But then it seems it was just my day. I guess there weren't many 50-59 year olds running the 10K this morning. I guess all the other fast 56 year old women decided to sleep in today. I guess many of the other fast 56 year olds decided to do the 5K instead of the 10K. It must have been all those things. I can't explain any other reason I would have come home with the First Place Medal for the 10K in the 50-59 year old category. But I did. First time for first place! I guess maybe I don't need to get faster, I just need to get older and do the longer distance. Maybe.
I guess it was my day.
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The plan

My running shoes have lain moldering away.  I'm not even sure I remember what they look like.  I know I have been making plans to replace them and they are getting rather dirty but those are not the the reasons they have been sitting almost long forgotten.  I haven't had a run since Sunday.  Talk about neglect.  Talk about talking big and letting it all fall by the wayside.  I should have known that as soon as I laid out a plan to follow I would just as quickly not follow it.  I should have known.  This isn't about the shoes.
I'm trying to feel bad about missing runs this week.  That would be my usual pattern about now.  I am having passing thoughts about these missed runs and how they have collapsed everything I've done so far.  I'm trying to think that it has messed up the entire plan I had set up to this point and that it needs to be scrapped and nothing can be done about it again.  I seem to be trying, but no.  Not this time, of course not, it doesn't.  Maybe I'm just too tired to make a big deal out of anything right now.  Or maybe I'm not going to waste the energy to try to re-figure what already has been figured, caulk up the missed runs to missed runs, and take up where I should be.  I think that is what I had in mind.  It isn't about the plan or missing the plan or following it to perfection (even though that is the way I would prefer it to go).  Maybe it is about those shoes in the closet.  Pulling them on, lacing them up, scooting on down the street and pounding some pavement.  I need a plan for that?
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It's working!

I am back in business again!!!  I've gotten my raggedy laptop to working again.  I am back upstairs, at my desk, facing my window and have a nice and quiet keyboard again!  Boy, oh!  It's all working.  I really am happy about this.  I can pull all websites again instead of just two.  It doesn't just sit there and clock for hours.  It works!  Instantly.  What a concept!
I needed this bit of good after a ruff and tumble week.  I just had to get here and I'm taking this tiny bit of good and hanging on to it as hard and fast as I can.  There will be no need for alternative thinking about what I might need to do since it's working again!  There is no need to sit displaced at another computer.  There is no need to keep up with the mean and bad attitude that the world was trying really hard to pin me down until I yelled 'uncle'.  Fixed! 
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Displaced

So hello and good morning.  I'm not in my usual place and I'm not feeling comfortable and this keyboard is noisy and I'm feeling very displaced.  I guess the night's sleep didn't help much with how I'm feeling...lousy.  I'm sitting downstairs, facing a wall, using what I would call Jay's PC that I usually only go to if I am going to do bookkeeping.  I'm working especially hard on developing a hard and mean, bad attitude.  Aren't I doing a good job?  Isn't this just fine and dandy!
Who am I kidding?  Like I could ever pull that off for any extended amount of time.  My laptop doesn't want to work so I am going to get myself an external hard drive to save what I have on it and then, maybe, try to use my recovery disks to wipe it clean.  If that doesn't do any good then I'll have to do something else but I haven't figured that out yet.  Not exactly.  It might mean another laptop and then there will decisions of which one.
I could pretend my head hurts from thinking too hard but I'm not prone to headaches.  It should hurt with all the stuff I seem to be clobbering myself with lately and then I could also blame all my recent circumstances to be the angry, bitter, miserable person I seem to think I should be projecting lately.  That doesn't work either.  The first person to ask me how I am I'll say fine, of course.  I won't be completely convincing but that's okay, most people let it go.  And that would be a good thing.  I should do as they do.  Let it go!
I'll need to do something soon.  This keyboard really seems noisy.
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Frustration set in

I'm in trouble now.  That thunderstorm played dirty tricks on my laptop.  The power outage we had yesterday has really messed things up and I'm getting really frustrated about how and if it can be fixed.
But I'm going to back up a bit here and maybe explain all this trouble and frustration.

Monday night we had a really bad thunderstorm that knocked the power out at home.  I don't know the exact amount of time it was out but I do know that it was more than a few hours and when it was time for me to get up it still had not come back on.  It was still pitch dark and I had no lights at all.  I never found the flashlights I know we have.  I didn't think we had any matches but a pack was found and I pulled two candlesticks off a shelf and took them into the bathroom so I could get ready.  Don't for a minute think there is anything fun about dressing by candlelight - there isn't, but I did it and grabbed my laptop and headed for Starbucks to get some much needed coffee and to charge my cell phone before driving downtown to attend Jury Duty.  I managed to find the building at the address they had given me, drove a bit further and pulled into a parking garage and took my ticket.  The rain had abated in time for me to leave the car and walk the blocks to the courthouse.  Except I walked up to a building that wasn't the right building.  So I turned around, kept walking and kept checking addresses.  How many justice centers could there be?  But I finally found one that turned out to be the right one and got myself inside the central room.  It was packed with people but I managed a chair after I was given a handout of instructions and a lapel button to wear stating I was a juror.  Except I really wasn't - not at 8:00am that morning.  I was just one of the crowd of people waiting because that is what most of us did.  We waited until 8:15 for someone to come out and go over our handout and tell us they would start at 9:30.  The first round of waiting is that you get there at 8:00 but they don't start doing anything until 9:30.  So I waited and then decided after 20 minutes that I would use the restroom to get it out of the way.  There was still a line at the ladies room.  I would have thought they all would have been done by now but no and I mentioned my surprise to the lady that came up right behind me.  She agreed about the line and somehow she found me again after I was finished and had washed my hands.  She caught up to me and started talking and we walked back to the central jury room together and we found seats again and she told me about her daughter that is working in Singapore and how they were going to visit in 2 weeks.  She kept it up for a while and took a jar of almonds out of her tote bag that looked like she had stuffed full of provisions for a week and offered some to me but I refused and hoped I would be able to open the book I wanted to read.  Finally 9:30 came around and they called names of people that would be on panels of 24, 60 and 70.  I wasn't one of them and neither was my new friend but she decided to read the Sunday paper she had brought, pulling it our of her tote as she told me she should read more books when she saw mine but never seemed to do it.  I took it as my chance to distract myself with a few chapters and she went to her paper.
The morning was spent with a few more interruptions of lists of name calling and mine not being called (or my friends).  The book I had was good (third installment of the Glen Cook series I am loving so far) but the chair was getting uncomfortable and it was getting on to 11:00.  Another few names and then my name was called.  A panel of 24 and would we please meet the bailiff at the back of the room.  We gathered, were counted, and then led to the hallway right outside the court room we would be going into.  Except that they decided they were going to break for lunch (at a little after 11:00)! and we were to meet back at this spot at 1:45.  What a long lunch!  More waiting even after the name calling?!  I couldn't even take advantage of walking outdoors downtown since the rain was going at it again.  I made my way to the cafeteria in the building and so had everyone else.  I wasn't going to wait in the long lines so I picked up some yogurt and trail mix, paid and made myself as comfortable as I could in the central jury room again.  I ate my yogurt and snacked on my trail mix as I continued to read.  The clock finally managed to move around to almost 1:45 and I made my way back to the hallway outside the court room.  I took my place at the benches with the other members of the panel and waited.  Again.  Some more.  And it was 3:00 and we were still outside the courtroom waiting.  It was finally about 3:30 when we were allowed to line up and enter the courtroom.  The judge started to speak and went on to say how much we were appreciated.  It was a criminal family violence case and it had been settled and we were free to go.  Whew!  I was relieved.  Now trek back to the car.  So I trekked outdoors and there were only a few sparse raindrops falling every so often.  But I kept walking and realized I was all turned around.  I couldn't remember this way from that and I passed that street before, I know I did, but is it this way?  I pulled out my ticket and there was no address for the parking garage but I knew it was close, it had to be.  I had been battling frustration all day and this wasn't helping so I called up my personal navigation system, Jay.  He managed to talk me down and toward the garage where I was able to get into my car and head home.  I don't know how he does it but it's not the first time and probably won't be the last.
Finally home, but then I realized I had no internet.  I called the service and because of the power outage it had gone into default but they were able to get it up and running again.  So I had wireless internet again.  But then later I realized my laptop would only open a few (two) websites.  It would just clock and not pull up any others.  I cleared browsers and history thinking it would help but it didn't.  I tried calling the service back but then my cell phone was dropping calls and I couldn't get through or I then I did connect and it would just get disconnected again.  Not a good end to the day.  Just a lot of frustration.
If you are not frustrated by just having to read all of this you are a better person than me.  The worst part is my laptop is still not working and I'm beyond frustration.
TT

No power

There was another thunderstorm last night and we have no power at home.  I am sitting at the Starbucks that they very nicely built in my backyard to be convenient to me.  I knew the power had been out for many hours by the time I got up.  I couldn't find a flashlight.  I knew we had them but Jay uses them to tease the dog and they couldn't be found anywhere and without light they are even more difficult to find.  He thinks it is amusing to shine the circle of light on the floor which drives the animal into barking fits as she tries to catch it.  I don't find it amusing and there were no flashlights to be found.  I got my hands on his cell phone and used that for a light searching for a while.  I didn't dare use mine because the battery was going low.  It didn't matter that I had it plugged in all night since there was no power to charge it!  I used my cell phone to call the electric company...they said they would report my outage but can I really trust an entirely automated phone call?  So I dressed myself and left the house and found myself at the Starbucks after grabbing my laptop and phone charger(s) - one that adapts to a wall plug or a USB and the other for the car.  It's charging nicely now and light outside is starting to creep out even though it has continued to lightly rain.
It's a different window view that what I am normally used to.  I still have to travel this morning but the change of routine and scenery might be a nice thing for me about now.  But I have to be off.  The weather isn't that great and I have to take myself many miles to downtown today.  I was called for Jury Duty.  It's a slightly frightening thought for me since the last time I was called I ended up on a Grand Jury and spend two days out of each month for four months reviewing an average of 20-25 federal cases back in 2006.  It started out interesting but got very intense and disturbing by the end of it all.  I like my crime, suspense, and detective adventures well enough but honestly, I'd rather keep it to fiction.
Gotta go!
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A bit overdue

I erased everything I wrote again.  I plugged away, striking the keys, knowing I wasn't liking what was said.  I've managed to get through before by doing that sometimes.  I can start out with many keystrokes before it will start making sense and then find the piece that fits to the crazy puzzle.  It hasn't been happening that way lately.  I think I have too many pieces that don't belong to the same puzzle and try as I might they just don't go together. 
I wrote myself a note last week when I felt myself getting overwhelmed with everything I had going on.  This is what I put down..."Am I making the things I need/want to do more difficult than they really are?  How do I make myself simplify and recognize that everything is not as hard as I may be thinking it is."
I know, yes.  I write myself notes.  I hear it's better than talking to yourself.  But better or not it did help slightly to go back and read the note a few times.  I never answered it.  That might have helped even more but I've been stuck lately. 
I think it's time for me to think about making that trip again to my own personal paradise.  It might be a bit overdue.
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Boring

It's very early Saturday morning and I have been pushing keys down, forming words here for a good 15 minutes or so already.  It won't be published.  I was going on as I usually have of late and I thought...blah, blah, blah...blah, blah, blah...blah, blah.
Who in their right mind would ever want to read this except possibly me - later...at another date?
What a bore I've become.  I wonder what I'll think of this later - at another date, when I happen to re-read it.
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End of the week

Good morning, Friday.
You crept up on me and taken me by surprise but I am so happy to see you.  So glad to see you arrive.  Do you think you could speed me long today?  I know the time will pass just a little faster through the rough spots knowing that it's you I am passing the time with.  It's funny how that works but I won't deny it to be true.  Oh course, once the late afternoon turns around I would prefer it to slow down.  I would rather have every free moment at that point spent on purchases of my own choosing from my list of items.  I wonder if you're a good enough friend to help me along?  But I'm thankful, just the same, to see you here now.
Happy Friday!
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Ready, set,

And this starts it off...
I just got back from a 4 mile run that "officially" starts off my training.  It's "official" in quotes because it is a combination of two different running training schedules that I have combined to make a plan for myself.  An "official" running training plan instead of just going out and winging a few miles here and there.  An "official" running training plan that I will use to actually sign up and run a distance race and not just do the miles in my neighborhood.  I've made a commitment to run a 10K in at least a months time.   I need to find one soon. There are 5Ks every weekend but 10Ks seem to be a little harder to find but I'll find one. It's in the plan.  It all sounds so "official". 
But really, I ran seven miles on Sunday which was my last run for the month of April and have taken three days off since.  That was enough.  I had the schedule ready and I wasn't going to miss today.  I even got home late from work and dinner will be even later but I'll eat it just the same with a better outlook than if I missed the very first run of my plan.  I wasn't going to do that.  So I've done did it now. 
I've started it off...
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May 3rd Birthday

Today is Dante's birthday.  My youngest son has somehow turned into a man of 27 years.  He has worked his way up to become Manager of a local Credit Union.  He has been busy.  He has a lot of things going on right now and I haven't talked to him as much as I have in the recent past.  I'm not even sure that we have made plans yet to celebrate.  I know it isn't today but over the weekend.  He has other things to do and that will work out fine.  He really has been very busy.
Dante  was the one that pushed me hard to market the cookies.  He camped out with me as we figured out food costs and pricing, graphics and labeling.  We sat together checking other prices for like products and computed the margins.  He went out and got the first orders which was over $150.00 and then pushed me to do more.  He told me at the beginning that I had already done the hard part of coming up with the product.  He knew they were salable.  I only thought they were cookies that I really like to bake for friends.  I can't dismiss the fact that certain friends had also told me they could be sold but that was just a nice thing for them to say, at least that was what I thought.  Dante actually took me by the shoulders, pushed me into a chair, and made me turn it into a small business.  I have the money in the account from the orders as proof.  I still want to talk to him about his thoughts on upgrading the website.
So we will get together and celebrate his birthday.  I'll be looking forward to seeing him and I'll talk to him today.  Dante is 27.  When did that happen?
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Reset the clock

Reset the clock.  Pull out a clean sheet of paper. 
Now don't waste too much time trying to figure out what to put on it or how long it might take.  It's time to start making it happen by taking it in increments and small steps.  The plan can be overwhelming if you look at what I need to do in the last few weeks.  Sure, that is where I want to be but it takes the weeks now and inbetween to work up to it.  Just look at now, today.  What do I need to do.  Time will take care of itself and move me along the days that will create the weeks that build toward those last few.  Those last few that are impossible now.  But if I look at today?  Easy.  Piece of cake.  Routine.  It's how I get there. 
I looked over my running plans very briefly yesterday.  I have three that I could easily use.  They are all a 16 or 18 week program and they incorporate a five day a week running plan which is what I am going for.  I also set up a 12 week plan on my Nike+ site but that only has three days a week running and is for a half marathon.  Yes.  The other plans are for the full.  I have the plans in place and I know what I should run today.  I'm trying not to scan too far ahead on what I will need to run later - it might scare me away - but really not so much this time, I don't think.
But I mentioned pulling out a clean sheet of paper and isn't the real struggle my writing.  I don't feel I have the same base line foundation for it as my running.  Should I or shouldn't I approach it in that same way.  Daily...five or three days a week...with the only focus on what to do that one day and not trying to take in the entire scope - those scary last few weeks?  It sounds so easy and makes so much sense but why can't I stop looking at those hurdles at the end?  Or are the hurdles I think I see right in front of me now and in the next few days?  Isn't that what is scary?  I might need to figure out what I am so afraid of in order to be able to move around the hurdles.  That might need to be the plan for today.  Give some time to think about what it is that is holding me back and making it scary.  Spend some time on that today and also decide how to constructively approach tomorrow.  Well, okay.  Today.
I'll do that...but after my run.
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