New routines

I'm winding down my week long vacation. It's only hours before I will need to turn down all the lights, snuggle up into my bed, and wake the next morning into my regular routine. It isn't something I am especially looking forward to doing but everyone has their responsibilities and not always with as many positives that I am privileged to possess.

I started changing things up a bit when I recently moved out of the large department I supported for the majority of the 16 years I have been with the company. I am still in the IT department, but have left behind the group that was in charge of the software development and taken on working with the much smaller group that handles Risk Management and Information Security.

It was time for that change but hard for others to realize there was someone else they needed to go to for the work in my old area. There was a physical move of the group this past week while I was off and it's my hope this will also help in facilitating a split since I won't be geographically located too close to their area. I will be even farther away when my new group relocates sometime in December. So things won't exactly be regularly routine tomorrow and in the near future but these are all good things.

I'm looking forward to the changes, so some new regular routines can be put into place.
TT

Great week

This past week has been great. I will not go into everything that happened to chronicle and bore but only acknowledge I could do this much longer. There. That was all I wanted to say.
TT

Visions of sugar plums?

I woke up with visions of grocery lists in my head. Whipping cream, pancetta, don't forget to write down basil and check to see if there is any corn meal in the cupboard. Take the turkey out of the fridge and see how much it has defrosted and pull down that cookbook to check the hours to roast for the amount of pounds. Get up, you need to make that list to get to the store early because I'm not sure what time Sonny wants to meet to buy the wine. Selma offered to make the pumpkin pie so why am I thinking of adding madeleines to the dessert menu? Oysters were available and the last time we wanted to make rockafella I couldn't find them in the shell and bought madeleine cookie sheets that worked really well for the oysters. Wake up already! This is one menu we don't need to expand on. Get a real list going and stop dreaming about it.

I think I have my list. I keep adding to it as if we won't have enough which is ridiculous. I'll give the menu another go-through to make sure the list is complete and get the last of the shopping out of the way. I will make corn bread and an apple pie today (madeleines maybe)? Tomorrow will be the day.

Now just a bit of accuracy updating since I couldn't post a comment on the blog directly Without a clue. I wasn't 15 when I got married 35 years ago but almost 24. I had my own apartment and wasn't living at home. The part about the food money embezzling is true but it happened a few years earlier and what's wrong with garlic and olive oil pasta? I'm saying congrats on the 26 years, CSC!

Now off to the grocery store!
TT

Huge treasure

I have the absolute treasure of time this week. I'm not sure how I will dole it out, whether it will be large amounts to any one thing or small increments for many. I know for sure I won't spend too much of it trying to figure it out and just use what I need as it comes along. 

I have this great food holiday coming up and Thanksgiving Day for us will actually be on Wednesday this year. Sonny has to work on Thursday, but since I am off (and so is he) and everyone else in the family only works a half day on Wednesday, we will gather the day early.  This is one day I have the tradition down. The menu never changes because no one will allow one item to be removed and believe me, it is extensive. I will only need to start my process a day earlier which means I will do my cornbread and pie baking tomorrow, along with shopping for my fresh produce for the multitude of side dishes. I think I counted seven and that is only the vegetables and not counting stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls, gravy, cheese sauce...

It's all part of the day and we won't change it for any amount of debate. And why should we?  It's worked well so far and what better way to use part of this huge treasure of time I have than with food and family.

TT

Good for the rest of the day

"Yo quiero café."

It was a sleepy mumble I didn't expect to hear at my regular waking hour. It was my normal waking hour but at least four hours away from the mumbler's waking hour. He wasn't expected to utter any word, much less three, at that time of the morning. I know this from many years of experience. Let's just say as of today I have at least thirty-five years of experience.

"Did you just say you wanted coffee"? I asked.
"Yes," Jay replied.

I got up to make my usual pot of coffee. Jay was up behind me and went to get his Sunday paper. It was a normal Sunday except for the time. Then as he finished his mug of brew and sorted through multitudes of sections of newsprint, he claimed he was hunger. I'm scratching my head in disbelief. "Aren't you going back to bed?"
"I can't go back on an empty stomach. Let's go to iHop."

Who am I to argue? It was all of 6:15am when we pulled into iHop. There were no lines, no waiting, and breakfast served as ordered. We both agreed it was very good.

As we were getting ready to pay the bill, I mentioned that if I had suggested this yesterday I would have met some strong disapproval. Jay concurred. He would not have liked the idea but at the moment, the way things worked out, it was as if it was all perfectly planned. He was on my timetable for a change. He was up at my hour, and present during my time. I am usually accommodating to his time schedule but today it turned around. Did it have anything to do with the fact that today is our 35th wedding anniversary?

Whatever the reason, it's quiet in the house once again. Jay went off back to bed since it's still within the time he would be asleep on a day such as today. It turns out I had a great good morning that will stay with me the rest of the day. It might even happen again some time, although if I rely on my years of experience, it will probably take another 35 years.

And that's okay.
TT

Motivator or sweet tooth?

I made pumpkin empanadas this past Sunday. It wasn't my idea, in fact, when Jay suggested it, I exclaimed, "I tried years ago but couldn't find a recipe that had the bread-like dough and only had a pie crust outer shell." I still might have been slightly fearful of cooking squash again so soon.

"But that was years ago," he offered. "I bet you could find something now."

I went ahead and looked for a recipe. I found one that I thought might work but I needed a few ingredients. Since Jay was going to the store he said he would pick them up and I specifically pointed out to pick up the canned pumpkin as opposed to the pumpkin pie filling. (No cooking of squash would be needed).
When he got back from the store he told me he had lost his list about half way through the shopping expedition. He couldn't find pumpkin...in the can. He said he picked up a small baking pumpkin.

"Wait, what? You expect me to bake another squash after the disaster before? My hand is barely healing now and don't look at my shoulder."

"Calm down. I put the whole pumpkin in the basket but then I found the canned pumpkin. You won't have to relive the spaghetti squash debacle". 

(Jay didn't say debacle. Jay would never use the word debacle unless he was making fun of me using the word debacle).

Long story short...I made pumpkin empanadas that turned out rather nice.  Flavor was on point. I would have liked the crust to have the darker color I'm used to, but it didn't take  away from the finished product. Maybe I should add a little of the pumpkin filling into the bread dough?



The best part is I made some headway in my facing any fear of squash explosions. It was a small step in the right direction that  may lead to a total cure. I should be up and running at full speed ahead in no time.
And it will be just in time for the upcoming Food Holiday! I'm looking forward to it. I guess Jay knew I needed the extra push and motivation to get going again with a no fear attitude.  Nah.  I think he just wanted dessert.
TT

Don't slow yet

I seem to be speeding right along. Days are tumbling over each other and hurling forward. The twentieth of November, already? Thursday? Okay, yes. Now that I have that all verified, I get to put myself back into the fast forces of the next two days and then, and then.

A week off. I am taking the entire next week off.
TT

Working on some research. Right

In the process of making myself get started again on my own writing, I meandered away from my real work and let myself believe I was doing research (research, really? - that's not what I should be working on). But I found a site called 'I Write Like'. I was too curious. It was only going to take a few minutes. It only ever takes a few minutes when I wander away from my task at hand until I realize I wasted 30-45 minutes out of the 30 I planned to work.

This site was built by a Russian software programmer that uses an algorithm to tell you which author your writing resembles. He programmed 50 authors into the code along with matching length of sentences, commas, use of quotes, etc. I thought, 'why not'? It'll only take a second.

I copied my recent post, Doing, from here and pasted it in. It said I wrote like David Foster Wallace. I don't know who he is so I had to research that. Well, he isn't anymore because he committed suicide at age 46, but he was best known as an American writer, essayist, short story writer, and professor of English and creative writing. Okay. But I thought, 'do I always write like him'? I grabbed another of my posts, It was a cold, dark morning, and had the site analyze it.  Bam - Stephen King. I had to grin. Well, yeah. It had all this dark imagery and blustery words. It was the best match out of all to choose from, right?  It probably had the most keywords to match.  How about one more, just at random.  Can I match up to the same author with any of these?  I picked, Attack of the Spaghetti Squash. Another terror type?  I wanted to see.  Copy, paste, click...Chuck Palahniuk.  Who's that?  I little more research...guess who.  The guy who wrote Fight Club!  Yeah, okay.  I guess I see it. Self-inflicted pain, maybe? I write like him, too.  Three different authors from three random and recent pieces. I'm all over the place! It was fun but I'm not sure it has any real impact on what I write.

It turned out to be a lot of extra research that had nothing to do with the actual writing, and editing of my own work.  It was only another, more fun way to procrastinate. But you should give it a try. Copy something and see...it will only take a second, said the lady after 45 minutes.

Link to I Write Like
TT

P.S.  I couldn't help myself and copied this post into the site. It says this post is like H.P. Lovecraft. He was known for horror fiction published in pulp magazines before he died in poverty. Enough already...make me stop!

It's...

I've lost track of what day it is. It's Friday, end of the week, soon off for the weekend. I know all that and yet, I haven't absorbed the fact. I still feel like I've got more week to get through. It's that feeling I used to get when I was finished skating and it was weird to walk after taking off my skates. It was a jerky, what happened to my legs stride instead of the smooth flow I had just experienced. Don't ask me why I'm thinking about skating. I haven't put on a pair of skates in...don't even make me try to think how long it's possibly been. I can't think that far back.

I'm sure at some point today, I will realize it's Friday. It hasn't settled on me yet but it will. Then. Yes, then, I will figure out the next smooth steps. I obviously need another cup of coffee to at least wake up enough to think. How does anyone lose track of it being a Friday!?
TT

It was a cold, dark morning

I woke up extra early to the sounds of the swirling, howling wind outside. I had a suspicion the temperature dropped even in my heat controlled house by how many times the air switched on to blow through the vents. Sure enough, when I finally noticed the read-out on my laptop the nifty weather gadget claimed it was 36 degrees. No matter. I am in, not out and even when I need to go out, it isn't for any long spell of time.

I can't help but think how the wind has a long, lonely sound. It's strong and forceful, pushing it's way through the streets while letting out it's forlorn moans. If it were a person, I would want to tell it calmly, to take a steady breath. Hold still and it will be fine. Whatever is happening at the moment will soon be gone.

Whoa, listen to me, like I'm some psychiatrist to the weather. Stay calm and take a breath, girlie. Have some coffee and let your brain engage before you spill any more words around. Getting up extra early on a cold, windy morning isn't always a great plan. And that wind I thought I was hearing has completely stopped. I should follow suit and do the same.
TT

Doing

Routines can be great. They offer a tremendous amount of security. I get up in the morning and make coffee, then brush my teeth, get cleaned up and get dressed. Then I pour my first cup of coffee. That happens every morning. There is a rhythm to the entire process that comes automatically to me. There is no thinking about it or making any decisions about this first, that later, maybe this should be different. It all moves smoothly and easily. I've got it down perfectly.

Routines can sometimes get in the way. I need to change my afternoon routine. Coming home after work is another automatic reflex that I don't think too hard about. It comes easily. But I am questioning my use of that time. I would rather come home and turn that time into upstairs get busy on the work I can do there. Unfortunately, after spending the entire day hunched over my work laptop, I don't necessarily want to immediately sit in front of my own at home. So I need to change up my afternoon routine somehow. Give myself a break between work and home and then go do the things I want to do that keep swirling around in my head. The things that I would have more time to tackle during my free time after my day at work. It's a tough job to break habits, and to start habits. Or it isn't, once you have a idea of what and how. I need to put a real plan in place, like come home, allow 45 minutes to unwind (what is that, how do I do that)? and then go do the next thing. I obviously need to be more specific on the details but I need to figure it out. If it's important enough to me, I will decide what to do and give it a try.  Ah...but no. There is that quote I came across recently.

Do it or not. There is no try...Yoda

Smart guy.
TT

Point B

I turned around in my desk chair this morning to appreciate my space. My desk at home is between the two windows at the front of the house on the second floor. As I pivot my chair away from the windows to the interior of the room, I can see my worktable which is directly behind me. It has the same items that have been in the same places for a long time. They have become things that I see but don't really notice anymore as I go in and out of the room.

The cork board with the index cards caught my eye this morning. Why do I still have that up and intact? The index cards have hand written descriptions of the characters in the draft of my novel that I haven't touched in about a year (I think it's closer to two). I got up to get a closer look of what I had put on each card.

Name, physical description, and a few character traits were penciled in, most in lessening degrees. Each was a pretty shallow snapshot of each character. Even reading everything that was described on the most filled card I knew it said very little about each character and not much more was added to the novel draft. I recognized all that after not noticing and/or ignoring this board and all it's index cards for so very long.

I thought I had an idea of who each character was supposed to be and how they should look when I started. I thought I had proven that by putting them up on individual index cards. I know now, that was barely the beginning. That was merely the starting point. It was only point A in an entire alphabet of steps that needed to come after that task. For some silly reason, when I finished my first draft, I thought I was at point X or even Y in the whole writing process. It was the reason I kept thinking I had done so horribly on that draft. I know now I can't judge my own work when it's only at the point A stage. There is so much more work to do to get it where it should be before I need to think about how well or badly I've written.

It's what I have been thinking lately. I have more knowledge of how I can start again and take on point B in this long process of work I need to do. I'm actually looking forward to it now that I have a clearer, in depth picture of what needs to be done.  I might have actually learned something in the past year.

Maybe that was my reason I kept that board up and intact. I knew it wasn't done. I have more work to do.



TT

Slow news

I started out thinking about the weather but who wants to hear about that? It's the same cooler temperature it was yesterday morning so not exactly a big news flash. It isn't outrageous for this time of year. It's about where it usually is at this time on the 10th of November. 

I also noticed I am making a study of the clock. I keep glancing over to check the time.  I'm thinking if I get to work 30 minutes earlier, I will be able to leave 30 minutes earlier. It's all a mind puzzle. I could also go in at regular time and use the extra minutes here and now instead of later. The problem is that I am thinking too hard about watching the clock instead of using the time one good way or the other.

A couple or ordinary subjects: time and the weather. Must be a slow news day.

TT 

Attack of the Spaghetti Squash

The cooler temperatures inspired me to cook some winter vegetables. I was looking for something different, that was fairly known, but something I hadn't attempted. I wanted to see if the hype about the squash that could substitute it's baked insides for pasta was true. I went out and bought a spaghetti squash.

It looked nice and fine in it's eggplant-shaped smooth exterior. It was an attractive shade of yellow and from what I read, the color of the outside would be in the color of the inside cooked strands. I looked over my choices and picked the one I thought was most yellow. It was solid, heavy, smooth, and just what I thought I wanted.

It was late in the day when I tucked the whole squash into the 375 degree oven. The cookbook said to cook it whole for about an hour, so I put it on a foil-lined pan and let it cook. An hour later it didn't look to be done. It didn't indent when I pressed it, so I let it go another hour before I pulled it out of the oven. I was a little puzzled since it still seemed very firm, so I grabbed a knife and barely dipped the tip into the middle of the squash.

Let me warn you. Never, no never ever, ever ever ever, dip even the tiniest tip of anything into the flesh of a steaming, hot, whole squash, just out of the oven. Did I say never ever ever! Listen to me, don't do it!

Just as I barely nicked the surface, the angry, yellow, demon exploded all over me. Hot, raging, strings landed in various globs all over my right hand and shoulder. A few hit my face but they were the first wiped away as I backed up at least 2 feet and dropped my knife. There was yellow strings covering the front of the stove and kitchen floor before me. Yowsa! I immediately put my right hand under the cold water tap and left it there for a good 10 minutes. I didn't wipe away the glob on my right shoulder until later but I finally grabbed a towel to wipe it off when I felt the burn going through.

Needless to say, when Jay got home he managed to get himself into a panic. At least I had cleaned up the squash from the kitchen floor and picked up the knife or he would have taped off the area as if it was some kind of murder scene. He wanted to whisk me off to some emergency room and I kept saying it was like a bad sunburn without the pleasure of being outdoors. He didn't appreciate my light-hearted attempts to calm the situation and kept insisting. I knew it wasn't that bad (or wouldn't be) and I was quite honestly embarrassed by being injured by a squash, especially a yellow one.

Yeah, I knew it wasn't good but it wasn't that bad. I've really had worse sunburns. The shoulder looks awful but hurts the least. My index and middle finger on my right hand burned like heck last night (I kept it iced) but there isn't a drop of pain now and all that is left now is a muddled discoloration on my knuckles.

Oh, and there isn't a drop of spaghetti squash left either. Jay dumped it for me some time last night. I don't know where or when. I only know it is gone and only the two of us know of the entire incident. I guess you could say he disposed of all evidence against me. We are safe from any impending investigations.

Gotta love him for that!
TT

Stay in character

There is nothing like the dreaded feeling of re-reading a post you published and finding that one grammatical error. You worked on it, edited it, polished it up (in the small amount of time you have from inception to delivery) and agreed it was ready. You even read it again after it was up and out in the blogosphere and you found it good.

Then comes the next morning. You arrive rested. You sit at your newly, refreshed desk and find your place. The most recent piece is pulled up in front of you and you start to read. It seems to be fine. It has created an atmosphere that is easily pulling me into the moment. I'm following along ready to continue what it has to say. Then you read the sentence that contains one word that trips it up and breaks the spell. Suddenly the reader is pulled completely out of the story and lands hard on the asphalt of technicalities. No, no! I cleaned this up. I removed all debris of reality and left a clear path to fiction. I worked hard.

It's no use. The spell is broken and now you are left with a story that could have been good if...  If only it hadn't had that one word that was incorrectly used and made the reader stumble hard out of the illusion you created. Damn, you technicalities, as I raise my fists to the grammar gods! Oh wait - that reminds me of a prologue I wrote so long ago using that bit. It was good, a real illusion for the mind and pulled the reader into the story. I should re-read that again and see where I might take it.

I will, of course, do a line-by-line check for the dreaded grammatical errors. It can only be as good as technicalities allow.
TT

PS - I fixed the error from yesterday's post. You won't find it now.

Quiet focus

A nice clean desk jumped out at me this morning. I made my way up the dark staircase and switched on the lamp that overhangs above my laptop and glanced over my handiwork. A small notepad at the far right corner aligned with pens and pencils. A box of index cards at the upper right beside the picture of special boys smiling at me from the 'Nana' inscribed frame. A wide expanse of empty, wood surface between these things and my laptop at the furthermost left side. I did good yesterday. This is nice. Impressive. This is really conducive to do the work I imagined I would do when I first set up this area.

That's a lot to get and feel from approaching a spot I've been sitting at for years. Sometimes it only takes some small changes to get your focus back and remember what and why these things were put into place. How nice that I even have this spot that is all my own. How nice to be able to appreciate it all over again. If you don't mind, I think I'll sit in my space a little longer in the quiet moment I have right now.
TT

Removing the sticky notes

The rain has been coming down all night. It's a soft, quiet rain that has steadily made it's way through the course of the evening and into this morning. I woke too early, but what was I going to do? I was awake no matter the time on the clock.

I got up and cleaned the kitchen. Of course, that was after I made coffee and was dressed. I balanced out the store's receipts from yesterday and have been fiddling around with an application on my laptop. I'm thinking I would rather work from home today but I didn't get that cleared from the bosses so that isn't going to happen.

Since I cleared all the bills on my desk, all I see are yellow sticky notes on the top surface. I guess they blended into invisibility when all I saw before were the bill notices. Now that those are gone, I see all the quickly, scribbled notes I made to myself and stuck to random places on my desk because at the time of writing them, they seemed important. They are all notes about writing.

• Action/Reaction
• Cause and effect
• Ripple effect
• Chain of events
• Domino Theory
• Story Arc

Narrators need to:

• Create memory
• Create horizons
• Disclose all

Importance of first impression.

• Illustrate the characters core at this moment
• what would their portrait look like
• what would she be doing, wearing, thinking about
• why would this be what she chose?
• Connect with the characters core and figure out what she would do

You can't say I haven't done my homework. These are just the sticky notes and not all the other information, articles, newsletters and lessons I've gone through. Trying to learn. And in my head I know I need to put the work into starting with that draft of completed work I wrote. So I have a sticky note for that on how to get going.

Read the book - Start to finish and take notes. Don't make changes yet.
Look for repeated words, starts of paragraphs that are the same, changed tenses. Stop at end of chapter-not middle.

Great...sorry I got carried away. Now that I have documented all my sticky notes here, I can remove them from my desk. I can clear it off so it's a nice wood surface again and focus, instead of being caught up in random thoughts.

It's still early and the rain is still trickling down. I'll use the time to clear my desk and pull up that draft. It sounds like I need to start reading it. Start to finish. Without making changes. Yet.

Go.
TT

Obsessive energy

I've become obsessed with paying off everything. I just spent the past 30 minutes finagling, calculating, transferring, and finally deciding to clear everything I could possibly clear from my tiny list of debts. I have made awesome strides in getting every last credit paid in full including my mortgage (last year) and culminating in zeroing out my final credit card balance (last month). So, what could I possibly be obsessing over now? You would think all the energy being put into bill paying would have dissipated by now and it had. Believe me, I thought it was done. Then I got the bill for taxes on the house.

I knew it was coming even though it was automatically paid all these past years by my mortgage company (along with my insurance-which I paid in full in July). But, it was so soon after I built up this 'gotta pay everybody and everything' attitude. I had the need to clear the balances on all the spreadsheets and all the data on everything. They all must be zero! Well, this tax bill sat on my desk for a week and, in my mind, it was burning a hole so deep it was going to leave a smoldering permanent impression if I didn't do something about it soon. It wasn't officially due until February 2015 but that was too far away. I couldn't possibly hold onto it that long, no way. That is when I spend the last 30 minutes calculating and transferring and paying it in full. Along with the tiny balance of $2.54 that was left (interest) on the credit card from last month, I can say my desk is cleared of all and every bill. Nothing left to pay. Mission accomplished, obsession needs to find another place to use up all that energy.

You might think, well goody for her. What a thing to be worried about.  If only everybody had these type of problems and obsessions. I have no idea what anyone thinks, but if that is what is going through your head, let me tell you a little secret. This was the tail end of a much more than 30 year obsession. It didn't happen today or last month or last year. This is something I have been pounding for a lifetime, so if I feel a little obsessed at this point, so be it. I'm sure I can start transferring that energy toward other things now.
TT

Shouldn't read past 9

I wrote up four book reviews yesterday morning for the four books I read in October. That seems few when there have been months of two books a week. I guess my time is being consumed in other areas where I cannot drag out the book I'm dragging along with me and read. I hadn't really noticed until I went to take a look at what I had read last month.

Two of the books were the latest for their specific series. One series has been going on so long that the one I just read was number 38. That's a lot of entries for the same book. But I have to say, there is something about already knowing the characters, the setting, the friends of the characters and how they usually react is easy. You don't have to think real hard about figuring out who they are because you already know. The other was number 19 in the series. I've always enjoyed the main character in this book. He's a loner, individual, strong opinions, smart and witty. There is always a lot of action and that is the reason I've read all of these books. They both are a good, go-to book to read when I can't decide what else to choose. I can rely on these to provide that comfortable entertainment.

The trouble was I realized I might not want to read any series that goes into double digits. I'm almost thinking I would rather stick to stand alone novels from now on even though that isn't what authors and publishers might want to hear. My reason for thinking of stopping the series reading is because no matter how well the characters are developed in each book, I've figured out these authors formulas. Yes. Hate to say that because these are not romance novels I'm reading, but crime-homicide, sniper-murder mysteries. I can tell you in each book where the main character will get rattled, when they will find the clue, when the arrest will be made then go wrong, only to find out the main character had it all figured out to play that way and ending with justice being served and the humble main character going back to the nothings of regular life before the trauma occurred.

 I also think that besides figuring out their formulas, I am finding the characters being a little stifled and dull. Some of their polish is wearing thin and yet they still try to act as they were at the beginning of the series.  You would think that by number 19 and certainly number 38 in a series, something should have changed them in some way. And yet, they are exactly the same as they were at the beginning and I'm finding that hard to swallow. My comfortable, reliable characters are still the same smart individuals to a fault. The worst part of them being stuck in some personality timewarp is that they seem to have lost their wit.

It will be a while until the next in each of these series comes out again. I don't have to worry about whether or not I will pick up the next of these series. I've got plenty of time to read a whole batch of other books. Well, maybe not as much time if I'm only getting through four in a month.
TT