Cold, but got it done

It is now afternoon of Day three of my change up of early morning runs and I did run this morning.  After all my hoopla yesterday the weather wasn't an issue.  Actually, I was reminded by my nike+ sensor site (where all my workouts are stored) that it is actually five mornings in a row.  I had forgotten that I ran this past weekend so including last Saturday and Sunday and since I have gotten out to run before 5:30am this past Monday, Tuesday, and this morning, Wednesday, I have five consecutive morning runs.  That is great considering it was cold this morning.  There wasn't a drop of rain and I got up and headed out without a thought.  I didn't think about it until I was out and saw two walkers dressed head to toe with warm-up pants and hoodies pulled up over their heads.  No...they weren't dangerous...unless over-zealous work-out freaks like me are considered that.  But seeing them I realized I might have put more on than my running shorts and regular tee.  My hands had started to go really cold but I was fine and I got it done.
I wish I could say things were going as well with the other end of my change up plan.  I've managed to switch my running from afternoons to mornings but the other switch is running into some snags.  The writing part I am supposed to be doing in the afternoons now has run into a few problems.  It isn't really the switching part.  I have actually sat down and spent time working on my fiction writing these past few afternoons.  The problem seems to be my writing itself. 
I am struggling to say the least.  I am having a bit of a hard time keeping things going.  I wrote a short dialogue yesterday that I thought had gone well only to go back and check and found I had already written a portion of that same information earlier.  I had spent time repeating myself.  I will go back and see about correcting that but that made it slightly frustrating.  I am only a few hundred words from 35,000 and if I am thinking the whole will be somewhere around 70,000 words than I am approximately half way there.
But I can't count the parts I've told twice. 
It's not the same as running my same route every morning.  I'm supposed to be writing new things and I am having a bit of a hard time.  But then, I didn't think I was going to get out and run this morning and I did even as cold as it was.  So the writing is a little cold.  I'll be fine and I'll get it done.
TT

There are consequences

Day two and I have two early morning runs done.  It's nothing to write home about but like I said, it's a start.  Of course, this afternoon I was beginning to ponder what I was going to do tomorrow morning.  I heard it was supposed to be cooler and chances of rain.  That would normally stop me in my tracks.  But then it was cooler the first morning.  What was it? 55 degrees?  This morning it was 64...much better.  Is that why I am thinking about it?  So I might use it as an excuse to bail?
Then I thought it might be better to just have a contingent plan in case I don't make it out to run early tomorrow.  Or would having another plan give me the excuse to not stick to the one I already have in place.  The one where I get up my regular (very early, incredibly dark time), run instead of write with the writing done later...like now.  Like I've done successfully the past two days.
Did you know how mental this physical activity can be?  I can sure make it that way when I want to, can't I?  Anyone else would say, run, don't run...what the! 
So my contingent plan is that if...IF...for no good reason, I don't get my tired a$$ out early to run tomorrow I will pack my gym bag and have to do it during lunch...on the dreadmill.  (OH, NO! Horrors!)  (I didn't spell it wrong, either).
Wow.  Isn't there a law against cruel and unusual punishment?  Especially to yourself!
I get to ponder that overnight, now don't I?  It's all about choices.
TT

Change up

I changed things around today.  It isn't an easy thing to do when it's a Monday and I have my regular full time job I need to show up for every weekday.  I thought I would give it a shot for a short time and see how it goes and then maybe change it up again.  It isn't like I can add more hours to the day.  That might not be such a good idea since it seems I already try to cram the day full with all that I do.  It would be like me getting a larger purse and then as always filling it up and making it too heavy to carry around.
So today I am a little upside down.  I didn't write early this morning.  I went out for my run instead.  I thought I would use my early morning writing time to run and then I could write in the afternoon when I would usually (not) run.  I'm going to try it temporarily...at least this week and see how it goes.
I thought it through.  I figured I could do the distance I needed within the time frame I had before work or I could at least give it a try.  I thought I had it all planned.  Then my alarm didn't go off.  Luckily, I woke up only a few minutes after it should have and I was able to get up and out.  I figured I may be cutting it close but I wasn't going to back out the first day even if I was 30 minutes later in to work.  But I managed to get the run in, shower, dress and be at my desk at 7:00am.  It worked.
So one day down and I can call it a start.  If fact that is what I will call it...a start.  Changing it up.  Doing it differently, modifying, altering slightly, making a variation.  All of the above.
I made sure I've got my alarm set for tomorrow.
TT

Nothing less

It was fully light but the ground was wet.  I don't think it had rained but the fog had been dense and I could still feel the moisture in the air.  It was still but whatever stirred was slightly cool which made me think I should have worn a different shirt other than the tank I had on.  I flipped that idea out of my head.  I was fine.  I had only just started the run and as I kept going I knew I would be plenty warmed up. 
I made my turn and came down a incline allowing my pace to quicken.  I let the ease of the slope carry me faster and downward to the end when it leveled off and I fell back into my regular rhythm.  I kept on.
I was at my half-way point.  I've covered these same miles many times.
I spotted a streetlight that hadn't known to go out yet.  It was the only one in the line of lamps still burning, seemly unaware that the sun had risen but hiding behind misty clouds.  At the lofty top of another two vultures perched.  They are not uncommon and I've seen them before.  It wasn't that long ago there were no streetlights here at all.  I'm not sure where they perched then.
I turned another corner and was on the last stretch home.  My sensor whispered that I had 400 meters to go and counted me down as I hit each: 300-200-100.  I always try to pick up the pace slightly when I hear that cue.  I did today.
I'm starting again slowly.  I'm flipping the over thinking out of my head.  I'm going out for a run.
Nothing more but, for sure now...not less.
TT

Normal work day

I'm not sure why I got up so early.  It was one of those mornings that I didn't have to get up but I did.  There wasn't any reason to stay in bed since I was wide awake no matter how early it was.  It wasn't like I was feeling sleep deprived.  It was more that it was enough sleep - time to get up even if it is earlier than I would on a normal work day.
It seems again I have a packed weekend.  It's early but will I have enough time?  I have to get in a short run.  I have to take my car in to replace the front driver's side reflector that managed to work itself off and get lost somewhere.  While I wait in the dealership I could read or should I bring my laptop and write?  I even called yesterday to ask if they had wi-fi in their waiting room.  No.  The young receptionist didn't think so.  I didn't really think they did either but I have called places and asked sillier questions.  Maybe when I'm done there I'll go get a real coffee...or just come home to get normal chores started.
I need to till the entire front yard to get some grass growing there again.  The draught and my utter neglect has left it nothing but brown weeds.  Luckily it isn't the massive area we have in the back of the house but it will take some time to get it done and it should be done soon to get all the new grass to root.  I need to pick up some white silk to make the pillow for the ringbearer at Sonny and Selma's wedding.  It will take me no time and I can't see them spending the amount of money they charge for those already pre-made when it will be almost nothing for me to replicate for so little.  I will need to meet Jay to pick paint and stain colors for the shop.  He is doing a re-model of the store.  He is breaking down a wall to make the small retail area larger and flow better.  It will clean and freshen it up.  It's much needed and will help things along with business we are sure.
There is more.  I have an entire grocery list of items that seem to be growing steadily lately.
Maybe that is why I woke so early.  I had enough rest and knew there was plenty to do. The list seems to keep growing and the more I do the more it seems there is to do.  So better to start early.
Who said it wasn't a normal work day?
TT   

No non-choices

I hadn't thought about it since I had gotten it out of the way.  I spent my fair share of time stressing about the fact that I had to close out Jay's business accounting from last year and take care of the taxes.  I knew I had piles of reports to enter into my nifty accounting system in order to get the final figures for all the sales and expenses that occurred during the year.  I had it looming over my shoulder, pressing down, knowing I had to fit it in to all the other things I was doing. 
Now I am thinking back and realizing it's all done.  I finished it a few weeks ago and have even sent it out and have gotten it all accomplished.  Even better than that I am current on the sales/expenses for this year.  I've actually entered the information for this current year on the system so I am already ahead.  I somehow managed to pull out of a bad pattern of waiting until deadline to start the work that I could have been breaking down into smaller jobs instead of waiting to do an enormous one at one time.
Now it is all just an afterthought.  All the time stressing about getting it done and accomplished was finished a few weeks ago and it's over.  And now I am wondering how much time I spend thinking and stressing about other things I have complete control over.
How much time do I spend worrying about a situation instead of doing something about it?  It sometimes is just a matter of figuring out what to do and sometimes that is where I might stop myself.  Do I want to do what needs to be done or am I afraid if I do it, what will happen next?  Ah, the choices.  And am I talking about bookkeeping any more or not.
I have some things I need to change up and am at that luscious point of making some choices.  I have been told that going with the flow is sometimes best and that it is also a choice.  Not mine, I don't think.  I won't be making any non-choices to see how it goes.  As long as I have choices to make...I would rather be the one making them.
TT

Stop procrastinating

It seems funny to me now how I had been procrastinating about continuing my chapter 8.  I had started it but was struggling.  I had set up the scene but my characters were just sitting there.  I started worrying about it because they were just staring at each other across a table.  I started to fumble and get nervous so I left it alone.  I kept thinking...why are they having such a hard time with each other!  This is where they should be going and what everything has led up to so far.  They are at the part they should be and now they clam up.  I didn't think they were going to do anything!  You understand I mean me, I wasn't able to do anything...it's all in my head, these characters and such.  (I know that, too...shhh!)
I finally reopened the document and put down the first thing the main character thought to say.  That was it.  That was the opening of chapter 8.  The opening of chapter 8 wasn't setting up the scene and having everything in place like I had written.  The main character had something on her mind but was waiting around for me to make sure the silverware was in place before she could say it.  I was making her hold her thought when I should have been letting her speak.  I finally did and I was able to work the setting in very easily afterward and the chapter got underway.
It gets so easy to get lost in the description to the point I wasn't letting the characters show me what they should be doing.  I was plugging along trying to make everything perfect for this conversation that was supposed to happen that I actually paused the conversation.  Then I had a hard time figuring out why.  I was blaming it on them and trying to figure out how I was going to get them going.
It seems funny now.  It's funny now to see myself looking back, procrastinating, getting nervous when I just needed to get out of my own way to get going.
I'll know next time to re-open that document again sooner.
TT

Beware the dark side

I wrote up a short piece of fiction that left me down and even a little sad.  I knew going into it that it was a piece that needed a negative feel.  I knew it needed to be sullen and to even have a dejected tone.  I wrote it up and thought I had done a fairly good job by the time I was finished.  I thought I had captured the correct essence and it had the elements I was going for when I started out. 
I wasn't expecting to have an aftermath of such a low once I was done.  It wasn't because I thought I had written it badly.  It might have been due to my submerging myself into the dejection of the piece.
I'm not saying I can credit it all to my writing.  I don't know that I felt sad and down because of what I had written.  It might have been I was just tired.  It might be the series of books I am finishing up that has gotten terribly dark.  It probably just caught me at the wrong time.  I can't even be sure it was the piece I wrote that dragged me down into that dungeon of gloom I felt afterward.  I only knew it was after I completed working on that particular piece that I came away mildly depressed.
I haven't gone back to re-read the piece yet.  I am letting it rest and I will look at it again after a time to give it some fresh eyes and a clear view.  I will see what I think about it then.  I'll give it some time.
I am not feeling down or sad now.  It didn't linger with me or follow me continuously.  It's gone already.  I just thought it curious that it might have had any affect on me at all.  If it did.  And it wasn't the manifestation of a tired mind reading a dark book.  After writing a dark piece.  Hmmm.
You see.  It still has me a little puzzled.  But it sort of makes sense, like having a stomach ache after overeating all the cotton candy, peanuts and ice cream at a fair.
Or maybe I just read way too much or have watched to many sci-fi movies in the past.
Who knows?  I'm going to let that piece rest a little longer just to be on the safe side.
TT

Rings, bowls...

http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/marche-serveware-collection/?cm_src=rel
This is a serving bowl and four pasta bowls that caught Sonny's eye as we were browsing around my boutique stores this past Saturday.  I took him and Selma into a Williams-Sonoma store to take a look-see with the intention of getting a cheese grater.  We were just browsing shelves and looking at all the different displays of cookery and kitchen gadgets when he noticed it.  We stopped and took a closer look.  After some time and thought, with me talking to a salesperson and asking some questions, the cheese grater was left behind and I convinced  Sonny to let me purchase the entire set for them.  They were reluctant.  They thought they were great, would fit in to what they already had going on in their kitchen by way of decor, but was too nice a set for the pieces they already had. 
I thought they would fit nicely and since they liked them I thought it even better .  They can be matched up with other pieces.  With a little more looking and talking and then the salesperson helped...too nice?  you have to start somewhere.  They agreed.  I purchased the set and had them hold it in the store until we were finished shopping so we could pick them up as we were leaving.  And we did after an entire afternoon of looking and browsing in other stores.
I got an email yesterday from Sonny with a picture of the bowls.  He was explaining that the bowls had different graphics and it made them even better than what we thought when we were in the store since we didn't look at each bowl while we were there.  Each one was individual but all part of the same theme from the larger serving bowl. Good!  I'm glad.
Then I got another e-mail from Sonny.  He was asking why had I gotten him into this Williams-Sonoma stuff!  He had found another set by the same artist that would match nicely.  They had the veggie motif but also a recipe in Italian.  He sent me the picture.

These are very nice, too.  Sonny cooks some great batches of pasta.  I thought the original set of bowls were nice when he pointed them out on Saturday and these are too.
I can't help if he went looking at their website.  I can't help dragging them into Williams-Sonoma in the first place.  It's not my fault I like to look and see what's the what.  He took us into a jewelry store which is one I hadn't ever been in for all the times I've visited this shopping area.  Sonny and Selma picked out their wedding bands (scroll down for picture) there that same day.  I took them into a Williams-Sonoma which was probably a store they had never ventured into.  Did I hook him up with something new or did he hook me? 
It's part of what makes those memorable days of sharing things without a casual thought.  Of coming across something that you didn't mean to happen but did and it turned out well because you went for it and everyone received something good they weren't expecting.  The kind of experience that makes you smile longer than you might normally smile because it fills you from the inside out.
So...rings, bowls and a dress.  I got a lock down on all three in one day.  Oh, the dress?  Well, earlier I had gone with Selma to pick up her wedding dress...that dress.  All these great things in one day.  I'll be smiling for a long while.  And no...You get to see rings and bowls...no pictures of the dress.
That gets to stay in my memory.
TT

80 days

I am trying to think what significance this day, March 21st, might have.  There it is on my calendar.  It's today.  I can take a quick look to see...do a search.
Okay, briefly...it is the 80th or (81st on leap years) day on the Gregorian calendar which means there are 285 days left to the year.  If you were born on March 21st you would under the astrological sign of Aries, the Ram, and have a proud and adventuresome nature.
Those are all well and great.  I wouldn't have realized we have covered 80 days into this year of 2011 quite so quickly.  Or was it quickly?  Some days were and others not so much.  Then I guess it can be fun to follow a sign to figure out who you are or what your traits might be but they can only be so accurate.  Aren't the best people you know always growing and making subtle changes? It seems to me that would leave them less likely to constantly fit into the broad definitions given by these symbol related descriptions.  Besides, isn't that based on reading the stars?  Didn't I hear recently that the stars we see now were so far away and took so long for their light to reach us that they are no longer there anyway?  That the ones we see now are gone?  So how do you predict a person today from something that is already lived out it's light?  It doesn't sound right to me.
So besides believing you can figure out who you are by star gazing or having gotten through the first 80 days of this year I am still here at March 21st.
The fact is I am the only one that can make today significant or not.  I can make my own choices about what I want to do with it and how I will go through it.  There will be things today that are necessary for me to do that seem like I don't have choices but those are the ones I can decide how I will let myself feel about them.  I can choose. 
It's March 21st and I think I might decide to use it to make some subtle changes for the positive.
I think that would be best.
TT

Any plans?

I just got back from a neighborhood run.  I'm sweaty and having to towel the edge of the keyboard and my face in order to type.  I need to cool down just a bit before I attempt a quick shower and I have a few things to do today so leave it to me to multi-task any way I can to fit everything in.
I feel like I am starting Beginning Running: 101.  I am having a hard time getting myself going and then I am not having an easy time of it.  It doesn't feel good enough.  I need to take it down a notch and be okay with things as they are right now. 
I am throwing out all my mental notions about what distance I should be going or how fast.  Look, this run was slower than that one, that run was shorter.  I am struggling to stop the mental bombardment of negatives that are currently residing in my brain.  I am tired of hearing them argue back and forth about this notion or that.  They try really hard to make good points about what they are saying.  They can be very convincing at times.  But I have to stop the bickering.  Not yet.  Not now.
I need to concentrate on simply making a routine again.  I need to gear up and get out there.  Simple.  It's not about distance or time or even these killer inclines I'm battling.  It's time for me to just go.  Get dressed, put on my shoes and run.  It doesn't matter one bit how far right now.  Just get it done.  I won't listen to another argument one way or another.  I'm spending too much time figuring it out instead of just doing what needs to be done.
So there.  Right now it's about consistency, nothing more.  At least for now.
At least that is my plan and it's always better to have a plan no matter how small the steps are to begin.
Now I've cooled down enough to take that shower.  I have time to fold some towels and maybe make a short trip to the grocery store.  I might have time to wash the car and even work in the yard.
Oh - and the dusty rose, cropped zippered jacket from yesterday?  I'm returning it.  I didn't like the way the lining is pulling on the sleeves.  They don't fall smoothly and I didn't notice until I tried it on again last night.  So then, I might have to make a trip back out to the boutiques.  I should use the refund for a dress for the wedding anyway.
Ah...there's a plan...more shopping.
TT

Least expected

I just got back from an all day excursion.  What a wonderful time!  I hadn't expected a late lunch to turn into a truly wonderful afternoon but it did.  They say when you least expect it...
Well, it proved true today.  I spent the entire afternoon with Sonny and Selma.  Their wedding is planned for April 29th and after lunch we decided we needed a little walk.  What better place to do that than one of my favorite open air shopping areas.  It is where I sometimes go on a Saturday afternoon to check the latest items at all the best fashion boutiques.  It turns out we did a little more.  Sonny and Selma picked out their wedding bands.  They had it on their list of things to get done but not planned on actually doing it today.

Now, you tell me.  I've never been really big on jewelry but I can certainly appreciate it and how it looks on someone else.  These look so good  I cannot even begin to talk about how great they look.   Sonny's band is actually white gold like Selma's.  You can blame my snapshot on the color difference.  Aren't these something?!
We spent the rest of the afternoon in different shops.  I looked around one of my most frequented places but nothing spoke to me there.  We stopped at a few more and it wasn't until I was browsing yet another that I found the one thing that not only spoke to me but yelled out.  It was on a hanger too high for me to reach and yet I managed to stretch up far enough to knock it down so I could try it on.
That was it.  Once I had it on I knew it was coming home with me.  It may not be white gold.  It isn't even real leather.  But the feel of it is and the look is hard to tell it isn't real...but the cut and fit was all me.
I hesitated a bit but I knew.

Dusty pink, short cropped, faux leather, zippered Guess jacket.
They say when you least expect it.
TT

Half a billion strong

I have been reading some data about blogger.  It looks like they are the sixth largest website in the world and blogger users have published more than half a billion posts.  I guess I can say I have actually contributed one or two to their numbers.  At least one or two or 32 or 100 or 500 or what is my number up to since 4/11/09?  Let's just say I've posted a very little bit that contributed to the more than half a billion posts that blogger is acknowledging. 
I didn't start this blog knowing anything about it.  I knew nothing of blogging, posting, big sites, small.  The only thing that was going through my head when I found blogger was...wow.  Here is this nifty tool.  It all came down to an idea for me to trick myself into being responsible to myself.
I wanted to write.  I had started a story.  I had four paragraphs (maybe five).  I couldn't get past those few paragraphs.  Every time I would start to write on it, I would re-read it and edit it.  I would edit it again and again and then I would edit it again.  I had that same four (maybe five) paragraphs for a good three months.  I'm not exaggerating.  I couldn't get past my own editing.  I knew I needed to do something about it, but what?
That is when I found blogger and said...wow.  Here is this nifty tool.
I figured I could write a post here on blogger.  My rule would be...once I published the post I could NOT go back and edit it.  I could only write another.  It turned into my tool for writing.
It seemed to be working.  I was getting past four paragraphs.  It pushed me forward. 
After a while I discovered it had added benefits.  I was becoming more disciplined in showing up to write.  I was having to come up with more things to write about.  I was better able to distinguish the garbage posts from the better posts (although I sometimes publish the garbage anyway - sorry, it's tough sitting here talking to myself sometimes.)  I was writing more often to get in my daily word count.  I was learning each time I sat down to put words on an empty page.
So good for blogger and it's accomplishments.  I'm glad to hear it's going well.  I didn't realize how well.
I knew it had been going well for me.
TT

Forecast

I am being granted my wishes.
It was only a few short...wait a minute...it was only an entire season of miserably cold, wet and uncomfortable weather that is finally turning itself around.  I had stopped checking the weather reports so I wouldn't put myself up for constant dissappointment in how it was supposed to turn out.  It would seem to be getting better and then there would be a low of 38 or 41 in the midst of all the 68-70 degree highs.  That made it just a little too cold to warm up properly.  It meant things were still not turning around the way I would have hoped. 
But I checked today.  I checked my 10 day forecast and if I believe it any more than I do any other time (I don't usually but this time there may be hope) it looks like I will have more than a week of steady lows of 65 with highs in the 80's. What...are you kidding me?  Are you joking?  Ahhh...finally!!!
This is splendid.  This is better than splendid.  This is splendisimus, stuptendimus, it's wondermus!  Okay, okay.  I think you get the idea.  It's a good thing.  For me.  I am happy to see it. That entire season of miserable cold was a fall back reason for me not getting out.  It would leave me wanting to hide and hibernate.  It left me dragging and drained.  It made me unsatisfied and underwhelmed.  It...okay enough.  It isn't any more.  I saw the report.  I can tell by the way it feels outside.  It is leaving that dreadful season behind and so am I.
I am being granted my wishes.
TT

Moving again

I believe I have finally turned a corner.
Depending on what I am applying this statement to, it could mean different things. The best part about the statement is that it will usually mean something good. The idea of turning a corner first of all means I am moving. I am not sitting idle and I have made a conscience decision to take a different path and try a new direction.
I like those. New directions, different paths. I never know where it will take me but if I keep my senses alert I can find something I never would have found if I didn't try. It could also lead to nowhere but where was I when I started? The likelihood that it will be worth the time to journey ahead is greater than staying on the same worn path. The slightest change in direction gives me a new perspective and better ideas for things to come. It will make me take a closer look at what is around me so I make more conscience decisions about where I am going. It is me getting there instead of me waiting for it to happen.
It's time to beat a new path. I have to. I want to.  I finally turned a corner.
TT

Goldfish, safety tips and scary closests

I spent an interesting day off yesterday.  I was assigned babysitting duties.  I am to do it again today.  These two days I am off before going back to work on Thursday happen to fall during spring break.  A regular sitter wasn't to be found and since I tend to bump around my own house on days off I took charge of Selma's 6 year old son.  It was an interesting day. 
He came fully equipped with juice boxes and a personal VCR (correction...it is a DVR player).  We started out the morning with coffee and hot chocolate - guess who had which.  He followed me upstairs and played with Sonny or Dante's old game of battleship on the floor while I got my minimum mandatory 30 minutes of book writing done.  I was actually allowed 40 minutes before the game was re-organized, all ships in one slot, red pegs in another and white pegs in yet another slot.  He did a good job of putting it all away.  Then he was ready for his own movie which he took care of all by himself and watched very quietly.
I had been out of town and needed to get some grocery shopping done.  When he was finished with his movie I got him into my car, we picked up a few things, came back to the house and had lunch.  Then we shared books.  He showed me his vtech reader and I showed him my nook.  He liked the way mine turned pages by swiping the bottom menu area with a finger.  He turned a lot of my pages.  Then he showed me his reader.  It read outloud while highlighting each word as it was read.  It made sounds when you put your plastic pencil on pictures.  It had a word list that would give you definitions.  All mine would do is turn pages.  So he let his book read to him while I tried to read mine.  It was just a little more difficult to concentrate on murderous dark fae while hearing cartoonish safety tips but the goldfish we were sharing seemed to help.
Sonny called about that time to check up on us.  I told him we were reading and had gone to the store.  Sonny asked, "Did he sit in the front seat?"  I probably answered too quickly since I didn't instantly remember that a child usually sits in back but I said, "Where did you want me to put him?  In the trunk?"
I drive a convertible two seater.  I have no back seat.  Sonny was also relieved that I wasn't encouraging him to stuff handfuls of goldfish in his mouth at once.  I think he misunderstood me.  "I said, I told him they taste better if he eats one at a time."  "Oooh!"
I realized a little later my charge was having a small fright session with my closet.  He seemed to be afraid of it and wanted me to close the door.  It didn't make sense to me and my lack of, or my logic, or my...well...I told him there wasn't anything in there but my clothes.  He wasn't convinced.  I said sooo...do you think my clothes are scary?  He considered.  Do you think I have scary clothes?  Do you think they will come out on their hangers and do what?  By then I think he was trying not to laugh, picturing flying clothes circling the room on their hangers.  I'm not sure he was fully convinced but we never closed the door to the closet.  It made me think I need to go through it again and replace some of my scarier (old) pieces...you know, for new non-scary ones.
I think Sonny and Selma might have been worried about how the little one was behaving.  He did well.
I think now they might be more worried about me.
TT

Everything in it's place

It's hours later than I would normally be up.  The coffee I'm drinking is from my own pot.  My laptop is once again on my desk upstairs and I am sitting at it and the two windows that face out of the front of the house.  I've finished all the laundry from our trip and only need to do a little house cleaning.
I did the wise thing and took two extra days off.  I know it will cap off the great weekend I just had.  It's also nice to come home and get my regular things in order - back in place.  There is something to say about getting out, getting away, especially to a place I enjoy so much and then come back and know that I will have a refreshed view and time to enjoy the regular things I have right here at home.
There is a renewed appreciation when I take a break, shift things ever so slightly and return them again to the place where they work the best.  It's that place I had found previously for them but forgotten how well they work in that particular spot.  And that is where I am now.  I am in my own particular spot, with my own coffee and things back in their place.
It's certainly nice to be back in place.
TT
  

Home again

I am willing to admit I must have had the best long weekend in a very long while.  It started with me getting out of work a half day early on Friday and heading to my favorite place.  I was greeted by the early morning sunshine the next morning and completed a race I didn't expect to be able to drag myself to the starting line much less run the race.  I had my low moments directly after but when I calculated the benefits they far outweighed anything negative I tried to come up with.  So that was put aside and I continued on.  A shower, a late breakfast and a drive to a near-by refuge took me outdoors again and filled moments with many things to watch besides a clock. 

After the hiking and observing I received another great benefit from the weekend.  I sat down to a really late lunch of oysters on the half shell.  These are sooo the best, especially since they are so fresh.  The place of my choosing gets these morsels straight off the boat that same morning they are served.  I had an entire dozen all by myself and washed them down...

as I took my time.

Jay and I took a brief break at the room and headed out again to be lucky enough to find a live band.  I stayed up way past my bedtime listening to their entire set and drank way too many Landsharks.  Whoosh.  I felt it the next morning. 

I dragged myself up and to the only place there is wifi (and coffee - Mickey D's).  Sunday morning I was bleary but I had yesterday's post written off-line the afternoon before while taking the break in the room.  I managed to find their internet service and publish.  Then my coffee was gone and I thought I was feeling a little better.  I packed myself up, went back to the room (Jay might have had the right idea - he was still sleeping) and I went for a run.  Yes, I did. 

I must say I was dragging a bit the entire day on Sunday.  It's been a long time since I have had a sour stomach as bad as I did that day but it's also been a long time since I've had a hangover, too, so maybe I just couldn't tell the difference.  By 4:00pm and 8 Tums later I was ready for another dozen oysters.  No beer this time, but I felt better after downing the dozen.  We were back in the room early this time.  Jay decided to finally go fishing for a while.  I stayed in and read.  Then lo and behold... 

Jay came rushing in with this drum.  I went out to get ice.  This must be the first time in 20 years he has actually caught a legal-sized fish!  It's been scaled and cleaned and is now 4 good nice sized fillets.  Can we say a better weekend?
It didn't much matter being without internet (I couldn't bring myself to the McDonalds except once) and losing cell phone service Saturday afternoon.  I didn't think about it much.  The weekend was terrific.
Yes - I even managed a short run again this morning with the sun and water to my right heading out and my left coming back.  And now I'm back at home, with everything back in it's place and a fresh look at my things in their normal places.  I could go on and tell you more but I'm not sure what?
That was it and it was all so good.
TT

Good Morning Sunshine!

This is what greeted me Saturday morning. Do you recognize my own personal paradise? There is no mistaking it for me. There is nothing, nothing that can instantly start replenishing me better or faster than this natural salute as I step outside my door when I am here. It didn’t fail me yet again.

I was headed out for my 10K. I wasn’t sure I would. I had made it as near to impossible for me to attempt it as I could. I had not had a run in all of March. I decided I just wasn’t going to show up. I made myself think I didn’t even remembered how to run. I did my share of shrugging it off figuring if I did or didn’t I would still be at my personal paradise and what did anything else matter?

But I did show up and ran the entire race. I didn’t place; I didn’t run faster than I had this same race before. I even felt like I might have let some people I care about down by not doing things that only I might have thought they expected. No fault on them – shame on me.
But what I did was run it. What I did was thoroughly enjoy it. I ran smiling, watching a throng of seagulls take flight as they blended into a moving sheet of white as I past. I covered miles underneath a cool morning sun as it dropped sparkling gems into the calm waves to my left. I gave thumbs up to runners already returning from the half point turn-around and was rewarded with a palm slapping high five from another as we crossed the same path – me approaching; she already turned and headed toward the finish. A gesture offered to me by a stranger anywhere else except there on that road at that particular time.
Why would I miss this? There isn’t a good enough reason even for me to come up with and I shouldn’t have been trying. Sometimes I need to be batted over the head and am glad for all the non-nudges I may have gotten. It was well worth getting over my stubborn self and will only look for this same race again year after year. It holds too many treasures I would never get anywhere else. It starts with my morning greeting and continues all through the day.
Oh yes, and it also happens to be during the exact time of year for my personal after race lunch. Oh yes.

Good morning sunshine!
TT

I really don't have a moment

I don't and may never fully understand why I will become inevitably, extremely, over-the-top busy when I am planning to take days off.  I can have everything up-to-date, in it's place, ready-to go days before my plan to take-off but once it is within that last day or even last few hours of me preparing to leave that I will have a sudden surge of mountains of work stacked high and everywhere on my desk.
It was certainly true yesterday.  I spent the entire morning reconciling multiple expense reports.  It took me hours.  Actually it took me most of the day while I worked on things that also popped up which turned into distractions since the expense reports were not the easy mindless bits of work which is usually how I think of them since I do them so automatically.  Usually.  Not these.
I spent most of the time converting rupees into dollars.  I was figuring dates of exchanges and balancing columns of numbers.  It wasn't easy since I don't have a keypad on my laptop and I didn't think to bring my nifty USB portable one from home! That alone could have saved me so much time!
Of course, I had the added pressure of realizing how much time it was taking me and how I wanted to send this one e-mail but not yet, and then the instant message that caught me in the middle of addition...where was I?  I'm going to have to start that column over..."Do you have a moment?"  "sure" (now I do...have to start over anyway)..."Oh, nevermind, I got my info."  what!  yeah, thanks. ba-bye, talk to you soon.  Back to the numbers.   
And so it went.  And so it goes.  If I can survive the last bit of a clarification on one last report I might have that last remaining uncompleted one finished and out of the way.  Hopefully, there won't be any earth shattering new work appearing on my desk this morning and I will initiate my escape as previously planned.
Breath deep, stay cool, almost there.
TT

Charged up

I had to put my Nook aside last night to charge it so I decided to grab my binder of notes for my fiction to do a quick organization.  I had written myself more index cards of ideas that I had scattered on my nightstand and desk.  I have been good at keeping concise records of what I have already written in which chapter and what I will be writing in the next few but I knew I was needing to incorporate those index card ideas and get a clearer mental picture of where I was in my story.
I gathered everything up and was on my way downstairs when I got distracted and thought the kitchen needed a little picking up.  Once that was done, I realized the Nook was fully charged.  Ah...I see how this is going.  Do you?  Nothing like distraction.
I have been reading quite a bit lately but that is not unusual for me.  Right now I am reading more than my usual quite a bit to the point of being considered binge reading.  When I saw my Nook was fully charged and ready again for use I put aside my fiction binder and grabbed my device up.  I realized I would be going away for a few days and needed to visit the bookstore.  I didn't want to get to my personal paradise and not have another book to read so I clicked myself directly into the bookshop.  I knew I wanted the next book in the 5 book series I am into.  Let me see, click buy for #3...and just in case, click buy for #4.  Okay there, two extra books ready to read when I am ready to read them.  Then I thought...there is that other book that was released in February that I didn't get yet.  Okay, another search and click buy for #32 in the series, just in case (yes...already read all previous 31 books in that series).  That should do it.
Now my books are packed and ready to go.  They don't take any more space than just one would in my purse which is a plus and I did check my memory and with 44 current books in my library I am still at 97% memory available.  So there is room for a whole lot more.
I am ready to head out now. Right now.
I wondered whether it's me or the Nook that is fully charged.
TT

Almost

Going through my e-mails this morning I was informed that coffee makers are on sale for St. Patricks Day.  I can order spring lilies for $19.99 and there is a nighttime race in Las Vegas.  I found out someone lost 50 pounds and I could too (no, I could not.. then I would weigh what? 65 lbs?) and that my tarot card today is the King of Swords. 
It is definitely the middle of the week while I anticipate time off.  Things are going on smoothly, routinely on the surface, but underneath is the growing anticipation of what is to come.  It's that glazing over the everyday e-mails just to spend the time while holding the real excitement at bay for a few more days.
I am heading out to my personal paradise and am looking sorely forward to it.  This will be my break from the everyday e-mails about coffee makers and inexpensive boxed flowers.  It's the break from office routines and daily chores.  It is the brief respite from all things everyday and regular.  It is comfortable since I am familiar with it and comforting.
It's away.  But I know it well.  Once I am there, there is nothing to do except everything I want.  It is that best place where I enjoy doing the least.  It turns out giving me so much more for so little.
So a few more e-mails, a little more time, and then.
TT

Let me clear this up

I am sorry for any confusion I may have caused for my different take on Fat Tuesday.  It seems I was going on my merry writing way unawares that someone might be thinking it was an accurate description of what really happens on Fat Tuesday.  Image my surprise when I was clued in to the fact that google search had placed me #3 in people inputting, what happens on Fat Tuesday.
What a surprise it must have been for the few people that actually followed the link! It isn't (I don't think) what you were looking for but hopefully, maybe, possibly, you enjoyed it just the same.
Happy Fat Tuesday!
TT

Fat Tuesday

Fat Tuesday is what happens after a long weekend of eating and snacking and not necessarily because you are hungry.  It is days strung together to grab and stuff things into your mouth because you are bored or idle or in front of a television with nothing else to do or choosing to do nothing else.  It is usually the result of continuing this behavior during this string of days until you finally get on your bathroom scale.  It is when you need to clean your glasses because the digital number you see being displayed couldn't possibly be accurate.  It has to be the blurred smear across your lenses and not the real accountability of your own actions.  That is a Fat Tuesday.
It is not to be confused with the better known, once a year Fat Tuesday celebrated, yes, by overindulging.  No...this Fat Tuesday can strike any given week, at any given time when the triggers to eat are high.  I can't tell you what exactly those triggers are.  I know there are many current shows that document this and could probably give you a multitude of different reasons why this happens.  I know because I have watched a few while snacking on ice cream.  Doesn't everyone?  Didn't I hear that was how someone actually made it on the show?  Maybe not.
Today is my Fat Tuesday.  My weigh-in was not good.  If I was on one of those shows I would be voted off and have to leave shamed and overweight.  I probably shouldn't celebrate the real Fat Tuesday with too much overindulgence.  The lenses on my glasses are clean and I can see clearly the error of my ways.  The frivilous snacking needs to be curtailed and maybe taking a look at the next 40 days or so to gain some temperance would be good. 
Oh, and I should probably stop watching those shows as an excuse to eat ice cream.
TT

Get well soon

The weather has been good.  It is beginning to straighten itself out in my favor even when we have a few colder drawbacks every few days.  They are becoming less and less and I know it will soon be great weather.
I worked on my book and added a piece I knew needed to go in.  I had been faltering about how and where and it finally emerged.  There!  Like why didn't I see it went there before?  And then just when I was wrapping up my writing for the day, a character went and said something that I will need to figure out.  It was a casual remark but means something to the character he said it to and now I need to show what it means later in the story.  It's scary but exciting.  It's funny how I am finding it exciting.  I have no idea at this moment exactly what it means but I get to brainstorm to figure it out.  It's a link, but how long do I want to make the chain?
I figure I am just under half way done on completing this first draft.  I should be working a little more, a little faster at it.
But lately I have been feeling that I should be working a little more, a little faster on everything but, then, well, something has been keeping me from my running, my writing, my things I want to spend more time on.
Me.  It's me that has been keeping me from them.  I will find a way out of this state of procrastination.  I know my symptoms. 
I'll find the cure soon enough. 
TT

Gum anyone?

I have been reading a book lent to me about writing.  Again, reading about something I like to do combines things I enjoy and makes it double the fun.  Not too far from the old chewing gum commercial...double the pleasure, double the fun...Okay, so maybe you don't remember that one.
There are some good things about this book, but I don't think I am at the particular place in my life to completely appreciate the exact subject matter it is dealing with.  It is more of a book about writing to heal.  There are some very good ideas in it but I don't think I have had the extreme traumas in my life that it has used as examples.  Or maybe I have and am already healed.  It talks about being able to use the emotion to be true to your writing.  It talks about ways to use whatever you are going through to inspire you and find a true ring to your writing voice.  I can appreciate that but maybe since I feel as if I have experienced these difficult times and come through them;  is it going to be harder for me to be inspired or be able to make things true in my writing?
If I am not in the middle of a crisis, will I not write well?
No so.  I, at one time, many, many moons ago, did an abundance of on-stage, live performing.  I worked at it, committed to it and learned from different shows, situations and experiences.  I progressed to a point where I was comfortable and confident with the performance that was expected of me or I would go back and rehearse that piece.  When it came to performance time I wasn't always up for it.  I wasn't always feeling inspired yet I would go out and give a performance with the same energy I had committed to and rehearsed.  I would go out and play my part without a doubt that the audience wouldn't know there was any difference in me and just see the character as it should have been portrayed.  Capturing that realism and using it again is what makes a good actor...and a good writer.
I don't think I have to be living through continual crisis in order to capture inspiration.  I would certainly hope not.  I don't think so.  I just need to rely on my discipline and experience and committment.  What I have learned about writing is that it is a craft, just like acting.  You aren't as good at the beginning as you are when you stick with it, do it, learn about it, and start gaining some confidence with it.  It IS about being true to the emotions and inspiration but also committing to the work portion of it and to expend the extra time on the places where you need the extra work.
I am using a lot of "you" but I mean me.  I.  This is what is working for me while I read about writing - while I write about reading.
So when I combine things I enjoy doing  - it always seems to give me a bit of inspiration and it doubles the pleasure and doubles the fun.
Odd, but I think I am getting a craving for some Doublemint.
TT

Keep it simple

I had mentioned to Jay last night that I thought I would treat myself and go out to runners haven but when I got up early Saturday morning the windy was blustering.  I had a cup of coffee and thought I would wait just a bit and then it started raining.  It wasn't looking good.
Later that morning, when Jay was about to leave for work he asked me if I had gone out to run.
I responded, "When I got up it was really windy, so I waited a while but it kept getting worse.  It was blowing really hard and then it started splattering with all the wind, whatever you want to call it.  So I started to clean up the kitchen instead and I'm going to have to do that filtering with the coffee pot again since it isn't brewing all the water I put into it.  It's when all those minerals build up.  I'll do that after.  But I want to get the accounting finished first and I don't think the wind has stopped yet." 

Jay paused for just a minute, smiled and then asked, "So did you go out?"
Then I paused for a moment and said, "Oh, sorry.  I guess the answer to that is no."
I do go on sometimes.
He went on to say that he had never heard of splattering.  I tried to say, well, yeah, when the wind is blowing hard and all.  He pointed out he had never heard a weather man say, "And today, there will be a 30% chance of splattering."  Well, yeah, okay.
Maybe one day I'll learn to give a simple answer.  Just maybe not today.
TT

To do

So what should I do about what I haven't been doing?
There are a few things I haven't been doing.  There are some things I should be doing but haven't.  I have been putting off doing a few things.  Some of these things I enjoy doing yet I still have not done them.  It's not like I haven't had time to do them.  I"ve had time, but still I'm not doing them.  It seems I want to do them, then when the times comes I don't.  I don't have any real reason for not doing them when the time comes.
This not doing has been going on for a while.  A while of not doing for me seems to translate into almost a good two - three weeks so far.  That's a lot of time for me not to do things that I would normally do.  It's a lot of time for me not to be doing things I enjoy.  I am having a hard time trying to figure out why I haven't been doing them.  If there is not any real reason for me not to be doing them then why haven't I been doing them?!
Maybe it's just a normal downtime for not doing things I have been doing a lot of.  I guess in all honesty it isn't as if I haven't done them at all.  I have done them.  I have done them in short sporadic bits and pieces and not in any regular routine way I have done in my near past.  Maybe it was my natural break from having done so much.
So when it's all said and done...I know I need to do something to start getting things done again.
It is just something I need to do.
TT

I wonder

I was using my nav-bar again up at the top to see what the next blog was.  It takes me to random blogs...that might possibly have some type of similar link to mine.  I'm not sure the backstage workings of how they determine the similarities, what keywords might be linked or how randomly this works but I do it every now and again, just out of curiosity. 
This morning it took me to one that had a post about someone that wrote about a situation that might shift things in not only her life but also in someone else's.  It didn't sound like it was going to be in a good way.  She had nine comments afterward giving her support or demanding to know what exactly was going on since she didn't really give out details of the exact situation she was in.  It was a good post.  It was her last post.
Then I saw the date of the post which was October 16, 2009.  Then I saw her header which had a simple one line description of her blog.  It said, "The year I will make it happen."
What an idea for a story.
Was the situation she described in her last post the something she was trying to make happen gone wrong?  Did the situation pull her away from the thing(s) she was hoping to make happen?  Did it lead her in another direction that gave her something she was needing to learn in order to finally make "it" happen?  Did she realize the thing she was trying to make happen wasn't of the same importance she once thought it might have been and found something much more valuable?  Did posting about the situation, even without details, make the matter better or worse for her and the other person involved?
I wonder...I could go on.
Are you curious now if you might not have been so before?  I might be.  But I call dibs.  Although, any of your curiosities are also welcome.  Does it make you wonder?
TT

It means?

I do my share of reading up on running.  It's two of my favorite things combined so what can I say?  When I threw out some running terms the other day that, to tell the truth, I didn't know the exact definitions of - it bothered me.  Don't get me wrong, I had a fairly good idea of what they meant but if I had been pressed to go into detail about them I would have been limited and not really sure if I was being accurate.
So I did what I do.  I went back to the terms I had spewed in conversation and looked them all up so I would understand exactly what they meant.  Here they are:

Fartlek -  Funny, silly, elementary school giggle type of word.  It's Swedish for speed play.  This is simply combining short sprints with jogging usually several times during a 40-60 minute run.  That's it.  Sounds funny but it's simple.  Sprint, jog...fartlek.  (stop giggling)

Lactate Threshold -  How much more test lab and measurement beaker could this sound?  Lactic acid is a by-product of the anaerobic energy pathway, which is a process of blah, blah, scientific blah, blah, blah.  (At least that is the way it read to me).  What it seems to boil down to is that with high intensity exercise lactic acid is produced faster than the body can absorb it forcing a runner that has exerted this high intensity to back off and slow down.  It's that jack rabbit effect.  So run too hard, too quickly and you'll have to slow down or crash - you've reached your threshold.  Why didn't they just say that.

Negative Splits - This is not to be confused with the banana variety of splits or what that might do to your running.  This is completing the second half of a run or race faster than the first half.  It's a good thing to do.  Keep an even keel the first half so you have the energy (and don't build up all that lactic acid) before you're done.  Start slow, finish strong.

PR or PB - They mean the same thing and no the second doesn't stand for Peanut Butter.  It is simply Personal Record or Personal Best.  Time, time, time.  But your own time when you run a certain distance...not someone else's.  It's personal.
HR -  It doesn't mean Human Resources.  It is heart rate.  Although, if you are called in by HR it might have an affect on your HR.
LSD - Most people think this is the drug I take when they find out I have been out running for 2 1/2 hours.  That's not it, but it does have something to do with running a large amount of time.  It means Long Slow Distance which is what you get when you go out and run for 2 1/2 hours.

So, now I feel a little better about using these terms.  Actually, I feel a lot better.  I educated myself on something I should have already paid closer attention to.
I'm sure you appreciate the running terms lesson.  Sure you do.
TT

Ions and molecules

I am stumped this morning about which way to go with any ideas I might have.  On the one hand, if I could call the past two days wicked, than that is what I seemed to have been doled out.  I might describe it as two wicked days.  Mean, ugly, upsetting, stomach twisting wicked days.  That hasn't been a problem in a long time but there they were.  I guess I had to have my token bad days amist all the good so I can appreciate it all.  But they seem to be in the past now.  I believe by late yesterday afternoon I managed to clear the air, chase away the negative ions and breath back in the smile molecules.
That is where I am this morning.  I am smiling in those supercharged positive molecules.
Go ahead.  Just try to throw another wicked day at me and I know, right now, without a doubt, it will repell right off of me.  It will clammer to the ground and raise a ruckus as it wobbles to the side blasted away from the eletrical charge of positive ions.
You see, I have better things to do.  I have better things to think about.  And it's not just me trying to put a positive spin on things.  I really do have that.  If I wanted to be cliché I would quote an old song lyric to say everything is coming up roses.  And maybe they really are since Jay actually got me some.  Roses.  Yellow.
So whether it's about molecules or roses - now things seems to be moving toward the positive.
Breath deep and smile it all in.
TT

Announcement

It's Official

I am happy to announce the engagement and upcoming wedding of

Sonny and Selma.

A small ceremony and reception will occur on April 29, 2011.

(2 carat, emerald cut, 18k gold...trip to Las Vegas at the Venetian)

Whoa...yeah.  It's official! 

Did I say I am happy?  SOOO happy!

TT