Banned

    I am banned from my kitchen.  They put the tile in the kitchen yesterday and when I came home I was instructed that it was still drying and I could not go into the kitchen or it would mess up the order or depth or something would happen that would make the process longer and more tedious and cause me more frustration than being told I couldn't go into the kitchen when that is exactly where I wanted to go.  It was hard for me to register what they might be trying to tell me except that I could not go into the kitchen.

  They still need to apply the grout but I guess that is done after the tile dries?  Then it dries again?  I'm thinking if they attempt the living room today where am I supposed to step?  I could go to the back door and enter from the kitchen (if it's dry) but then I'm stuck in the kitchen because it leads to the living room.  I don't have another door to enter except the front door which leads directly into the living room.  I don't think I should be trying to figure it out right now.  I've got too much going on at work.  There are things I can't do at home.  But maybe this is just because I can't go into the kitchen and make any coffee! 

That's it.  I'm going on in to work but stopping to get some premium brew on the way.  I'll deal with whatever happens later later.

TT

Not very apt

It's late for me today this morning. I would normally be up and around, banging through a few things much earlier.  I was awake but didn't want to venture out of bed.  It seems to be getting to that time of year when I need to rejoin that small society that absolutely deplores this cold weather.  Actually, if there were such a society it wouldn't last long.  The participants in a group like this would find no solace in community.  They would not be heartened to hear the stories and experiences of others going through this traumatizing section of miserable months that is called winter.  Winter.  Just the word itself sends shivers shocking through my body.  No.  I, being an expert in this loathing passion for temperatures daring to dip below 60 (okay, maybe 55), would know that this society would disband immediately after the first group session.  There is no way we would continue to venture out when we could stay huddled at home.  There is no way we would attempt to find enough layered clothing to wear to make it possible to not feel the piercing pins of icy chill and frozen digits.  There is no amount of self hugging maneuvers that can bring enough warmth to dispel the frozen knives that drive deep into our defenseless bodies.  Such an unfair season, stripping us of the ability to pleasure in the outdoors and forcing us to become (even more) solitary and hidden away in an attempt to survive life while the world decides to turn and barr us from joining.
I don't much care for Winter.  I never have.  I never will.  There is no solace in hearing how much colder it is somewhere else.  It's too cold for me here, what would I care about anywhere else?  So, I'll muddle through another of these dastardly seasons and survive as best I can.  You would think as many years as I have done this already I would be better apt at it.  It doesn't seem to work that way for me.
TT

Day delay

I have one day left of reprieve. It seems a little funny for me to look at this last bit of home renovation in that way. To look at it as a reprieve, a delay in punishment, a relief or deliverance for a time. I shouldn't think of it that way but I can't help it.
We have done some things to the house that we have talked about and talked about some more and for some reason, this time, it all seemed to fall into place to actually get it done. A quick list would be to mention, we had all the popcorn texture removed from all the ceilings of our two story house. We had the entire interior of the house re-painted. We had the staircase railing sanded and stained. We re-carpeted the upstairs bedrooms, staircase and downstairs master bedroom with some high quality plush stuff that is heavenly under my bare feet. We replaced light fixtures and installed new 2" blinds throughout downstairs. We trashed our ancient and crumbling kitchen cabinets with new and clean ones that gave me one extra bit of counter space that actually opened up the kitchen visually. We replaced two bedroom doors upstairs. I'm sure there are other small odds and ends I haven't mentioned. One of the best parts was although this work caused such mess and displacement of everything, I was able to get the house in a clean, comfortable place to be for the Thanksgiving holiday. (Oh, yes...we also gave away a bit of furniture and moved a few other pieces). I've had this wonderful weekend of being able to enjoy all the things that were completed. I've been able to appreciate and sit in a few rooms I wouldn't normally spend so much time in. It's funny how it worked out that way.
Now I have one more day to enjoy this place we have upgraded and made better. One more day of reprieve and I now am acting like something terrible will happen starting tomorrow when it's just another addition to how much better it will be afterward. Our downstairs tile begins installation tomorrow, Tuesday. We will have all the downstairs living room, bathroom and kitchen done and all floor moldings replaced. I don't know how long it will take but I am happy I won't be coming home today to face whatever I might once the work begins. This is the hard part and it doesn't make it any easier to know that things will be in total disarray for a while again. Then, later, whenever it is finished, I will have this completion of major work that I know will be wonderful. It's just the next few days. It's tough knowing I will have a tough few more days coming home when I've started to get used to the calm in-between.
Ah well. At least I still have one day left of this reprieve.
TT

Got it

An absolute day of quiet is what I got yesterday.  After sitting at my desk upstairs, sipping coffee yesterday morning the rain paused enough for me to make a trek to the grocery store.  The store was deserted at that hour.  It was the best time to shop.  I got everything on my list and will have enough groceries to cook and carry me through most of the coming week.  I checked out and the rain was pouring down.  Hard.  I went right out into it and got soaked.  It felt good.  I've been soaked running before and it isn't so bad.  Really.
I didn't do much all day.  I had done the cleaning and laundry before the holiday.  I sat and crocheted.  I piddled around the house without tackling anything.  I finally went to the post office and then stopped to buy another skein of yarn and a bottle of wine for dinner.  Comfort food for a comfortable day.  Something slow braising and non-complicated.  Like my day. 

I've made it many times. 

So I sat and smelled the aroma swirling around the doorways, catching me sitting and pausing.  The only activity was my busy fingers pulling and tucking yarn into small and intricate patterns.  I'm almost finished.  Another half inch or so to go but the day wound down absolutely quietly and refreshingly.
It's what I needed.  It's what I got.

TT 

Quiet

A cup of hot coffee on a quietly, dark Saturday morning.  Suddenly realizing that there is a steady rain falling outside.  There is no resisting the temptation to open the windows and let the fresh air blow in.  It's a mild 64 degrees and nothing is pushing me to a timeline.  I can sip coffee and look out the window all I like this morning.  Perfect.
TT 

No pics, no menu

I realize I posted the menu from Thanksgiving yesterday.  It was all home cooked from scratch.  Nothing came out of a can (ok, the cranberry sauce and I used canned pumpkin for the pie) but I made my own cornbread (not from a mix) for the stuffing and the vegetables were all fresh (not frozen) as was the cheese sauce and gravy.  Just so you know I have baked pumpkin before and used it for a pie.  It was incredibly good but I didn't do that this year.  I also would ordinarily have pictures of everything and I did take a few but I didn't have them all and it didn't seem wise to post only parts of the menu.  Besides, if you would like to see what I cooked you can go back to the archives from last years Thanksgiving.  I have all the pictures posted there...and it's the same menu anyway.
The thing I found really confusing was I didn't post anything about Christmas dinner last year.  Sonny asked me about it yesterday and we couldn't remember what we made.  I said to check the blog...I always post it - but no.  I didn't last year.  It was even worse when we couldn't even remember what we made last year!  None of us could remember the meal.  We really couldn't.  We recalled artichokes and some calamari but that was all any of us could remember.  It wasn't like the year before when we came up with our own version of the seven fishes.  I DO have pictures posted of that Christmas and we all remember that meal.  It was expansive.  It really was an all day cooking event but so well worth it and...yes...memorable.
So I'm wondering what happened to last year?  I'm sure it was a good meal.  I'm sure we planned and cooked and had a great time.  I know we did.  We just can't seem to remember the exact food.  Odd. 
So sorry about no pictures from yesterday and really sorry about no menu from last years Christmas cooking. 
Still...I'm thinking and still drawing a blank.  Ah well.  Onward to this year's menu.  We are thinking about prime rib roast...
TT

Thanksgiving Day 2011

Menu

Roast Turkey
Cornbread Stuffing
Gravy
Mashed Potatoes
Sweet Potatoes
Cranberry Sauce
Green Beans
Carrots
Broccoli and Cauliflower
Cheese Sauce
Collard Greens with Pancetta
Rolls
Apple Pie
Pumpkin Pie
Whipped Cream

Everyone has something.  Small, large, medium, huge, tiny.  It is most likely not something that is a possession but something we possess or hold very dear.  Something that has made a difference in our lives. 
Everyone has something and for that I am thankful.
The Menu for this day never changes.  It's always the same and always the best.  I will say we are already plotting the menu for Christmas dinner.
Happy Thanksgiving Day!
TT

Transposed

23
32

23
32

23
32

23
32

Today is November 23, 2011.  Jay and I have been married 32 years today.
TT
-----------------------------------------
NOTE:  One other number weirdness I didn't notice until later but...if you add the two numbers - it's my age.

Unconsiously

I bet with all the construction and re-doing of everything in the house that you think I had forgotten about Thanksgiving Day.  I haven't.  I have it orchestrated in my head.  I'm lucky with this feast since nobody will allow me to change a single menu item for this particular holiday.  Our Thanksgiving menu has remained solidly the same year after year.  The advantage to this is that I have planned, cooked up and delivered this expansive meal year after year and can do it by rote.  I can do it unconsciously ( which may prove a good thing with all that has been going on lately).
I don't have to recalculate the menu.  I've already put it together, e-mailed it to everyone and got their stamp of approval, shopped for the ingredients and will begin with baking pies on Wednesday afternoon.  The turkey itself will be stuffed early Thursday morning and put in the oven to roast.  Hopefully, after that I will have a few moments to get out of doors for a much...did I say much...needed run.  I'm truly looking forward to that.
After my run I will hit the shower, dress, and have breakfast at home with just Jay and I.  The boys and Selma will sleep in at their home and have their own breakfast fare.  I can then start prepping veggies and sides like any great sous chef with the meal coming much later in the afternoon when everyone arrives and has had a chance to open some wine and talk about, well, talk about it all.
So, you see, I haven't forgotten about Thanksgiving Day.  I have it all in my head.
TT

Reward at end of day

Yesterday was another day blurred with activity.  The amount of work actually done doesn't seem to correlate with the way things look.  Everything still seems to be in disarray, out of order and in continual need of wiping down, clearing off and throwing out.  I've done a lot of throwing out which eliminates much of what will need to be put back in order or dusted off.  Still, even with the volume of trash I have created there is plenty awaiting an empty bin and there is only so much time and energy left in me at the end of the day.  Can we talk about feeling wiped out?  So tired I can't think to talk?  It happened. 
But it is all positive.  I managed to get up early enough yesterday to get my kitchen items back into cabinets instead of in boxes and on random shelves.  I made my grocery list for the Thanksgiving feast and bought it all well before 8:00am.  The food was stashed in its proper holding areas and the day proceeded along with Jay and I shopping for sheers and a light fixture for the upstairs extra bedroom (we have decided to call it the feminine french bedroom to avert any other jokes Jay might have about it).  I couldn't find nightstand lamps yet but we moved a piece of artwork that will look good in there.  We purchased new smoke alarms and a door bell.  We bought spray paint for the bathroom towel holders, new blinds for the living room windows and another light fixture for over the sink.  I washed the old kitchen cabinet hardware handles so they can be installed on the new cabinets.  I sorted through old magazines.  I was up and down more times I've lost count.  I think right now is the longest I've sat still in two (or is it three with Friday afternoon) days!
When the day was finally fading away Jay called me from another task I was thinking of starting.  He insisted I come outside so I reluctantly put aside my task and went into the dusky night.  "Look," he said,  "did you order this?"  There was a truck with a long trailer parked in front of our house.  It was unusual.  Now I promise I won't post another picture here of a room in disorder but I can't help but put up the picture of what was parked in front of our house.  I wouldn't have ever thought I would see it where it was and it only made it more whimsical after a long, tiring day of work.    
I'm not making it up...here is what was there...

I did finally stop at this point.  I guess after all the hard work someone thought I deserved a pony! 
TT

What am I working on?

I am pausing for a moment here upstairs to make a grocery list but thought I would share these pictures.  This is my office the way it looked when I first got up yesterday morning to the left...and how it looks now to the right.

The upstairs bedroom is cleaned up and looking good.  My grandmothers hand-crocheted, cotton thread bedspread cleaned up really nicely!  It needs some lamps for the nightstands and wall art.  The brown french chair works well but the awful blue drapes will be gone and replaced with sheers.  Jay was impressed with how nice it looked but from his cute, little, side-comments I know it is too feminine french for him.  I kept trying to tell him that it was the furniture style.(this was my original bedroom set).  He kept up the girl jokes anyway.  Ah well...

The new kitchen cabinets are in and this morning I added the shelves and now they are all filled.  I still need to add the handles.  Not much chance yet to clean up in there but I stopped that to work on my grocery list for Thanksgiving.  I want to get to the grocery store early and since I've already got the kitchen items back in place and it's all of 6:34am my timing is about right.  I probably shouldn't be stopping to add this post here now but I had to sit to make my list, didn't I?

Still lot's to do.  I have more items to sort through and put away.  NO workers coming in today.  I had the house filled yesterday from 9:30 until after 7:00pm yesterday and I need my own time today.  The tile goes in tomorrow.  There will be more disarray but I made Jay promise they would only work Monday and Tuesday and anything that was not finished would have to wait until Tuesday the 29th after the holiday.  I cannot have them in the house on Wednesday NO MATTER WHAT!  I have to bake that afternoon.  I need to bake my pies and also my corn bread that will used for my stuffing...which brings me back to my grocery list.

Excuse me while I jump on to another thing I need to do. 

TT

What if?

I've been using my time this fine Saturday to clean up and re-organize my office space.  I have had work being done all morning on the kitchen cabinets so I've retreated upstairs to occupy my time.  I have managed to dust everything and go through some paperwork that consisted of a writing course I had taken many, many, years ago.  I have all the assignments from the entire course and I was organizing them to have it all in order.  It was a children's writing course by the Institue of Children's Literature out of West Redding, CT, that was a bonafide correspondence course.  Yes.  It was handled by regular mail - snail mail - with me sending in assignments to my personal instructor, Myra Johnson, and she sending them back to me with proper editor corrections and suggestions.
I only bring this up now because amist the organizing of this ancient relic of a writing course I found a letter from the Institute dated September 14, 2000.  It read:

In my recent note that accompanied your diploma, I mentioned that Myra Johnson had recommended you for our advanced writing program, Beyond the Basics: Creating and Selling Short Stories and Articles.
I'm sure you're proud of this additional distinction you've earned, and I'd like to offer you my personal congratulations.
We developed Beyond the Basics to enable selected students to maintain the discipline of writing regularly, and completing assignments for editorial review by a personal instructor, while working at an advanced level.
Other instructors have also recommended their most promising students for this advanced program, but the number of our faculty members who have been trained to teach it is small.  As a result enrollment is limited.  We must be selective.
Those recommended candidates who are accepted will be notified in writing within the next 30 days, and they will be offered the opportunity to participate in this advanced writing program.
Meanwhile, keep up the good work!

It was signed by the President of the Institute of Children's Literature.  If I tax my memory I believe I remember getting this letter.  I remember thinking that, yes, they would probably be more than happy to recommend me for an advanced course as long as I forwarded the tuition.  I think that is what I wanted to believe.  I also found envelopes from six different childrens magazines that had responded to my inquiries about topics they would be exploring in future issues.  I had done my homework about what they might be interested in me writing and sending to them.  I never responded to any of them.  
It is amazing how I can come so close and then turn away willing and comfortable to believe it can't be done.  I'd forgotten about all this.  It was more than 11 years ago.
I never get into what if's  but I have to admit, today, it went through my mind.
TT
And now I have more cleaning up to do.

Come in

Come into my parlour said the spider to the fly...

This is what my office looks like, right now, real-time.  Yes.  The new carpeting is in!  I am a little displaced (still) since I am working off my white work-table instead of my desk facing the windows.  Obviously I have some work to do to get it straightened out but this is only one room out of, how many?  Dare I count?  Dare I even think of what needs to get done and cleaned and re-organized?  Dare I?  Do you dare look at what I came home to yesterday?  Do you dare?

Step into my parlour...

Imagine driving up to your home with someone else's van parked in your spot and stuff all over the lawn and driveway.  Let's not forget to mention the upstairs drape hanging outside the window.

Take a walk inside and meet your bedroom dresser in the living room and kitchen appliances in the center of the tiny room.  Turn around to go back out to the living area and see your headboard facing you but it can't compare to having the TV in the bathroom.

There was no access and bare wood on the staircase leading upstairs and half demo'd cabinetry in the kitchen.

But wait...then later, the carpet pad was installed in the master bedroom and then finally complete with sample tiles put up against the new carpet to encourage the home-owner.

This might have been the worst part of the storm.  But there will be more activity today with kitchen cabinetry work to be competed.  The details on the staircase need to be finished also.  Tiles won't be installed until Monday and then detail work like moldings and touch up painting to finish it off.

I'll be able to start some semblence of cleaning up.  I think.  I can certainly start right here in my own office.  They only need to install the new door up here, since there isn't one there right now.  But that just makes it easier to step right into my parlour...if you dare.

TT

No calm

I don't know what day it is.  Okay, yes, I know it's Friday and I know I am leaving work at noon.  Those are both very good things in themselves.  I would ordinarily be over the moon for that to be my reality.  Okay, it is my reality, but still.  My dilemna about the situation is that I don't particularly want to go home.  Well, really, I DO want to go home.  I want to be able to go and enjoy my solitary time, greedily and selfishly, all by myself.  I want to be able to put my key into my front door, deactivate the alarm, step into my living area and not have anyone greet me.  That won't be the case and hasn't been for many, many days in a row.  I arrive home with the front door open to displace the fumes from paint and stain.  There is construction dust everywhere, my furniture is in a jumble and people.  There are people in my house blocking my way, making it impossible for me to go upstairs or into the kitchen.  It's hard for me to figure out what I'm supposed to do when they are there and not much I can do when they are gone.
I took the half day off to be able to accept delivery of the kitchen cabinets but I think I am going to steal away first.  They promised to call before they arrived so if I stay in the immediate area I can pack up and meet them when they call.  There is a great place with free wi-fi I can sit for a spell and become invisible.  It might help.  I will still have a few moments to myself and not get caught up in the chaos of what might be going on at my house.  At least for a few moments or longer...until they call.
I'm such a whiner but this hurricane has no eye of calm.  It just keeps blowing hard.
TT

Which task first?

I decided to take half of the day off and leave the office at noon on Friday.  Ordinarily, that would be a great aaahhh good...a little extra time off.  This time it's to accept delivery on kitchen cabinets that is supposed to happen sometime between noon and five that day.  Actually, I have another delivery of tile that is supposed to arrive this morning but I'm not in charge of being here to accept that order.  Tile this morning, cabinets tomorrow, paint and stain and dust and disarray.  I am just starting to get to the point where I know I have to hold on a bit more or I will be sent over the edge with not being able to do a thing about putting things back in order yet.  I am still at the point of making more mess.  Last night I had to empty all the old kitchen cabinets and find places for everything that was in them temporarily.  It had to be places that wouldn't be in the way of the demolition of the old cabinets, in the way of placing new tile, or installation of the new cabinets.  That means I have to go to the outer limits and find a spot that isn't going to be worked on in the next few days.  Which means everything I would normally reach for easily and closely while I'm in the kitchen will be a half marathon distance away.  (And Jay didn't want me doing that distance too soon - ha).
There is now dust everywhere from the sanding of the railing.  It looks like it is ready to stain now.  I've had to be extra careful coming up the stairs since the carpet is stripped and tiny nails are poking up around the edges.  (Me and always walking around the house barefoot).  This afternoon I will need to do something about the stuff on the floor of the closets of the upstairs bedrooms.  I hear the carpet guy wants to start there (on Friday)! and that stuff needs to get moved (much like the stuff in the kitchen cabinets - they might end up a half marathon away, too) but it's got to be packed up first.
Today is Thursday.  I think I have a good marker on what day it is.  I'm not so sure where I am or where I might end up.  I'm finding something different every time I open my front door when I get home and something else to do.
Oh, yeah...and someone mentioned next Thursday is Thanksgiving?  Later.  I'll think about that later.  I can't process that yet.  I need to focus on the task at hand.
TT 

Can't yet

This is going to be a heck of a week.  I don't think we could have arranged as much work to be done in the house as quickly and at the same time as it seems to be happening.  Sunday afternoon was filled with checking on carpeting that we plan to completely replace.  That means master bedroom downstairs, staircase, landing and both upstairs bedrooms - or as it is arranged now...one bedroom and my office.  We talked to the expert in the store and he asked how long we planned on living in the house.  Jay charmingly piped up and laughingly said, "until she dies."  Charming, but true.  I was the one that refused to buy a new house when he thought it was a good idea.  I won him over to my thinking of staying in our house by saying we would have ours paid off soon and could afford to have someone else do the repairs and upgrades instead of us doing the work.  He liked that idea.  And now we seemed to be swept up into a full-scale attack of the interior.
We didn't buy carpet there but found another place and it's on order and scheduled to be installed Saturday.  All new carpeting by Saturday.  It took not only Sunday afternoon but after work Monday to get it finalized.  Long days.  Yesterday, Jay closed the shop early so we could proceed to getting tile (for the downstairs living room, bathroom and kitchen).  He also wanted to order kitchen cabinets.  Tall orders.  But I barely arrived home from work, took measurements in the kitchen and headed off again.  I'm not sure how long we were there but - yes - tile is to be delivered Thursday morning and cabinets on Friday afternoon.  That means - what?  I've got painters still here today for the kitchen and master bedroom.  I have to empty the current cabinets so they can be demo'd and taken away to open the area for new tile.  Then new carpet and cabinets go in by two different crews.  I have the staircase stripped bare of old carpet since they will work on re-staining the staircase railing today.  There are pieces of things everywhere.  It's like a whirlwind around here and the winds haven't stopped.
I don't know what I'll come home to tonight after work but I haven't for over a week already.  I've got a feeling it's going to get a little worse before it gets better. 
But when it get's better....well, then...nope.  Not yet.  I can't imagine that yet.  Too much still going on.
TT

Time doesn't wait

It's been about a month since things decided to take a turn and go into power mode.  It was about a month ago we were traveling back from a great few days of vacation and another car decided they wanted to be in our lane at the same time we still occupied the space.  That shifted the world for a moment and the time since then seems to have gone into overdrive.  I realize that this part of the year already has an acceleration factor built in.  Once you hit Halloween the year just slides away.  This last quarter of the year always barrels through time as if it was nothing.  This year, for me, it's been beyond power mode and overdrive and gone into hyper-speed.  Maybe it's just the amount of things going on.
There was no stopping once we got back from vacation last month.  There were obvious things that needed to be taken care of.  Jay needed a new car, we had to settle with insurance, we had a list of things that needed to be done.  I also paid off my own car (which had already been in the plan prior to all this) and credit card bills.  We were hoping to get some re-modeling of the house done since we have a grandchild expected (Dec 20th--Sonny and Selma tell me)!  We needed to clean up and re-fresh this old house.  Horrid and filthy popcorn textured ceilings were to be scraped and all interior walls and moldings to be painted.  We have all but the kitchen and master bedroom for that to be complete.  The staircase railing is to be sanded and re-stained.  It looks like we got a good bid for replacing all the carpeting in the master bedroom, the staircase, and the upstairs landing and bedrooms.  Tile will be replaced in the downstairs living room, bathroom and kitchen.  That's a lot of work.  Then Jay thought the kitchen cabinets needed to be replaced.  They are old and awful.  Yes.  But they weren't on the original plan - but yes, okay.  Another thing on the list.  Then he thought a custom blind in the den.  Get rid of those mortuary drapes (which he originally picked the fabric) and put up a 2" wood blind.  Then a screen for the den in the staircase corner.  I'm sure the list will go on.  It's all good positive things but it hasn't let up.
I had an opportunity to showcase my cookies at a vendor's market that will take place at my place of work tomorrow.  I withdrew.  How would I be able to get that marketing done properly when I haven't had a chance to breath with talking to carpeting and tile vendors, dealing with painters and searching for blinds?  I had intuit, who supports my cookies website, call and ask if I needed help with search engines since my cookie site hits were very low.  They must have been totally confused that a business owner would tell them, "Not now...I need to do that the beginning of next year."  Why would anyone wait?  But I have to. 
I'm living in a work in progress right now.  It will all be for the good and I am already happy with the results so far.  I'm not sure about living in hyper-speed.  I've got Thanksgiving next week and Jay already told Sonny he wanted them to come here.  I'm not sure how I feel about that but to tell you the truth I don't have time to think about it. I don't have time to make decisions, just tell me what I'm supposed to do.

 

The old china cabinet used to hide the opening beneath the staircase. I emptied it and we gave it away.  The area now has been covered properly in sheet rock and painted.  (The door goes upstairs.  We are replacing both the upstairs bedroom doors.  The living room is still in this furniture disarray with everything in the center of the room. 

The old nasty ceiling texture before to the left and the living room ceiling completed to the right above.

This one small corner on the other side of the living room in the den looks great!  It looks inviting.  Too bad I never seem to just sit.

TT

Tough thing

Early this morning I got an e-mail from Selma about a man that had participated in yesterdays marathon.  It was sad news and I thought one way and the other about if I would even mention it here.  There isn't really a lot of news so far except that this 32 year old man crossed the finish line, collapsed, and died.  The young daughter of a friend at work actually was there and working as a medical volunteer when it happened.  They tried to revive him but he never came around.  I asked my friend how this daughter was doing.  He admitted she was upset and there is no mistaking I understand it must have been tough on her.
And how tough is something like this on everyone?  It was tough on Selma.  I could tell.  She ran the half marathon with me last year.  It's got to be tough on other runners.  I've heard of this happening before.  I've read articles about someone over-hydrating during a race.  Yes. Over-hydrating...it's possible and it killed her.  You have to remember that the odds are not very high for this type of thing to happen.  They believe this 32 year old man yesterday might have had cardiac arrest.  I read there is only a 1 to 50,000 chance that someone will die from it.  There has to be more to the story but even when the autopsy is complete I don't know how much it will really tell us.  I don't.
I wonder since these races have become so widespread that people don't realize it isn't something you decide to do the week before, register and run.  You cannot possibly be prepared for this type of physical endurance without putting in a lot of miles over a period of time.  You can't.  It takes that time because your body needs to build and you have to be aware of what goes on while you are doing it.  How long and how much trial an error did I put in just to figure out dry wheat toast is about all I tolerate when going out for a long run?  Trainers and articles written by experts will give you a list of things to eat prior but the dry toast is the only thing that works for me.  Everything else upsets my stomach on long runs.  I wouldn't know that if I didn't take the time to work that out while training prior to a race.  And there are so many other factors beside the physical that you might not know if you don't put the time in to train.  Don't run a race just to say you've done it. 
I don't know the circumstances surrounding what happened to this young man.  I don't have the answers to why this happened.  I do have Jay telling me to stop running half marathons every week.  I explained that in all likelihood that will not be the norm.  I explained I did that in my own neighborhood within a 4 to 5 miles radius of our home.  I always carry my cell phone, I have phone numbers on an metal ID clipped to my shoe and yeah - if I don't feel terrific, I'll walk a bit to even my breathing.  I have a phone to call if it ever got so bad that I needed someone to pick me up. 
It's a sad story and I will probably never know all the reasons why it happened.  I can only make the best and right decisions for myself.  I don't go at this blind.  I have facts and experiences.  If I don't feel well, I'll cut a run short.
It's a sad, upsetting, thing to have happened and everyone wishes it hadn't.  It's a tough thing.
 
Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it.
TT
-------------------------
Tuesday, 11/15/11 - "The Medical Examiner says Fernandez's autopsy was inconclusive".   
    

Half and Half makes Full?

This Sunday is exactly a year from the date I ran my first official half marathon.  I trained, stressed and completed a personal challenge I wouldn't have thought I could do when I started out.  Last year I worked very hard, over many months, to get to that day last year and accomplish what I was able to accomplish.  It's been exactly a year. 
This year started out and I didn't know if I wanted to spend the time training.  I thought I would put the decision off and just run and not worry about training and if I changed my mind about training and enter the race I would.  I never changed my mind.  It was my decision to not register for the race and I stuck to that decision.   I didn't register, I didn't train, but I kept running.  Last Sunday - one week ago - I went out for a morning run in my neigborhood and instead of the 4 miles I had set on my workout sensor I completed a half marathon.  I ran 13.1 miles last Sunday.  I felt good.  I felt as if I had completed the same task as I had last year - my way.  Then, somehow during the past week I was able to let the good feelings of accomplishing this personal goal get away from me.  I had many people ask if I was running the half marathon scheduled for today.  I explained no, I had made the decision not to train.  They seemed surprised, since they knew I have been running and since I had done it last year.  It was a natural reaction, I guess.  But more and more people asked and as the week went on, I was beginning to feel as if I was, somehow, letting everyone that asked down by not running the official race.  I was losing that great feeling of accomplishment I had even though I had actually run the distance already.  Finally, by the end of the week, I was feeling pretty low and knew I had to cut it out.  I was finally able to realize that it wasn't the case.  I was thinking too hard.  If I had registered for the race I would have been doing it for them and not for me.  What would be the point in that?  So I let it go and didn't think about any more.  It would be fine.
This morning I awoke early and realized I had left my upstairs window open.  The weather outside was wonderful!  I thought, I'm going out and run a 10K - 6.2 miles.  I geared up, set my workout sensor and started my run and it was fine.
You know how this goes, don't you?  I didn't stop at a 10K.  I didn't stop at 10 miles.  I ran the distance of another half marathon (two Sundays in a row) - 13.1 miles.  I had to.  Think of all the people I might have let down.  But no.  It wasn't about them at all.  I didn't give them a thought at all.  It was about me and what I felt I could accomplish.  It felt good and this week if anyone even asks if I ran the race I guess I'll say no but I ran the distance - twice.  And for those who might be interested in the times...since some people think that is important...  My first official half marathon time last year was 2:28:18.  Last Sunday (and please realize my sensor isn't completely accurate) my time for an unoffical half marathon was 2:29:57.  Today, a week later, my half marathon time was 2:25:53.  Go figure.  I think it might have been because today I didn't stop to shake the pebbles out of my shoes the way I had to do last week.  I feel pretty good.  This time I don't think the feeling can be shaken.  I did it.  Again.
I guess my next question is...
Does running two half marathon one week apart count as running a full marathon?  Nah - doesn't.  But it sure feels pretty good just the same!
TT

Simply

I am sitting looking out my upstairs window and wondering why I am here instead of outdoors.  What am I doing hiding away in this room instead of wandering out where the weather is perfect and the air feels fresh?  I opened the window and it only seems to pull me harder out instead of bringing more of it in.  Do I stay or do I go?
What could a simple stroll cost in the way of time?  Do I have enough of it
before the day says goodnight and folds it's dusky bedspread down?  Am I gambling it away by sitting here watching instead of moving toward it now?  What will it cost?  Do I have the time?  Do I take the gamble?
It's still light enough before the moon takes its shift.  I will lose a chance to win if I don't take a gamble and time is on my side if I decide to stroll.
Simple questions with simple answers.  I can't resist it any longer.
I'll return before the moon comes out.
TT 

Finally

And then it was Friday afternoon.  Gloriously warmed, beautifully complete, and playfully teasing to start a free weekend.  It all comes to now and what better way to begin than to have the work week behind me and only a few minutes into the beginning of the next few days of unstructured do-what-I-want time.  It couldn't have come fast enough for me. 
I'm putting the past week behind...what past week?  I don't even remember it anymore.  I can't recall it at all. And now look at the time anyway.  I'm off the clock, done, finished.
I'll be here for a while, enjoying my time, enjoying my office space here at home, upstairs.  It's quiet and still and just what I need.
It's a gloriously, pleasant Friday afternoon. 
TT

Careful

I wrote a scathing rant.  I ripped and tore and bellowed through it from top to bottom.  I let it fly and whatever smacked hard left a stinging bite to where it landed.
I could have published it.  It would have been as easy as clicking the publish button because it was finished and it was complete.  It was a bunch of words on a page.
Instead, I deleted it.  That was just as simple.  It was just as easy as it would have been to hit the publish button.  It was only a bunch of words on a page.
Sometimes care must be taken on how the words are used.
TT

Don't get jittery

I went straight home after a longish day at work.  My boss, his boss, and even the next higher up - my bosses bosses boss was in town and I needed to be ready and available for them.  It wasn't a big chore.  I've done it before and maybe they feel comfortable coming to me because I don't get nervous or jittery over it.  It could be a tense situation since my boss seems to get nervous and jittery when they are here.  I can't imagine that I am the calming factor in all this but, anyway, it went well even if it was a longish day.
I stepped through my front door after this longish day to find the entire downstairs interior of my house shrouded in plastic.  Both the den and living area had the furniture pushed to the middle of the room and that and all the walls and floor, except the ceiling, where draped and taped in plastic.  Every exposed area was cocooned in plastic.  Oh!
The workers on ladders looked down at me and I could tell they didn't expect me home so soon.  They kept trying to motion me to the kitchen but I didn't want to go to the kitchen and the archway was covered in plastic anyway.  I quickly tried to figure out what I was to do. I knew there was nowhere for me to go so I motioned to the bedroom doorway and asked if they could cut me through.  I would grab my gym bag and escape to the gym for the rest of the afternoon to leave them and my shrink wrapped home to the business at hand.  A short workout later I arrived back home and they were putting their tools away and shutting down for the night.  As I entered the house again the furniture was still in the middle of the rooms but all the plastic sheeting was removed and everything was fairly clean.  I was able to maneuver in my own home again.  It was as back to normal as it would get until this job is complete.  And I have to say it is going faster than I would have thought.
We are having all the awful popcorn texture removed from the ceilings of the house.  They started Monday and the upstairs and now the two largest rooms downstairs are complete.  The downstairs master bedroom is left and the kitchen needs to be completed.  (The downstairs bathroom had been done previously).  The entire upstairs has been re-painted, along with the walls around the staircase.  All of downstairs will also be repainted and I believe they might actually paint the two large rooms downstairs today.  It is going much faster than I anticipated.  They might be close to finishing by the end of this week.  I'll have the entire interior of the house clean and refreshed.
Only two of the bosses remain today at work - my boss and his bosses boss.  I've already filled their calendars with meetings all day so I might only have random chores to perform.  I've already packed my gym bag to head out directly after work to give my team of workers a chance to finish before I arrive home.  And when I do?  I might enter into a freshly painted area - without me having to do a thing more than stay out of the way.
How is that for a calming factor?
TT

File under idiot

Okay.  Yes.  This is silly.  It's embarrassing.  I will have to put this into the idiot file.  I lost my phone.  I lost my cell phone.  I do not have another.  I do not have a lan line.  I only use my own cell phone or when I am at work, I have my own extension on my phone at work.  But I came home from work a bit ago and didn't have my cell phone. 
I thought I had it with me.  I was almost positive I carried it out with me to my car as I left the office today.  I was almost positive until I got home.  That was when I realized I lost it and I realized that almost immediately.  I pulled up into the drive, I put the convertible top back up into the closed position.  I went to the mailbox and then let myself into the house.  I walked into the kitchen.  I went to the bedroom and put away my purse and then the bathroom to take out my contact lenses.  Then I went to get my phone.  But it wasn't to be found.  It wasn't in the kitchen, the bedroom or the bathroom.  I grabbed my purse and emptied it.  Not there.  I went back to the car and checked between the seats (it didn't take long - I only have two).  It wasn't there and I kept looking.  I went back through the house, back to the car, back to the purse.  No, no, no.  It was lost.
Did I leave it on my desk at work?  Do I drive back there to check?  I can't call, no phone...but wait.  Yes.  I have a phone in my car.  Back to the car, call a co-worker, but I don't have their extension so go through the company operator.  Uh-oh...it's automated...press one...press two.  I can't press anything, my car phone is voice activated...but whew! stay on the line for an operator.  Great!  My co-worker answered.  "Can you do me a big favor and see if I left my cell phone on my desk?"  Nope...it isn't there.  "Thanks, anyway".
Fret, fret, fret.  Call Jay.  Just because.  He listened and then said go into the house and I'll call your cell.  He had already called when I was in the car and I never heard it.  I closed up the car and went into the house with no real hope.  I had no hope.  I knew it was lost.  I heard nothing.  Then...distant...cell...phone....ringing...
Where was it coming from?  I followed the sound into the bedroom.  Where?!?  In the closet.  No.  The bed.  The bed was ringing.  Hurry.  Answer.  It was as if I didn't answer it before it stopped ringing it would disappear. 
I pulled back the spread, I grabbed up my phone and said, "Hello".

Okay.  Yes.  This is silly.  It's embarrassing.  My mindless routines got the better of me today. This is how it must have went.  I rise early in the morning and Jay gets up much later after I have gone.  I came home this afternoon and made the bed as usual.  It doesn't matter how late in the day it might be, I do it everyday, without fail.  I always make the bed if it isn't made, no matter how late in the day.  Today when I got home I put my cell phone down on the bed, dumped my purse in the closet, and came back to make up the bed.  I made the bed up and covered the phone.  I didn't realizing it was there and it was covered and I couldn't find it.
Okay.  Yes.  I will have to put this into the idiot file.
For sure.
TT

Wrong weather

Someone was more confused than me!  Can you even imagine that?  On any given day someone can say something or throw out a comment that will have me scratching my head and trying to analyze every innuendo of what they possibly could have meant or what they were really trying to say.  I will take a thought to the ground and struggle with it until I'm battered and bruised just to try and figure out what it may have been about or what it could mean.  I can get confused.  It can come without warning.  I might be thinking perfectly logically at one moment during a conversation and then something will trigger a total blank of mentality on my part.  I would try to blame it on my advanced age but I can remember doing the same when I was much younger.  It would happen even then and the fact that I can remember that (in my advanced age) might say something to the fact that it isn't age.  Maybe.
The good part...if this is one...is that this morning I booted up my laptop and I realized someone must have been even more confused than me today!  It had to be.  I wasn't confused.  The data I saw certainly could have thrown me into a state of confusion.  It would have at least made me question what state I was exactly in at the moment.  I knew it couldn't be the one I am currently living if this information I was looking at was correct.  I looked at it very puzzled for a moment and then even went deeper and realized it wasn't accurate.  Not at all.  Not in the slightest.  I have windows up here...what was stated wasn't happening.
I have a weather widget on my desktop of my laptop (along with a clock and calendar).  It shows the current temperatures and if you click into it will link you to the actual weather page.  Whoever programmed the widget for today must have missed the mark or as I would like to think, was more confused than me.  This is SOOOO not accurate.

It must be 72 degrees right now and isn't even raining much less 28 degrees with snow showers!  What???  Give me a break.  And this is going to the link to their web page not just taking the data from the widget.  I guess it will straighten itself out by 9AM when it goes from 28 to 74 degrees.  When it finally turns from snow shower to possible Thunder storms.  Maybe.

Someone was even more confused than me!  What a relief!  It's good to know others can have a confused moment and I'm not the only one.  Actually, the relief is that there is no way I could face today if this really was the weather!

No way!

TT

   

Writing Refocused

I finished reading what I have written so far on my fiction manuscript.  I've been told not to do that, you know, to go back and re-read while the initial writing process is going on but I didn't see any other way to continue without doing that.  It was something I had to do and I let go of the rules everyone else follows and decided to do it that way.  It seems like it took a very long time for me to read it.  It did but not because of it's length.  It just took me days to get started on it.  Once I decided to read it I found I was avoiding it.
It was almost torture for a while. I went without reading for a few days.  I did not allow myself to download any new eBooks to read.  I was without any other reading material and I did that purposefully so I had only my manuscript to read.  Those few days I was feeling what an addict must go through while coming off a drug cold turkey.  There were a few times I didn't know what to do with myself and yet I was scared to read what I had written.  I stubbornly held for it to be the only thing I would allow myself to read.  So I would read a few pages and find something else to do.  I was avoiding myself.  Once I finally got past the nervousness I was finally able to stay with it and I finished what I have so far last night.
I don't think I could go into all the details of what I thought about it here this morning.  There are so many things I know to do with it and that I could tell about it since reading it.  The main thing I found is that I do need to proceed with writing it all the way to the end of the story.  I haven't told it all yet and that is the next step.  I know.  I've been told but I'm stubborn and I don't think I could have proceeded without this happening first at this point.  I also saw that I am editing myself throughout too closely.  I start, get to the point and end.  It isn't bad but it can be abrupt.  I need to loosen up and allow more flow instead of sticking so closely to exactly what I am trying to say and accomplish.  A few more words before, during and after each scene will benefit the story greatly.  I also need to tighten up threads.  I found I drop a lot of hints about the characters instead of coming out and saying things about them.  It can make you wonder at times or I will have a character say something that should be explained later and I have missed opportunities to fill that in.  I know what is in my head but how can I expect anyone else to unless I write it out.  The opposite of that is I say something about a character but haven't explained later how it makes any difference.  I know I have the intentions of doing it but it hasn't been written yet and it could be easily forgotten.  But then...it's a first draft, right?
The main thing I might have realized is that it isn't chuck-it horrible.  That might have been the reason I was afraid to pick it up and read it at first.  I surprised myself about that since I wasn't sure I wanted to continue with it if I thought it was awful.  I think I can proceed from here.  I know it is simple, frivolous, reading fare but for what it is I can see it coming together with some more time and work.  I've learned a lot.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step is what Confucius said.  I've taken more than a few single steps so far.  I thought I might have decided the journey wasn't worth the taking or maybe I just didn't want to travel the same path as most for a while.  I seem to have found the proper signposts leading in the right direction again.  Let's get moving.
TT

13.1 Half Marathon

On a Sunday like today, just a week shy of this same time last year, I completed an official half-marathon.  That same race is coming up next Sunday.  I ran the 13.1 miles on a cold Sunday morning a year ago with the many thousands of others that had gathered downtown to run this race through that part of the city.  It was an experience I won't likely forget anytime soon. 
I woke at about 4:00 that morning to have time to eat the small breakfast I knew would be needed.  I knew I would also need that time to make the drive downtown, find parking, and be shuttled to the starting line.  After arriving it was time to wait for the race to start, but once it got going I was feeling fine.  I have to say, and it was proven in the pictures by the smile on my face while running, that I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.  I had trained and ran consistently leading up to the event.  During that time I suffered a heel injury and had to stop training for a month in August but then picked it up again and was ready by November.  The day of the race was unbelievable.  I never could have imagined the well-wishers lining both sides of the streets the entire route of the race.  They were cheering and held signs of encouragement all along the way.  Maybe that was what was making me smile so big as I ran but I think it had more to do with the sense of accomplishment I was feeling.  It was an endurance race and it was about not giving up and to keep trying when things didn't feel perfectly right.  I had done everything I could up to that point to make it what it should have been.  I trained and I was confident I had equipped myself for the task at hand.  And I did it.  I ran the full 13.1 - half marathon last year at age 55.
This Sunday morning is a week away from that same race of last year.  I have gone this entire year deciding I didn't want to train but I have kept running.  I've hit some spots during this year when I wasn't as entirely consistent as I felt I should have been but I've kept it up.  I had one of those inconsistent spells recently when I hadn't run since Oct 22 until yesterday when I ran three miles at the gym.  Then this morning dawned early.  The time change had me awake at 4:00am with no chance of further sleep.  I didn't think about it until later that it would have been the same time I had gotten up for the race last year but this time I didn't eat breakfast or drive or wait to start.  I cleaned the kitchen and had coffee.  Then, with the weather a mild 71 degrees and cloudy, I set my sensor for a four mile run around the neighborhood and hit the street.  Then what happened I can't begin to explain.  It wouldn't make sense to any sensible person but it felt fine to me.  Does that tell you anything about me?  I hit my four mile marker and kept going.  I took the longer route and lapped it again.  When I reached 8 miles I knew there was no stopping.  I wasn't going to stop five miles short of 13.1.  No way.  At that point I had a mantra going through my head.  One more mile.  One more mile.  It doesn't have to be fast, this is an endurance race, just keep going, one more mile. 
So this morning I ran 13.1 miles - a half-marathon at the age of 55.  Since everyone asks this question - my official time last year was 2:28:18.  This morning (and this is totally unofficial since my sensor can be off at times) was 2:29:57.  It wasn't a huge difference.
There were no well-wishers lining the streets this morning in my neighborhood and I hadn't particularly equipped myself for the task.  I hadn't even brought along my water flask since I was only planning four miles.  It wasn't an official race but then I didn't officially train.  Does that balance it out?  I think so.  And if not...I did it anyway. 
Rock on!
TT

Daylight savings

How did I know this time change would do this to me?  How.  I wasn't hoping for it.  I was actually trying to avoid it and do what I could do so I wouldn't do as I suspected I would.  Everyone that mentioned it would say, Oh, an extra hour of sleep, but I knew better for myself.  That suspicion of mine proved true.  It all went out the door, down the street, and left me wide awake at 3:30am this morning.  I forced myself and stayed in bed until a little after 4 - 4:03am to be exact.  I checked my nightstand clock that I had obediently set back an hour as everyone said I was to remember to do.  I wasn't sure I should believe it so I punched my cell phone to have the glorious backlight shine and sure enough it glimmered 4:03am.  I got out of bed and stood there for a moment.  Am I getting up?  I knew I was.  This could be a big mistake, I thought.  I know me and I'll try to fill every waking moment with things to do until I'm exhausted and my remaining day off of the weekend will be over.  But so it goes.
I'm awake and now it's only a little after 5:00am.  I've already picked up the few things in the kitchen that needed to be cleaned up and I've started a loaf of bread in my machine.  I couldn't help but open my upstairs window to let in some fresh air and was pleasantly surprised to find it was raining ever so slightly and gently.  I'll open up the house and let that wonderful freshness filter through.  It might prove to be a delightful combination when mingled with the smell of fresh baking bread.  It's Sunday morning and I am up too early.  I've started doing.  I've got some other things in mind to get done and I already know how this will play.  I knew the time change would do this to me.  I was hoping it wouldn't but it has.  Not an extra hour of sleep will I get...but an extra hour.  I'm cashing it in now.  I'm not saving it.
TT 

Now and forward

I haven't been able to get my creative juices flowing lately.  I've sat a few times and tried to put words down but didn't much care for anything that was being typed in front of me so I erased it all.  Sure enough, don't you know, as soon as I wrote a post about how many posts I've written this year was the exact time I started skipping out on writing posts.  I knew talking about things didn't work for me.
Whether that had anything to do with it or not is neither here nor there.  I think the main culprit might just be that I didn't particularly care for what I was putting down so I didn't.  I also lost a major portion of a weeks vacation that I truly needed to take.  I needed the time to relax and have that time off and instead it was used to put things back together that shouldn't have been broken in the first place.  But that's the way it goes and certainly the way it went.  I've been doing catch-up ever since. 
That was a couple of weeks ago, anyway.  Or wait, it was, oh, more than that...what a month?  I didn't even realize.  I've been going so full speed and busy I would need to check the calendar but what difference does it make anyway?
I've finally reached a Saturday.  I did plan a smart thing and made an appointment for a massage.  I probably should have scheduled it sooner but today will work.  I can't keep fixing things of the past.  Now and forward is where it's at.
TT

Wasn't flying

Everyone was caught by surprise.  I am not the best person to describe how it all looked when it happened since I was the one providing the bizarre entertainment.  I wasn't going for a prat-fall.  I wasn't trying to add to the scary aspects of Halloween.  I wasn't trying to horrify the poor children huddled around and coming up the drive to collect their required treats.  I wasn't.
Maybe I should have taken the offer of a beer that Sonny had made to me earlier.  It might have smoothed things out for me just a tad.  I didn't take the beer so I can't blame it on having had too much to drink since I had none. 
Jay and I went to Sonny and Selma's house for Halloween night.  We brought dinner and candy to give out at their house.  Somehow after work I realized how exceeding tired I was.  I dashed into the shower as soon as I got home but it didn't take away the pressing sluggishness I felt.  When we got there it was nice.  Quiet at first and then the door started getting familiar knocks on the door and greetings of Trick or Treat.  I stayed mostly inside, sprawled across their large sofa but when Sonny and Selma where more outdoors then in, I went to see.  The crowds and groups along the street had multiplied and it seemed the candy left to give out was dwindling.  I knew there were two small containers more inside so I went to retrieve them.  Going from sluggishly quiet to hurry up and react is never a good combination for me.
Everyone was on the front porch.  Jay and Selma closest to the front door.  Sonny had the bowl of candy giving it out on the beginning of the sidewalk beside the driveway.  I grabbed the small candy containers from inside and made my way to get the candy to Sonny.  I must have been going fast.  I got to the porch inbetween Jay and Selma to make my way to Sonny...but I missed the small step.
I believe what everyone saw was a crazy old woman trying to fly out at the unsuspecting children armed with pails of candy.  They said I came rushing out of nowhere.  I flew out and startled the children so badly they stood shock still and then felt an obligation to re-fill the pails I had been carrying that had spilled around me as I sat on the ground.  Sonny had to tell them it was fine and they didn't need to.  They left and will probably be scarred for life thinking of the crazy, real, old woman that tried to fly on Halloween.
I missed the step.  I lost my balance and my hands were full.  I smacked down on the hard concrete on my knees.  I wasn't trying to fly or scare or stir horror on the most appropriate day for that.  I wasn't.  But I think I did.  It will be just another story for the family books.
The conversations will go...remember that year on Halloween?  You mean the one with the crazy, flying woman?  Mom?
TT

Many

It is November, 1st.  A brand new day to a brand new month.  The first of another yet again.  Another marker, another start, another set of numbers to begin, or continue.
Today is the 305th day of this year.  There are 60 days left to complete 2011.  60 days.  This time of year is known to slide past me since it can go so fast.  Don't blink or it will all have changed!   One small distraction and I will find myself in the middle of December and then how many days will be left?  Not too many, but today, on November 1st, there are 60 days left since it is the 305 day of the year.
 I have that many posts - 305 at least and will need another 60 or so to complete a full 365 posts for the year.  One post for each day.  All my thoughts, ideas, rants and ramblings.  Some good, some mildly funny, many boring and many more that would make most people think I'm...well, I don't really know what they might think but it hasn't stopped me yet. 
I do know that there are many.  Not that there is quality in numbers but sometimes it takes many numbers, many attempts, of trying and practicing to progress.  I guess what could be said about it is that this is what I intended to do and sometimes intentions never become parts of reality.  This has.  It has taken a bit of dedication and practice and determination and maybe even some craziness.  I can't deny that my intention was to write as often as possible and that this year when I realized I was on track for having 365 posts for 365 days I didn't particularly want to stop.  It was like getting beyond the middle of a long run and still feeling fair enough to double the distance.
I'm still running with the writing and feeling fair enough to keep going.  It was an intention I had and am making real.  It's tough.  It's crazy.
I keep trying.
TT