I packed my gym bag today. I will need to head back to the office this morning after taking an extended holiday weekend. I was up to the maximum on my vacation bank again and needed to take two days off or not accumulate more. I attached them to the Thanksgiving holiday and made for a 5 day time off. I will need to figure out December since it will happen all over again next month. But that's next month.
It is the best feeling in the world to be able to stay home on a Monday when everyone else is heading out to work. I couldn't help but think as I was pushing up a hard incline running in my neighborhood yesterday how much more I would rather be doing that than dealing with a desk full of work. The weather had settled into a nice 69 degrees and I couldn't help getting in a good six miles.
Then I came home and sync'd my sensor to my workout site and realized I am only 5 miles away from a color level change. The site distinguishes how many miles you have total on your site by color levels. You start at yellow 0-30 miles. Once you hit 31 miles you become orange until you hit 154 when you become green. I am currently at the green level and everything that identifies me on the site is green. Every runner on the site is identified by their color level and as soon as I run and sync 5 more miles my site will show me as blue 621-1552. That will mean I will have logged in 621 miles since 3/11/10 when I first started using the sensor and I will have reached blue level. It doesn't mean anything except when you are in the site and even then I don't know that it has any real distinction. But it is another tool to see your progress and since it stores every run since the beginning I have a good visual measure.
So I need to get out there and run 5 more miles, sync my sensor and watch my site change from green to blue. That is why I packed my gym bag today in case the weather doesn't want to cooperate.
I am not letting anything stand in the way of progress today.
TT
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Cheaper is better
I can't be sure the statement is accurate. I have never priced therapy. I have never looked into it or considered it even though there have been times when friends might have suggested it (Gee thanks buds). I can't see what paying a stranger to hear me talk will accomplish. If I'm in the middle of something that has been weighing on my mind, spilling it to someone doesn't always work out. I'd rather not, thank you please. My friends already think I'm crazy - I don't need to spread it any further.
Running seems to work out. I never realized when I started this running business the many advantages I would get from taking on his physical mind blower. I can't think of a better way to describe it. It is a physical activity that makes you think.
I was not given a natural ability to run. I didn't even think it was anything I could do. It has taken a lot of time, patience and stubbornness to get where I am now. And where am I now? I am a runner.
I knew from the beginning it held some kind of intrigue for me and that was a long time ago. It was tough physically and still can be. My body doesn't want to do this. It screams and fusses and yells and complains. It points outs problems as I go along. Your right foot is going numb, your calf is getting a little stiff, you have a side stitch, this is too far. It keeps on and on, unrelenting like a child wanting attention. It grabs on to my leg and mewls and crys and hangs on. It will keep it up as long as I let it. Enough already. What is all the fuss about?! The foot is fine, I'll work out the stiff calf, breathe deep and the side stitch goes away and it's not too far and I can still get home even if it takes a little longer. Let go, stop misbehaving and look how great it is out here.
And it really is great. There are many more times I get an effortless run with solid ease than times when there are uncomfortable problems. There are times when I run longer than I ever expected. I get to stay fit, burn calories and relieve a lot of stress. I get the opportunity to get lost in the pure joy of the experience.
I get to see the things I never would see if I didn't do this. I wouldn't be able to think about the things that weigh on my mind that I haven't figured out yet if I wasn't doing this. When else would I allow myself the time to stop and think about it? I can do it when I am running and I do. And it's not always heavy thoughts that come to mind but lots of funny thoughts or story thoughts or thoughts of people. Some buds now think I need therapy because of how much I run. I understand that the majority will not grasp the total amount of benefit that can be gained from this. It isn't easy. It truly is a physical activity that can be extremely mental and I have somehow managed to blow past more mental blocks to reach what seems like astounding physical accomplishments. It isn't easy. The mewling and crying can hold you back if you let it. But I have not allowed it, worked around it and I get it done. This physical mind blower has proven to me that by working at this I have achieved strength and discipline, along with a sense of accomplishment and self-recognition.
Hmmm, I can't be sure but isn't that what you pay a therapist to do?
So, I don't really know if running is cheaper. Maybe I should cross out a few words so it will simply read....Running is therapy.
TT
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Early bird
Isn't it three weeks now since we did this move your clocks thing? You know, the fall back and get an extra hour of sleep and it turns dark before you have a chance to think twice about doing anything late in the day?
Yes, yeah. This is three weeks already. I am sure of it. I just checked the blooming calendar!
Then how come I can't get my internal clock to accept it? What's going on that I am still waking up at 4-4:30 am and can't sleep anymore? I am trying really hard to stay up later in the evening to make things adjust. Believe me - that can be a chore for me at times. I can only watch so much television and I usually turn it off before programs are over (since mostly they are all so very lame - my opinion - sure you have yours). I have been reading quite a bit again lately. I have torn through a mountain of books (realistically - maybe just a small mound) to keep my evening time occupied. The Nook I am using gives me an all time access to the bookstore so my book stash is now readily available and contained in the device instead of on my nightstand. The only problem I have encountered with the Nook is when I fall asleep reading. When I would fall asleep before the worst thing that would happen is I would wake up with a paperback open on my face (sometimes hardbacks - depending). Now if I am reading with the device and start to fall asleep my hands will give way and it will knock me in the forehead and it's a bit heavier and more solid. Katunk! Quick reflex to open eyes, regrip, read a few more sentences. Katunk! Open eyes, regrip, try that sentence again. Try the next sentence, what did it say?...Katunk! Okay the forehead is going to bruise - put the book away. How many times do I need to get knocked in the forehead to get the idea?! Stubborn little cuss, time to stop reading, put the book away and go to bed. But then I fall fast asleep and wake up too early in the morning. It's a vicious cycle.
So I get up. I come upstairs. I know it's too cold to run even when the sun starts to come out. I mean, come on, it's 28 friggin' degrees right now! It's a day off! What to do and more importantly how to re-adjust the internal clock to match that of the whole of society?
Wait - is that it? What does the whole of society care when I fall asleep and go to bed? I would speculate that percentage to be at approximately, oh, let me see, zip, zilch, zero, nothing, nada, none, minus nothing. So there it is.
It's just me being my own non-conformist self again. I can't even follow the rules for daylight savings time. Should have known. Wow, 6:11 am.
TT
Yes, yeah. This is three weeks already. I am sure of it. I just checked the blooming calendar!
Then how come I can't get my internal clock to accept it? What's going on that I am still waking up at 4-4:30 am and can't sleep anymore? I am trying really hard to stay up later in the evening to make things adjust. Believe me - that can be a chore for me at times. I can only watch so much television and I usually turn it off before programs are over (since mostly they are all so very lame - my opinion - sure you have yours). I have been reading quite a bit again lately. I have torn through a mountain of books (realistically - maybe just a small mound) to keep my evening time occupied. The Nook I am using gives me an all time access to the bookstore so my book stash is now readily available and contained in the device instead of on my nightstand. The only problem I have encountered with the Nook is when I fall asleep reading. When I would fall asleep before the worst thing that would happen is I would wake up with a paperback open on my face (sometimes hardbacks - depending). Now if I am reading with the device and start to fall asleep my hands will give way and it will knock me in the forehead and it's a bit heavier and more solid. Katunk! Quick reflex to open eyes, regrip, read a few more sentences. Katunk! Open eyes, regrip, try that sentence again. Try the next sentence, what did it say?...Katunk! Okay the forehead is going to bruise - put the book away. How many times do I need to get knocked in the forehead to get the idea?! Stubborn little cuss, time to stop reading, put the book away and go to bed. But then I fall fast asleep and wake up too early in the morning. It's a vicious cycle.
So I get up. I come upstairs. I know it's too cold to run even when the sun starts to come out. I mean, come on, it's 28 friggin' degrees right now! It's a day off! What to do and more importantly how to re-adjust the internal clock to match that of the whole of society?
Wait - is that it? What does the whole of society care when I fall asleep and go to bed? I would speculate that percentage to be at approximately, oh, let me see, zip, zilch, zero, nothing, nada, none, minus nothing. So there it is.
It's just me being my own non-conformist self again. I can't even follow the rules for daylight savings time. Should have known. Wow, 6:11 am.
TT
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thanksgiving 2010
Breakfast
Eggs
Bacon
Sausage
Hash browns
Croissants
Blackberries
Strawberries
Blueberries
Main Event
Turkey
Gravy
Cornbread Giblet Stuffing
Cornbread Giblet Stuffing
Mashed Potatoes
Sweet Potatoes
Glazed Carrots
Spinach with pancetta
Cranberry Sauce
Broccoli and Cauliflower
with Gouda Cheese Sauce
Green Beans with pancetta and garlic
Rolls
Desserts
Crumble Crust Apple Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream
Classic Pumpkin Pie with Whipped Heavy Cream
Happy Thanksgiving to All!
I know I had a happy one!
TT
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Before the month is over
The month of November will be slipping into the past more quickly than I had imagined. The few pages of the calendar left will be peeled one by one and it will soon be time to move on to the last month of this year. But before I move into the next month there are a few days to be filled starting today.
The turkey has been bought and defrosted - a good sized 22 1/2 pounder. This afternoon will begin a round of baking including corn bread which will need to sit overnight to be used in the stuffing for tomorrow. Since the oven needs to be free most of the day tomorrow for the enormous bird to roast it will be utilized today to also bake pies. Our traditional choices are pumpkin and apple.
The shopping was done jointly last Saturday afternoon. Sonny (my oldest son) had sent me the menu via e-mail a few days before. I perused the long and never changing list. It was all there, same as each year but he had a note at the top..."Am I forgetting a veggie?"
Forgetting a veggie? I scanned down the list again and no, nope. Even if we had forgotten one, would we miss it? We must have the most extensive list of food items for one day for the fewest people known to mankind. But it's tradition and this menu doesn't change.
We shopped together separating the items that I needed to start on and items that could go to his house. You see, it seems as sons grow and move into their own homes some traditions change but really stay the same. We will have Thanksgiving at Sonny's house but I am still cooking up most of the items. He has become a great help in the kitchen and will also be working his way around some saucepans so there is an added bit of fun there. I will have the pies baked, veggies prepped and turkey roasting at my own house in my own oven. On Thursday, those items will be transported to Sonny's house and the kitchen duties will continue. It worked well the first time we did this last year so I don't see any stumbling blocks this year.
So the question that begs to be answered. Why not just do it all at his house or the other way around? There is a simple answer. I have a lack of seating area and my kitchen is tiny. I wish I could gather more people around in that one room but it doesn't work well. I start the cooking at my home because I am the only one that is awake during those early morning hours. It allows everyone to sleep in on Thursday morning while I am busy in the kitchen. Then later when everyone is awake, it's a short drive to trade ovens.
So a feast before the month is over is in order. The list has been checked and preparations are ready to be started. The plans are laid out.
I am looking forward to the baking and the basting.
TT
The turkey has been bought and defrosted - a good sized 22 1/2 pounder. This afternoon will begin a round of baking including corn bread which will need to sit overnight to be used in the stuffing for tomorrow. Since the oven needs to be free most of the day tomorrow for the enormous bird to roast it will be utilized today to also bake pies. Our traditional choices are pumpkin and apple.
The shopping was done jointly last Saturday afternoon. Sonny (my oldest son) had sent me the menu via e-mail a few days before. I perused the long and never changing list. It was all there, same as each year but he had a note at the top..."Am I forgetting a veggie?"
Forgetting a veggie? I scanned down the list again and no, nope. Even if we had forgotten one, would we miss it? We must have the most extensive list of food items for one day for the fewest people known to mankind. But it's tradition and this menu doesn't change.
We shopped together separating the items that I needed to start on and items that could go to his house. You see, it seems as sons grow and move into their own homes some traditions change but really stay the same. We will have Thanksgiving at Sonny's house but I am still cooking up most of the items. He has become a great help in the kitchen and will also be working his way around some saucepans so there is an added bit of fun there. I will have the pies baked, veggies prepped and turkey roasting at my own house in my own oven. On Thursday, those items will be transported to Sonny's house and the kitchen duties will continue. It worked well the first time we did this last year so I don't see any stumbling blocks this year.
So the question that begs to be answered. Why not just do it all at his house or the other way around? There is a simple answer. I have a lack of seating area and my kitchen is tiny. I wish I could gather more people around in that one room but it doesn't work well. I start the cooking at my home because I am the only one that is awake during those early morning hours. It allows everyone to sleep in on Thursday morning while I am busy in the kitchen. Then later when everyone is awake, it's a short drive to trade ovens.
So a feast before the month is over is in order. The list has been checked and preparations are ready to be started. The plans are laid out.
I am looking forward to the baking and the basting.
TT
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Nov 23
Today is November 23rd. I had a whole different idea of a subject I thought I was going to write about. I was debating if it was something I might want to pass on but I thought it couldn't hurt to attempt writing it to see how it came out and then decide. And then it was November 23rd and even though I wasn't going to treat it any differently then any other day I stopped.
Jay takes his days off on Sundays and Mondays and does the cooking on those days. I am an early to bed, early to rise person and he is a stay up late and sleep in. I usually wake up on Tuesdays with a bit of kitchen clean-up to take care of before heading to work. He will leave the kitchen from the night before in different states of disarray. I am not such a stickler for complete cleanliness but piles of kitchen clutter I didn't make has provoked me to spout a few choice words a few times. Not this morning. I woke to my normal routine of sliding out of bed and into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. The kitchen was spotless. Dishes done, pots put away, sinks empty and wiped clean. Food was put away and damn if that little bit of effort didn't make me feel so good.
It's always the simple things that get me.
It has become a recent routine that Jay will come up with a weekly menu on Sundays and actually post it on the fridge held solidly with magnets. It seems like a trivial, childish thing but he takes inventory of what groceries we have and comes up with what will be prepared each day of the week. It sounds a little silly but just the fact that I don't have to come home and figure out what I am going to cook but just cook whatever the menu says takes an enormous burden off me. I know, I know. I don't mind doing the cooking but sometimes after the long day at work I can't face coming up with what to put together. This way I just have to follow what the posted menu says. It helps me immensely.
Since this is a holiday week with Thanksgiving on Thursday, he took into consideration that I will be cooking an abundance of food that day. He was making this weeks menu simple and easy. He thought Tuesday (today) would be easy. It wouldn't even be a cooking day. He found out last week Tuesday is a discount day for a local pizza take-out place. He put down we would do the inexpensive pizza today.
He came back to me yesterday and said, "I just realized that I put down that cheap pizza for November 23rd."
I looked up and went quiet for a while. I knew what his statement meant. I had refused to bring it up or remind him this year the way I have done in the past. I was certain there was no way he would remember. Certain. Positive. I was sure it would pass by unnoticed. I didn't even mind the pizza or anything else. I was just positive we would have this conversation late in the week and he might bring it up to ask about it and I would say...'"yeah, it was Tuesday."
But I was wrong and that didn't happen. He remembered on his own. He thought about the little simple things that make the biggest differences to me and not huge splashy stuff that passes in a day. I was committed to not reminding him and not bringing it up this year the way I might have in the past. There were no big splashy plans that were dashed or expectations that couldn't be met. It has turned out so much better than that. It is always the simple things to me like waking up to a clean kitchen unexpectedly on a morning when it is never clean and cheap pizza after realizing maybe something bigger and better might be more appropriate. But you see, not for me. Not after being told beforehand that the day meant something more than just being a Tuesday. That was all I was looking for. I was only looking for the smallest gesture, the simplest thing that would make it an action and not just a word. I got it in the actions I wasn't, really wasn't expecting and it's the best after all these long, long years. So I am so looking forward to this evening coming home to a clean kitchen and a cheap pizza to celebrate tonight.
Today is November 23rd and if it were 1979...well, that would be the day me and Jay got married.
TT
Jay takes his days off on Sundays and Mondays and does the cooking on those days. I am an early to bed, early to rise person and he is a stay up late and sleep in. I usually wake up on Tuesdays with a bit of kitchen clean-up to take care of before heading to work. He will leave the kitchen from the night before in different states of disarray. I am not such a stickler for complete cleanliness but piles of kitchen clutter I didn't make has provoked me to spout a few choice words a few times. Not this morning. I woke to my normal routine of sliding out of bed and into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. The kitchen was spotless. Dishes done, pots put away, sinks empty and wiped clean. Food was put away and damn if that little bit of effort didn't make me feel so good.
It's always the simple things that get me.
It has become a recent routine that Jay will come up with a weekly menu on Sundays and actually post it on the fridge held solidly with magnets. It seems like a trivial, childish thing but he takes inventory of what groceries we have and comes up with what will be prepared each day of the week. It sounds a little silly but just the fact that I don't have to come home and figure out what I am going to cook but just cook whatever the menu says takes an enormous burden off me. I know, I know. I don't mind doing the cooking but sometimes after the long day at work I can't face coming up with what to put together. This way I just have to follow what the posted menu says. It helps me immensely.
Since this is a holiday week with Thanksgiving on Thursday, he took into consideration that I will be cooking an abundance of food that day. He was making this weeks menu simple and easy. He thought Tuesday (today) would be easy. It wouldn't even be a cooking day. He found out last week Tuesday is a discount day for a local pizza take-out place. He put down we would do the inexpensive pizza today.
He came back to me yesterday and said, "I just realized that I put down that cheap pizza for November 23rd."
I looked up and went quiet for a while. I knew what his statement meant. I had refused to bring it up or remind him this year the way I have done in the past. I was certain there was no way he would remember. Certain. Positive. I was sure it would pass by unnoticed. I didn't even mind the pizza or anything else. I was just positive we would have this conversation late in the week and he might bring it up to ask about it and I would say...'"yeah, it was Tuesday."
But I was wrong and that didn't happen. He remembered on his own. He thought about the little simple things that make the biggest differences to me and not huge splashy stuff that passes in a day. I was committed to not reminding him and not bringing it up this year the way I might have in the past. There were no big splashy plans that were dashed or expectations that couldn't be met. It has turned out so much better than that. It is always the simple things to me like waking up to a clean kitchen unexpectedly on a morning when it is never clean and cheap pizza after realizing maybe something bigger and better might be more appropriate. But you see, not for me. Not after being told beforehand that the day meant something more than just being a Tuesday. That was all I was looking for. I was only looking for the smallest gesture, the simplest thing that would make it an action and not just a word. I got it in the actions I wasn't, really wasn't expecting and it's the best after all these long, long years. So I am so looking forward to this evening coming home to a clean kitchen and a cheap pizza to celebrate tonight.
Today is November 23rd and if it were 1979...well, that would be the day me and Jay got married.
TT
Monday, November 22, 2010
Time is now
"It's time now, isn't it?"
"Time?"
"Yes, time."
"What are yo..."
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."
"Okay, so it is."
I always know in my head when I've let something go that I should have done but haven't gotten to yet. The conversation with myself will go something like above. It's a reminder and a reprimand. It's usually something I want to be doing or working on but haven't allowed myself the time to do it. It's easier to say I didn't have time. The problem with that is yes, there will be instances when I didn't have time but there are as many instances when I could have had the time but failed to use it. So it becomes something that lingers in my mind. I should be doing that...Until it becomes a reminder and an reprimand.
So I've come to that point again with something important. It's time. And I need to figure out what steps I need to take to re-start again however small. I could be spending the energy to getting it done instead of thinking about how I'm not and should be.
Because I obviously know it's time.
TT
"Time?"
"Yes, time."
"What are yo..."
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."
"Okay, so it is."
I always know in my head when I've let something go that I should have done but haven't gotten to yet. The conversation with myself will go something like above. It's a reminder and a reprimand. It's usually something I want to be doing or working on but haven't allowed myself the time to do it. It's easier to say I didn't have time. The problem with that is yes, there will be instances when I didn't have time but there are as many instances when I could have had the time but failed to use it. So it becomes something that lingers in my mind. I should be doing that...Until it becomes a reminder and an reprimand.
So I've come to that point again with something important. It's time. And I need to figure out what steps I need to take to re-start again however small. I could be spending the energy to getting it done instead of thinking about how I'm not and should be.
Because I obviously know it's time.
TT
Sunday, November 21, 2010
'morning
And then it's Sunday morning.
Beautifully gorgeous, open your windows let the fresh air breeze through, kind of morning. Still a little hazy from the sun coming out behind the cloudy pale sky and the morning so quiet even the birds are enjoying the silence. What did I do to deserve these moments of absolute magnificence and the time to stop and realize they are happening? Right now, right here, at this moment.
Even the threat of daily drudge and the swirl of routine is held at bay in order for me to take the precious moments to breathe it in and let it fill the hollows and banish the bland. It might be one of those times to take advantage of the old cliché of stopping to smell the roses. Not because they are always there and in bloom but because this is the moment I am given and have the sense to see it as the opportunity it is. Right now, right here, at this moment. They don't last long.
But sometimes, sometimes, just long enough.
TT
Beautifully gorgeous, open your windows let the fresh air breeze through, kind of morning. Still a little hazy from the sun coming out behind the cloudy pale sky and the morning so quiet even the birds are enjoying the silence. What did I do to deserve these moments of absolute magnificence and the time to stop and realize they are happening? Right now, right here, at this moment.
Even the threat of daily drudge and the swirl of routine is held at bay in order for me to take the precious moments to breathe it in and let it fill the hollows and banish the bland. It might be one of those times to take advantage of the old cliché of stopping to smell the roses. Not because they are always there and in bloom but because this is the moment I am given and have the sense to see it as the opportunity it is. Right now, right here, at this moment. They don't last long.
But sometimes, sometimes, just long enough.
TT
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Ignore me
Recently I had sent a few e-mails to friends that I haven't contacted in a while. It seems that would be a perfectly easy task to do but I ran into a bit of a minor problem. I found out after talking to one of these friends that they either did not get my e-mail or I had sent it to an address that they had told me they were no longer using. I never would have known if I hadn't asked if they had gotten my e-mail.
It even happened to Jay. A few weeks ago he told me he was going to use another e-mail address as his primary. I thought I had stashed the new information in my brain. I had sent him a few e-mails that I thought he received and just didn't have a response. I wasn't too worried. He sometimes doesn't answer and I'm used to that. Then the other day I sent another email to him and when I talked to him on the phone I asked if he had gotten my email that morning.
"No," he responded.
""You didn't get my e-mail?" I asked incredulously.
"No. When did you send it"?"
"This morning."
"It's not here. I didn't get it."
I told him, "But I sent it to your new address."
"I don't have it. What address did you use?"
I told him the address and he immediately told me it wasn't the correct one. I had used an @yahoo or @gmail or @earthlink or something or other instead of @hotmail or @what the hell I don't know. I explained I never got a notice for a routing error or as undeliverable.
He said well wait...he would check the address I sent it to but he hadn't used that address for many years.
Sure enough. He called me back. I asked him if he had bunches of emails there.
"No," he explained. "Just two. Both from you. Oh, and one spam, but that is from you, too. It's a link to one of your posts."
"Really? My link is a spam?"
"Yeah, sorry. I'll read it now."
Well. Here I am thinking I'm not getting responses to my e-mails and it's just me not sending to the correct address. Worse yet, is that even if I had sent it to the correct address the e-mail might be going straight to spam. How did my writing link get classified as spam? I'm starting to take this personally. What distinguishes my writing as spam? I got a little worked up.
I also find myself getting worked up when I send a piece of writing to someone and I don't hear back. I begin to think whether I gave them enough time. I think they must have read it already. I think and I wonder what they think. Then a week later when I haven't heard anything I think some more and it becomes..."well, maybe they are following mom's advise...If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I try not to get too worked up about it but by then I've been thinking about it for so long. I can't get past the thought there may be other reasons for their lack of response that might not have anything to do with the writing. I keep thinking. I think that since it is a friend they would say something about the writing even, even...well, something, wouldn't they, shouldn't they? Maybe not. Maybe I shouldn't be sending pieces of my writing out in e-mails thinking friends might give me feedback if they have no idea I will be waiting and thinking. Did I tell them I was hoping for a response? No, of course not! I shouldn't be doing that. Could this be some classic writers syndrome that if I send a piece out and I wait and wait and think they will say something and they don't that they are ignoring me because it's awful and can't tell me. What else am I supposed to think?..like maybe they might be busy? or more likely they have no clue I am coming unglued thinking they might respond and haven't or that I am thinking I have written the most horrendous piece of mutant garbage they have ever read. Why did I send that to them!?! Or maybe, maybe I just sent it to the wrong address and it went directly to spam and they never had a chance to see it.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with the writing. There isn't a thing wrong with the writing but my own crazy thoughts. And realistically, I know it's my own crazy thoughts that need be ignored.
Gads girl, get a grip.
TT
It even happened to Jay. A few weeks ago he told me he was going to use another e-mail address as his primary. I thought I had stashed the new information in my brain. I had sent him a few e-mails that I thought he received and just didn't have a response. I wasn't too worried. He sometimes doesn't answer and I'm used to that. Then the other day I sent another email to him and when I talked to him on the phone I asked if he had gotten my email that morning.
"No," he responded.
""You didn't get my e-mail?" I asked incredulously.
"No. When did you send it"?"
"This morning."
"It's not here. I didn't get it."
I told him, "But I sent it to your new address."
"I don't have it. What address did you use?"
I told him the address and he immediately told me it wasn't the correct one. I had used an @yahoo or @gmail or @earthlink or something or other instead of @hotmail or @what the hell I don't know. I explained I never got a notice for a routing error or as undeliverable.
He said well wait...he would check the address I sent it to but he hadn't used that address for many years.
Sure enough. He called me back. I asked him if he had bunches of emails there.
"No," he explained. "Just two. Both from you. Oh, and one spam, but that is from you, too. It's a link to one of your posts."
"Really? My link is a spam?"
"Yeah, sorry. I'll read it now."
Well. Here I am thinking I'm not getting responses to my e-mails and it's just me not sending to the correct address. Worse yet, is that even if I had sent it to the correct address the e-mail might be going straight to spam. How did my writing link get classified as spam? I'm starting to take this personally. What distinguishes my writing as spam? I got a little worked up.
I also find myself getting worked up when I send a piece of writing to someone and I don't hear back. I begin to think whether I gave them enough time. I think they must have read it already. I think and I wonder what they think. Then a week later when I haven't heard anything I think some more and it becomes..."well, maybe they are following mom's advise...If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I try not to get too worked up about it but by then I've been thinking about it for so long. I can't get past the thought there may be other reasons for their lack of response that might not have anything to do with the writing. I keep thinking. I think that since it is a friend they would say something about the writing even, even...well, something, wouldn't they, shouldn't they? Maybe not. Maybe I shouldn't be sending pieces of my writing out in e-mails thinking friends might give me feedback if they have no idea I will be waiting and thinking. Did I tell them I was hoping for a response? No, of course not! I shouldn't be doing that. Could this be some classic writers syndrome that if I send a piece out and I wait and wait and think they will say something and they don't that they are ignoring me because it's awful and can't tell me. What else am I supposed to think?..like maybe they might be busy? or more likely they have no clue I am coming unglued thinking they might respond and haven't or that I am thinking I have written the most horrendous piece of mutant garbage they have ever read. Why did I send that to them!?! Or maybe, maybe I just sent it to the wrong address and it went directly to spam and they never had a chance to see it.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with the writing. There isn't a thing wrong with the writing but my own crazy thoughts. And realistically, I know it's my own crazy thoughts that need be ignored.
Gads girl, get a grip.
TT
Friday, November 19, 2010
Safe landings
I have somehow sped through the last two weeks in a blur. I have been living on pure adrenaline for the entire time and I thought I had finally made it back to regular earth this past Tuesday afternoon but I must have had another surge or relapse into this crazy high again. I thought I was overwhelmed the week before the race with all the information coming at me but this week has proven to be just as euphoric or more so than the previous week.
Whew!
I am trying hard to stop myself from bringing up the subject of running, racing, the half marathon I just finished last Sunday but others are dragging me into conversations and I cannot stop myself from sharing my experiences as they share theirs. I can't help encouraging someone that is on that verge of indecision when it comes up. Is it a runners thing? Here I go again asking myself these questions but when did I step into the upper tier of experienced runners to be able to identify and try to talk through troubles others might be having with their run game? I am so enjoying the common experience in runners that connects the truly hard physical work it takes to get the endurance to do these runs combined with the mental blocks we create for ourselves. It is such a solitary activity I hadn't fully come to realize there is a band of runners out there that might have had similar experiences and are just as anxious to talk about them as crazy old me.
Whew!
Then I am still getting emails from the race sponsor itself. I can't say I'm tired of it or that it is a bother because it is far from that. It's just that when I think I am finally at the point of calming down another round of enthusiasm will lift-off. Most recently pictures were sent out of runners that had been randomly shot at different points while running the race. They are of course so you can purchase but you can also view yours and others who ran (by going to the race results website and typing in names). I had said I was going to go into this race with a smile and to have fun. I couldn't believe the random shot I was sent. There I was frozen at a good pace rate, wide-eyed and with the biggest smile you could ever imagine for someone that is plowing through 13.1 miles! I said I was going to do that but how was it captured so clearly at random?
Whew!
So after work today I will be attending an after half-marathon party. I will get another opportunity to share and laugh and smile at others experiences as they went through this magical experience. An experience that you do alone only to find out that, "Oh, yeah...that happened to me, too..."
Then maybe, just maybe...it will be time to return to regular earth.
TT
Whew!
I am trying hard to stop myself from bringing up the subject of running, racing, the half marathon I just finished last Sunday but others are dragging me into conversations and I cannot stop myself from sharing my experiences as they share theirs. I can't help encouraging someone that is on that verge of indecision when it comes up. Is it a runners thing? Here I go again asking myself these questions but when did I step into the upper tier of experienced runners to be able to identify and try to talk through troubles others might be having with their run game? I am so enjoying the common experience in runners that connects the truly hard physical work it takes to get the endurance to do these runs combined with the mental blocks we create for ourselves. It is such a solitary activity I hadn't fully come to realize there is a band of runners out there that might have had similar experiences and are just as anxious to talk about them as crazy old me.
Whew!
Then I am still getting emails from the race sponsor itself. I can't say I'm tired of it or that it is a bother because it is far from that. It's just that when I think I am finally at the point of calming down another round of enthusiasm will lift-off. Most recently pictures were sent out of runners that had been randomly shot at different points while running the race. They are of course so you can purchase but you can also view yours and others who ran (by going to the race results website and typing in names). I had said I was going to go into this race with a smile and to have fun. I couldn't believe the random shot I was sent. There I was frozen at a good pace rate, wide-eyed and with the biggest smile you could ever imagine for someone that is plowing through 13.1 miles! I said I was going to do that but how was it captured so clearly at random?
Whew!
So after work today I will be attending an after half-marathon party. I will get another opportunity to share and laugh and smile at others experiences as they went through this magical experience. An experience that you do alone only to find out that, "Oh, yeah...that happened to me, too..."
Then maybe, just maybe...it will be time to return to regular earth.
TT
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Write on!
I did something yesterday that I haven't done in a long while. I can't say what provoked me to take that direction. Maybe it was all the endorphins surging through me in the past two days from my activity this past Sunday. Maybe it was that constant wide-eyed, energetic swelling of accomplishment that drove me to try to settle myself by sitting calmly to try to find some focus.
I am grinning when I think that focus came back around to writing. Ah, yes. I seem to be making circles of the things that keep me propelled and moving forward. Large circles, small circles, circles inside circles, but all circles that seem to come back together.
I went into the button at the top of my blog called Favorite Posts and read back to myself the three bits of fiction I wrote called the Rules of Writing. Interesting.
It must be some genetic code I was born with to find these ways and outlets to drive myself and trick myself and push myself to get going. I am not sure if others use these self-tricks to get themselves motivated or to get over blocks or humps or stumbles along the way. It doesn't really matter if others do or don't. I seem to have the oddest methods to propell myself when I get to a stopping point; when I don't know how to move myself forward again. They seem to manifest themselves in the oddest forms for me.
I wrote these three pieces at different times when I was having an internal struggle with some points in my writing. I did what I thought would help me creatively while still making it an exercise. It was also a way to try to clear my mind of things I might have already known but wouldn't let myself get past. What better way to give myself permission to proceed than to create a character I ran to in order to ask questions I already knew the answer to but wouldn't allow myself to accept? Interesting.
I read the three pieces one after another and realized as bits of fiction they aren't too bad. They are even fairly good. I had no reason to question why I had put them at the top of the list of Favorite Posts.
I don't always have the same results when I go back and read things I have written from a while back. I have destroyed entire pages and once an entire blog by doing that. But not this time. Not at this reading.
Maybe it was just all the endorphins. Maybe. Or maybe I might be getting a better feel for all this writing no matter what self-tricks and methods I use to get there.
TT
I am grinning when I think that focus came back around to writing. Ah, yes. I seem to be making circles of the things that keep me propelled and moving forward. Large circles, small circles, circles inside circles, but all circles that seem to come back together.
I went into the button at the top of my blog called Favorite Posts and read back to myself the three bits of fiction I wrote called the Rules of Writing. Interesting.
It must be some genetic code I was born with to find these ways and outlets to drive myself and trick myself and push myself to get going. I am not sure if others use these self-tricks to get themselves motivated or to get over blocks or humps or stumbles along the way. It doesn't really matter if others do or don't. I seem to have the oddest methods to propell myself when I get to a stopping point; when I don't know how to move myself forward again. They seem to manifest themselves in the oddest forms for me.
I wrote these three pieces at different times when I was having an internal struggle with some points in my writing. I did what I thought would help me creatively while still making it an exercise. It was also a way to try to clear my mind of things I might have already known but wouldn't let myself get past. What better way to give myself permission to proceed than to create a character I ran to in order to ask questions I already knew the answer to but wouldn't allow myself to accept? Interesting.
I read the three pieces one after another and realized as bits of fiction they aren't too bad. They are even fairly good. I had no reason to question why I had put them at the top of the list of Favorite Posts.
I don't always have the same results when I go back and read things I have written from a while back. I have destroyed entire pages and once an entire blog by doing that. But not this time. Not at this reading.
Maybe it was just all the endorphins. Maybe. Or maybe I might be getting a better feel for all this writing no matter what self-tricks and methods I use to get there.
TT
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Connect the dots
I have learned quite a lot from recent experiences of working hard toward something and finally achieving it. It has made me stop and reflect. I have been doing a fair amount of pondering on how I have gotten from point A to point B. I think that might be the simplest way to form this question because I can apply it to several things that seemed to have developed for me.
The first part that I have pondered is whether or not I even realized I was at point A. Of course, at some point it must have become apparent to me that I was at the start of something or I wouldn't have had any desire to move along. Somehow I realized I was at a point (A) and I knew it was something I wanted to work on in order to become better at it. I knew I was doing something that I enjoyed or something that was a challenge in a good way. That must have been my point A.
The funny part is that I seemed to have skipped over a huge amount of time and have found myself at point B. It seems that way now as I ponder it but I know there was quite a bit being done in that time frame. I have arrived here at a point (B) when I never expected to and yet somehow, someway, here I am. I know during that huge amount of time I was doing things to stay on track to keep moving toward this point (B) but it was such a distance away I never really realized I was working toward it or making progress. It was more about having that point (B) tucked away in my subconscious somewhere and focusing on the smaller jobs for me to do that would lead in that direction.
I don't know for sure. I think that is why I have been pondering it of late. I do have one thing that keeps coming back to me as I think through this whole process. Certain people. I have a small handful of certain people that I can look back and feel as if they have always been right over my shoulder. There have been many times that I have kept pushing and have only looked forward and moved on all on my own. But I have also had times when I tried to look back over my shoulder to see if it was worth it or to stop completely when one of those few has been there to nudge me on. I don't think they even know when they did that. But I do.
So how have I gotten from point A to point B? I guess I first needed to know there was a point to start from and to want to move forward and decide to put in the work to get there. Second was to keep working at it. It seems like it's last but can be the most important when I started to lose sight of my final point. That is being thankful for the ones behind me that knew I needed to keep going when I wanted to look back instead of forward.
Thank you.
TT
The first part that I have pondered is whether or not I even realized I was at point A. Of course, at some point it must have become apparent to me that I was at the start of something or I wouldn't have had any desire to move along. Somehow I realized I was at a point (A) and I knew it was something I wanted to work on in order to become better at it. I knew I was doing something that I enjoyed or something that was a challenge in a good way. That must have been my point A.
The funny part is that I seemed to have skipped over a huge amount of time and have found myself at point B. It seems that way now as I ponder it but I know there was quite a bit being done in that time frame. I have arrived here at a point (B) when I never expected to and yet somehow, someway, here I am. I know during that huge amount of time I was doing things to stay on track to keep moving toward this point (B) but it was such a distance away I never really realized I was working toward it or making progress. It was more about having that point (B) tucked away in my subconscious somewhere and focusing on the smaller jobs for me to do that would lead in that direction.
I don't know for sure. I think that is why I have been pondering it of late. I do have one thing that keeps coming back to me as I think through this whole process. Certain people. I have a small handful of certain people that I can look back and feel as if they have always been right over my shoulder. There have been many times that I have kept pushing and have only looked forward and moved on all on my own. But I have also had times when I tried to look back over my shoulder to see if it was worth it or to stop completely when one of those few has been there to nudge me on. I don't think they even know when they did that. But I do.
So how have I gotten from point A to point B? I guess I first needed to know there was a point to start from and to want to move forward and decide to put in the work to get there. Second was to keep working at it. It seems like it's last but can be the most important when I started to lose sight of my final point. That is being thankful for the ones behind me that knew I needed to keep going when I wanted to look back instead of forward.
Thank you.
TT
Monday, November 15, 2010
Rock on!
What happened after months of training, stressing, recovering, and staying disciplined when I lined up at the starting line? I completed my first official half marathon yesterday. I am ecstatic! No, you cannot believe the emotional surge this physical activity has given me. It is truly amazing.
It might be understandable considering the amount of time and energy I really expended trying to get to that starting line. It has been a long and hard journey. It has also been eye-opening and fun and exhilarating. I didn't realize when I began that it would pay off with such personal rewards but it has more than exceeded any expectations I might have had going into it.
I believe I handled the last week leading up to it fairly well. I started out with a few pitfalls that were no one's fault. Information that was being given to me became an overload. It was too much, too late, too different from the ways I had proven to myself would work. I wanted to take in the information but needed to filter it to align with the ways I had been doing them all along. I had to separate these different ways from the ways that I had already proven would work for me. My feeling of initial confidence was being overwhelmed and I found myself needing to avoid subjecting myself to the qualms it might instill in me so close to what I had worked so hard for. I couldn't allow any doubts to shake me at that point and I was lucky enough to realize it. I could mull through all the doubts of whether I had trained enough or if I had tapered too early many, many times over but instead I found myself dismissing the thoughts. I was determined. I wasn't going to be stopped by myself or these thoughts.
After ignoring most weather reports for the entire week I found myself the day before the race very excited. The weather of course could have been a major meltdown for me. It has been in the past. Perfectly beautiful weather seems to happen during the entire time you train but race day weather seems to become cold, wet, and weary. It doesn't help to check the reports because they change hourly. I am not exaggerating. Please take this from someone who has made the past mistakes of watching the forecasts too closely. I don't know why weathermen become terrorists a week before the race, but they do. There was an article mid-week saying the weather would be 42 degrees and raining on race day. Ugly man. Obviously a runner terrorist. The weather was 53 and fine. Why are weathermen continually wrong at their job and get to keep them? I don't know of another profession that would allow that. But no matter, I got past the weather. I didn't check it and somehow I knew it wasn't going to be as bad as they said. I had decided I was going to show up at that starting line no matter what.
The day of the race started early. My alarm went off at 4:00am. I needed to move. I had not picked my running gear the night before and it didn't make a difference. I didn't forget anything or feel rushed. I was smiling inside already. I got there with plenty of time. It was exciting! So many people, so many runners! We were huddled together waiting in our respective "corrals" as they call them waiting to start. 7:15am the first corral gets to go...but I was in corral 21. As they moved each corral up, we waited our turn to start. We waited and waited and waited. It seemed we waited longer than the months of training we had just gone through. But soon enough it was time to go. It felt great! It was wonderful. I started up and never looked back. I was able to keep an even pace the entire time and was amazed at how good I still felt half way through. Not just good but great. I kept going, I kept enjoying, I kept thinking of everyone who ever gave me an encouraging word even if they never knew they had given it to me. The last two miles I knew my legs were getting a little stiff. I was feeling the pad under my right foot. I think it is the place where I am getting a callous over a callous. No matter, I plugged away and before I thought it ever ever possible I crossed a finish line for a half marathon.
A half marathon. I never knew. But I did.
I did. I rocked it and myself. It was an experience that proved itself to be well worth the physical and mental work I somehow managed to put into it.
I am still amazed!
TT
It might be understandable considering the amount of time and energy I really expended trying to get to that starting line. It has been a long and hard journey. It has also been eye-opening and fun and exhilarating. I didn't realize when I began that it would pay off with such personal rewards but it has more than exceeded any expectations I might have had going into it.
I believe I handled the last week leading up to it fairly well. I started out with a few pitfalls that were no one's fault. Information that was being given to me became an overload. It was too much, too late, too different from the ways I had proven to myself would work. I wanted to take in the information but needed to filter it to align with the ways I had been doing them all along. I had to separate these different ways from the ways that I had already proven would work for me. My feeling of initial confidence was being overwhelmed and I found myself needing to avoid subjecting myself to the qualms it might instill in me so close to what I had worked so hard for. I couldn't allow any doubts to shake me at that point and I was lucky enough to realize it. I could mull through all the doubts of whether I had trained enough or if I had tapered too early many, many times over but instead I found myself dismissing the thoughts. I was determined. I wasn't going to be stopped by myself or these thoughts.
After ignoring most weather reports for the entire week I found myself the day before the race very excited. The weather of course could have been a major meltdown for me. It has been in the past. Perfectly beautiful weather seems to happen during the entire time you train but race day weather seems to become cold, wet, and weary. It doesn't help to check the reports because they change hourly. I am not exaggerating. Please take this from someone who has made the past mistakes of watching the forecasts too closely. I don't know why weathermen become terrorists a week before the race, but they do. There was an article mid-week saying the weather would be 42 degrees and raining on race day. Ugly man. Obviously a runner terrorist. The weather was 53 and fine. Why are weathermen continually wrong at their job and get to keep them? I don't know of another profession that would allow that. But no matter, I got past the weather. I didn't check it and somehow I knew it wasn't going to be as bad as they said. I had decided I was going to show up at that starting line no matter what.
The day of the race started early. My alarm went off at 4:00am. I needed to move. I had not picked my running gear the night before and it didn't make a difference. I didn't forget anything or feel rushed. I was smiling inside already. I got there with plenty of time. It was exciting! So many people, so many runners! We were huddled together waiting in our respective "corrals" as they call them waiting to start. 7:15am the first corral gets to go...but I was in corral 21. As they moved each corral up, we waited our turn to start. We waited and waited and waited. It seemed we waited longer than the months of training we had just gone through. But soon enough it was time to go. It felt great! It was wonderful. I started up and never looked back. I was able to keep an even pace the entire time and was amazed at how good I still felt half way through. Not just good but great. I kept going, I kept enjoying, I kept thinking of everyone who ever gave me an encouraging word even if they never knew they had given it to me. The last two miles I knew my legs were getting a little stiff. I was feeling the pad under my right foot. I think it is the place where I am getting a callous over a callous. No matter, I plugged away and before I thought it ever ever possible I crossed a finish line for a half marathon.
A half marathon. I never knew. But I did.
I did. I rocked it and myself. It was an experience that proved itself to be well worth the physical and mental work I somehow managed to put into it.
I am still amazed!
TT
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Delivered
I got my case delivered. It seems like it took a long time but no matter now, I've received it. Ordering these accessories (or anything for that matter) on-line can be such a great way to save some money but also time. Boy, the amount of time I don't have to go out to a store and mull through the offerings to only pay more for the same thing I could have clicked and purchased.
For these types of things I have no problem. It's not clothing. No. Will not click a single shoe, bag, blouse, skirt, coat, sock to purchase on-line. There are some things that have to be tried on and I don't believe there is any comfort in knowing I can return what doesn't fit. Or to find out the bag doesn't have the interior or the shoe is slightly uncomfortable. It could go on and on. The only way to purchase those items is to see and feel and to try on. On-line can't do that for those items. No.
But this item. Yes. It's a one size fits all. It's only where and how much. I could have spent as much as the device itself cost for the cover alone if I wanted to get a Kate Spade or Jonathan Adler design but what the!? I managed fine with the sturdy leather I ended up with. And I have it now.
I found it just slightly amusing that I bought it through Amazon. I wasn't sure they would carry the item since it was for their competition when it came to the device it holds. Amazon has their Kindle, the cover was for my Nook. And yet they had the best quality for the best price. And now it's been delivered and it only makes something I am already loving (yes - loving) that much better.
So now I love it more. It goes on and on. As so could I...
For these types of things I have no problem. It's not clothing. No. Will not click a single shoe, bag, blouse, skirt, coat, sock to purchase on-line. There are some things that have to be tried on and I don't believe there is any comfort in knowing I can return what doesn't fit. Or to find out the bag doesn't have the interior or the shoe is slightly uncomfortable. It could go on and on. The only way to purchase those items is to see and feel and to try on. On-line can't do that for those items. No.
But this item. Yes. It's a one size fits all. It's only where and how much. I could have spent as much as the device itself cost for the cover alone if I wanted to get a Kate Spade or Jonathan Adler design but what the!? I managed fine with the sturdy leather I ended up with. And I have it now.
I found it just slightly amusing that I bought it through Amazon. I wasn't sure they would carry the item since it was for their competition when it came to the device it holds. Amazon has their Kindle, the cover was for my Nook. And yet they had the best quality for the best price. And now it's been delivered and it only makes something I am already loving (yes - loving) that much better.
So now I love it more. It goes on and on. As so could I...
I love it...love it!
TT
A bit of overload
I am getting too much of a race week overload. I am used to mentally overloading very well all on my own but this longer distance of a race has the added bonus of getting prompted by emails from the sponsor site, talks from certified run coaches and the all around talks about if enough training was done, have I tapered enough, what carb load should I eat the night before, what type of drink are they giving out at the break stations, weather, what's the weather, it changed again.
I think I am doing fairly well, all things considered. I am excited about this run. I know I plan to go out and have a good time. I know I cannot let the hype and nerves do anything to take away the smile that wants to creep out and find it's place when I get out there and find myself actually running the course.
I have a few days before that happens. While everyone else is thinking about this and that, taking advise and possibly trying a new drink or gel to help them through I am keeping things the same.
This is a long run for me. I am not changing a thing no matter if the trainer suggests taking a drink at every station and or to eat a gel at a certain mile. I haven't done that before and don't think I need to change it up now. Why? This is a long run for me except instead of in my neighborhood or at the haven, I have the added pleasure of running with 30,000 other runners on a marked course with live bands playings. What a great way to start a Sunday!
I might need some distraction from the race week overload about now. I'll figure out how to do that so I can get out there in a few days and enjoy the challenge.
TT
I think I am doing fairly well, all things considered. I am excited about this run. I know I plan to go out and have a good time. I know I cannot let the hype and nerves do anything to take away the smile that wants to creep out and find it's place when I get out there and find myself actually running the course.
I have a few days before that happens. While everyone else is thinking about this and that, taking advise and possibly trying a new drink or gel to help them through I am keeping things the same.
This is a long run for me. I am not changing a thing no matter if the trainer suggests taking a drink at every station and or to eat a gel at a certain mile. I haven't done that before and don't think I need to change it up now. Why? This is a long run for me except instead of in my neighborhood or at the haven, I have the added pleasure of running with 30,000 other runners on a marked course with live bands playings. What a great way to start a Sunday!
I might need some distraction from the race week overload about now. I'll figure out how to do that so I can get out there in a few days and enjoy the challenge.
TT
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Slight difference
I have a few things going on right now. My comfort reaction would be to pull up stakes and go into hibernation since this would be the time of year for me to attempt that. Once the weather takes any turn for colder temperatures I have a tendency to shut down and become cloistered. Or as cloistered as possible while still having to interact with the world outside.
So far, this year, this beginning of this season, I have noticed a slightly marked difference in my reaction to this change of season. I am having a slightly (and I admit slight) but noticeable difference. I have put less importance on how it is governing what I am doing or will do.
Somehow this running business of mine has broken through a few barriers I have put up. Somehow the sheer routine of gearing up and heading out has done something to put weather as an aside or sub-category on my long list of why I can'ts instead of it being at the top of the list. I admit to having to make some work arounds this week just to stay focused. I am heading to the gym instead of running out of doors. It is a work around but it isn't stopping me which is something that would have been my only option in the past. I mean, come on...it's going to be the middle of November and I am running the longest distance ever? In November?
The best part is that I know I will be there Sunday morning no matter what the weather might be. I am staying focused on the fact that I expect it to be an experience, an accomplishment, a variance from any comfortable decisions I may have made in the past. And it's not just about running but I am seeing the slightest spill over into other interests.
I have a few things going on and for once, just because the weather is changing, I am not shutting down shop. I am finding work arounds and meeting challenges and most importantly, I am finding the fun in what I am doing.
Oh, and now that I've made myself aware of it, I really need to do more about that list of why I can'ts.
TT
So far, this year, this beginning of this season, I have noticed a slightly marked difference in my reaction to this change of season. I am having a slightly (and I admit slight) but noticeable difference. I have put less importance on how it is governing what I am doing or will do.
Somehow this running business of mine has broken through a few barriers I have put up. Somehow the sheer routine of gearing up and heading out has done something to put weather as an aside or sub-category on my long list of why I can'ts instead of it being at the top of the list. I admit to having to make some work arounds this week just to stay focused. I am heading to the gym instead of running out of doors. It is a work around but it isn't stopping me which is something that would have been my only option in the past. I mean, come on...it's going to be the middle of November and I am running the longest distance ever? In November?
The best part is that I know I will be there Sunday morning no matter what the weather might be. I am staying focused on the fact that I expect it to be an experience, an accomplishment, a variance from any comfortable decisions I may have made in the past. And it's not just about running but I am seeing the slightest spill over into other interests.
I have a few things going on and for once, just because the weather is changing, I am not shutting down shop. I am finding work arounds and meeting challenges and most importantly, I am finding the fun in what I am doing.
Oh, and now that I've made myself aware of it, I really need to do more about that list of why I can'ts.
TT
Monday, November 8, 2010
Infected
I think I caught the worst case of the lazys all weekend long. Have you ever experienced a weekend when there weren't any real commitments except the normal routine activities and made choices to disregard everything you might do so you can do nothing? I am positive I was infected with that virus and it took all weekend to shake loose of it. Well, I might not have even shaken loose of it yet. I may still be suffering from this malady but I am now just pushing past it because I have certain obligations today and this week...like a job.
I could count off all the things I didn't do. I don't think you are really interested in hearing them all. I don't know that I need to hear them all over again because they have been torturing me all weekend as I decided to cast them off and not do any of them. They only seemed to feed the fatigue of my illness and made me linger stretched out on a sofa reading scores of words until one book was finished and I paused long enough to change directions. I am calling it changing directions even if it was only to browse the eBook website to decide what other book I wanted to start. That process took more than a few minutes. I didn't think I wanted the homicide dectective serial killer themes I have been reading of late but something a little milder. Dare I say I wanted something lazier.
So I must have been ill. I must have been under the weather or not up to par or not on top of my game. It must have been some viral ailment that kept me from being 100 percent.
Oh, come on, get off it. I was being lazy.
TT
I could count off all the things I didn't do. I don't think you are really interested in hearing them all. I don't know that I need to hear them all over again because they have been torturing me all weekend as I decided to cast them off and not do any of them. They only seemed to feed the fatigue of my illness and made me linger stretched out on a sofa reading scores of words until one book was finished and I paused long enough to change directions. I am calling it changing directions even if it was only to browse the eBook website to decide what other book I wanted to start. That process took more than a few minutes. I didn't think I wanted the homicide dectective serial killer themes I have been reading of late but something a little milder. Dare I say I wanted something lazier.
So I must have been ill. I must have been under the weather or not up to par or not on top of my game. It must have been some viral ailment that kept me from being 100 percent.
Oh, come on, get off it. I was being lazy.
TT
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Fall back
I woke up later than normal this morning. For a Saturday I seemed to have stayed covered up and asleep for longer than I usually would. I knew I wasn't planning on running outside first thing this morning due to the colder temperature and maybe I can attribute the lengthy stay on that. When I finally decided to get the day started I realized this is the weekend we change the clocks around. Then I was not only disoriented from the change in my routine and sleeping late but then I became confused about what time it was.
Oh, I know this time change doesn't officially happen until 2:00am tonight (this morning?) but what difference does it make if I am trying to remember while I am looking at my clock thinking, If this is tomorrow morning would it be 6:30 or 8:30? I couldn't remember which way the clock was going to move. Spring forward, fall back...all those kindergarten self-help prompts were going around in my head but they wouldn't come into focus on what time that meant it would be. Do I have an extra hour or lose an hour? I know it will get dark sooner and light earlier but it will be colder in the morning and I hate that. It will also get colder in the evening since it will be dark earlier and the lack of sun is just plain depressing. All the while the temperature will continue to dip for months. I might as well stay in bed until the time changes back to where it is now and leave it at that.
I have thought that would be my best bet for years but it isn't exactly practical. (Maybe it would be easier now that I can download books directly to my Nook without going anywhere, but then maybe not). I don't really think anyone will give me the entire winter off.
I was still pondering what the time was or will be tomorrow morning. I actually checked online to make sure I got it right and it seems we gain an hour which means we move the clocks backward. So instead of being 8:00am it is 7:00am (not 9:00). I think.
I need to get some more coffee. I need to get in a long run. I have all day to figure it out.
TT
Oh, I know this time change doesn't officially happen until 2:00am tonight (this morning?) but what difference does it make if I am trying to remember while I am looking at my clock thinking, If this is tomorrow morning would it be 6:30 or 8:30? I couldn't remember which way the clock was going to move. Spring forward, fall back...all those kindergarten self-help prompts were going around in my head but they wouldn't come into focus on what time that meant it would be. Do I have an extra hour or lose an hour? I know it will get dark sooner and light earlier but it will be colder in the morning and I hate that. It will also get colder in the evening since it will be dark earlier and the lack of sun is just plain depressing. All the while the temperature will continue to dip for months. I might as well stay in bed until the time changes back to where it is now and leave it at that.
I have thought that would be my best bet for years but it isn't exactly practical. (Maybe it would be easier now that I can download books directly to my Nook without going anywhere, but then maybe not). I don't really think anyone will give me the entire winter off.
I was still pondering what the time was or will be tomorrow morning. I actually checked online to make sure I got it right and it seems we gain an hour which means we move the clocks backward. So instead of being 8:00am it is 7:00am (not 9:00). I think.
I need to get some more coffee. I need to get in a long run. I have all day to figure it out.
TT
Friday, November 5, 2010
Mood altering
I don't mean to be going on about this but you know I HAD to check the forecast. It has turned cold this morning and should be just as cold tomorrow morning or even colder. I will have to forego my much desired long run first thing in the morning at the haven. I won't be able to get myself going in 38 degrees. I have been having enough trouble this week even in the afternoons with the temperature perfect but the wind so strong I would find excuses not to venture out. There has also been some moisture added to this mix and cold, wet, and windy are not comfortable words for me. I need to get in more runs. Then I am reminded that the time changes this weekend so it will be getting dark by 6:00pm! Too cold in the mornings, too dark in the evenings and I still need to train this last week or I could set myself up for some tough going come Sunday, November 14th!~ Awwkk!
Yes, much ado. I have packed my gym bag for the only other thing that could possibly work. I will not give myself the opportunity to come home, decide it's not a good day to run and then skip it. I will set my mind on the fact that I will go directly to the gym after work and run on the dreaded treadmill where the temperature is controlled and the only moisture is my own sweat from working out. Yes. That will be the plan. I will try to get some outside runs when I can but I can't keep skimping and skipping on running this close to my race. What am I doing?! Setting myself up to fai....fai...setting myself up to fai...NO. I won't even say it because it isn't going to happen. Besides, this is what the forecast turned out to be....
Yes, much ado. I have packed my gym bag for the only other thing that could possibly work. I will not give myself the opportunity to come home, decide it's not a good day to run and then skip it. I will set my mind on the fact that I will go directly to the gym after work and run on the dreaded treadmill where the temperature is controlled and the only moisture is my own sweat from working out. Yes. That will be the plan. I will try to get some outside runs when I can but I can't keep skimping and skipping on running this close to my race. What am I doing?! Setting myself up to fai....fai...setting myself up to fai...NO. I won't even say it because it isn't going to happen. Besides, this is what the forecast turned out to be....
No wind, no wet and not so cold. I knew this would help my mood.
TT
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Talking abt the weather
Is it time for a weather report? It seems I have found myself scanning the forecasts as far out as I can find them. It has stayed fairly mild but I know I will have to keep my attitude in check and not fall to my normal cold weather wussiness. I don't do well in cold weather. I have as bad an attitude about cold weather as I do about math - maybe worse. I know worse and that is the reason I am checking weather forecasts out 10 days.
Tomorrow's tenth day will probably decide my mood. That is when it will reach the November 14th mark. If it was today I would be fine and happy. For November 13th it shows a low of 50 and high of 70, sunny, and no precipitation. I can do that. I can do 50 degrees. I did it last Sunday at that temperature.
I am talking about the day of my scheduled race on November 14th. It looks like I might get lucky and have some mild temperatures on that morning of my half marathon (first half marathon)!
I am not sure when I ever really believed a weather forecast but the report is all I have right now. It isn't like I will decide not to show up because of the weather (I don't think). I remember back to my 10K that I traveled to and the week of the race the weather went bad. I was freaked out the entire week. I emailed the race director to find out if they might cancel. I got a note back saying no way, no cancelling. I was first unsure if I could even finish the distance and to add the horribly bad weather on top of it was almost too much for me.
I bought some new running gear, added layers and braved the 55 degree, cold, overcast, coastal weather. I was lucky enough to cross the finish line just as the rain started. And was totally elated. I had done it despite weather and all freak outs.
And now, so far, according to reports, I have nothing to freak out about as far as weather. It is looking good.
Maybe you can tell I might be searching for something to hang this excited feeling of anxiety that is starting to rev up in me? Ah, what can I say...approaching race dates. I can talk about the weather but it doesn't look like I can hang any blame there just yet.
TT
Tomorrow's tenth day will probably decide my mood. That is when it will reach the November 14th mark. If it was today I would be fine and happy. For November 13th it shows a low of 50 and high of 70, sunny, and no precipitation. I can do that. I can do 50 degrees. I did it last Sunday at that temperature.
I am talking about the day of my scheduled race on November 14th. It looks like I might get lucky and have some mild temperatures on that morning of my half marathon (first half marathon)!
I am not sure when I ever really believed a weather forecast but the report is all I have right now. It isn't like I will decide not to show up because of the weather (I don't think). I remember back to my 10K that I traveled to and the week of the race the weather went bad. I was freaked out the entire week. I emailed the race director to find out if they might cancel. I got a note back saying no way, no cancelling. I was first unsure if I could even finish the distance and to add the horribly bad weather on top of it was almost too much for me.
I bought some new running gear, added layers and braved the 55 degree, cold, overcast, coastal weather. I was lucky enough to cross the finish line just as the rain started. And was totally elated. I had done it despite weather and all freak outs.
And now, so far, according to reports, I have nothing to freak out about as far as weather. It is looking good.
Maybe you can tell I might be searching for something to hang this excited feeling of anxiety that is starting to rev up in me? Ah, what can I say...approaching race dates. I can talk about the weather but it doesn't look like I can hang any blame there just yet.
TT
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
It shows
But, this is November and this number will be different this month. I can't even say if it will be more of less than October's number. I have this neat little device that tracks it for me and tells me totals and such when I click a few buttons. It keeps it simple for me so I can try to clear my mind and concentrate on how good it feels to get out and run. Boy - it's really been feeling great!
Don't the numbers show it?
TT
Monday, November 1, 2010
Back to doing
The first thing I need to do after an accomplishment of reaching 500 posts is to keep writing. I couldn't bear the thought of stopping there. I never started out thinking, "I am going to write 500 posts." It was never my intention to have a quantity of posts. I had no idea I would even come close to any numbers of that sort. I would have bailed on this entire project (and almost did many times) long ago or even more recently without another thought if I had any idea what I was doing when I started. It might have worked in my favor to not have a clue what all this blogging was about when I started. Learning things as I go sometimes has worked to my advantage.
The one fact I discovered is that it has become one of the three things that are my chief free time things I love to do. Quite honestly, when I am not at work I spend all or the majority of my free time doing one of these three things. Theses things are running, reading and writing.
Basically, I am a bore. I do things that one person does on their own. I would rather go out and have a nice long run for two hours instead of sitting and watching a movie because I don't think I will appreciate the movie as much. I would much rather read the book the movie was based on, which I will scrutinize on how the author brings it to life on the pages so I can use and remember while I am writing. All of these things are very solitary but they all seem to add something to each of the other things that I do.
You wouldn't think running would have anything to do with writing but I have found some of my running achievements have pushed me beyond what I might have thought I was able to do with my writing. Achieving certain things are definitely encouraging but sometimes it takes one of my bad runs, which happen out of the blue, to help me put things into perspective. There are times that no matter how good I feel and think I might do, I have runs that are hard and tough. I can't always figure out exactly why when I had been doing so well. It's the same with some of the things I've written. Some pieces can definitely be described as "bad runs" and I have to keep in mind that sometimes that's just what happens. I could say the same when I have read a book that I thought was not up to par and yet there it is published and being sold in major bookstores. How lucky for that author that they had a bad run and still got the book out there! Maybe some of those runs aren't really so bad. I can't give up the things that are important to me because of one bad run.
So good or bad and everthing in-between will keep on happening. It's nice to reach those imaginary goals that surprise me when I reach them, like 500 posts or reading 99 books or adding 3000 words or running 14 miles. I need to take those few minutes to acknowledge the real work that goes on behind it all.
But those few minutes are up. Time to get back to the doing.
TT
The one fact I discovered is that it has become one of the three things that are my chief free time things I love to do. Quite honestly, when I am not at work I spend all or the majority of my free time doing one of these three things. Theses things are running, reading and writing.
Basically, I am a bore. I do things that one person does on their own. I would rather go out and have a nice long run for two hours instead of sitting and watching a movie because I don't think I will appreciate the movie as much. I would much rather read the book the movie was based on, which I will scrutinize on how the author brings it to life on the pages so I can use and remember while I am writing. All of these things are very solitary but they all seem to add something to each of the other things that I do.
You wouldn't think running would have anything to do with writing but I have found some of my running achievements have pushed me beyond what I might have thought I was able to do with my writing. Achieving certain things are definitely encouraging but sometimes it takes one of my bad runs, which happen out of the blue, to help me put things into perspective. There are times that no matter how good I feel and think I might do, I have runs that are hard and tough. I can't always figure out exactly why when I had been doing so well. It's the same with some of the things I've written. Some pieces can definitely be described as "bad runs" and I have to keep in mind that sometimes that's just what happens. I could say the same when I have read a book that I thought was not up to par and yet there it is published and being sold in major bookstores. How lucky for that author that they had a bad run and still got the book out there! Maybe some of those runs aren't really so bad. I can't give up the things that are important to me because of one bad run.
So good or bad and everthing in-between will keep on happening. It's nice to reach those imaginary goals that surprise me when I reach them, like 500 posts or reading 99 books or adding 3000 words or running 14 miles. I need to take those few minutes to acknowledge the real work that goes on behind it all.
But those few minutes are up. Time to get back to the doing.
TT
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