Juggle

Writing - the process of juggling words.
It's really not that simple.  It's more the process of juggling words, and a large variety of other elements, in a precise manner.  The timing of the words juggled is crucial, as is the placement.  It also includes balancing grammar, punctuation, style, voice, conflict, resolution, action, and interest.  Then once you master all of the described items, you must keep in mind it's all subjective.  And you must keep your sense of humor.
I think I've got it.  The good news is I am smiling about it, and excited about doing more of it.
And I am working hard at it, which is even better news.  I am finding my process, which is keeping me grounded in the actual work.  I am allowing myself broader, and braver strokes, instead of keeping things safe, and boring.
I have so many lessons to learn, but I finally feel like I can take on more than the one process of juggling words.  And I have.  And it's working.
So what does writing mean?  It means so many things all at once.  Lately, for me, it means...  Give me minute, I need to do some juggling.
TT

One year

Oh wow.  I almost forgot.

A year ago, today, I finished a first draft of a fiction novel.  Yes, yeah, an entire 70,000 plus word count story.  I remember taking half that day off last year, to complete it, after estimating it would take approximately three hours to finish.  I believe it took almost double that time, but I did it.  I put an end to a very long project on August 24, 2012.  And now, it's an entire year later.

I remember feeling a little numb after the entire experience.  The story wasn't right.  In the back of my mind, I knew that fact.  But, I left the document alone for a few weeks without touching it, and then when I finally went back to read it, the numbness continued.  There were so many words that didn't work, with only a few that did.  I could see it all over the pages.  It's a tough cookie to swallow; to know I'd spent all that time, and all that work, with only a few passages that showed any promise.

I did some research (of course, I did.  I always do) on first drafts.  I found out that first drafts are just that. They are first, and others (revisions) need to follow.  That's the process.

I started revising.  I changed some of the plot at the beginning of the story.  But, after a few more months of on-and-off trying to revise, I stopped.  I needed help outside myself, and I couldn't bear to ask anyone, for fear it was asking too much.

I then decided I would try to write a couple of short stories to get myself to complete the entire process without the longer time commitment.  I searched for another on-line site to try to get feedback on my writing. I kept doing something.

I completed the first short story Crossed Wires about two months ago.  It is over 16,500 words which exceeded the original count I thought the story would be.  I'm happier with it than the entire novel from previously.  I am working on another short story (actually two) that I am shooting for approximately 7500 words.  In the meantime, I re-worked two short 500-word pieces and posted them on-line, where I received some very good writing feedback.  I am able to incorporate those suggestions in my writing as I go forward.  I will go back and edit Crossed Wires. I know I can clean it up to flow better, have a stronger voice, which, I feel, is an achievement.  I don't feel numb about it.

It's a lot over the course of a year.  I should have given up.  I didn't know what I was doing, and I hate tough cookies.  But I didn't give up, and it's a different year.  One year.  And it all starts on one day.

So, I almost forgot where I was a year ago.  Maybe, it's because I've come so far.

TT  

Jump right in

Maybe I should have given a little more thought before jumping in and posting a very old piece to both on-line writing sites.  Nah!  Well, maybe, but I've done it now and it's too late to recount.  Sometimes you just need to be spontaneous and take a chance.  Big talk from me this Friday morning!
I posted a piece that I posted here on this site back on March 4, 2010 called Which man. Ooohh---naughty me! If you remember that post, it got me the most attention for 'suspicion of checking-out a man in an airport' award.  I will stand by my statement that I was filling time waiting for a flight (sitting next to Jay, I might add) doing some people-watching and taking notes for a possible fictional character.
Boy, have I had fun with this piece again.  Am I smiling too much?!  Again!
So I posted the piece with total abandon with only the thought of - what the heck--let some people READ my darn writing.  And what the heck, yeah.
It's a very short piece with barely 500 words.  After spending a week in Mexico, I wrote it up from physical characteristic I had written on an index card and had shoved into my purse. That was then.  I found it again while I was going through documents the other day and decided I would clean it up.  I've been working on keeping active voice and correcting grammar so it was a good exercise for me.  Then I thought, what the heck, post it.
I did.
I've had a few people respond with their reactions and I might be under 'suspicion' again.  From what I can tell, mostly male readers "get it".  They are quick to let me know they were a little intimidated by the man I described (intimidated is my word but I got their gist). The really good part is they go on to comment on how clear the voice in the piece is and how they were able to picture what was going on. Women, on the other hand, where a little more rattled by the idea and had a lot of questions they wanted answered about the piece.  I only thanked them for their comments.  I'm not getting into a discussion.  This is a short, off the cuff, piece.  It's not a story where I would normally get my character back-stories in order.
The bottom line here is I have taken old pieces, edited them, posted them and received some good responses to the work.  If I can do that with some old stuff, then I know the newer items I work on can only be improving.  And I'm also allowed to have a little fun doing it, aren't I?
But you know what?  I'm going to have fun with it whether I'm allowed or not.
TT

And then

And then there is my writing...  When.

I will need to go back in Mr. Peabody's Way-Back Machine to see if I can figure out the exact moment I (finally) flipped that switch I needed to flip a long time ago.  You know.  That switch, the switch.  The one that needed to be flipped.  (I'm not trying to sound like Dr. Seuss, it's just coming out that way).  I'm talking about whatever it was that turned my thinking around about my writing.  I'd like to know exactly when that moment occurred.  Because I have managed to be feeling so much more confident and capable and I'd like to know when that moment happened.
Am I supposed to be feeling this good about it?  I'm suspicious but I don't think I need to be.  In fact, I'm not all that concerned about it at all.  Which is a good thing because I couldn't seem to make any progress when I was constantly concerned.
Somewhere, at some point recently, I realized how much fun I am actually having doing it.  Short pieces, longer pieces, some editing to old pieces and coming up with new ideas for new pieces is all coming together in a really good way.  Did I finally learn the Rules of Writing?  Have I been able to accept them for all they are and all they are not?  They are a tricky bunch if you are too weak or too fragile to stick with it.  I don't want to remember all the times I fell apart over a piece of fiction!

And now? Everything is good, it's fine.  It really is.  Good attitude.  Lot's of motivation to keep writing.  I'm feeling great and it's amazing.  My writing is showing that.

But, I wish I knew exactly when it happened.  Maybe I really should try to track down Sherman and Mr. Peabody.  Wouldn't that be a piece of fiction?
TT

Good nerves

My cookies were delivered yesterday afternoon without a hitch.  I still get that nervous energy whenever someone places an order.  I will carry it through the entire process of finding out what they want, baking, delivering, and even a little afterward.  Yesterday, I delivered cookies for two sisters that wanted to wish their brother a Happy Birthday.  I gave the tin to his wife and I got the best smile back and her saying, "He will be so surprised."  The nervous energy calmed a bit at that point but my imagination took over.
I started to imagine that brother coming home to find out his sisters had sent him cookies.  I thought how he would call them up and  they would have laughing and sweet conversations on his birthday.
It's probably silly for me to think all these things from baking cookies.  But then again,  the delivery I had just before this one was the nine dozen I delivered to four different stations at the hospital.  The woman ordered them for the staff that helped her husband when he had surgery and she wanted to thank them once he had been released and was back home.  I got to stop at each nurse's station and see the surprise and delight on their faces when I passed them the package of cookies and card.
I'm only there an instant, but I get to see something appear on their faces that comes from the inside out.  Not such a bad thing for baking a couple of cookies.
TT      

Even more cookies

I received another cookie order.  *smile*

Let me see.  That will be 7 separate orders for a total of 21 dozen cookies since July 6th. That would be less than two months and all the orders are coming from new shoppers that happened upon my site.  And I still haven't updated it!
Dante is close to finalizing a true logo.  We have gone back and forth on revisions and think we are close to accepting one.  Then there will be the task of polishing up the site and making it customer friendly.  And then the cookies...not much to do there.  I am able to whip up a batch in no time at all.
Today I will be delivering a small tin for the brother of two sisters that found my site.  They live in Boston and NYC (I talked by phone to each) and their brother lives here and it's his birthday.  Do you know how special it makes me feel to be able to bake cookies for someone's birthday?  It's the entire reason I decided to start this venture up in the first place.  And now this venture is feeling less like a hobby (even though it still is) to more like a small business (even though I already try to treat it that way).

Another order.  Cookies.  *smile*
TT

Nonsense or just too old

I have a month before I'm supposed to attend my 40 year High School Reunion.  I'm on the fence about going.  I've already paid my fee and filled out half the questionnaire they sent me.  I still go back and forth whether I will actually travel down south and attend.  Oh - and the half filled questionnaire - I filled out the first half which was information about myself and the second half was total H.S. nonsense asking what song was my favorite and the like.  I didn't fill that out.  I figure if I go and someone really wants to know, they can ask me.  Come on!  We graduated FORTY years ago!  Are we really interested in that?
This all started a few months ago when I received an e-mail from my younger brother.  He said a woman was searching for me on Facebook and said I was MIA from a high school gathering.  He gave me her information so I e-mailed her back.  She explained she was putting together a reunion and all the information was on a private page on Facebook.  I told her I deactivate that nonsense (that should have been a clue to the questionnaire).  She said it was a private page and I should go back to get the information.  Foolish me...I re-activated and I don't know why I thought it would only access the private page but it reopened the whole deal.  Luckily, for me, when I originally de-activated this social media nightmare I had turned off all notifications to my email.  If someone did or said something pertaining to me on that site I ddn't know about it (so couldn't care).  At least now I only get email updates from that private site, but oh bother!...that woman...my classmate from 40 years old that is organizing this reunion-is on the site commenting all the time!
I don't get the social media interest.  It all feels like the worst parts of high school where even your best friends ignore you or have some weird persona or worse, you end up with some weird persona (like I need help in that arena).  But then...it's been 40 years since I graduated high school.  It could be that I've just gotten too old for too much nonsense.
Maybe attending the actual reunion might be a move in the right direction.  Talking to people face to face instead of forwarding information that someone else came up with might be the way to go.  I might be able to see the handful of friends I actually would like to see.  Or they will be like me and not attend because of all the pre-reunion nonsense.  You see, I'm still on the fence.
TT

Grammar issues/obsession

I know I have become obsessed with trying to correct every possible grammar problem I might have with my writing.  The poor, poor piece I've started, the one I am using the working title of Coming Home, is all of 1500 words that has been written, edited, changed, edited again and needs to grow.  It will never hit it's short story mark of 7500 words anytime soon if I can't get myself to move it along.
The first and foremost problem is I keep finding excuses not to work on it.  I ran out of time, I was too tired, I had to go off to do this or that instead.  Classic.  Yes, it's true.  I still take too much of this writing stuff to heart.  I get frustrated when I know I would just like to be able to do it better.  I need to remember I actually enjoy doing it.  And most of the time I do remember but with this piece I need to leave the editing alone and get going with the story writing.
With the 1500 words I have on the story, I am already thinking of changing the working title to Going Back.  Why? Oh why, of all things do I need to be thinking about the title now!?!?  But it sticks in my head.  But, wait, again, back to the grammar problems.  According to my word application I have cleared ALL passive words out of the entire piece.  Whew!  Big mission accomplished.  Then, just to torture myself, I pasted my first paragraph into a trial application at grammarly.com.  Ah.  It seems after all my work I still have 1 issue with punctuation within a sentence and (this worries me more) 2 issues with writing style.  Now, it's got me wondering.  Where are those issues and how do I fix them!  Well, guess what, you have to sign up to find out.  I'm not ready.  And I've become too obsessed right now with all this technical stuff.  I need to get more written and then look into the possibilities of using these nifty, computer editors.
Now, just to to get myself motivated to keep writing, I'll post my original first draft paragraph here below.  After it, I will post the paragraph after my edits.  You can decide which you would rather read first...

Coming Home (original first draft)

By Theresa Tintori

Susan crossed the threshold of the cottage and dropped her luggage on the floor.  The wooden door was wide open behind her and the musty smell that permeated the interior made a rush toward her to escape it’s confinement to try and mingle with the fresh breeze outdoors.  The sounds of rolling ocean waves and a piercing squawk of a gull called out from the other side of the door.  It was almost more than Susan could bear to face the damp and musty room without turning and leaving. 

Coming Home  (after edits)

By Theresa Tintori

Susan stood at the threshold of the beach cottage and dropped her luggage on the floor.  Even with the large wooden door wide open she couldn’t help but whiff the wet, musty smell that permeated the interior.   It swirled toward her trying to escape it’s confinement in order to mingle with the fresh breeze outdoors.  The sound of rolling ocean waves crashed in the not far distance behind her and a piercing squawk of a gull seemed to call a warning for Susan not to enter.  She stopped and gave an icy stare to what lay before her.  It was almost more than she could bear to face the damp and musty cottage without turning and leaving.


Time to keep writing, yes?
TT

Drama

The cable company did me a disservice and knocked out my television and internet for a day (or was it two)?  Maybe they actually did me a service.  I had no television which wasn't so bad but I also had no internet.  So I wrote.  You don't need internet to open a word document.  So that is how I spent my time until I realized I was very tired and came up with the idea of downloading a book on my phone.  Yes.  I had also finished reading the last book on my Nook and returned the paperback I had been loaned by a friend.
The writing went very well.  I realize it is taking me forever to get any amount of words down but I am going to blame that on getting home beat up and tired.  That might have been a little dramatic, but after days, weeks, and all this recent time churning out the work I've been doing all day I deserve a little latitude.   Now that was a little dramatic.  So alright already...everyone gets it.  I've been busy and I'm going to use it as the next big excuse.
I hate it when I call myself out.  I think I'll download another book.  Or better yet.  I think I'll watch some television.
TT

Up and at it

I got up early thinking I would be able to get so many things done.  The time slipped right past me.  I thought about staying in bed and getting the slightest amount more rest but decided I was ready to get up and do a few things before work.  I did get some things done but I have a tendency to discount the normal things, like wiping down the kitchen counters and balancing the bank statement, as not really doing anything.  At least they are not exactly the things I wake up early in my mind to do.  And yet, my time is always used first on those things.  But it isn't such an unusual phenomena, I think.  I mean everyone gets distracted by the normal routines.
After coming home from an exhausting Monday at work, I took to a book and managed to read most of it.  The down-time was a good thing and probably why I was okay to get up early this morning.  I am thinking I should take notes on what to avoid with my writing from what the author did in this book.  And then I think how was that really down-time when I am using each book I read as research for writing? But then, isn't it the reason I get up early to get some things done?
TT  

Youngest dinosaur

I am coming up on my 15 year anniversary at work.  I started back on October 5, 1998.  I certainly had no idea when I started that I would be there for such a long time.  It must be my age and the fact that Jay had been talking retirement early this year that I had been getting extremely itchy to move along and out of the workforce.  It was dwelling too closely in my mind that I needed to break away.

Jay decided against the idea after all.  The shop is picking up much more business than the past few years.  He is his own boss and managed to cut a lot of overhead when we needed to cut back on expenses.  Now he is in a good situation.  I, on the other hand, had it in my head that I wanted to get out.

It hasn't helped that so many of my counterparts at work are retiring.  Most of the people I work directly with, that do the same job as me, are letting me know that they are leaving the company.  They will be filling their weeks with constant Saturdays.  Yes, maybe they are a few years older than me but I'm not that far behind.

I started looking at what it would cost to retire - in the way of insurance.  It was astronomical.  Even with my years of service and my age, the figure was unbelievable.  So I looked again at the next break point and that was 20 years of service.  I did a rough figure of how long it would take me to save that amount of money to cover the time between me leaving the company and the time I would be the 'official retirement age'.

I could do it in those 5 years.  I could probably do it earlier. 

So I will say goodbye to all my counterparts that are leaving soon.  I feel like we have been with the company and worked together for so long we are our own breed of dinosaurs.  I will need to hang in there a little longer but at least I have a sort-of idea of what I might do for the future.  

It's not easy being the youngest dinosaur.

TT   

Keep at it

I posted my very short piece A Penny to the finestories.com site.  I held off posting it there after already posting it to the writing.com where I received some good feedback, good reviews, and helpful tips on improving it.  I took all I was told and held it in it's upgraded state for a while.  I have a rating of 4 stars out of five on that site.
Then two days ago, I went ahead and posted it to the finestories site.  In those two days someone was looking at it since downloads where ticking upward and I waited as they went over 100 to see if a rating would show up.  No rating.
I tried to bum myself out when I realized that wasn't good.  If you have that number of people that are viewing the piece and there is no rating it is because it isn't good enough to rate.  Shoot.  So much for me thinking that I might have actually scored a 3 out of 5 on that site.  I doubt I'll even get a 2 out of 5 if anyone actually thinks enough of it to rate it - badly.  That is what I was thinking.  It's hard not to think that.
But I am giving myself tremendous props for not letting it actually turn my entire view on writing inside out.  I mean, isn't that what I have managed to do with every piece I've written?  It must take someone with an awfully large portion of intestinal fortitude to be able to stomach the quantity of negative digestion I've allowed.  Either that or I must be rather stupid to not get the message.
So stupid or not, I'm not looking at it that way this time around.  I'm using a little more of that fortitude to keep working at writing.  So maybe they don't care for what I've done.  All I can do is try.  All I can do is say, Okay, that one was not so well received but I know what I learned from doing it and I will go on from there.
There might have even been a few people that thought something of it.  I'll just keep working on the new piece I've started and go from there.  I know what I've done.  I remember what I've learned.  I'm learning more as I go.  I took the chance to put it out there and that takes a bit of courage.  I can only keep trying.
TT

Just a moment

Oh my gosh.
I really need a moment without having a huge list of items to do.  Or maybe not.  Maybe this is the best thing, the being so busy and all, that could be going on for me right now.  Energy gives you energy.  It's like the rich only get richer.  Energy feeds off of energy, which gets you motivated to do more.  It's an infectious addiction.
I'm not saying I haven't been tired.  I have been.  After hours and days of constant energy there is a time when I need to stop and clear everything out of the way.  I need to stop and say, I can do that part tomorrow, later, after I give myself a short break.  The best part is it seems short breaks are working, for the most part.  No matter how tired I was yesterday, I was back at it this morning and feeling good.  That is, until the end of the day when I have to get a few more things done and then I'm pooped.
Do I have a long list of items to get done?  I do.  It's there in my mind and I need to sort it out to figure how I will get these things done.  But, no mistake, they will get taken care of.  All in good time.  Oh my!
TT

Alarm

My alarm went off this morning.  I silenced it while I blinked and then it was an hour later.  I refused to rush.  Or was it that there was no way I could rush.  Why was I so tired?  Is it Thursday?  Friday?  I sat up and threw off the covers.  No, it's Wednesday.  It only feels like it should be Thursday or Friday from all that I have crammed into the past few days.  And I'm not done yet.  So, get up, get ready, get moving.  But no rushing.
I mean, why rush, anyway, if I could?  It seems I have a few more days this week.  It isn't as if I haven't been getting things done.
So before I ran out the door this morning I made myself sit in the kitchen for just a moment.  I allowed myself to sip the only cup of coffee I would have before leaving.  I had nothing in front of me, I wasn't reading, I didn't have pen in hand and I was simply sipping coffee.  The few minutes it took might serve to help the rest of the day when I am in the thick of everything going on.  I can stop and take a moment to recalibrate just how fast I am going.  It will all get done.  But no rushing.  Even if I could.
TT 

Yet another?!

Did I say something about cookies?  I got yet another order!
I'm not sure what the conspiracy is at the moment.  I don't know where these cravings for cookies are coming from lately.  I DO know that I received a call late yesterday afternoon from a lady that ordered 9 dozen cookies for Wednesday.
I was just arriving at a dinner directly after work for a 20 year anniversary with a co-worker.  We had just been seated when I got the phone call and excused myself and went to the lobby.  I wrote the entire cookie order, payment information, and delivery address on the inside page of my checkbook!  I then went back to dinner and apologized for being away.
I arrived home at about 7:30 and proceeded to bake.  Out came all the equipment and ingredients.  After the first two dozen I realized I was running out of sugar!  I did a quick check of other necessities, made a short list and headed to the store.  Back again at home I managed another batch and proceeded to clean up the kitchen and put away the product I had made.
This morning dawned early and I thought about using my time to print up labels but realized I needed a color cartridge for my printer.  I then decided to finish baking what was left of the 9 dozen order, which I did, and now have them cooling.  The kitchen is cleaned up again.  I will store the rest of the cookies for the day and only need to package and label them after work.  I can make the delivery during lunch tomorrow and it will be another order completed!
I was talking about cookies.  I was talking about my website for the cookies and how I needed to update.  The lady yesterday said I should be very happy with the person that designed my site because it was exactly what she was looking for.  I didn't tell her I did it myself but I took the positive feedback silently in my head.  Thanks...I'll pass on the compliment.
Now I really need to get organized when I get a moment from baking!
TT

Cookies anyone?

Cookies, cookies...
It seems just when I was happy to leave this little cookie operation to itself (and have) it decided to generate a few orders.  I haven't touched my website.  There isn't a single thing I have done to it to give it an update.  It is in the same state it was in when I first launched it with the exception of the paypal shopping cart I added last year.
I received my largest order this past March when I baked and delivered 90 dozen cookies for the third time to a corporate account.  They first ordered from me last year about the same time (or was it the year before-not sure) and then again in December last year.  I figured with this 90 dozen order I was done for this year.  It was my largest sale and even though it was the first quarter in March I blew away the projection my younger son, Dante, had imposed on me.
Then in the past few weeks I have had some small orders trickling in.  I had a woman call and order a dozen cookies.  Then she called me back a week later and order another 2 dozen.  Great!  I can fill these orders here and there.  Then this past week I delivered a pail of cookies (4 dozen) to another person that called out of the blue.  Sales I hadn't expected!  From a site I haven't touched and know things don't run as smoothly as they should. (that darn shopping cart)!
Yesterday, I came home from shopping and I had another order for cookies for someone else!  I baked them up and by the time I had them all packaged up and the kitchen cleaned and back in order...well, yes...I got another cookie order.  I took everything back out and baked up another batch.  I need to make a trip to the store to complete the turtle cookies for that last order.  Blast - but I ran out of caramel.
Just when I was thinking I was going to wind down the entire operation, something is trying to tell me to take another look at that site.  I need to carve a few more minutes out of my busy weeks to see what can be done to refine a few things. (like that darn shopping cart)!  I need to order a few tins, and buy some new cookie sheets.
Just when I thought it was time to wind this cookie venture down, it seems to be telling me something different.  So, I'll put in a little time and get myself a little more organized and see what happens next.
Cookies, cookies...
TT
   

Pen names

I finished reading another book and when I finished it I went on to read the brief About the Author at the end.  It was well written.
No wait, not the About the Author section, but the book itself was well written.
No wait,  I didn't mean the About the Author section wasn't well written.  That was fine.  I meant I was pleasantly surprised the newbie author of the book had done so well and the book seemed so polished.
The end section didn't say too much about the author except that Lily Everett (the author) was a pseudonym for a best-selling author.
A-Ha!  This wasn't a newbie author.  It was written by a best-selling author under a different name.  And I wondered why for one moment.  And then I realized there seems to be a trend of authors using a pen name lately.  J.K Rowling of the Harry Potter fame recently wrote a mystery under the name of Robert Galbraith.   Nora Roberts writes under the name of J.D. Robb for her In Death series.  Stephen King wrote some early books under the name of Richard Bachman.  I found out Lily Everett is really Louisa Edwards, if that is her real name.  How are we to know?  All of these books, all of these authors, and so many different names.
So I finished that book and went to post it as finished on my Goodreads.com site.  (I do that so it will give me recommendations for new books based on what I've read). I noticed someone named Paige had 'liked' one of my reviews and I thought what a very nice name she had.  I really liked her name.
I started thinking about all these authors and how I could use that name as a pseudonym.  But, I would need a last name to go with it.  It took me all of an instant and the last name Turner flashed into my mind.  Turner.  Good last name.  Right?  Turner.  I could write using the name...Paige Turner. You get it, right?  Paige Turner.
It was at that moment that I realized I've managed to turn into my father with all his corny jokes!  That wasn't exactly what I was going for.  Pa-dum-dum.
TT