What next

This may seem dark but there isn't a trace of depression connected to it.  The thoughts probably came to surface with recent landmark birthdays with mine at the end of December and another for Jay just a few days ago.  We hit different years but would be considered landmarks just the same.  The thoughts seems to be a product of my over thinking small insignificant instances but they cross my mind.  The entire getting older and reaching these ages made me stop and think about what happens next.
Time seems to have made it a little rocky with my switching to his new older version of who I am.  After years of working toward all the things young people work so hard for, I got to the end of having done it all.  I have the house, the marriage, the kids, the debts are now paid and everything has gone the best ways possible.  They had, they have.  I won't say it wasn't without a lot of hard work and push and shove at times but isn't that what makes the end results that much better?  It really seems to be that fairy tale ending of they lived happily ever after.
Except when I got there, at that point of having done it, where was I?  I started to find out slowly that I was the same person I had been before all this life in the middle happened.  Don't get me wrong, I was that same person the entire time but there were higher priorities going on that needed my attention.  I certainly wasn't my main focus.  So when that focus shifted back, I was a little surprised when I realized all those things I was when I was younger were still there but I was so much older.  It caught me by surprise.  When my son says after seeing a picture of me and Jay..."when did my parents get old."  Or recently when I took care of Selma's six year old and he looked soulfully at me after two days of spending time together and said..."I know you're old, but I don't want you to die."
Neither statement meant anything.  I know that.  Sons don't want their parents to change and six year olds...well, isn't everyone old to a six year old?  So, here I am, the younger version of myself but older.  I have rediscovered some things creatively that I left behind but in a new way.  I am working toward things that I have found a genuine interest in and have the time to spend on them.
Huh.  I can't ever take anything for granted because that is when it will all change again.  It has proven that it will change over and again.  Now it's my time to do these things I shifted in my priority list and not worry about age.  I now get to do some of these different things at a different age.
Now I get to see what happens next.
TT