I'm done

I need to take a moment to get this out and over with.  I have been thinking about this for a while and I keep coming back to the same place no matter which way I try to look at it.  I have been pushing and trying to figure this out.  I have spent too much time and energy and focus.  I have tried to press on against underconfidence and feelings of inadequacy but it doesn't seem to go away.  There have been times I have rallied and come back and I even found ways to regroup and press on but it doesn't seem to be working.
I can't do it.  It's time I admit it and put it aside.  I can't keep pushing.
I will not be going on with my fiction, my project, my book.  I am stopping here,  I am leaving it unfinished because I can't do it.  I keep trying but I end up in the same place.  Nowhere.  I don't know why I even thought I could.  What got into my head that made me even think this was something I could even attempt?  What fueled me to start and try for so long?  What was I thinking?
I don't have what it takes to get this done.  It isn't even close to being anywhere acceptable.  It isn't good enough.  I don't see how it ever could be.  I tried to tell myself to keep at it.  I tried to say I just wanted to finish.  I tried to say I was only doing it for myself but the more time I spent on it the more I questioned why I was bothering to spend the time.  I knew it wasn't worth the hours I was wasting on it.  There was good reason why I kept questioned myself about why I kept working on it.  I knew it was a waste of time.  I can't say how many times I went back and forth.  I've struggled and seemed to make some headway but would end up struggling again.  Deep down I knew I couldn't come up with what was needed to make it worth the time and work I kept putting into it.
So that's it.  I've made the decision to stop writing my fiction and that will be that.  I've deleted all my files.  I've thrown out the flash drive and I've gotten rid of the hard copies.  I've emptied the binder, pitched the index cards and disposed of the notes.  No more.  There is no more book to work on.
I'm done.

Did you believe any part of this?  I have to tell you now that none of it is true - I made it all up.  I have not stopped or gotten rid of any part or portion of my book.  I still have all of my files, my flash drive, my hard copies.  I have my binder and index cards and numerous notes.  I had a little fun writing up this exercise in fiction above.  I couldn't help getting into the spirit of the day - April Fools Day - and I hoped it might have drawn you in and that you found it believable.  I conjured it up to be an active participant in starting off the month of April.
Truth be told...I have spent a lot of time wondering if I was wasting time on something that would never measure up or be worth the work.  Truth be told...I don't know the answer to that but it doesn't matter and I'm too far along to consider giving up.  I've had too much fun and I am doing this for myself.  That measures up and is worthy enough for me.  I ain't stoppin'. 
Have a happy first of April!
TT