15 points-$400

I left the house early yesterday morning because I was scheduled for a biometric screening at work. This is part of our wellness program and if you accumulate 15 points by the end of November and are still working for the company they will give you $400.00 to cover “healthy stuff”. You know, things like gym costs and running shoes only this year they aren’t asking for receipts or anything just that you get 15 points and they turn over the bucks.
Since I am one of those “health nuts” anyway it doesn’t take me much to reach the 15 points. Now the trick is to stay employed and collect the money at the end of the year.
And yes, I am the person they joke about in the forwarded email…you know the one. I am the health nut that will go to the hospital and die of nothing. So, this turned out to be another confirmation of that fact.
They did a simple finger prick to get enough blood to fill a needle as small as a hummingbird’s beak. I say simple because that is what it is for the average person which doesn’t include me. The nurse was kind enough to hold my hand, not because I was scared or needed reassurance, but because my hand was cold and he was afraid he wouldn’t draw enough blood from my frozen finger. Sure enough, I couldn’t bleed enough to fill the tiny needle. I told him to hit it again in the same place to make the hole bigger. He wasn’t willing to listen to my suggestions. He did try the next finger and I had to keep squeezing it to get the blood out. He was afraid to do it himself for fear of hurting me. He didn’t seem to be too comfortable around someone (me) that wasn’t afraid of needles or blood or being bruised by multiple finger compressions.
I was finally able to come up with the minimum amount of required blood and he happily sent me off to the counselor to read the results.
I was then weighed and my blood pressure was taken. The counselor sat down with me and went over all the results.
I don’t know that you are interested in the results but I understand that old people like to talk about their ailments. I don’t seem to have any so it’s hard for me, not being average and all. All my numbers for blood pressure, BMI, HDL/LDL Cholesterol, Triglycerides and glucose were all optimal or better. Yeah or better…like an example of the optimal HDL is greater than 60 and mine was 79. LDL needed to be less than 100 and mine was 81. Like that.
Then the counselor is finished and tells me (no joke), “You are the healthiest person I’ve seen today!” I’m thinking (but kept my mouth shut), “Yeah, well, and it’s all of 6:45 am…how many people have you seen?” But then, that’s just me.
I’m not complaining and when you finally have to come see me in the hospital please have something to talk about other than ailments. I am going to keep trying to die of nothing. It sure seems to me to be a lot better than some of the alternatives out there.
TT