Stay calm

I will throw myself into something without fear. I would like to say I can see things I want so clearly but can’t always tell you what it is. It becomes a frustrating process when I can’t reach up and get it. I will even put my own obstacles in the way. Then I try to shift and change things to make it happen. My own second guessing and the adjustments I make have side effects like the now banished sidewinder, that stupid snake of guilt that I put in the corner of my own room. Guilt for thinking I was spending too much time being self-indulgent and wasting time writing when that wasn’t a thought that had crossed anyone’s mind but my own.

Then it was gone. The feeling I was taking too much time for myself, the guilt, and the frustration I was causing myself for doing something I am finding I want to spend more time on. There has been a calming energy that has been creeping in slowly all around me. I think I might be starting to believe it is okay for me to spend time doing this. I still doubt every word but they are flowing more freely and I am not worried about time spent. I am not that worried if I don’t have an idea or if I skip a day (which really hasn’t happened yet). I am adjusting to a more realistic goal of what I want and can do each day. And that seems to be okay with me. And it is calming. And I am hoping, just hoping, it might help.

Can’t hurt, right?

TT