Thursday, June 2, 2011

Ungraded

I've written a few different scenarios.  It might be four or five by now in the past four or five days.  These are basically short pieces of fiction I've written up impromtu that are driven by a single idea, thought or phrase that floats through my head.  Like...Encounter with a stranger, 4 Horsemen, Train Station or Man in bed.  It started when I wrote Corner store.  I had these thoughts go through my head and then I said...okay, come up with something about that and write it up.  I did and they have nothing to do with each other.  I'm not sure you should even read all at the same time.  It has turned into a great exercise for me.  I discovered a few new things that I could do with my writing.
The problem is it created a bit of writers anxiety for me.  I don't mean writers block.  I had more than plenty to write about once I got the thoughts churned up.  But I was writing these things up so quickly I didn't have any idea if I was on the right track or not.  I was thinking all the negative things possible about them.  It's tough completing an exercise and not ever knowing what your grade is.  That is the way it felt.  Good?  or okay?  or just plain bad?  A, C-, F?  And wait...if it's good I'd like to know why and if not how do I improve?  It makes me anxious.
So, of couse, I looked up writers anxiety.  It had some information about writers block.  I knew that wasn't it.  No block here...plenty of imagination here.  So I continued to look and found one thing I hadn't ever read before.  It said something to the effect that writers sometimes get anxiety if they care about doing something well. 
That's where I was able to stop reading about the anxiety.  That was it.  I just care about doing it well.  I'm anxious because I've written these scenarios and want them to be done well.  Or at least I would like to understand what might be good, okay or just plain bad so I can work at it.
And I will.  I'll keep working at it.  A, C-, or F.  I'll keep working at it.
TT

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