Not worthy

I ran my second 5K for this year this morning.  I did one last Saturday and then again this Saturday.  I haven't been training.  I haven't even been good about running consistently.  I've been a bad girl.  I've been a spoiled pooh-pooh girl about getting myself going. I've been brushing it off and not commiting to it.
That might be the reason I signed myself up for these two races the past two Saturdays in a row.  It might be the reason I am already signed up for double the distance in two week, away from home, with hotel reservations and vacation days planned to spend time at my personal paradise.  It might be the reason because I knew it was going to be hard getting started again.
Now there seems to be another problem.  I have set myself up with reason to worry about the fact that I have not been training consistently.  That I have not been good about getting myself out to run.  That I have been bad and spoiled with my attitude.  Wake up, girly girl!
I have two weeks to pull it together.  No time to waste.  No time like the present.
I have jump started myself with these two races and now I just need to put in the time and the runs and the mental attitude to plow through this next one.  It will be double the distance and I am trying to second guess it.  I am trying hard but I can't.  I won't.  My focus now is merely to run.  Not to think about how much time I have or even the option of doing it or not doing it but forging ahead and just running.
I wish I could say I knew what I was doing, that it was my plan, when I went ahead with these two 5K's.  I didn't.  But it worked out anyway.
Last Saturday I ran a 5K that was not pretty and I ended up placing 3rd in my age group in a smaller race.  This Saturday, this morning, I ran another 5K with 2000 participants and ended up in 2nd place in my age group and shaved 50 seconds off my time from last week.
It was a great plan if it had actually been one to kick-start me into my next 10K.  But it really wasn't and now I have to keep in mind that I don't need to think about anything, especially negative things, except to just run.  That will be my plan for the next two weeks.  Just run.
Oh, and this business of placing in my age group?  Ridiculous.
No.  I am not worthy.
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