Writing Refocused

I finished reading what I have written so far on my fiction manuscript.  I've been told not to do that, you know, to go back and re-read while the initial writing process is going on but I didn't see any other way to continue without doing that.  It was something I had to do and I let go of the rules everyone else follows and decided to do it that way.  It seems like it took a very long time for me to read it.  It did but not because of it's length.  It just took me days to get started on it.  Once I decided to read it I found I was avoiding it.
It was almost torture for a while. I went without reading for a few days.  I did not allow myself to download any new eBooks to read.  I was without any other reading material and I did that purposefully so I had only my manuscript to read.  Those few days I was feeling what an addict must go through while coming off a drug cold turkey.  There were a few times I didn't know what to do with myself and yet I was scared to read what I had written.  I stubbornly held for it to be the only thing I would allow myself to read.  So I would read a few pages and find something else to do.  I was avoiding myself.  Once I finally got past the nervousness I was finally able to stay with it and I finished what I have so far last night.
I don't think I could go into all the details of what I thought about it here this morning.  There are so many things I know to do with it and that I could tell about it since reading it.  The main thing I found is that I do need to proceed with writing it all the way to the end of the story.  I haven't told it all yet and that is the next step.  I know.  I've been told but I'm stubborn and I don't think I could have proceeded without this happening first at this point.  I also saw that I am editing myself throughout too closely.  I start, get to the point and end.  It isn't bad but it can be abrupt.  I need to loosen up and allow more flow instead of sticking so closely to exactly what I am trying to say and accomplish.  A few more words before, during and after each scene will benefit the story greatly.  I also need to tighten up threads.  I found I drop a lot of hints about the characters instead of coming out and saying things about them.  It can make you wonder at times or I will have a character say something that should be explained later and I have missed opportunities to fill that in.  I know what is in my head but how can I expect anyone else to unless I write it out.  The opposite of that is I say something about a character but haven't explained later how it makes any difference.  I know I have the intentions of doing it but it hasn't been written yet and it could be easily forgotten.  But then...it's a first draft, right?
The main thing I might have realized is that it isn't chuck-it horrible.  That might have been the reason I was afraid to pick it up and read it at first.  I surprised myself about that since I wasn't sure I wanted to continue with it if I thought it was awful.  I think I can proceed from here.  I know it is simple, frivolous, reading fare but for what it is I can see it coming together with some more time and work.  I've learned a lot.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step is what Confucius said.  I've taken more than a few single steps so far.  I thought I might have decided the journey wasn't worth the taking or maybe I just didn't want to travel the same path as most for a while.  I seem to have found the proper signposts leading in the right direction again.  Let's get moving.
TT