Keep on keeping on

Now that I've reached this seemingly impossible milestone of one hundred posts I was getting worried about being able to continue. I've thought about this a few weeks ago about the same time I realized how fast I was approaching that marker. When I looked back I saw this month alone contributed to almost a third of my 100 posts. That is a lot of writing for me, every day. That is a lot of words for me while I bat myself silly about not being able to do it. It can get painful. I don't know that I can keep up that pace. I'm worried but I also need to acknowledge that there may be days when I don't get something posted. I don't think I want to admit that.

I want this momentum to keep up for a while. I like the way ideas seem to be rolling with me. I am happy about the way I have found a groove in my approach and the time I have spent getting these words down, re-arranging them and not being afraid to delete some things that seem right but aren't. I am not always sure I will have anything that will be worth posting. It goes one way or the other, doubts abounding, although lately it has been on a more positive path and I like where it has taken me. I have liked it a lot.

I can't predict it anyway. I can try to keep the fears at bay because they never seem logical to me except the moments when I first have them. I have gotten better at pushing back at that. It has proven to be worth the time I've spent putting words together and how I feel about it afterward.

The time factor could be another obstacle to get around. Even though I seem to have found this groove, I am still working on making adjustments since I am spending and wanting to spend more time writing. The problem comes when I don’t seem to always have the time. I seem to be trying to make time as much as possible but I was afraid I was driving myself because I was getting so close to the milestone number. I don’t know. I’m not convinced that was the case but it may have played at bit into it.

In any case, I am past that milestone now. I can’t look back if I want to go forward. I could, but why? What would I be looking for back there? I’ve never been too good with backward and ahead is where I see myself going.

I am going to keep moving forward for now.

TT