Sunday, July 15, 2012

Head clearing

I've got way too many thoughts in my head at once.  I think it's been holding me back.  How is a person supposed to focus when everything inside their head is competing for attention?  And everything is a priority?  And everything is something that needs to get done.  Now.  Right away.  Start.  Move.  Go.  All of it!  All at the same time. 
So I have to stop and say whoa.  Slow down.  Take a breath and everything isn't really a priority.  They just all seem so important and they are.  But doing one before the other doesn't make one less and the other more.
I wasn't feeling on top of the world yesterday.  I did go out and I ran over six miles, outdoors (yea)! dressed and decided I needed to take myself out to buy some new clothes or at least to walk the outdoor boutiques I love to shop.  I was feeling stale inside my own home and figured I'd take myself away.  I put the top down on the car and that always is a great feeling all on it's own.  Even after having this car for five years that 'new' feeling still hasn't gone away.  How can I feel bad when I am in that car?  That's simple - I can't.  So good start.  Then I was off to the shops. 
I guess I wasn't in full, top, shopping mode.  I browsed and looked and ended up with two tops and a pair of jeans but I must be out of practice.  I was making it difficult instead of just having the experience.  I was making it a chore instead of taking it for the fun it could have been.  Stupid things in my head circled like,  You are good at this, this will make you feel better, so find those great pieces.   But I wasn't finding great pieces and when my head is stuffed with thoughts trying to figure out if it's just the color and patterns that aren't attractive to me or if I am out of the loop on what is looking good right now can cause some frustration in the process.  Too many thoughts and too much analyzing were already my problem.
I finally took a break and sat down at a table in the shade for a while.  I tried to call my sister and tell her I needed a Stacy and Clinton fashion intervention but she didn't pick up.  I thought about calling someone else but didn't, and it turned out that sitting still probably helped the most.  I finally got up and went to the make-up store instead.  I wanted to pick up a quick pencil eyeliner with a smudge brush on the other end.  They had what I wanted and that will save me 10 minutes on those days when I hit the gym at 5:00ish am and need to get to work afterward in a hurry.  I was still figuring out how to do more with less time.  I can't seem to help myself.
So I'm still in a quandary with all that I have in my head and what to do.  I guess I should take it one thing at a time and that is just so difficult for me to do since I would rather do two or three at once.  But then, that is what might have gotten me in this spot to begin with so, yeah, whoa.  Slow down.  Breathe.
Besides, I can almost bet in a few days from now I will be saying how I don't have a thought in my head.  How I wish I could come up with something, anything.  Sure.
But then, that would be just like me, too.  Go figure.  (No, don't.  That's the problem right now).
TT

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