I started out this morning writing up a bunch of philosophical nonsense. I let myself get a few paragraphs into it when I finally stopped myself and thought, "What a bunch of whooeee, this is." It boiled down to being very busy at work, coming home tired, and being frustrated with myself for not choosing the things that would be better for me to do than the things I was actually doing.
I know that's what it is. It am prolonging my own bad feelings and zapping my own energy by using it to rationalize my behavior and negative choices. I am playing victim to myself because it's easier and more comfortable. The philosophical nonsense is just protective wrapping and insulation. I know what I really need to do is adjust my attitude so I will do the positive things I should be doing instead of the things that are routine and comfortable. I mean, it's easy to be my own little victim when I allow it and what better way to do that than by closing inward with all those little victim thoughts I've told myself before. I'm not anyone's victim. If anyone else called me that, other than myself, I'd fight them on it. "Am not!"
So, I'm not going through another day being frustrated and stressed and tired because I allow it. Yes, there are a lot of things going on. Yes, I will need to work through the amount of work. But also, Yes, I can decide how I will handle it for today and it won't be with the extra frown and rushed attitude. I have a feeling the outcome will be better for me by the end of the day and then I can decide how I will use my extra energy. Maybe I could use it for some better philosophical pursuits.
Maybe not.
TT
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