Recently I had sent a few e-mails to friends that I haven't contacted in a while. It seems that would be a perfectly easy task to do but I ran into a bit of a minor problem. I found out after talking to one of these friends that they either did not get my e-mail or I had sent it to an address that they had told me they were no longer using. I never would have known if I hadn't asked if they had gotten my e-mail.
It even happened to Jay. A few weeks ago he told me he was going to use another e-mail address as his primary. I thought I had stashed the new information in my brain. I had sent him a few e-mails that I thought he received and just didn't have a response. I wasn't too worried. He sometimes doesn't answer and I'm used to that. Then the other day I sent another email to him and when I talked to him on the phone I asked if he had gotten my email that morning.
"No," he responded.
""You didn't get my e-mail?" I asked incredulously.
"No. When did you send it"?"
"This morning."
"It's not here. I didn't get it."
I told him, "But I sent it to your new address."
"I don't have it. What address did you use?"
I told him the address and he immediately told me it wasn't the correct one. I had used an @yahoo or @gmail or @earthlink or something or other instead of @hotmail or @what the hell I don't know. I explained I never got a notice for a routing error or as undeliverable.
He said well wait...he would check the address I sent it to but he hadn't used that address for many years.
Sure enough. He called me back. I asked him if he had bunches of emails there.
"No," he explained. "Just two. Both from you. Oh, and one spam, but that is from you, too. It's a link to one of your posts."
"Really? My link is a spam?"
"Yeah, sorry. I'll read it now."
Well. Here I am thinking I'm not getting responses to my e-mails and it's just me not sending to the correct address. Worse yet, is that even if I had sent it to the correct address the e-mail might be going straight to spam. How did my writing link get classified as spam? I'm starting to take this personally. What distinguishes my writing as spam? I got a little worked up.
I also find myself getting worked up when I send a piece of writing to someone and I don't hear back. I begin to think whether I gave them enough time. I think they must have read it already. I think and I wonder what they think. Then a week later when I haven't heard anything I think some more and it becomes..."well, maybe they are following mom's advise...If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I try not to get too worked up about it but by then I've been thinking about it for so long. I can't get past the thought there may be other reasons for their lack of response that might not have anything to do with the writing. I keep thinking. I think that since it is a friend they would say something about the writing even, even...well, something, wouldn't they, shouldn't they? Maybe not. Maybe I shouldn't be sending pieces of my writing out in e-mails thinking friends might give me feedback if they have no idea I will be waiting and thinking. Did I tell them I was hoping for a response? No, of course not! I shouldn't be doing that. Could this be some classic writers syndrome that if I send a piece out and I wait and wait and think they will say something and they don't that they are ignoring me because it's awful and can't tell me. What else am I supposed to think?..like maybe they might be busy? or more likely they have no clue I am coming unglued thinking they might respond and haven't or that I am thinking I have written the most horrendous piece of mutant garbage they have ever read. Why did I send that to them!?! Or maybe, maybe I just sent it to the wrong address and it went directly to spam and they never had a chance to see it.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with the writing. There isn't a thing wrong with the writing but my own crazy thoughts. And realistically, I know it's my own crazy thoughts that need be ignored.
Gads girl, get a grip.
TT
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