And then I woke up and it was Christmas eve. It was. (Right now, in real time, it still is but work with me here). It was everything that should have been wonderful and magical and I had this enormous foggy cloud following me that I tried to gulp down like cotton candy. It was too large to swallow and much to cloying. It was making me ill. And it felt worse since it was Christmas Eve when all should be right.
I had gotten up early and headed to the grocery store to get the few items I purposely waited to purchase so they would be as fresh as possible. I had a list but kept forgetting items and would have to re-trace my steps. I couldn't seem to think through a menu item to make sure I had everything. I was beginning to get overwhelmed - in the grocery store, on Christmas Eve, when everyone is smiling and I am taking deep breaths and almost in tears since they don't have oysters in the shell but only fresh shucked. How do I make Oysters Rockefeller without a shell? Ordinarily I would be able to improvise. I would either come up with another way to do oysters or figure a substitute for the shell. I couldn't seem to get past it. I wandered aimlessly down a few aisles until I finally just bought the oysters they had and decided to figure it out later. For God's sake, woman, get a grip.
So I made it out of the store and home. I put things away and finished wrapping the last of the unwrapped gifts. The cloud hovered over me the entire time. Jay got up to get ready for work and noticed it right away. "What happened?" he asked.
"Nothing."
"Not nothing, it's all over your face."
Oh gads, I thought, shouldn't have tried to eat so much of it.
"It's Christmas Eve", he went on, "everything is good."
"I know. I'm good. Just letting things get to me."
"Stop worrying. You've done good. Everything is fine."
And it is fine but blue clouds happen...shall I say...out of the blue.
So now I have come back after a run. Yes, outside. Yes, I know, on Christmas Eve. But it was a splendid run. Over four miles in my own neighborhood, 73 degrees, wonderful. I am soaking, sopping wet. My running shoes are drenched and I have to squeeze the water out my socks. The last mile of my run I headed right into a downpour. Not just rain but a full-force driving storm. It should have put me over the edge. It should have sent me home crying like a whiny baby. Somehow, someway, only for me it helped bring me out of the haze. It washed away the cloying illness and gave me the simplest reminder of how life is all in what I make of it. What was I going to do? What were my choices? Stop and walk in the rain? Finish and enjoy my run? I certainly would be out of the rain sooner if I kept running. So I did. Look at her. Crazy, crazy person running in a thunderstorm.
Yes. I needed to go crazy, crazy to bring myself back in order to the appreciate the wonderful and magical. Taking it all too, too seriously doesn't really help at times. What are the choices when you are stuck in a thunderstorm? Stop, slow down and let it wash you away or since you are already wet, enjoy the free shower and later laugh as you dry off and squeeze out your socks.
So now, since in real time it still is Christmas Eve, I am off to make the very best of what is left of it.
I am also sincerely hoping the best of this wonderful and magical time for you, too. One and all.
TT
0 comments:
Post a Comment