Memory lapse

I am giving myself a break and decided it is better to write something than not to be writing at all.  I have not been writing at all.  That isn't what I set out to do but somehow with this change of routine and the past week and a half of pure mental exhaustion I have allowed myself to back out of the things I have loved spending my time doing.  I lost focus on things that were mine and willing to give them the ditch because I had allowed others concerns become too much a part of mine when they weren't.
Somehow in the whole scheme of things it was about responsibility.  In the midst of this depressing week and a half I was reminded and asked if I knew how much I was cared about?  I answered, Yes.  But sometimes I don't like to think about it.  I thought about my answer and realized the reason I sometimes don't like to think about it is because it comes with so much responsibility for me and I can't always be responsible for everyone.  I was allowing myself to feel so responsible for others situations that it fogged my thinking and made me doubt the things I do, including writing, including running.
I basically started asking myself why I did those things.  They don't matter to anyone and why was I spending the time on them.  I wasn't particularly better or worse than anyone else at them and they were things I did alone so they weren't exactly shared activities.  Then I remembered the reasons I do these things when I missed two scheduled 5K races on two Saturdays in a row.  My running is a personal accomplishment.  I didn't need to run with the entire pack at a particular time at a specific place.  I remembered thinking I could do without and run farther on my own and have a better run.  And I did.
Then the tough one was the writing, but when the running started to get put back into place, I realized this book of mine has also always been about a personal accomplishment.  I have not started out trying to write a best seller.  I have said from the beginning my only goal for this book is to see if I can get the entire story written.  That was it.  I remembered why I started out doing these things.
These were my responsibilities; these were things I was willing to work hard, very hard to try to do.  So, I am still a little shaky but now that my memory has returned I might be able to make a little progress again real soon.
Wish me luck.
TT