Let's run

I haven't said much lately about running. The past year and more has been a source of frustration when it comes to that subject. I'm not sure what happened, except that silly little thing called age crept up behind me and decided it was time to take me down. It threw it's arms around me and hoisted itself onto my back until I fell. Bam! Face to pavement. What was that? I struggled back up and tried to pull myself forward but it wasn't easy with this thing on my back, weighing me down.

I kept trying. It was ugly. I kept wondering why it got so hard so all of a sudden. I pushed, I failed, I got out there and I felt awful. There wasn't that spring, that bounce, that feeling of ever being there or getting to that place where a run takes a runner. It wasn't happening.

I lost motivation. I listened to the well-meaning voices around me that said there were just some things I couldn't do any more. My temper flared when I heard those things. I would think to myself, Why not? Then I would go out again and fail. I would try to use all the things I learned through the years to get going. Start slow, build up, breath, pace it out. It wasn't working and I began thinking the voices were right. I pretty much gave it up completely for four to five months except for an occasional run that would again prove I didn't want to go out the next time around.

All the while, I kept thinking I did want to go out again. Then I went out the other day and something clicked into place. I finished the run and felt, well, I felt good. I tried to throw out most of the history I've had with running. I put aside all the things I learned because I realized with this silly little thing called age dragging at my heels, I would need to learn this all over again. I'm slower. I have to build up my endurance and it will take longer. I have to adjust some things and learn it all over again and stop expecting everything to be the way it was before. It isn't, but that can be okay. I have to act the way I did when I didn't know any better - like before at the beginning. I need to stop expecting history to repeat itself and get out there and start running the way I did way back when. I didn't expect myself to be able to run fast or far at the beginning and it was a joy to find out I could and did. Instead of having this failed outlook, I have the opportunity of experiencing those feeling again with each new distance the way I did the first time.

So I'm back at it and it's feeling so much better. I'm beginning to think this older age thing is just another opportunity to figure out stuff the way I did a long time ago. I need to stop feeling as if I am entitled, or paid my dues, or should be at another level because of all I've done to get here. I am at another level only it isn't the one I thought it would be. It's the chance to go back and act like I didn't do any of these things in the past. I get a fresh page to restart and rediscover. What could be better motivation? I am in a position to know I will be working toward some of the things I could actually achieve again...at my age.
TT