What it is

A week has past since I finished my first draft of an entire 73,000+ word fiction novel.  I was supposed to feel all these wonderful things.  I should have felt so proud and accomplished, excited and empowered.  I wasn't feeling it.  I didn't have a glimmer of any of those feelings.
The fact was that the entire time since last Friday I have been feeling terribly flat.  Nothing was going on and I didn't know why. I didn't want to run back and reread my story.  I didn't want to have anything to do with it.  It was like I was trying to disassociate myself from the work I had done.  I had no interest or curiosity.  I was indifferent.  Flat.
This wasn't right.  I knew something was up with me.  Finally after a week I started to do a little of what I do the very best.  I started reading.  Articles.  From writing magazines and other articles written by editors and more.  All the subjects were about first drafts and it gave me some insight into what was going on with me. 
It explained what a first draft does not have.  It doesn't have things like layers and depth, fully formed characters with motivations strong enough to drive the story, enough conflict, pacing that enhances the story.  It also explained what a first draft has.  It has things that hint of the final product, bloat, too much back story, some super-fine writing, weak dialogue, moments of great beauty, dangling plot threads and more.  Another article explained these same things but continually spoke of how this first draft really is a big accomplishment.  It congratulated anyone that has gotten to this point throughout the article.  It dashed the idea of comparing it to a completed work of another author.  You don't write anything of this length in one pass.  It's too long, too complicated and too involved.  It's an unfair comparison.  I mean really, did you ever read any of these authors first drafts?
I realized I was feeling so flat because I thought I was, somehow, supposed to do so much better with the first draft.  I felt I hadn't reached the level of accomplishment that I should have and it just wasn't where it should have been.  I hadn't done well enough with it so how could I feel anything except not much or doubtful.  After reading numerous articles from writers and editors I found out I did exactly what was expected and I started to feel excited about it.  I had a glimmer of accomplishment.
I am going to start rereading my first draft.  I have pulled out my board with the index cards of each character and started adding a few more qualities to each.  Now that I know what happens in the story I can build some real motivation into why they do things into the book.  I know how dialogue should progress since I now know where it will take them. 
Now, finally!  Time for that real celebratory drink!  Congratulations!
TT