I slept too late to go to the gym this morning. I am having an extra cup of coffee instead. I'm using this time as quickly as I can here before I open my fiction document and take up again where I left off last night. It's proving that small bursts of writing when I have only a few minutes is adding up to shorter writing sessions but the word count is adding up just the same.
I feel like I've been spending too much time checking on the story site where I added a few short pieces of mine. It's almost a nervous habit and I need to leave it alone for a while. I put the stories out there and now I need to let whatever happen. I'm not sure what the whatever is anyway.
I do know most of my thoughts circle back to finishing my story. It's a little hard to focus since my mind now wants to jump from that to my older story that I need to finish and new short ideas that I want to write up into longer pieces. The only place that has suffered any inspiration is here. And yet I've filled another spot this morning with this discipline they say you need to do. Don't wait to write when you are inspired. Write anyway. It's part of that courage thing.
TT
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Coward or Courage
I actually looked up two words yesterday. I was at one of those boiling points when I had had enough. I was at the end of my patience and I knew I was going to get angry. I knew it. So I had to pull it back and get it under control. It wouldn't have been good for that poor, poor, person that was making me upset.
The biggest problem is that the person was me. I was making myself upset. I was the one that I was fed up with and it was enough. Enough already. So I stopped and looked up two words.
Coward - One who shows ignoble fear in the face of danger or pain.
Courage - The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self possession and resolution.
I was sick of allowing myself to be afraid. There were no logical reasons for it and I was tired of feeling that way. How long was I going to be an enabler to myself and let it go on? No longer. I am not a coward. I will not go on being fearful. I have the spirit to face fear with so much resolution and discipline and courage that I should get a gold medal. There is no end to my self possession.
I looked up the words and gave myself the choice. With my chin up and multitudes of determination, I chose the one starting in C.
I felt better about writing almost immediately.
TT
Oh - I actually looked up three words. Vicissitudes - sudden or unexpected changes in life.
The biggest problem is that the person was me. I was making myself upset. I was the one that I was fed up with and it was enough. Enough already. So I stopped and looked up two words.
Coward - One who shows ignoble fear in the face of danger or pain.
Courage - The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self possession and resolution.
I was sick of allowing myself to be afraid. There were no logical reasons for it and I was tired of feeling that way. How long was I going to be an enabler to myself and let it go on? No longer. I am not a coward. I will not go on being fearful. I have the spirit to face fear with so much resolution and discipline and courage that I should get a gold medal. There is no end to my self possession.
I looked up the words and gave myself the choice. With my chin up and multitudes of determination, I chose the one starting in C.
I felt better about writing almost immediately.
TT
Oh - I actually looked up three words. Vicissitudes - sudden or unexpected changes in life.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
I'll run
Sunrise is at 6:57 am this morning. I have a few moments. It's still pitch dark from my window. If I look out and up hard enough I can see that it is already turning a lighter shade of blue. I've only heard one night bird cooing earlier and it is silent now. It won't be long before there is some real light breaking through. I'll gear up and have a run.
I'll run this morning because it's an opportunity for me to do so outdoors. It's August and the heat climbs high and fast. I'll run this morning because it's quiet. The neighborhood isn't awake yet. I get to see it rub it's eyes and stretch. I get to catch it retrieving it's morning newspaper in bathrobes and coffee mugs. I'll run this morning because it's my time and it doesn't impose on anyone else. I'll run this morning because I want to run and it's the perfect time.
TT
I'll run this morning because it's an opportunity for me to do so outdoors. It's August and the heat climbs high and fast. I'll run this morning because it's quiet. The neighborhood isn't awake yet. I get to see it rub it's eyes and stretch. I get to catch it retrieving it's morning newspaper in bathrobes and coffee mugs. I'll run this morning because it's my time and it doesn't impose on anyone else. I'll run this morning because I want to run and it's the perfect time.
TT
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Apples and oranges
Just for the record...from the list I created yesterday I was able to get six of the nine items completed. I could still get a couple more done but I also made a chicken stock that I still need to strain and prepare. Not everything goes on the list that gets done. That's how it works out sometimes.
I spent some time on my nikeplus site gathering info. It's nice that I have used the site for so long and I have some deep stats that I can amaze myself with. I started tracking my runs on that site in March of 2010. I went back to see how it all stacked up.
2010 - March - Dec 648.96 miles
2011 - Jan - Dec 593.45 miles
2012 - Jan - Aug 595.51 miles
I've already beaten my 2011 mileage this year. I am only 53.45 miles away from matching my 2010 mileage. I ran 648 miles in 10 months in 2010 and I will have that many (or more) in eight months this year with months to spare for even more miles. If that isn't motivation enough to keep me moving then I don't know what else I could do. I don't really want to have to think of anything else, anyway.
I went to finestories.com to check on the two short fiction pieces I put out last week. I am at a odd spot when it comes to that. I do have more downloads than Jane Eyre (28) and Anna Karenina (39) that have been posted about the same amount of time as mine. That is a positive but I know downloads are going to stop and slow down completely. I do have to wonder why out of 18 recently posted stories (in the last 30 days) that 10 of them are classics that the site is putting up. Maybe not enough active authors? It seems when I flipped through the author listings most haven't posted since 2010 or 2011. Only a few have posted this year and those were mostly back in January and February. Not a big showing and I also wonder how many more downloads I might get since most authors seem to be male and story genre's are mostly sci-fi, fantasy, military, western. I can't see them very much interested in my short vignettes. Look how badly Jane Eyre and Anna Karenina are doing when compared to a sci-fi story posted 7/23 with 614 downloads and already 30 votes and another sci-fi posted 7/13 with 991 downloads and 44 votes? At this rate I'll never get any votes if you need that many downloads to average so few votes and you don't get a score unless you have votes.
Okay, enough of this. Stats are great when they are clear cut like I ran so many miles in this amount of time. If I try to compare downloads and votes, or lack of, it is just another way of turning something that is positive (people have actually downloaded my stories to read!) into something that I am thinking is negative. That isn't what posting on this site was supposed to be about. Besides, it's only been a week there...not quite the same timespan of March 2010 through the present that I have on my running site.
But, yes, leave it to me to figure out how something good I've done really isn't.
TT
I spent some time on my nikeplus site gathering info. It's nice that I have used the site for so long and I have some deep stats that I can amaze myself with. I started tracking my runs on that site in March of 2010. I went back to see how it all stacked up.
2010 - March - Dec 648.96 miles
2011 - Jan - Dec 593.45 miles
2012 - Jan - Aug 595.51 miles
I've already beaten my 2011 mileage this year. I am only 53.45 miles away from matching my 2010 mileage. I ran 648 miles in 10 months in 2010 and I will have that many (or more) in eight months this year with months to spare for even more miles. If that isn't motivation enough to keep me moving then I don't know what else I could do. I don't really want to have to think of anything else, anyway.
I went to finestories.com to check on the two short fiction pieces I put out last week. I am at a odd spot when it comes to that. I do have more downloads than Jane Eyre (28) and Anna Karenina (39) that have been posted about the same amount of time as mine. That is a positive but I know downloads are going to stop and slow down completely. I do have to wonder why out of 18 recently posted stories (in the last 30 days) that 10 of them are classics that the site is putting up. Maybe not enough active authors? It seems when I flipped through the author listings most haven't posted since 2010 or 2011. Only a few have posted this year and those were mostly back in January and February. Not a big showing and I also wonder how many more downloads I might get since most authors seem to be male and story genre's are mostly sci-fi, fantasy, military, western. I can't see them very much interested in my short vignettes. Look how badly Jane Eyre and Anna Karenina are doing when compared to a sci-fi story posted 7/23 with 614 downloads and already 30 votes and another sci-fi posted 7/13 with 991 downloads and 44 votes? At this rate I'll never get any votes if you need that many downloads to average so few votes and you don't get a score unless you have votes.
Okay, enough of this. Stats are great when they are clear cut like I ran so many miles in this amount of time. If I try to compare downloads and votes, or lack of, it is just another way of turning something that is positive (people have actually downloaded my stories to read!) into something that I am thinking is negative. That isn't what posting on this site was supposed to be about. Besides, it's only been a week there...not quite the same timespan of March 2010 through the present that I have on my running site.
But, yes, leave it to me to figure out how something good I've done really isn't.
TT
I've got to be hot and cold
I've got to be taught and told
Got to be good as gold
lyrics from Miniature Disasters
KT Tunstall
Friday, August 3, 2012
Lists
- Do some laundry
- Clean the kitchen
- Sweep the tile floor
- Mop it afterward
- Wipe down the countertops
The lists aren't always chores. Sometimes they are ideas, although those are mostly noted on index cards. I've got tons of those. I'd have to make myself another list to remember to organize my index cards. Now that would be a chore. I'm not exactly sure how I might tackle that. I guess I could try to make piles of cards separated by their type of idea. Most of the time I just shuffle through them like playing cards. I don't always deal myself a great hand but sometimes I get an ace or two. You know. I get a card that had a good idea written down? Right. You get it? An ace. Nevermind.
- Dust the TV stand
- Vacuum the staircase carpet
- Start a grocery list
- Wash the car
Friday - it's you
A seemingly long week has come to it's last work day in a flash. I'm not sure what type of time warp I entered or when exactly I entered it but it appears that must have been what happened to me this week. I would have said, if asked, that this week was turning into one of the longest to date. And yet here I am this morning staring Friday in the face. Slow, fast, too much, not enough. As long as it's Friday I think I can get through even if I don't figure out when, where, or how I managed to get here.
I'll take it. Bring it on.
TT
I'll take it. Bring it on.
TT
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Another month
The calendar turned over again. Just when I thought there wasn't any way I could adjust my time last month it's over and a new one is starting.
I didn't know if my idea of running on the treadmill at the gym during the week would work. I would only have my early morning weekends to run outdoors and I wasn't convinced I could keep up with a passable amount of miles doing it with that combination. I opted to run very early mornings at the gym and with the 4th of July holiday and a few extra days off I was able to get some really nice outdoor runs done besides weekends, too. Especially that one last week at the coast. So I managed very well, all things considered, with 81 total miles for July.
The latter part of the month my mind was invaded with thoughts about my fiction writing. It was a persistent, reoccurring thought that I had no control over and before I would realize it, I was pondering it over and over again. What was holding me back, why couldn't I get past myself? It's tough trying to figure out how to do something all by yourself. It doesn't help when you remind yourself all the reasons you shouldn't be able to do it. It doesn't help if you are uncertain about there being any degree of value to what you might be writing.
I could have asked for someone to read what I had but then, I thought, what position would I be putting them in? If they didn't think is was good, they would still feel obligated to give me a positive response. People would prefer not to deliver negatives and will naturally try to support my efforts. I don't want to put them in that position and I would really, really prefer the feedback, negative included, in order to fix what I am doing wrong. But it's never that simple and so I struggled on alone. I knew I had to change my mental attitude. It was getting too tough to do my best when I was always expecting the worst.
I found a writers site I could post some old short pieces I wrote ages ago. I did that last week. I'm not sure if it was that step or if I just finally put aside all my other thoughts about what was holding me back. I started writing fiction again. I realized how very close I am to the end of my story. I have added and developed more in the past few days than I have in months. There have been quite a bit of solid words that keep on coming. I sat down last Saturday to attempt to write for 30-45 minutes and it turned into 3 1/2 hours before I stopped.
Somewhere along my recent way I turned that small corner from anxiety to getting it done. Maybe posting those very old short pieces on that site was enough to give me the slightest amount of validation I might have needed. Just to have it there and knowing a handful of people had read it among all the other pieces written by others.
What a month. I managed more than I thought when it started out.
Here comes another.
TT
I didn't know if my idea of running on the treadmill at the gym during the week would work. I would only have my early morning weekends to run outdoors and I wasn't convinced I could keep up with a passable amount of miles doing it with that combination. I opted to run very early mornings at the gym and with the 4th of July holiday and a few extra days off I was able to get some really nice outdoor runs done besides weekends, too. Especially that one last week at the coast. So I managed very well, all things considered, with 81 total miles for July.
The latter part of the month my mind was invaded with thoughts about my fiction writing. It was a persistent, reoccurring thought that I had no control over and before I would realize it, I was pondering it over and over again. What was holding me back, why couldn't I get past myself? It's tough trying to figure out how to do something all by yourself. It doesn't help when you remind yourself all the reasons you shouldn't be able to do it. It doesn't help if you are uncertain about there being any degree of value to what you might be writing.
I could have asked for someone to read what I had but then, I thought, what position would I be putting them in? If they didn't think is was good, they would still feel obligated to give me a positive response. People would prefer not to deliver negatives and will naturally try to support my efforts. I don't want to put them in that position and I would really, really prefer the feedback, negative included, in order to fix what I am doing wrong. But it's never that simple and so I struggled on alone. I knew I had to change my mental attitude. It was getting too tough to do my best when I was always expecting the worst.
I found a writers site I could post some old short pieces I wrote ages ago. I did that last week. I'm not sure if it was that step or if I just finally put aside all my other thoughts about what was holding me back. I started writing fiction again. I realized how very close I am to the end of my story. I have added and developed more in the past few days than I have in months. There have been quite a bit of solid words that keep on coming. I sat down last Saturday to attempt to write for 30-45 minutes and it turned into 3 1/2 hours before I stopped.
Somewhere along my recent way I turned that small corner from anxiety to getting it done. Maybe posting those very old short pieces on that site was enough to give me the slightest amount of validation I might have needed. Just to have it there and knowing a handful of people had read it among all the other pieces written by others.
What a month. I managed more than I thought when it started out.
Here comes another.
TT
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