Take the initiative

I've been procrastinating for so long I think I've become very good at it. It's the exact opposite of what I was going for, but isn't that always the case when you convince yourself you will never succeed at something? You do the exact things you shouldn't, so you can prove to yourself it could never happen. You prove that it isn't worth the time, the work, the efforts, because it will never happen. By doing nothing, you've saved yourself all that time and work and hurt feelings. You should be rejoicing that you made the right decision to not tackle that thing you can't possibly accomplish because, well, you haven't and you never will.

Then why, if you've made such a great decision, do you still think about it? Why do you still ponder away on this idea and that idea, still gather information, and try to absorb every thing you can about it? It might be because you think you really can do it, but you've gotten really good at finding ways to not do it. You've become the expert at all those other things and those things become the accomplishment. You know it isn't. You know you are just hiding behind that comfortable barrier of feelings. So what do you do?

The obvious thing would be to stop doing what you've been doing and start the actual work of what it is you want to do. It's easy to say, not so easy to do. That means change, that means doing something that you've already decided is uncomfortable, something you are unsure of doing. That means testing those feelings of thinking you can't and still pressing on, and ignoring them. All those things that have been so comfortable doing need to stop, and replaced with only the one thing you need to do to get going. As an example, it would mean, stop buying running gear and just go for a run instead. Stop reading about writing and just pull out your project and write on it. Concentrate on the story at hand without letting all the other things become a distraction or a way to procrastinate. Ah, there it is, procrastination. That thing I have become so good at doing. The thing I have allowed myself to carry around like a security blanket as a way of getting myself out of doing what I know I should be doing. That thing that keeps me safe from the fear and the failure because I've been doing everything I should or want to do to avoid it so I don't mess it up.

It takes a first step to start or continue on any journey. Walking around in tight circles is sort of ridiculous. It's time to look up, smile, and start walking ahead. Don't forget to smile, because you have to remember, it's something you want to do. Deep down inside, even when you keep trying to tell yourself you can't, there is something there that makes you feel otherwise or you wouldn't still be thinking about doing it. Take the initiative to do it. Go on and stop worrying about how it will turn out and give yourself permission to mess it up!

At least then, you will have given yourself the push to take the next step.
TT