Ghostly goals

Oh dear, what have I done?

The past few weeks, I have posted weekly goals on Mondays at the writing.com site and updated the status of those goals on Fridays. The StoryMistress (Webmaster) has generously rewarded me, and all the other individuals that commit to their goals, with 1000 gift points for posting goals and another 1000 gift points for following up again on Fridays on how they measured up on achieving what they posted on Monday. It seems to be a good way to think about what you want to accomplish during the five-day time span.  Put it down, act on it, and then review it at the end of the week to see how much you've done. Or how little you managed to do. It's a simple process. Put it down on Monday, 'fess up on Friday.

Sure, simple. But, after last week, I barely managed to 'fess up. I had completed my stated goals by Friday, sort of. I finished the book I was reading  I wrote three book recommendations  I didn't write the Public Review until Sunday  

I decided I was going to skip this week, as far as posting weekly goals. Then, I woke up Monday morning feeling rested, great, ambitious, and I went and posted goals! Not only did I post goals but I made them even more difficult than the prior week. Here is what I committed to do:

1)-Arrange to take Friday off from work
2)-Continue writing on my current short story by committing to:
-Two (2) - 1 hour sessions after work between Monday and Thursday (halloween?!)
- One (1) - 2 hour session on Friday when off from work
3)-Run 3 times between Monday and Friday for a minimum distance of 3 miles each time.

I've lost one day already since this is early Tuesday, before I go to work all day.  I was so tired after work yesterday, I didn't do a thing! All of these goals need to get done after work and I've blown an entire day already! Buckle down, girl. Pick it up, keep your focus, drive ahead. You can still do this if you put your mind to it, right?

Oh dear, what have I done?
Well, I did manage to check the first thing off my list.

I'm off work on Friday! 
TT

I only want

I'm heading out for another run this morning.  I managed five miles yesterday morning but my overall miles over the past months have been in the pits.  This year has not been good for me and running.  I don't have the hard and fast reasons why I haven't been up to par.  If I did, I might have done something to change it.  I certainly don't like where I am, and the only thing I can do is move along.
And moving along is exactly what I will be doing in the next few minutes.  But first, I want to drain this last bit of coffee from my mug.  I want to get these last few words typed up, I want to get those clothes in the dryer when the washer stops.
Oh wait.  I might have hit on some of those reasons.  I've managed to give myself a hundred and one reasons why I need to procrastinate. I don't have time, I need to do this, I missed my window of opportunity.  Yeah, sure.
Not this morning.  Today, I don't care about the coffee, the words, or the laundry.  This morning, I only want to get out and run.
TT

Something better than 'book'

 I found some interesting data yesterday concerning my original book draft within my own computer documents.

Yes.  This is a screen shot.  It's the folder that holds the chapters of my entire draft of my book.  Under the column 'Name' you will see numbers, which is each chapter, and then there is the first column which is titled 'Date Modified'.  You can see I have lots of gaps in between writing, but I  finished the book on 8/24/12.

This screen shot is the 'New folder' of my book draft.  This is the beginning of my revisions.  I started up again on 11/22/12 and went through 12/11/12, cutting and splicing and dicing the story up until that point.  Then I came to a crashing halt.  That was it. No one was giving me input, and I knew it was a mess.

I guess the only reason I thought it was interesting is because I've been thinking about this story again.  It truly IS a mess.  I'm not even sure it could be called a story.  But, if I'm allowed to admit this, it has some good bits of writing in it.  It has some characters that seem to be real.  They are pretty pissed off at me for taking off last year before the holidays, and not giving them a "Hey, how are you, dear friend," in all of that time.  They are sneaking into those early morning waking hours for me, so it might be time to take another stab at a first round of revisions.  I might need to gather these old documents, and do more than take a look at 'Dates Modified'.  I should give myself until 12/11/13 to get started.  That would give me time to finish the draft of the short story I'm slogging through right now.  By that time, I could create a new folder with new dates.  I could even figure out a working title.  Well, I could at least think of something better than 'book'.
TT

Cell phone death

My phone died.

All day Monday I tried and tried to charge it up and it pitifully hovered at 4%.  By 3:30 that day, I was on my way to the Sprint store and they opened it up and prodded it with screwdrivers.  They held out the uncovered flesh of one side for my inspection.  "There," he said as he pointed to a small red rectangle.  "Do you see how that doesn't match the pattern on this side?"  He pushed the other half of my diseased cell phone under my nose.  "It's water damaged."

"No!" I denied.  "I didn't get it wet."  I forcefully kept my gaze steady, and refused to let my eyes move from side to side.

The sprint man just held the two open pieces of my phone in each of his hands, making me view the distinct difference in the red rectangle and the patterned one.  There was no denying they were not the same.  I didn't drop it into water, but could it have built up over time?  That phone is in my pocket when I run.  I get sweaty.  I'm not telling him that, I thought.  How do I know the red pattern means I got it wet?  He could be making it up.

"So, what do I need to do to fix it?" I asked.

"Do you have insurance?"

"No."

He smirked.  Okay, maybe he didn't.  Maybe I smirked.  He said he would add the insurance for me and then I could get a replacement phone for $100.  

What?  $100 for a used phone?  My mind was going into hyper-drive.  Couldn't I buy a brand new phone for that?  I was well into the 22nd month of a 24 year contract, and due for an upgrade anyway.  

"Thank you.  I'll let you know."

I high-tailed it out of there, and headed to my nearest electronic store.    Once I arrived I was able to get a brand new phone.  It cost me a total of $119.68 including tax, and it's faster and better and rings all kinds of sounds and whistles and beeps, and I've found the settings to shut them all off.  Unfortunately, my old phone died before I was able to transfer my photos and contacts.  They couldn't transfer my data because my old phone finally depleted it's charge and just went black.  I had to let it go. 

So, I have a new phone with all the bells and whistles, that I shut off, but without the data I had before.  I'm staying positive, and I'm sure I will build it up again.  Besides, this new phone has 'dropbox' which allows it to backup those kinds of things on my laptop, in the cloud.

So, I've moved on since that fateful Monday.  I will manage without my numbers and photos.  I will boldly continue on from the day my phone died.

TT

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Can you believe it?...this is my 1400 post!

Expired

Back by popular demand...the post about the expired pantry items!

Above you will find the link to an entry I wrote back in April 2011.  It was mentioned to me recently, and since I am off work and had the time, I went searching for it.  I've included the link above if you would like to peruse once again, or for the first time, and hope you enjoy this small, but very typical, slice of my life.
TT

Good times

If Monday is the beginning of the week, then I ended last week marvelously!  A trip out of town and down the road turned a regular afternoon into a time to smile, laugh, and feast on warm conversation.  The food wasn't too bad either, and the nickels and dimes that were minutes turned to hours as they rolled quickly away and out of our grasps.  I surely didn't want to part and say our goodbyes, almost as soon as we said our hello's, as it seemed to me.
But even though the most splendid of lunches came to an end, Jay and I only had time to do a quick regroup and reprimp for another event.  We arrived promptly at 6:00 pm and were embraced by long ago friends still holding true.  The outdoor splendor of the wildflower enhanced tables adorned the swirl of people that increased as the hour ticked forward.  A glass of wine, a taste of rabbit pate, fried chicken with sweet potatoes and macaroons with hazelnut or citrus fillings were presented, as we lifted a sparkling flute to toast the occasion with hearts filled as surely as our appetites.
But Jay and I weren't finished.  Another quick drive and we settled into a table to watch men with cases assemble their instruments onto the stage we faced.  It was only a few sips of dark ale before the small room hung out the bouncing notes of sax, harmonica, and lead guitar.  The jazzy float of melodies streamed past and into the night as the clock again pushed forward past the time to say goodbye.
A marvelous way to end an afternoon, a day, the week.  And here I sit in a darkened hotel room, with a strong cup of coffee and nothing more to do than let the lovely time pass through my mind and spill over a page.
What a wonderful way to end a week and start a new.
TT  

No skipping

I managed another run yesterday afternoon.  Whew!  I raced home, barreled through the front door, kicked off work shoes and tugged a blouse over my head, to pull up running shorts and lace up street worn shoes.  Yes, of course, I managed a tank top, too, and headed out the door again.  Quick, make this fast, I only have so long before Selma shows up with the boys.  I need to get back to the house to take care of Mr. L and the big boy so she can make it to her accounting class on time.  Run!
 And I did.  And with the lower temperature and that extra drive I got the run in instead of skipping it.  It brings me right on track with the simple goal I have for this week.  Runs.  Just about done.
Now, the writing portion of the goals...well.  That isn't as far along as the other.  But, I am staying confident I will be able to pull it off.  Today.  It's a matter of focus and putting it in front of me.  Look.  Here.  Now.
It's simple.  Do it.  Besides, it's already Friday!
TT

Zero Wednesday

Let's just say that yesterday was a zero.  If I am spending this time recapping my simple, weekly goals from the day before, than I have nothing to report.  I came home from work and I didn't run.  I rationalized it would be a good day to take a break.  I don't want to go full-on this first week and then fall apart and do nothing the next.  It seemed a good enough strategy. I talked myself into thinking it was a good move.
But then I didn't take advantage of that time to go over my story, like I was supposed to, either.  I didn't do anything.  If was a minus Wednesday.  Well, it wasn't exactly minus because it didn't take away anything, but it didn't add either.  I guess if it was a math problem it was subtracting zero from what I already had.
Okay, so I've worked it out that it's fine.  I should still have time after work today to get another 3 miler in before Selma drops off Mr. L so she can attend her accounting class tonight.  That will put me back on track to accomplish my 13 miles for the week and even if I don't run this afternoon, I can do it Friday and finish up Saturday morning.  And then the writing.
Since I didn't actually say I was doing specific writing, it shouldn't be a problem.  I was going to rethink my story - my plot, my characters motivations, and where the story should actually start.  It only comes down to giving what I've already written a little thought and some brainstorming.  So there.  Nothing much to say about yesterday.  Let's move right along to today and see what I can do.  It's Thursday!
TT

Stand up, sit down

It's cool and rainy on a Wednesday morning.  I'm looking forward to another short run this afternoon now that I have two behind me already.  The weather might have me rethinking that later if the rain doesn't ease up, but even so, that would give me the writing time I need to start on that other part of my simple goals for this week.
I have my story ready to work on.  I have the task I want to complete.  Now comes the part that is always the toughest.  I need to do it.
But I've already identified what I need to do so it's just a matter of sitting down and making it happen.  It's sort of the reverse of getting my running goals done for the week.  For that, I need to get up and make it happen.  Stand up, sit down.  It's either a child's game or the lyrics of a RadioHead song.  But whatever helps me get motivated, I will take.  The idea of setting up short goals for the work-week was a good idea.  I only need to concentrate on 'what do I need to do today', instead of 'I need to do all of this and I haven't done any of it'.  Much better.
So let it rain, or let it ease up, I will still have my simple to-do for today.  Not too hard, not too complicated.  Just something simple.  Happy Wednesday!
TT

Simple goals

I cleared out the old, saved draft posts.  I didn't even open them, but just hit delete, delete.  I'm bad that way.  I didn't even want to spend an extra moment to reread them.
I realize there might have been a sentence that was magical, electrifying, mesmerizing.  *throws back head and laughs*  Right.  Sure.  You can tell the level of confidence in my belief in that actually being true by my simple action of poising my finger over the key and pressing down.  delete.  delete.
Start over stupid.
I wrote myself some easy goals for this week.  Easy because I have to start somewhere.  I've been floundering again and need to focus.  So I wrote a couple of simple goals.
Go back to the short story I have 4000 words on (it will be longer than short) and rethink the following:
- my plot arc
-my characters internal motivations
-is where I begin the story the best place to start
That is for this week.  I haven't sat down yet and gotten started yet but since it is an official goal, a simple one, I will.  I also put down that I wanted to run 13 miles this week.  Not much, but what?  13 miles more than last week. So, now I've made my goals and only need to get started.  Happy Tuesday!
TT

Runaway thoughts

I have posts that I've started but didn't have time to finish that are stored up as drafts.  I didn't have time to finish them and now I have to figure out if I have time to go back and do something with them.  I doubt they are worth the time to bother with and I should just delete them.  Just as I should probably delete this one and all the ones from the past.  Don't worry.  Nothing that dramatic will happen.
I'm just at that point where I have lost focus on what this is all about (again).  It didn't help that at the beginning when I started,  I didn't have a clear understanding of what exactly I was doing here.  At the time, it seemed a good place to push me to write.  And write, and write.  Everyone said the more you write, the better you get and, well, I believed it.
I also threw in a lot of stuff about food and family, but then almost 2 years ago, my new grandson was born and I got very protective about saying or sharing anything about those things anymore.  Good, bad, wrong, right, that is what happened.  And things here became weird and boring because it went back to just writing to keep writing because you have to write and write to get better.  No matter.  What.
Hmmm.  Now I've gone and given a history lesson when I was only wondering about draft posts that I should possibly delete.  I really should get my thoughts in order!
TT

Speed of light

I have a feeling this week is going to blur.  It's only been a day and already things seem to be traveling at the speed of light.  All those good intentions, plans, and ways to map out certain things to do, are all going to be left by the way-side as other things snuggle their way into the priority spot.  I can see it happening.
The only thing I can do now is make a note.  I can give myself a reminder.  I can put all the notes in the same spot so when all the rushing is done, I can come back and see what the new priorities are or were.  I might find they are worth pushing aside.  I might find that waiting to do them is best.  I might find out I have a better idea.  I'll have to wait and see on some things because others aren't waiting on me to happen.
TT
 

Clear and crisp

Here is the weather for today.  It is currently 52 degrees, clear and crisp.  The high should be 83-86 and stay sunny.  The week looks pretty much the same with the lows increasing to around 59-71 in the mornings, and the highs will only increase slightly from 86-89.  At least that is the forecast.  It doesn't always turn out that way.

But if it does turn out, it means I might actually be able to get my runs in after work.  That is the time I have always preferred to go out during the week.  I've tried to change it up to mornings but it doesn't work out at that time if I am to get to work as early as I do.  It hasn't worked out.  So here is my opportunity to work it back up and work it out in the afternoons.  We will see.  

TT 

Ahhh

Today started slow, built up some action, calmed down, sped up, and is now working itself into a relaxing end.  It isn't a story plot, but regular every day life as it played out for me today.  Not such a bad way to spend a Saturday, and now I need to go fix dinner, while I open a beer and put on some music.
Ahhhh...
TT

End of week

Pfffft.  How did it get to Friday already?  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not complaining.  I'm just trying to figure out how I got to here from there so quickly.  Have I really been moving that fast?
Maybe it was the Eye doctor appointment on Monday and then the Dentist appointment yesterday, and then all the regular stuff in between.  Maybe it was the three hour product review writing marathon, and the two hour reading about writing articles that swept me through the week.
I would suggest all of the above had their own small part in passing the time along in a way that feels different, or more quickly, than the usual draggy norm I am used to experiencing.  Maybe.
What difference does it make?  It's Friday!
TT

The upside

The upside of today is that I am leaving work at 2:00.  The downside is that I have a dentist appointment at 2:30.  The other downside is that I've cancelled and re-scheduled it twice making it two months late.  I'm sure I'll hear about it from the staff.  I'm sure I'll feel their anger while they buzz, and scrape, and my knuckles turn white from gripping the arms of the chair.
Sorry.  Dentist visits are never pleasant experiences and even though I have followed their very strict advice of seeing them every three months, it hasn't prevented me from having to endure more ferocious procedures than anyone would expect from someone following orders.  So, I thought the heck with it and kept moving the appointment out.  They will do to me whatever they want no matter how diligently I do what they say.  I've gotten to the point where I smile and nod and then do what I want.  Their advise doesn't seem so great, after all of my experiences with them.
So, it will be to the dentist I go today.  And I will be leaving work at 2:00.  I'll also have the pleasure of knowing I managed 5 months without seeing the dentist instead of their prescribed 3.
There is always an upside.
TT  

Long day

Yesterday, was one long beam of continuous work.  It never pulsated, making it more hurried or less, but was one constant push forward that was unrelenting.  I had a meeting a 1:00 which is my usual lunch time that went until 2:10.  By that time, I figured why go to lunch and ate a sandwich at my desk as I pushed on.  The skipped time from lunch made it easier for me to close up shop earlier, so I headed out about 3:30.  My head was so fuzzy from the all-day grind that the transition from work to home managed to stay blurred.  I thought I should have a run but once inside the house I wandered upstairs and started something else.
I wrote three product reviews.  It took me until 7:20 pm.  I never realized the time had gotten so far away from me.  It had been only 4:00 when I started.
It isn't fiction but another way to exercise the writing muscles.  I found a reading group, which led to the product reviews, which will probably lead me elsewhere within this internet community.  It is much more expansive than I realized.  I will be exploring more of it's features with plans to use as much of the experience that is useful.  I have my eye on two different contests but I will see how those play out, whether I enter or not, but possibly use the idea's to write another couple of short pieces.
It was a long day yesterday.  It felt pretty good.
TT

Oct 1st

It's the first day of a new month, and I feel I need to make some bold, sweeping statement to start if off.  The sweeping statement idea is only a thought that enters my head, as if it is some rule I need to follow.  If I don't get it done to exact specifications, somehow, I have failed.  The fact is, there is no such rule.  That is something I have, somehow, embedded into my own way of thinking in order to punish myself later, when I don't follow my own rule.  I'm not sure when I started to do that.  I don't know what triggered my brain to hold myself accountable to such crazy rules.

I am slowly beginning to recognize all the items I find reasons to punish myself for, and started to remove them from my thinking.  These thoughts are not actually anyone's rules.  They are items that only exist in my mind. And, I am questioning my own rules.  Why?  Yes.  Exactly.  Why do I need to make a bold, sweeping statement? Do I need that statement now?  If I don't come up with one at this moment, does it really mean I've failed? Maybe it only means it's a thought, I'm working on it.  It's there in my head, and I need to think about it a little longer.  I need to figure out if it's really something I need or want to do, and most importantly, why do I need or want to do it?

And this new process of letting the little stuff go, it makes the things I get done, so much more fun.  There is a bigger sense of accomplishment when I complete something that has a real reason for me to do it, then some crazy rule that happened to appear in my head at that instant.  They say, don't sweat the small stuff, and it's true.  But, if the small stuff is all you think you have, you believe it isn't wise to get rid of it.  That is, until you realize how much happier you are once they are eliminated.  There is so much more to enjoy when you clear away the punishments for self-imposed rules.  It isn't easy, but I've made some bold, sweeping strokes in the right direction.

It's the first day of a new month.
TT