Once Upon a Time there was an overachiever that decided to take a break. She had worked herself frazzled without ever knowing it and finally took the advice to do things if she felt like it and not if she didn't. She swallowed the idea that you shouldn't feel bad if you didn't do something because she would get around to it when she felt like it.
It sounded like a great plan. The time off would do her good. The idea of not pressuring herself to get things done would be helpful. It would turn into a better situation where the birds would sing, the butterflies would flit off sunny flowers and total tranquility would envelope the world.
In this fantasy all of those things happened. It was calming and quiet and things were smooth and settling. The world became calmer and more tranquil. For a while.
Unfortunately, after too much time of skipping through the flower garden of daily living the dark clouds were noticeably starting to gather. The idea of not doing things because she didn't feel like it became laziness and procrastination. Somewhere along the soft and pleasant path a line was crossed. There were things that weren't getting done not because she didn't feel like it but because they were now part of a new routine of not doing them. At all. Any more. Later was the good enough solution for not doing them because you didn't have to feel bad about it.
But she did. The reason there was a wonderful calming garden in the first place was because of all the things she had done before and had been avoiding. She had built that garden herself by all her previous labors and accomplishments. It was because of the things she had done that made the garden such a wonderful place to stop and wander. And now it was fading. How sad. And she was.
The only solution was to get back to the things she had taken the break from. It seemed like an impossible task to find the way back to where she was before but she couldn't let it all go. She needed to allow herself the chance to build the garden back up even if it was a slower process and would take more time, not to mention the hard work. Possibly once she started doing those things she had taken a break from it would rebuild what was fading. Then there would be the opportunity to have a tranquil garden when it was needed. For balance. And not only have one or the other.
She knew it would be difficult to start again. It wasn't going to be easy but there was something about her that couldn't let it all go. She wanted it all and was willing to do the work even if she didn't think she felt like it. It would be a hard stumbling block to get past after all the time allowing it not to happen. But sometimes it isn't okay to not do something because you don't feel like it. Sometimes you have to push yourself a little harder to have something more than a garden that was once plentiful but is now faded. Sometimes it is because of the way it makes you feel when you've pushed a little harder for something you want that adds the most value to it. Sometimes it's more than worth it.
No wait.
It's always more than worth it.
TT
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