It doesn't stop

Okay, so everyone has a bad week. Last week for me wasn’t all that great. The best part about it is that it is over and I’ve emerged ready to keep at it. Writing - I am ready to keep writing. I was nudging toward not continuing. I was surprised to find that I emerged from this feeling a lot sooner than I have in the past. I somehow didn’t miss too many beats and I am going to speculate that it was my attitude. I admit it gets hard. It isn't easy at times. I can clearly see myself walking away and saying I am not going to do this. It would have been easier. I have done that before. I have stopped, pulled the plug and just refused to think about it.
But then what? Stop and then what? And how do I stop exactly? I am not sure I know how to do that now. I didn’t have a thought in my head recently but I kept writing on index cards and I keep typing thoughts on a page.
So I kept trying. I went back to bits I had written but discarded as not good enough. I re-wrote them. I took huge chunks out and said the same thing differently. I wrote more words last week than I have on some good weeks. For the five posts that were published I probably had written seven or eight that never got anywhere except out of my head and onto a saved page that was later deleted or re-worked.
Like this one.
I persisted and managed to get past the tough week. I took a short break but kept going. I felt better when I didn’t give in to the easy way out, the quitting part. Not about this. Not this time. This really has become a discipline I am starting to love. Now it is about how will I do it and keep going and not about how I will stop doing it. It is about the moment and the things that are happening along the way and not so much focus on what is at the end of it all.
So gosh, I could have had a lot of extra time if I had decided the other way. But I would have had extra time to do what?
TT