Write

There was a picture of a very old typewriter.  It was black and extremely heavy.  I knew from my long ago past experiences that it took some finger strength to press down the keys to make them strike the actual piece of paper you threaded through the top roller.

The picture made me stop and look.  It revived a very old memory of how hard it was to press down on those keys.  Each key stroke took time and effort.  I thought about how mistakes on a page were not remedied by backspacing or deleting.  It involved an entire process of aligning the error to keystroke it again with a white-coated square of paper between the key and original sheet.  That would, of course, correct only the original sheet and hopefully you didn't have multiple sheets with carbon paper in between.  If that were the case, the corrected errors on those pages would only become blurred letters fitted in-between words and not corrected at all.

But the picture made me stop.  It made me look.  It brought back very old memories of how manual the process of actually typing up a piece used to be.  And underneath the picture was one word.

It said, "Write."

And that struck me also.  How long ago did I ever find the time to type on such an old device, with real paper threaded into the machine, and mistakes that took many minutes to correct?  Using that old machine back when it was the only thing to use, took so much more time and effort than I can even possibly imagine anymore.  Today, I have a laptop with a lighted, floating keyboard and I can speed along with incredible accuracy since there isn't any finger strength or outside materials to correct simple errors.  I can pick up and transport my laptop to any location.  Something that wasn't easily done with the bulky, black machine in the picture.  Should I even mention the spelling and grammatical errors the applications I use now point out while I am still typing?

And yet I can't find time to "Write."  Hmmm.

I guess time is relative to how much I want to spend on what I want to do.  That old picture certainly gave me something to think about.
TT

Getting it done

I got a little frantic yesterday when I realized how great the weather was going to be on Saturday.  It's when I realized we are already turning the corner to the middle of this month.  Almost half the month has dissipated!  I felt like I needed to move things along, speed up, hurry!  I began searching for a 5K.  I've had it in the back of my mind that I will run at least one race each month.  I only ran one race the entire of last year and I also didn't do well with my total mileage.  So I knew I wanted to change things up.

First thing I did was go back and join the gym.  As much as I was stubborn about the fact that I prefer to run outdoors, there were many, many days I wouldn't because of the weather.  I joined so I would have the opportunity to run at the gym when I wouldn't go outdoors.  It's worked so far.  I've managed to run 7 days out of 9 for this year.  They aren't big long distances but they are miles I wouldn't have logged otherwise.  It does make a difference.  I only ran outdoors once out of those seven runs.

After searching this race and that race, I realized I was going to pay premium for a last minute registration.  At that point I (of course, I did) checked the weather for the following Saturday.  Eughh...it was predicted to be colder!  Yuck, not sure if I could manage that.  Then I spotted some races for the last weekend in January.  Hmmm....this might be it.  I didn't allow myself to check the weather.  They can't predict that far ahead anyway and I knew I would over think it if I allowed myself that privilege.  So I settled on one and signed up.  Quickly.  So I wouldn't change my mind.  And then, while I was at it, I went and signed up for another in February.  There!  I'm in.  I have two races to look forward to.  I have two marks on the calendar where I need to prepare and show up.

It feels good to have something in the back of my mind and start taking steps to accomplish it.  It's nice to stop and realize, Oh!  Time is getting away from me so I need to get this in place. It's a good thing when I don't have the attitude that it's too late, it's too cold, it's too highly priced, but strive instead to find a way to get it done.

Sometimes it's very good to get a little frantic about something important.
TT  

No Pain, Please

When I signed up for the gym during my time off from work during the holidays, I also signed up for some sessions with a personal trainer.  I thought it might be a quick way to incorporate some weight training into my preferred activity of running.  Everyone has always said there needs to be a balance.  You need to work on both weights and cardio in order to become stronger and improve stamina.  At the time, I listened with only one ear because somehow I was able to train and run a half marathon without any weight training and without a trainer.  I took various training plans I researched for free and worked out a plan that worked for me.  I completed the race.

But then, I realized I ran only half the miles last year of my previous year.   I decided my idea of running only outdoors wasn't working.  I needed days I could use the dreaded treadmill when the weather was awful (like today - I'm waking up to 20 degrees!!!!).  So this year when I joined I thought, what the heck and signed up with a trainer.  I'm sore.  Two sessions and my muscles are screaming.  First my arms felt like they would fall off and now my legs are almost immobile.  What the heck!  No pain, no gain?  What, what?  When I was finally able to run outdoors this past Saturday it was like a crawl.  My legs were so stiff I couldn't get any speed.

I know.  It takes time.  It will all pay off in the end.  But the end of what?  My life as I know it?  And now the trainer is pushing me to join a 12 week challenge which would mean a few more times to meet with the trainer and more pushing and gaining and, and, dare I say it, pain.  Ouch.  I told the trainer I didn't want to spend the money.  How's that for a way to misdirect?  The trainer told me they would see me on Friday for our session.

Yikes.
TT

Moving Past

It's Monday morning and I am heading back to work after a long vacation.  The break in my routine during the holidays was probably just what I needed to revitalize and restore myself.  I am feeling so much better than I have in a long time, especially last year.

I'm not sure why last year was such a bummer.  My analytical mind would normally try to mull over every last detail, to turn over every stone, to try to figure out the reasons why I just couldn't feel right about anything. I think it might have been a way to stay in that comfortable, albeit, not-good mind set.  Something finally made me realize finding the answers for not feeling right was holding me back from finding out what would make me feel good.  It didn't really matter why I wasn't clicking on all cylinders.  I knew I didn't like that feeling and only I can do anything about it.  I had gone through it long enough to waste any more time dwelling in the middle of it and it was time to move on to my better.

So I am concentrating now on what will make me be better.  No more looking to the past to discover what was underneath those stones.  It couldn't have been anything good anyway.  I mean, yuk, what lives underneath stones?  Not me, not anymore.  I'm moving past them.
TT

Gym or No Gym

I went to the gym yesterday for the fourth time since Monday.  If nothing else, I am certainly getting my money's worth out of joining.  I know I wouldn't have run three times out of my four trips if I didn't join because the weather has been so blistering cold there is no way I would have ventured outdoors for my runs.   It is what I needed to do to work on my consistency.

I know what you are thinking.  You're nodding your head and pretending to agree because everyone knows you join a gym the first of the year and by the first couple of weeks or even in a month you forget all about it.  It becomes wasted money for monthly fees.  Sure.  Go ahead and nod.  Keep nodding.  I'm not worried.  I have a whole lot of resolve going on and it has nothing to do with the first of the year.  I joined the gym purely because I knew I wasn't going to run outdoors with the temperatures dipping too low.  I compared my total running miles for 2013 when I was not a member of the gym to 2014 when I was.  Last year I ran half the amount of miles than the year prior.  I ran less last year.  I can't blame it all on whether I was a member of the gym or not but already since joining I have ran three times that I wouldn't have run if I had to push myself outdoors.  I wouldn't have done it.  Too cold.  So instead I was able to run three days and even though they weren't particularly very long runs, I still ran.  Big difference.

I'm planning on running again today.  It's too early now for me to decide if I will go the gym or see if the temps will rise enough for me to venture outdoors.  Predictions are it should warm up enough for me to go outdoors and that is what I would prefer.  But if not, I'm hitting the gym.
TT      

Separate is Good

I'm still on vacation.  I'll finish out this week of holidays and return to work on Monday.  I shouldn't even be thinking about that yet but it passed through my head.  I'm looking at it from the standpoint that I don't have to go back just yet.  Good for me!

I started today by going to the gym.  I wanted to make sure I got out and got it done before I let myself think about how very cold it is and has been.  But I also knew I had to be back at home before 10:00 am because Jay had arranged to have the house cleaned for me.  Yes.  The house cleaned.

"But the house is clean - mostly," I said.

"Yes.  It is.  But they can do the blinds and the baseboards."

I thought about that.  "That sounds, okay."  I was thinking I hadn't done any of that in a...never.  But it didn't help to make me any less uncomfortable that someone else would be coming in to clean up my mess.
Wouldn't they think I should be doing this myself?  Wouldn't they think I'm some sort of lazy slob that can't get up and do what I should be doing on my own?

"What's the matter," Jay asked.

"Nothing,"  I lied.

"They get paid to do this, you know.  It's how they make their money.  Besides, why not let someone else do it and give yourself a break.  Just look at it as a Birthday present."

"You already got me a new coffee machine," I protested.

Jay gave me a look.  Then he said, "they can also do a deep cleaning of the bathrooms."

That's when it dawned on me.  This was a good deal.  Jay usually cleans the bathrooms.  It crossed my mind that maybe he wanted to get out of doing that himself.  But I've lived here with him long enough and before with our two boys to know how horrific bathrooms can get and I've always left that for them to clean.  Well, I leave it as much as I can stand for them to clean before I go in to clean it myself.  This might be a good deal after all.

"So, I guess so,"  I agreed and he called them up.

Now I'm here at home waiting patiently as the cleaning crew of two go through my house, dusting, mopping and deep cleaning bathrooms.  It's a birthday gift.  A one time deal.  I guess I'll live through it if only they would hurry and go.  This is uncomfortable and awkward for me.

Who knows?  They seem to be doing a really good job.  Maybe I'll take advantage of these birthday gifts when it's all done.  I'll make myself a cup of coffee from my new coffeemaker and sip the hot drink while sitting on the edge of the deeply cleaned tub overlooking the landscape of the sparkling and sanitized bathroom. I could combine the two gifts while I'm still on vacation.  Let me think about that.

Maybe not.  No.  I think I will appreciate them much more if I enjoy them both separately.  Yes.  These are two new sparkling gifts I will definitely enjoy more separately.
TT

Breaking Rules

I have an entire fiction novel stored in my documents.  Granted, it is a first draft of over 70,000 words that are in dire need of (numerous) revisions, but just the same, I have a completed framework of writing.  It is something concrete.

I also have a 16,500 word novella completed.  This piece was supposed to be a short story of approximately 7500 words but by the time the story unfolded it ended up much longer.  I reasoned that I needed to write this shorter piece after I abandoned the thought of first revising the original full length novel.  My reasoning was to go through the entire process of writing a short story so I wouldn't spend as much time as it would take to write an entire novel.  I finished this novella but have yet to go back and revise it.

I then started another short story that is turning into a novella that I haven't finished.  It currently has 6500 words.  I reasoned I needed to write another entire story before going back to revise any of the writings I have previously completed.

At this point, I have to laugh or at least chuckle at myself for these outrageous rules I seem so good of coming up for myself.  My reasoning throughout all of my writing is preposterous.  I could very well ask, "Who comes up with these rules," but that would be ridiculous since I know it's me.  Yet, I seem to think these rules need to be followed as if I would be committing the ultimate sin if I didn't.

So now what?  Am I locked-in to finish my current novella before thinking of doing anything else?  That was the rule, I believe.  Yet, I am starting to hear that rebellious voice in my head, "But what if I don't.  What if I think about my today and moving forward and the best way to do that?"  Smirks all around.  "Yes, let's break the rules."

I am in a wonderful position to do it all.  If I want to keep creating new writing, I can work on the novella not finished.  If I get to a point my creativity is waning, I can go to revise my finished novella or even my novel.  I can bounce from one piece to another and make a new rule to keep writing somewhere, or revising, which will bring all my pieces closer to becoming a truly finished story.  I can actually bring myself to a higher level of discipline than I've managed already by being more likely to be consistent.  I didn't even mention the story I started writing without any idea of where the story might be going.  I could even go back when I'm feeling creatively organizational and come up with an actual outline for that story.

There are so many options, it's become exciting!  And here I've spent so much time and energy being so hung up on learning and following the rules of writing.  I should have known that when I did, I would only turn around and break them.
TT